Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :)


Loss and possession,

death and life are one,

There falls no shadow

where there shines no sun.

- Hilaire Belloc -


Torn

CPOV

The sky was weeping.

Its cool tears were beating against my skin, the coldness of the icy raindrops scattering and spreading through my body, invading and permeating into my bones until my very core was frozen. Watching the storming sky brought me no ease as I had expected. Usually there was something absorbing and intriguing about the way the air electrified as the thunder raged above the world. Something intriguing, and something very enchanting.

But I wasn't enchanted now. The storm didn't charm me the way it had used to. It only managed to remind me of the turmoil inside of me. It was the same turmoil raving upon the skies that it was in my heart, and I wondered if this storm ever ended; did a calm exist to this storm? Did it exist to me?

Quiet steps neared behind me, but I didn't turn to look. I already knew who had arrived to meet me, even possibly to confront me.

Alice stopped next to me, and for a moment we only stared at the storming skies while the raindrops were beating our skins.

"Every minute you're more decided," she said. Her words weren't reproachful as I had expected them to be. They were more like an acknowledgement.

"And what am I deciding?" I queried.

Alice turned to look at me. "Are you asking because you're doubting your own decision?" she asked. "Or are you asking because you want my opinion?"

"If you have an opinion, I'd like to hear it," I confessed.

"Why?"

I swallowed. "Because I don't know what is right," I answered. "I'm torn between two matters, and I cannot bring myself to decide what to choose."

"You always do the right thing," Alice answered. There was trust in her words, reliance I didn't feel I desevered at this moment. I was not perfect and without flaws, and I did not always make the right decisions. Mistakes were something I had done before, and the thought of making one now frightened me.

"What is the most important thing to you?" Alice asked. "What is the matter that consumes your mind right now?"

"To keep Bella safe," I answered with no difficulty. "To keep my whole family safe."

"And how are you going to do that?" Alice asked. I knew she attempted to help me to solve my thoughts. She always had the ability to see things in their clearest.

"By leaving," I sighed.

"And what stops you?" Alice asked. "What keeps you here?"

I closed my eyes. The rain grew colder against my skin.

"You know what keeps me here," I sighed. "How could I leave now? Now, when she needs me the most? How can I be by her side and protect her if I have to leave in order to ensure her safety?"

There was sympathy in Alice's golden eyes. "Do you really feel that Jasper and the others need you that much?" she asked. "I'm not saying that you're useless when it comes to a fight, but what makes you feel that they can't handle this on their own?"

"I have complete faith in their abilities," I answered. "But there's another reason why I need to go." I ran a hand through my hair, wetting my lips. Alice's gaze was heavy on me.

"It's alright if you want to revenge," she spoke. Her voice was soothing, placating even.

"It's not about the revenge. Not exactly," I whispered. "Or perhaps it is - I cannot explain it. I've never had this much difficulty to master myself," I confessed.

"You're angry," Alice stated. "And it's okay to feel that way. It's even expected in this situation. And how could it not." She gave a joyless laugh. "You're the most human of us, Carlisle, but it doesn't mean that you constantly have to suppress your true nature, your true feelings. And being furious is a part of both. It does prove that you're a vampire whose mate has been harmed, but that same fury also makes you more human."

I drew in a deep breath, glancing behind me towards the direction where the house was located. "But will she understand?" I wondered. "I don't want her to think that I'm abandoning her now. The thought of making her endure more hardship..." I shook my head, suddenly at a loss of words.

"She'll understand," Alice assured. "And when all this is over, and when Victoria is dead and there are no threats hanging above our heads, you'll both have more time to deal."

"She's not dealing," I said, feeling helpless.

Alice was silent for a moment, also glancing towards the direction of the house.

"Have you tried talking to her?" she asked.

"Of course," I nodded. "But she won't speak to me." I swallowed, brushing a hand over my eyes. The raindrops trickling down my face could have easily been tears.

"Let some time pass," Alice suggested. "She's still so overwhelmed."

Overwhelmed was an understatement. During the past six days after we had arrived home, Bella had been more or less absent. Most of the time she seemed to be completely elsewhere, staring off into space like she was deeply lost in her thoughts. At times the expression on her face was very calm and peaceful, almost content, and I could see that being back home caused that. And I knew that it brought her happiness to be here, even though she didn't say it out loud.

She hardly said anything out loud. She rarely spoke, or did anything to indicate that she wanted company. It made me wonder if she preferred to be left alone. I could only hope that after some peace and quiet and being surrounded by the people who loved her, she could start healing after her ordeals.

But she couldn't find peace if there was constantly a threat casting shadows on her, on all of us. Victoria and Laurent needed to be found and soon. I was conflicted again; there was a compelling need to stay by Bella's side, but at the same time I experienced a bloodlust I had never gone through before. The need to protect Bella by finding the ones who had harmed her nearly consumed my mind.

