Autumn Leaves
Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious
A/N:
Chapter 52 (Trina's Final Love)
Trina gazed at the ceiling above her, distressed and irritable. Raven's quote really hadn't helped her much. As she closed her eyes she let her mind wander towards the two men in her life, or, life since gone. Sinjin and Jesse appeared before her with solemn looks on their faces. "Not much longer, and I'll be in your arms again," she whispered to the both of them. Was love felt in heaven as it was on earth? "To be with you, to dance with you and spend eternity with you again."
"It's not time," Sinjin remarked. She whined as Jesse crouched beside her and moved his hand to her belly. Her eyes drifted to her stomach and she began to see her skin turning dark with anger and pain, but there was a flicker of light inside of her, glowing brighter with each flash. "Trina, you have a chance to live. Take it."
"I don't want to." She let her tears fall down her cheeks as the boys moved to either side of her. "Even if I take Beck out, I'll never…never be able to get away from all the gangs out there. They're getting worse, they're getting stronger and more unified. I'm scared. I just want you to hold me again. Both of you…I-" Her eyes drifted to Sinjin and her heart ached for him. "Was it wrong of me? Was it wrong of me to love another? Is that why he was taken from me?"
"No. I wanted you to be happy, as did he." Jesse took her hand in hers and crouched beside her, smiling into her eyes. "I was what you needed growing up. He was what you needed when he came along. Two different parts of your life. We both love you, but perhaps in different ways just as you love us, and in different ways. You needed to know it was okay…and soon, you will need to know another love."
Her eyes widened and she quickly shook her head, hating the idea of having yet another man in her life. "N-No, I don't want another. I can't take another. It'll only end the same way. In misery. I'm closing my heart up, for good reason!" Sinjin and Jesse looked to one another, then back to her.
"You know no one controls who comes and goes in their life," Jesse ran his hand through her hair and gently kissed her forehead. Her body trembled as the warmth and light of his kiss traveled along her body. "This love will be your true light, keeping you…from losing yourself."
"I don't understand." She sat up, screaming out as her hands flew to her head. "You don't understand either! I can't love another. It hurts too much! It's too painful! It-I won't! You can't make me…I…It's bad enough I'm in love with two men, I don't need a third." She hugged her knees to her chest and started to sob, fearing that she was finally going crazy. "W-Why can't I just be with you? Why do I have to go through this? It isn't fair! It's not fair! Isn't it bad enough I had to lose my entire family? I had to lose the man I loved twice, and in this life, I don't need a third. There will never be a third-mark my words-I will not let there be a third!"
Jesse chuckled softly as Sinjin shook his head, smiling as well. Trina whimpered as the two men began to fade away from her. Her eyes flew open and she gasped out in panic and confusion. Tears fell from her eyes as her chest heaved. "No. I can't fall for another. I won't allow myself to do that…" Why would they even suggest such a thing?
She needed a distraction, and was grateful for today. For this was the day she was going to tear Beck to shreds. Her phone went off to the tune of Broken Angel by Arash and Helena. She answered it and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Yes?"
"It's Roger. We got him. He gave one hell of a fight, and the motherfucker is still fighting." She could hear banging in the background, followed by Raven and Rachel shouting for someone to shut up. "There's a lot of dead Scrapperz right now. We'll be bringing the prize to you now."
"Set it up in the back yard when you get here. He's not getting a fighting chance with me."
"I thought we got all the fight out of him. We did shoot him in the leg, had to bandage it for transport. We'll…" Roger breathed out heavily. "Try not to kill him on the way over." She heard him order someone to close the trunk of the car. "I would have thought you'd want to be a part of his capture."
"It's better this way." It was easier on her this way. She did want to be a part of his capture, but she'd been feeling sicker each and every day, and today was no different. She was no coward, but she would have been a liability out on the field. "I'm not feeling well, Roger. I'm nauseous, sore, tired, and I have a terrible headache." She heard him hum as one of the women suggested something that she wasn't able to hear. "I'm not going crazy, am I?"
"No. I uh…I don't think so. Raven wants to ask if you and Jesse-you know-it's kind of personal."
"You know the answer, and you have my permission to tell her what happened."
"Right. We might be making a pit stop. Assuming the trophy in the back stops making such a racket. I'm going to have to knock the asshole out."
"If you don't mind me asking. How did you get him?"
"A lot of bloody hard work. Fucked up bastard saw us coming, it was a damned war by the time Rachel and I got to where he was. She managed to shoot him in the leg, but he kept on shooting. So we were crouching while he was crawling, telling us the only way we were getting him was by killing him…I think he knew we were bringing him to you. Raven came in through the window, up behind him, and slammed a book down on his head…"
"Nice work. Sounds like he was a handful."
"Yeah. You sure go out of your way to get a man." She could practically see his smirk all the way from here. Her eyes narrowed as she walked into her bathroom.
"Just get him here, and get ready for cleanup. It's going to get messy." She clicked off the phone and knelt down at the toilet, gripping the edges as another sudden wave of nausea shot through her. She attributed this to finally being able to get Beck, all the stress, grief, emotions and pain rushed up through her and she let it fall out into the toilet.