"Have you seen anything new from Jasper and Eleazar?" I asked, turning slowly around and starting to make my way through the woods towards the house.

"Nothing significant," Alice answered, setting her pace to mine. "I can't be sure if they are very close to finding Victoria. She's blocking me again by letting someone else decide. And I can't see Laurent either."

"It can only mean that they are still moving together," I mused. "Perhaps Victoria has told him not to make conscious decisions to prevent you from seeing them."

Alice nodded. "The only chance we have is to follow their traces."

A sigh escaped my lips. "I can't decide whether or not it's a good thing that the Volturi are there," I pondered. "If Victoria's group splits, we have enough vampires to search each trace, but..." I shook my head.

"But it means that if the Volturi find Victoria first, she'll live," Alice finished for me.

"Exactly." I shook my head, the impossibility of the situation starting to distress me. "Although it doesn't matter who finds Victoria first. This isn't a competition to the Volturi - if they want Victoria, it's unlikely that they'll negotiate about it."

Alice's eyes were wary. She hesitated before speaking, as if she worried about my reaction after hearing her words. But I already knew what had her so troubled.

"It means that if some of us kill her, the Volturi take it as disobedience towards them," Alice stated cautiously.

The same thought had entered my mind several times. I nodded gravely at her words, knowing very well what it meant if the Volturi saw something as disobedience.

"There has to be a way," Alice murmured, sounding anguished. The situation worried her as much as it worried me. I could only hope that especially Emmett could keep his head cool and would not do something to aggravate the Volturi. I also still kept hoping that Eleazar could be able to convince them that Victoria shouldn't be left alive.

"On the other hand," Alice began, but didn't sound very satisfied, "if the Volturi capture Victoria, at least we know that she won't be able to escape anymore."

"That is true," I consented. "But the thought of letting her live..." I swallowed the venom surging into my mouth. The feeling of anger was consuming.

"I know," Alice sighed. "It sucks."

We fell silent as the house neared. I began to wonder how to explain the situation to Bella, and how to tell her that I was going to leave soon. I didn't want her to be distressed and constantly worry about the safety of her family members along with her own.

I didn't know what I was going to do once joining Jasper and the others. The compelling need to do something erased the fact that my hands were practically tied when it came to eliminating Victoria. I decided to cross that bridge when I came to it. All I knew was that she couldn't be left alive. My mind was set to that very thought, and I was determined as ever.

Alice disappeared behind the house to the garden where Carmen had spent most of her time during the past days. I knew she missed Eleazar horribly, and taking care of the garden managed to take her mind off things. It was a good distraction, and there was much to do. The place looked quite abandoned after several weeks of absence.

I found Rosalie from my bedroom reading a magazine. She gave me a small smile, nodding towards the balcony. Bella hadn't spent a moment of loneliness after we had found her. There was always someone nearby, and even though she seemed to avoid the company of others right now, she was never truly alone. Everyone seemed to guard and shield her without any spoken agreement.

Rosalie slipped out of the room as I made my way to the glass door. The rain was still pouring down from the skies, and I glanced at the girl sitting on the floor of the balcony. She seemed to be unaware of the soaking rain as she leaned her head against the metal railings.

I lowered myself on my knees beside her, brushing a strand of moist hair away from her cheek.

"Wouldn't you come inside?" I asked quietly.

A bright flash of a lightning illuminated the sceneries. Bella raised her eyes, but too late; the lighting had already disappeared.

"I like it here," she answered. Her voice was oddly serene, and she closed her eyes as the raindrops landed on her face.

"Really?" I asked, slightly surprised. Bella usually detested the rain, and I had thought that she was here only to seek solitude, not to enjoy the weather she usually disliked.

"The rain is soothing," she whispered, once again surprising me.

"It is," I had to agree. My eyes devoured the grey sky, and I was so lost in the sight of it that it took a moment before I noticed Bella's wary gaze on me.

"Is something wrong?" she asked. "You look strange."

I gave her a small smile, shifting and lowering myself properly on the balcony floor, ignoring the wetness seeping through my clothes. "I forgot how perceptive you are," I said quietly, struggling with my words.

"Has something happened?" Bella asked. There was worry in her golden eyes. "Where were you with Alice?"

Taking a deep breath, I glanced at the storming sky once more before turning to Bella. "We weren't far," I answered. "I only needed to clear my thoughts, and... Alice confirmed something I already knew."

Bella's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Has she seen something? About Jasper and the others?"

I shook my head. "Not in a while. They are still searching, but finding Victoria and her accomplices has proved to be more difficult than we expected." I took another deep breath, grasping Bella's hand gently. "I need you to be safe," I whispered. "The sooner Victoria is found, the better. And I intend to make sure that she harms no one ever again."