Her eyes darkened as she grabbed a tissue from the bathroom counter and rose up to look in the mirror as she cleaned her face. She could still feel Jesse on her, in her, and she could still feel Sinjin's embrace. Her face tensed as she recalled their bodies in similar position with blood pooling out beneath them.
Now she could only imagine a third man and unknown hands on her body only destined for death. Everyone she loved, everyone she knew, they would all die. If she let them get too close, or if she opened herself up, then it would all be over. She'd sooner kill herself than to let it happen, and that was exactly what was going to happen. Nothing, and nobody would possibly stop her. "Never again." She pulled open a small drawer and removed a pistol. Thinking to herself, she wasn't into the idea of torture. She wanted Beck's death quick, but she wanted him to feel it. She wanted him to feel his flesh tearing from his body as the bullets went through him. "An Uzi will be better fit…and I hate those guns."
After some time, she made her way into the back where Roger and the three Captains had tied Beck up to a tree. Her nostrils flared out as her eyes met with his. His lips turned up into a cold smirk as he puffed out his chest. "Hello again, Trina. I was wondering when I'd see you. I thought you'd show up with these guys."
She looked towards the others. They had blood on them as well as bandages from the fight. She shook her head and looked back to Beck. "I haven't been feeling too well lately. All the stress is getting to me, I'm sure. But that's about to end."
"So you're going to gun me down just as I gunned Jesse down? Oh! What about Ross?" She froze as Beck narrowed his eyes and curled his lip into a darker smirk. "Didn't think I'd find out about that one did you? Remember the Scrapperz were everywhere, of course they saw-" She fired a gunshot into his side, causing him to yelp and arch himself as he clenched his teeth. "Motherfucker that hurt…"
"Ross got what he deserved, and so will you."
"I was trying to make a point." His eyes flicked over and narrowed at her. "You and I? We're not so different, are we? Killing because we want to, because we can."
"I have purpose. I am nothing like you, asshole." She pointed her two Uzis at him and growled. "Up until you murdered Jesse, I still felt like I had meaning in my life! I fell in love again, I had someone who loved me, and you took him away!"
"That's what you get for falling in love with a gang leader. It's ill fated anyway." She trembled as Beck's icy smirk broadened and his devilish eyes studied her. "Don't think I was without purpose. I wanted to be the top gunner in LA, so of course I was taking out the Cravens, El Sangre, the Black Knights. I was doing just fine until Jesse met up with your ass. Then you started getting involved, spoiling everything, ruining everything…Getting smart, getting tough and keeping your sister and my girlfriend away. You wonder why I hate you? There you have it! After all this time, you finally know that I hate you because you got in my way!"
"Fuck you!" She fired another couple shots that grazed his ribcage and one sliced past his right cheek. Her aim was faltering and her eyes were welling up with tears. Beck grinned dangerously as blood traveled down his cheek and into his mouth.
"You can't even shoot right! I'm right in front of you, Trina. Right here. You got the devil tied down and you can't even kill him." He laughed again and Trina tensed her muscles. "Killing Jesse was the best thing I've ever done! His death literally wasn't anything personal to you, I'd been trying to wipe him out for years since he sat on top of the throne for all these damn city gangs! King of the fucking Knights, king of fucking LA." She started to fall to her knees and began to lower her weapons as she started to curse him. "What's the matter? Lost your edge, have you? You're nothing without him? Oh I'm sorry, you were nothing before him!"
"Shut up!"
"You remember? Worthless? Stupid? Pathetic? Yeah, all the things we called you years before all this shit. You still are. I don't even know what Sinjin was thinking by going out with you, the dude was cool until then." Her heart began to constrict as her stomach tightened and her nostrils flared out.
Killing him, as good as it would feel, would solve nothing. She understood that. She understood when Ross died, the emptiness that remained was there because revenge was only a temporary satisfier.
"Oh and Trina? I don't know what Sinjin or king of the Knights ever saw in you." She began to whimper as Roger and the captains turned their glares onto Beck.
"Don't let him provoke you," Roger muttered, "He's just trying to get to you." It was no use, Beck already had. He knew she was wounded as it was, all he had to do was add on to her depression, to make her lose out first. "Trina?"
She started to stand, keeping her head bowed as Beck laughed maliciously. "I almost feel sorry for Jesse, the last thing he did before he died was fuck you." Her heart stopped at that, and both Rachel and Raven screamed at Beck. "Well Trina? How you going to respond? Going to shoot me down yet? I'm waiting-or am I right-have you truly lost your edge?"
"Fuck you…Just…fuck you!" She wiped her eyes and handed the guns over to Roger, who was astonished by this turn of events. "I-It's not worth it, Roger. The gangs will still know…Kill him."