There was fear in Bella's eyes. Her fingers grasped my hand almost desperately, but her voice was almost devoid of emotion as she spoke.

"When you say that you intend to make sure..." she began, dropping her gaze momentarily before lifting her eyes again. She stared over my shoulder, not meeting my gaze.

"Jasper and Eleazar might need my assistance," I answered softly. "I need you to be safe, Bella," I repeated, knowing that my sanity depended on her welfare.

"You're leaving," she stated then, very quietly. The expression on her face was suddenly very blank.

"I will return to you," I promised. My fingers sought her chin, and I tilted her head gently to see her eyes. "It breaks my heart not to be here when you need me," I whispered, starting to feel torn again. "And if you wish me to stay, of course I will. But I want you to know how greatly I need to be sure of your safety, and the only way to ensure that is for me to help Jasper and Eleazar."

The empty expression on Bella's face disappeared as I spoke. The emotion in her eyes was a mix of fear and despair. "Of course I don't want you to go!" she declared, her voice suddenly so loud that it made her flinch. She closed her eyes, taking and deep breath. The tips of her fingers pressed against my skin. "I'm afraid," she whispered, opening her eyes.

"You don't have to be," I assured, reaching out with my arm to draw her closer against my side. Bella leaned her head against my chest, and I pressed a kiss on the top of her head. "I will make sure that no one will harm you ever again," I vowed. "I promise."

The weight disappeared from my chest as she drew back to look at me. "I'm not afraid for myself," she said. "I'm afraid for Jasper, and for Emmett. And for Eleazar, and Kate, Irina and Tanya. And now you are leaving..." she shook her head, and I was surprised to see something new in her eyes; she seemed almost angry.

"You have no reason to worry," I reassured.

"Would you stop saying that already," Bella exclaimed, pushing herself up from the floor. Her outburst shocked me, and it took me a moment until I recovered from my surprise.

"You keep saying stuff like that and expect me to eat it up," she fumed.

I stood up slowly, noting that her voice was more hurt than angry.

"No one tells me anything," she continued. "And I just keep wondering what is really going on and how much you're leaving out to prevent me from getting upset. You don't have to tiptoe around me, okay? There's nothing you can say to damage me more than I already am."

Her last words shattered my heart. I let out a breath, running a hand through my wet hair. The thunder roared above us again, a violent gust of wind making Bella's long hair whirl around her.

I reached out with my hand towards her, the thunder nearly suffocating my words.

"Come inside," I requested. "Please."

She complied after a moment, her shoulders dropping as if she were tired. I opened the door to the bedroom and guided her inside.

The atmosphere was much more peaceful indoors without the storm thundering right above our heads. The noise was still quite prominent, and I silently wondered about Alice's and Carmen's urge to spent their time in the garden when the weather was so fierce.

After retrieving a towel from the bathroom, I searched Bella's expression for a moment before leading her to sit down on the bed. The earlier anger seemed to be gone, and now she seemed almost depressed. I hadn't heard her talking with so many words after we had found her, and her sudden ourburst still caused surprise in me.

"I didn't mean to yell at you," she said as I sat down next to her. Giving her a reassuring smile, I started to feel actually relieved after witnessing that reaction from her. During the last few days she had been so impassive and absent, and though I understood her confusion and disinterest in everything, I had to admit than seeing her showing emotions relieved me a lot.

"It's alright," I reassured, dabbing her face and wet hair with the towel. "I understand why you are upset, and I admit that it hasn't been right of me to keep you in the dark. But I did it only to protect you. I didn't want you to worry about the matters that you can't help. You've been through so much already," I explained.

"I can handle it," Bella whispered. "Uncertainty is a lot worse than knowing about things."

I held her gaze for a while, trying to decipher if she only tried to convince me even when she wasn't ready to hear everything. But Bella met my gaze boldly, and I realized that she was indeed very serious and not attempting to conceal her true feelings concerning the matter. "All right," I consented. "I won't hide anything from you from now on, but I have to tell you that there's very little you don't already know right now."

Bella's golden eyes were dubious, trying to see the truth behind my words. "So nothing has happened?" she asked. "To Jasper or Emmett, or to the others?"

"No," I assured. "They are well."

Bella's eyes left mine, and I saw her glancing down at her hand. The simple bracelet rested on her palm, and she searched it with her gaze for a while before closing her fingers again. That repetitive action was already familiar to me, and I started to wonder the reason behind it.

Bella raised her gaze again, but her eyes were empty. A sharp twinge of pain gashed my heart, and I knew that I had caused that emptiness.