As she made her way towards the door, she heard the girls call out to her, followed by Beck's merciless laughter that was only ended by a barrage of gunfire into his body. She was inside, glancing out the window to see him tensed up and glaring into the sky as blood splattered from his body. Roger was shooting from the feet up after starting with the crotch. Beck, was in no way, being shown mercy,
When his head fell, she felt a rush of relief. Secure and confident, she began her ascent to the stairwell. This was her final act, there was no more purpose for her now that Beck was gone. She entered into her bedroom and closed the door, breathing in heavily as she moved to her window. She sat down on the windowsill and slowly removed the pistol from her pants pocket and held it between her knees.
Her eyes clenched shut as her heart began to race. The memory of Jesse standing before her at this very window, in this very position stung her and tore her apart. To think, it was on the same night she lost her father because of Beck. "It's over. Finally." She exhaled slowly, shuddering as her eyes moved for the gun in her hand. Her chest heaved as her body began to tense. "God…"
She heard Rachel and Raven inside the house, calling for her. For a second, she hesitated and let her eyes drift to the door. Her lips parted and her tears flowed out in streams. She prayed they wouldn't find her before she went through with this, but she also didn't want them to be the ones to find her body.
With a whimper she began to lift the weapon. She remembered what Sinjin and Jesse said about some mysterious third love that made her question what was to come in her life. "I don't need another man…I have no one else, I have no future, no purpose, I have nothing." There was Tori, but even she would probably leave her. Maybe that was the third love, though? She started to lower the gun back down, questioning the moment.
A shiver ran down her spine as she felt Jesse's touch like a phantom. Trina recognized his hands, his fingers sliding down her body. She lifted her head and began to sob as she tried to fight the memory of his touch. The sensation stopped at her belly, and she felt a sudden rush of nausea and vomit shooting up inside of her, causing her to drop the gun and run for the bathroom.
She flew over the toilet, screaming out and groaning in pain. Her bedroom door flew open and both girls came running into the bathroom, after Raven pointed out the pistol on the floor. She clenched her eyes shut and fell to the ground as the girls knelt beside her. "Are you okay?" Rachel asked.
"No. I'm fine!" She snapped in reply, "I'm queen of the fucking world! Of course I'm not okay!' Raven felt of her head, then her cheeks while Rachel moved to the counter.
"I um, I thought you might be needing this…" What could they possibly have for her? She put her hands to her stomach and groaned loudly as her tears slid into her hair. She wanted to scream for them to leave her alone, they weren't going to stop her. Not now. "Anyway, you shouldn't let Beck get to you." She clenched her teeth, fighting back her tears as the nausea swirled about her stomach, stabbing her with more pain than this grief was.
"It's not just Beck. It's everything. He's right, up to this life everything in my life has just been a downward spiral! I have nothing left anymore…"
"That isn't true," Raven said quietly, "You have more than you realize. Your sister, for one thing. You have us, we're your friends. Trina, you know you can talk to us. You don't have to hide away or…" Raven's eyes drifted to the pistol in the bedroom and her voice softened. "Were you about to-"
"I've been wishing for death all my life. The one time I was truly happy, I was with Jesse. I was happy with Sinjin too. Every time I'm happy, it's taken from me. Nothing you say can change my mind. There's no other way out of this life that I can see…"
Her eyes moved to Rachel and froze on a box in her hand. Her entire world collapsed around her and her eyes began to widen. "Is that…" It was a pregnancy test. "No, I-I can't be pregnant." Here she was, about to take her own life, and there was a possibility of a baby growing inside of her? What made these girls think this?
"You've had symptoms," Rachel opened the box and helped Trina to her feet. "You've been sick, hormonal, and well…This all started after you and Jesse had sex. It's possible. Please, reconsider what you were doing…know that you have people around you, and if you are pregnant, would you still…"
"I don't think so." Her heart thrashed about once more as she recalled those words. Third love. Not another man, not her sister, but a baby? Her breath fell from her lips in soft gasps as she took the test from Rachel and let her tears drip down her cheeks. "I can't…" How could she bring a baby up in this life? At the same time, no matter how much she wanted to let herself go, she couldn't take her life. Not if she was pregnant, not if she were carrying Jesse's child, but how in the hell could she raise a baby in this hell? "If I'm pregnant, part of Jesse's inside of me. Part of me is in there…growing, alive…I-I don't…" She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Raven? Would you…take that gun?"
"What do you want me to do with it?" Raven asked.
"Just…I don't know…I don't think I'm going to need it right now. Let me take this test…" She covered her mouth and began to weep as the girls slowly left the bathroom. She put together in her mind all the symptoms, the signs and the dreams, and she already knew what the result of this test would be before she even took it. She could still fill that spark of light in her womb. A beautiful baby that would begin to grow.
Her child, Jesse's child. How would she even be able to do this? She didn't even know where to begin.
The story itself isn't over, but Beck has finally been killed-reduced to a man hurtling insults as his final weapon. Trina's carrying Jesse's child in her, that baby literally saving her life. There is a very necessary time skip coming, you will see why it is needed. Then the final act of the story is a couple chapters. Tell me your thoughts on the chapter.