"You do know why I need to leave?" I asked, tucking a lock of moist hair behind her ear. Bella closed her eyes, her hands balling into fists. "After I have done what I need to do to keep you safe, I will come back," I promised again, desperately wondering how to make this more easier for her to endure.

"You're putting yourself at risk because of me," Bella whispered. "They all are putting themselves at risk."

"That's what family is all about," I answered. "About protecting each other, protecting the ones we love. And I love you, more than words can describe."

Bella closed her eyes, and for a moment she didn't speak or move. Then she leaned her head against my chest, hiding her expression from me.

"You give too much," she murmured very quietly. "You sacrifice so much because of me. I'm not worth all that. If something happens..."

"Nothing will happen," I assured. "We have number on our side." I pulled back from her slightly, trying to meet her gaze. "And as for your earlier words, you're very much worth it. You're everything to me, Bella, and if I could give my life for you, I would do so gladly."

"Don't say that," she pleaded, pressing her head against my shoulder again. Her fingers grasped the fabric of my shirt almost desperately. There was urgency in that touch, as if she relinquished her hold I might suddenly be gone.

It made me realize that she really might think that way.

"I'll stay for tonight," I promised, my lips brushing the silky mahogany hair. "I won't leave without telling you, and without knowing that you've accepted it."

Bella let out a quick breath. "Do you honestly think that I will be fine with you leaving?" she asked. "Do you think that I can accept the fact that others are constantly putting their lives at risk because of me?" The weight disappeared from my shoulder again as she pulled away to look at me. There was anger in her eyes again, frustration. "You can't expect me to be fine with something like that."

There was little I could do to change her way of thinking. I knew that she must be frustrated, and her distorted self-image causing her constantly to believe that she was somehow a burden to others didn't ease the situation either. I tried to see all this from her point of view, and it wasn't that difficult; I knew that if Bella was about to rush head-on into danger, I would do anything to stop her.

But there was no other option for me in this situation. Victoria and her accomplices, along with Laurent, needed to be found. The threat they posed to Bella and to the rest of the family simply couldn't be ingored. It was like Alice had said earlier; we couldn't move on until the threat towards our family was gone.

And I was choiceless in other means as well. There was something lurking and building inside of me, something I couldn't consider as a part of myself. Something I had never felt before, something I had always felt pleased not having.

I was always the composed one, the one to shun violence. The one to think that anger was something to avoid. The one to think that the feeling was so wasteful that it ruined you.

But now, I knew; it wouldn't ruin me, and I wouldn't shun or avoid it. And I started to believe that maybe I had denied that feeling from myself for too long. That maybe it had been a part of me longer than I even knew.

The storm outside quieted slowly, and soon the grey skies darkened as the night consumed the day. Bella talked very little as the hours passed by, and I even begun to think that she was horribly upset with me when she disappeared outside to the balcony once more. It made me regret my decision to leave to aid Jasper and the others, but I knew I had very little choices.

It was agonizing to be torn this way. In many ways, I knew that Jasper and Eleazar could benefit from my presence. But I couldn't be sure which emotion was urging me to leave. Was it the wish to help and shield my family from the threat, or was it the anger, the thirst to punish those who had harmed the one very dear to me? Surely it had to be both. I had never thought that anger and love could exist in one mutual notion, but apparently it was possible.

But I still had to wonder; had the anger made me selfish? Was I putting the fury as my first priority, even when I knew that Bella needed support right now? Christ, it only has been a few days since we had found her, and now I was about to leave her... What was I doing?

A quiet sound disrupted my ruminations, and soon the door of the balcony opened. Bella appeared to the door, and I was surprised to see that her eyes were more alive now than during any of the past days. There were emotions in her, and even though she was far from happy and joyous, I was relieved to see that the empty and hollow expression had disappeared from her face.

I stood up from the bed where I was still sitting on, dropping the towel from my hands. The fabric was crumpled after my tight hold.

I followed Bella with my gaze as she walked over to the wooden bedside table. Reaching out with her forefinger, she brushed the delicate withered rose resting on the dark surface. I couldn't help but think that she resembled that rose in many ways. Even after torment and trials, after almost withering away like that rose, there was beauty in her. Beauty that astounded me day after day, and I would always be awed by it. By her.

There had always been beauty in Bella, both inner and outer. I had noticed it years and years ago when I had first met her in Forks. She had been a teenager in body, but in mind and soul she had been very much mature, wise even. There had been little wistfulness in her back then - that sorrow and grief had come from the events that had occurred later in her life.

During the winter and spring, she had been able to leave some of that sorrow behind. There had been certain freedom in her, freedom I had never witnessed before. But that freedom had been taken away from her by a person who had already given her much grief, and that same person was responsible for the shadow that was now casted upon her soul.

Bella's fingers left the withered rose. She gazed at me searchingly, and beneath the worry and fear I saw something else.

She looked determined. It made me slightly concerned, making me wonder what she could have in mind.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she gestured for me to sit down next to her again. I did so very willingly, relief flooding over me after seeing that she seemed so eager to have a conversation. It was a healthy change, and a very welcome one.

I waited in silence, studying Bella's expression as she gazed at the blue walls of the room.

"I have a question," she announced quietly. She didn't sound upset like she had before, but there was the same determination in her voice, the same decisiveness as a moment earlier.

"Ask anything," I encouraged, leaning my forearms to my knees and studying her expression again.

Bella turned to look at me, narrowing her eyes momentarily.

"When you leave," she began slowly, "what are you going to do once finding Eleazar and the others?"

I opened my mouth to answer, knowing that the question was the same I had kept asking from myself.

"I'm not quite sure yet," I answered, wetting my lips. "Our first priority is to find Victoria and the rest of her confederates. I might be useful in tracking their scents."

Bella raised her brow. "And then what?" she asked. Her eyes took a darker shade, and for a moment she looked frightened again. "Are you going to kill her?"

I opened my mouth for an answer again, but no words came out. I started to wonder how Bella would feel about my intentions. Would it change the way she saw me, knowing that I had given in to my feral anger? Would she see me as a different person?

"She cannot be left alive," I answered softly.

Bella was ruminative for a while, giving me another searching glance. "I know," she answered just as softly, and I had a sudden feeling of something passing between us. It was as though she knew of my anger and intentions. That she knew of my compelling need to be the one to end Victoria's life.

She knew, and that made her fear. I wanted to banish that fear, I wanted her to focus on herself instead of worrying about me.

"I get it if you want to go," she spoke again very quietly, locking her gaze with mine. "I don't like it, but I get it. But I guess I just don't understand what there is to do. When we were driving home, didn't you say that the Volturi are interested in having Victoria in their guard?"

I gave her a reluctant nod. She had announced the core of our problem, the one I hadn't found a solution to.

"We will find a way to do something," I answered. The words were lame and weak, and it was nothing she deserved to hear. I wanted to offer her reassurance, but I was unable to do so.

There was seriousness in Bella's eyes as she met my gaze. "What if you can't?" she asked.

I reached out with my hand to clasp her fingers. "We will," I promised, desperately wanting to believe my own words. "We have to."

I didn't know if Bella believed my words, either. There was uncertainty in her, and also fear and need for reassurance. Reassurance that she knew I couldn't give at the moment. I had only my words to offer, and I prayed that they weren't empty words. That they would be enough.

Time seemed to pass differently during the next hours. I had expected the night to be over way too soon, since we both knew that I was about to leave in the break of dawn. But the seconds were kind to us, and the time passed by languidly as though to say that there was no hurry. I definitely was in no hurry any longer as Bella layed down on the bed, hesitantly pulling me down next to her.

I layed on my side, shifting until she was pressed against my chest. Her breaths were warm against my skin, and it made me warmer than ever before. I felt simply blessed as I held her, and I silently made an oath to God Himself that I would never let any harm come to her ever again. That oath made me more determined, if possible, and I knew it in my heart then; there was no such option as to let all this end badly. Victoria had caused enough havoc, and it was only a matter of time before she faced her own destruction.

Bella spoke quietly as the seconds - those gracious and endless seconds - passed by, prolonging our short time together as if they knew how desperately I wanted to stay.

"How are you even going to find them?" she whispered, and she sounded more worried than ever before.

"If I can't reach Emmett and Jasper or any of the Denalis, Alice will guide me through it," I answered.

Bella closed her eyes and shifted her head, glancing down where her hand was pressed against my chest. Her touch left me to reveal the simple bracelet resting on her palm. She opened her eyes to gaze at it for a while.

"You do that a lot," I whispered softly, a wordless question in my statement.

Bella glanced at me, folding her other arm behind her head.

"Do what?" she asked.

"Look at the bracelet," I answered. "I've noticed it, and... Well, it only makes me curious."

Bella was silent for a while, her golden eyes studying the simple ornament in the shape of the sun.

"I like it," she whispered simply. But there was melancholy and sadness in her tone and in the depths of her golden eyes, and soon I found out why.

"When I was...there," Bella continued, letting out a trembling breath before continuing, "this was the only thing that kept me who I was." Her words, very quiet and still sorrowful, were accompanied with another quick glance at the simple bracelet. The meaning of it was evidently greater than I had even known, and I found my heart warming after hearing her words. Warming, but also growing colder when I thought of those things she had endured.

I knew very little of the things that had occurred during her captivity - this was the first time Bella spoke of it voluntarily. I only had my own suspicions and notions and Alice's vague knowledge she had received through her visions, but the rest remained unknown. I knew the subject was difficult for Bella to talk about, and as ardently as I wished to know of the things that now shadowed her spirit, I didn't want to force her to speak. I knew she needed to, eventually, but I felt that she deserved some peace and quiet rather than to be forced to relive those awful things. It only had been a few days since she had been found, and I sensed that Bella had to struggle to get a hold of normal life again.

Her almost constant bewilderment in everything proved how harsh these last weeks had been for her. It seemed challenging for her to get used to everything around her again. Most of the time she was very inactive, constantly immersing herself in her own thoughts. I had tried to make conversation with her several times, but she seemed unwilling to share the thoughts burdening her mind.

Bella's quiet voice nearly startled me, breaking my stream of thoughts.

"Rosalie said that you haven't been in the hospital for a long time," she murmured against my chest.

I searched the line of her jaw with my fingers, taking a deep breath before answering.

"No," I admitted. "I haven't."

Bella swallowed, and judging from the way her fingers flexed against my skin, there was something upsetting in that small acknowledgement.

"Because of me?" she whispered, efficiently confusing me.

I shifted back to see her expression, frowning slightly. There was sadness in Bella's eyes, that constant sadness I couldn't erase no matter how I struggled.

"I needed to find you," I stated. "And I couldn't have done that if I had a responsibility elsewhere."

Bella bit her lip, not meeting my eyes. I reached out to ease her lip from between her teeth, then stroked her cheek tenderly.

"Does it upset you for some reason?" I asked, confused about her reaction.

Bella gazed at me finally. "Did you resign?" she asked.

"No," I answered. "I'm on a longer leave of absence for now."

Bella seemed to relax visibly. I realized that she had worried if I had given up my job because her. It was nearly difficult for me to comprehend her unrest towards the matter. Even though I enjoyed every second I spent at the hospital, there was simply no way to compare that to the importance when it came to Bella. Even the notion of comparing was absurd.

She still seemed to think of herself as unimportant, as a burden of some sort. And I didn't know how to make her see how far from those things she was. She was a complete opposite of those things.

Sounds coming from downstairs disrupted my thoughts. Bella stiffened against me as I heard Rosalie calling out Alice's name. Her voice was quiet, but there was urgency in it.

"What is it?" I heard Carmen asking.

Exchanging a look with Bella, I sat up on the bed.

Alice gasped downstairs, and after that the silence was heavy. It only lasted for a very short moment before Rosalie and Carmen were pelting her with questions.

"What is happening?" Rosalie demanded.

"Alice?" Carmen asked, her voice more patient but laced with worry.

I had stood up after hearing Alice's gasp, and as I started to make my way to the door, strong fingers suddenly grasped mine. I turned to see Bella, her eyes wide with worry, gazing up at me. Swallowing my own concern along with the words to request her to stay here, I clasped her hand to lead her downstairs with me. Her earlier wish to know everything was fresh in my mind and I wanted to honor it, even though I felt a compelling need to shield her from everything.

Bella clung to my arm as we arrived downstairs. We both had the same thought in our minds; had something happened? Was someone hurt? Had they found Victoria?

We found Alice from the kitchen, her pale fingers clasping a handful of wildflowers she had been arranging into a bowl. The task was left unfinished as her strong fingers crushed the delicate plants, and the sharp scent of cornflower filled the large room. Alice barely noticed. Her golden eyes were staring blankly at the table top, the visions of future taking all of her focus.

Carmen and Rosalie stood beside her, both of them looking as anxious as I felt.

"Wait," Alice whispered, and I didn't know if she spoke to us or was she reacting to the visions she saw. Her eyes were focused for a moment, but the moment of clarity was soon gone as she shook her head, seeming to be bewildered by something she witnessed.

I moved closer. Bella was mortally quiet, her tight grip around my arm nearly painful now.

"Alice," I prompted, exchanging a gaze with Carmen and Rosalie. Rosalie's expression was furiously determined - she always looked such way when she was distressed. She rarely showed fear openly, and during the years I had learned that anger was sometimes her way of showing concern.

"Alice!" she hissed between her teeth.

Alice shook her head, raising her hands to her temples. "Too many decisions," she moaned. "Everything keeps changing... Eleazar has to stop it!"

I was more alert if possible after hearing her words. I stepped closer again, suppressing the urge to prise Bella's painful grip from my arm. Instead I pulled her even closer, nestling her head against my chest. She was awfully still in my embrace; her fear had overcome everything else.

Carmen sat down next to Alice. She seemed to be calmer than Rosalie, slowly reaching out to touch Alice's shoulder.

"What does Eleazar has to stop?" she asked. "What is happening?"

"They are arguing," Alice breathed.

"Who?" I asked, trying to reach Alice's gaze. But it was useless; her eyes didn't see my demanding gaze.

The seconds stretched on painfully slowly as we waited for Alice to give us answers. It was obvious that wherever Jasper and Eleazar were, and whatever the current situation was, it was chaotic. Alice's visions depended on the decisions that were made, and monitoring the futures of several vampires at the same second was bound to be challenging.

After another moment of tension, Alice relaxed slightly. She closed her eyes, and I was able to see her resigned frown before she covered her face with her palms.

I exchanged a frightened look with Carmen.

What could have occurred, I was afraid to ask. If something had happened - if one of us was lost...

"Alice?" I asked, swallowing thickly. Bella's fingers pressed against my skin.

Alice let out a long breath. "It's fine," she murmured. "For a moment I thought... but then they had to retreat and they are on their way now."

I couldn't make heads of tails of her words. But her voice was calmer than I expected, and it caused me to believe that nothing too serious had taken place. I pressed my mouth against Bella's forehead, letting the relief flood over me.

"What happened?" I asked. Rosalie collapsed on the nearest chair, mouthing silent words towards the ceiling.

Hands fell from Alice's face. Her expression was a mix of dissatisfaction and relief.

"The situation boiled over," Alice sighed. "I knew that the Volturi would cause trouble sooner or later."

"You said that they were arguing," Carmen prompted.

"Yes," Alice answered. "But Jasper and Eleazar had it under control in time to prevent anything worse from happening." She shook her head, lowering her gaze momentarily before meeting my gaze. "I'm sorry, Carlisle," she said. "They had to back out."

I clenched my jaw, nodding. "I see," I sighed, unsure which emotion to go through. "Maybe this was bound to happen. We have known for some time that there was a difference in our goals."

Rosalie let out a quiet breath. "They are coming home?" she asked, sounding dubious.

Alice nodded. "They have no choice but to turn back. I saw the other outcome - it would have escalated into a full fight if Jasper and the others had insisted on continuing with the search."

I felt Bella stirring against me. She had been awfully still during the whole time, and her light frame against my chest was still tense. I knew the situation had startled her as much as it had startled the rest of us.

I tightened my hold of her, attempting to soothe her. She lifted her head from my chest, the expression on her face portraying different tones of relief. I was relieved as well, now when I knew that no one was harmed. But I couldn't ignore the sharp sting of dissatisfaction after realizing that the situation was now much more complicated than a moment earlier.

The Volturi had apparently forbidden the continuation of our search, which practically meant that Victoria was out of our reach. I couldn't bring myself to believe it.

"What exactly happened?" I inquired. "What occurred that made the Volturi suddenly decide that we can't participate any longer?" We had known for a while now of the Volturi's true intentions, but the knowledge of it brought me no comfort. And a small corner of my heart had hoped that our cooperation would continue, that we could find a mutual understanding concerning the matter. Beyond the disappointment, I found myself irritated at myself, wondering if there had been something I could have done to prevent the situation from becoming so heated.

Alice frowned. "I'm not sure," she answered. "I saw Jasper finding two traces, and one of the Volturi guards - I don't know his name - insisted that their group should follow the one that was Victoria's. Emmett didn't agree, nor did Eleazar."

"Did he try to negotiate about Victoria's future?" I asked.

Alice nodded, frowning. "Yes," she revealed. "But it's obvious that they refuse to kill her. Jasper and Eleazar still tried to convince the Volturi otherwise, but then one of them said that they have new orders to dismiss us from the search."

Rosalie hissed.

"New orders?" I asked. "From who exactly?"

Alice shrugged. "I don't know. It could be Aro, or it could be Caius or Marcus. I haven't kept tabs on them for a while because they are still in Italy. Otherwise I would have seen their decision earlier."

Silence fell after Alice's words. There was little to say; the situation had become a lot more difficult. There was a part of me telling me that I shouldn't feel this betrayed. That I shouldn't have thought the Volturi as our allies. That it had been a mistake even to fathom the idea of it.

It was Carmen who spoke next, picking up a crumpled cornflower from the table top. "What now?" she asked. "What can we do?"

I shook my head. My thoughts were tangled, the disarray of emotions overwhelming me.

"We need to coordinate," I sighed, desperately trying to form a plan in my mind. It was useless. "We wait until the others return, and then we contemplate on the situation together. After that we know more about what occurred with the Volturi. I'm sure that Jasper and the others have more information when they return."

Rosalie stood up from the chair, her golden eyes meeting mine. Her voice was curious as she spoke, but there was also uneasiness in her tone.

"You're not planning on going against the Volturi, are you?" she asked.

The thought had entered my mind briefly, I had to admit. But we all knew what would come from that.

"It would be a death sentence to us all," I mused.

Bella started breathing again. There was something weary in her expression as she gazed at the floor, and I started to question my decision to let her know of the situation. She had endured enough already, and it wasn't right that she should be constantly concerned.

Alice informed that Jasper and the others would be back by tomorrow evening. All we could do at the moment was to wait. The notion was burdensome, and I found myself more impatient than ever before. My earlier decision to leave to aid Eleazar and the others had brought me relief. The knowledge that I could do something to help to solve the situation was alleviating, but now that feeling was gone. Our hands were tied, and there was very little I could do.

Eventually I led Bella back upstairs. Words of comfort and reassurance played on my lips, but I held them back. I couldn't offer those things to her now, and she would be offended if I tried. Because those words would be a lie, and I couldn't lie to her.

But I was very honest as I made her a promise instead. A promise I intended to keep, and I would gladly burn in the fires of hell before failing to keep that promise.

Closing the door of our bedroom behind me, I turned to her. I waited until she met my gaze, and then I took her hand, bringing it up to rest on my silent chest. The heart beneath her palm was quiet and still, but I hoped that it wouldn't matter to her.

"I know you're concerned," I whispered. "So am I. But I promise that I won't let anything bad happen to you. All this will end well, I promise to see to that. Do you understand me, Bella?"

She drew in a trembling breath, and I realized that she was moved by my simple words. The venom coiled in her golden eyes as she nodded, soft words leaving her lips. There was trust in her voice, even though I had done very little to deserve it.

"I know," she whispered. There was sudden uncertainty in her eyes, as if she worried about my answer to her next question. "You don't have to leave?" she asked, looking for assurance.

"No," I answered. "It's no use to go now when - "

My sentence was cut off by the feeling of urgent lips pressing against mine, and there was a brief moment before I managed overcome my surprise. I didn't know what astonished me the most; was it Bella's unexpected need for my proximity, the proximity she had seemed to avoid for the past days, or was it her spontaneus reaction after learning that I wouldn't leave; her apparent joy after finding out that I would stay.

It seemed like an eternity since my lips had caressed hers this way. An eternity since I had been able to feel her slender body pressed against me, an eternity since the last time she had been so near. There was no distance between me and her now, no gazes of emptiness and pain. Those things that had distanced her from me weren't here now. They still might exist in me and her, but they were forgotten. Put aside, concealed by this present moment.

Another second of savoring, another moment of closeness, another kiss of lingering bliss, and then she left me. But not completely; the press of her fingertips against my shoulders was sharp, the scent of strawberries and freesia strong my notrils. Crisp and new, familiar and sweet.

Bella was still very close. So close that I could see the golden glimmering of my own irises reflected back from hers. She watched my reaction carefully, warily almost. As if I could be affected by her kiss in a way that was somehow unsuitable, or out of place in some other way.

How absurd.

I tightened my hold of her, and simply observed her in the same way she observed me. The action was more than pleasant, and I knew that I could watch her from sunrise to sundown incessantly, and never grow tired of it.

Her lips opened to release whispered words. They were murmured quietly, but assuredly.

"I'm glad," she whispered, "that you stay."

"Hmm," I hummed agreeingly, still breathless after the sudden shared kiss. Pressing my lips against hers briefly once more, I drew back again. "I nearly thought that I misread your response," I teased, managing to draw a smile from her.

It was the first genuine smile I witnessed since she had been taken away from us, and the first genuine smile since she had returned. I felt blessed by that smile, and I rejoiced quietly as I was able to behold that sight once again. To know, that even after everything that had happened, even after everything she had endured, she was able to give me that smile.

I suddenly found myself forgetting the earlier impatience towards the situation, and all the pent-up frustration was suddenly gone from me as I saw that small smile on Bella's lips. Her effect on me managed to astonish me somewhat, although perhaps it shouldn't have. I should already know of the hundreds different ways she could affect me, and not be surprised by them.

But Bella had the ability to surprise me. Perhaps that was one of those rare things that never changed, and I found myself hoping that it never would. That her spirit, her very essence, would never change.

Outside the dawn was slowly breaking, the rays of sun illuminating the early morning sky with different tones of red and tangerine. The sight of it brought me hope, and managed to calm my mind. But soon I forgot the sun, and nearly everything else, because I caught a glimpse of Bella's eyes again. And my gaze remained there, in the golden depths of her irises, and I knew that rare things could capture me in the way her eyes did.

We watched the sunrise together as we waited for the rest of our family to return home. And even though the difficulty of the situation burdened the both of us, and even though the uncertainty shadowed our minds and whispered troubling thoughts into our ears, those things couldn't corrode our hearts.

I took Bella's hand in my own. The small sun made of silver was nestled between our skins as we watched another sun brightening the sceneries surrounding our home.

And hand in hand, together, we waited.


AN: Carlisle's "We need to coordinate." is a quote from the movie Eclipse. Don't own it, unfortunately.