Note: Maybe I should have mentioned that I wasn't going to update in a million or two years. But I am a lazy ass and just a friendly warning. This chapter's short and utterly useless and just a small indication that I'm still alive...well...kinda, anyways. Um, absolutely pointless ramble. FFVII mentionings, Xanxus being an asshole...etc...filler chapter? Sorry. Just really lazy these days.

Chapter 48:

Fran was not religious. At least, he didn't think so. He was agnostic, which was probably a euphemism for highly paranoid and superstitious. So while he might believe that God won't be sending him to the pits of hell anytime too soon for his various assassinations and murders, he wholeheartedly DID believe that the creepy noise coming from outside his bedroom could very well be a zombie penguin out to eat his brains.

And with the always on and never off lights in the hallway and the noticeably ajar door of his, he had a beautifully full view of this impending shadow against the wall that was really, really...REALLY big and creepy and scary and somewhat...scary.

Reaction?

He scampered off his bed and got his hands on a pen and a piece of paper. After all, all heros in TVs with cool poses must have epically awesome death wills and he wanted a death will.

So...since there's this really creepy thing outside my bedroom that's gonna kill me at any moment. I, Fran, illusionist of the Vongola's Independent Assassination squad AKA Varia, will leave behind my last wishes.

I want my corpse to be frog hat free please. And I want it arranged in a cool pose! The index finger HAS to be pointed out on my right hand! And I want glasses, cause they make me look smart. I don't want my eyes open because that just looks stupid. And I want my coffin to have some color variety in it. Like the ones in Power Rangers. You know, the one with the cool poses?

Anyhow...Bel senpai, please don't use my grave for target practice. Squalo senpai can have my laptop because I bet his is full of viruses cause he was downloading FFVII game emulators (you can just tell; look at his hair!). Lussaria can have my pink spatula and Levi can have my umbrella. And the Boss can-

Just then, there was a thud and Fran looked up to find a twisted, utterly bleeding specimen of a thirteen year old middle schooler laying face down on his carpet. "....b...b...ban...d...da....dag...ge...."

"Huh?"

"BANDAGE!"

After pausing for a moment, Fran identified this mangled corpse as Mori. He looked at his half finished will and shredded it to pieces before tossing it in the trash. "Just a sec."

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"So he first attempted to train the strength of your mind by showing you porn movies?"

"Yeah."

"Does he have porn movies?"

"I think he borrowed it from Lussaria. It had his name on the DVD cover."

"Then he tried to train your body by sticking knives in you and increasing your endurance for pain?"

"Uh huh."

"Then he tried to teach you how to drive so you could be his servent?"

"Actually no, he asked Squalo to do that for him."

"I didn't know Squalo senpai could drive a car."

Mori shrugged. "He can't. And it wasn't a car. It was a helicopter..." She paused. "Squalo can't drive that either. You know, he's really good with sword and hair stuff, but he's really stupid otherwise."

"I know. He can't work a toaster either."

"Or an oven."

"Or his shoelaces."

"Or the shoe polisher."

Fran looked alarmed. "I didn't know there was shoe polisher before!"

"I didn't either, until I drank some and Kyouya had to call the ambulance that one time. IT LOOKED LIKE WATER!" Fran and Mori both had to acknowledge that shoe polisher was a deadly adversary.

Sob.

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Next day...

"Show me your weapon." Xanxus said monotonously, holding out a hand.

"Why?"

"Just give it." Mori swallowed at the cold murder in his tone and shoved the guns into his hands. It was ridiculously lighter than his own, smaller, probably not as strong. "Now your bazooka." Also pretty crappy material. Needs upgrade. Where's that trashy weapons tuner when you need him? "Gun."

"I already-"

"The other one." He said dully, gesturing to the over sized weapon hanging on her back. "The rifle."

"Whaa..."

He really wondered why she had to question every order he gave her. If it were Levi or...even Bel... OH SHIT IT'S HEAVY! Xanxus nearly staggered under the weight. Nearly. How the hell does she carry this thing? "....have you ever used this before?"

"Yes. To hit Neo with." Mori proclaimed proudly.

"I meant actually shot with it."

"Yes. I used it as a water gun to shoot Neo with."

"....I meant ammunition."

"Water's ammunition!"

"YOU DON'T SHOOT YOUR ENEMIES WITH WATER, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

"WELL SORRY YOU USE BIG WORDS! The bigger the words, the more ambiguous the meaning you know. Uh...who told me that? The mailman? See, this is why I like talking to Squalo better. All HE uses is the terms fuck and shit and trash and words that usually don't contain more than ten letters. HE'S specific."

Xanxus twitched. "That's cause he doesn't know long words. And if he does, he can't pronounce them."

Pause. Mori blinked. "Oh...I knew that. Um...why is your top minion a retard?"

"He...just is...I don't know. His parents raised him wrong or something...." He said blankly. Blankly...because...she kinda did have a point. If he looked at that accursed Sawada Tsunayoshi's "right hand man"...he's a genius, isn't he? Er...ANYHOW... "Use it."

"Hn?"

"JUST FIRE THE GODDAMN THING!"

Mori backed away in alarm. "Alright, alright! Jeez! Have some anger management!"

Anger management? He knew no such thing!

She blinked. Stared at her rifle thing. Pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. "...."

"....."

"....." She shrugged. "No comment."

Xanxus kicked her head. "I hate you."

Mori kicked him in the shin. "I hate you."

"WELL I HATE YOU EVEN MORE!"

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do too."

"Do not....wait..." Xanxus then realized that he had just agreed to her. He threw her out of the room. "DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU CAN FIRE THAT FUCKING THING! Now get out of my sight."

"Ouch...." Mori pulled out a list of To Dos for the day. "Number 12423645745367536345689476289374528345273457293642783.5....go shoot Xanxus and watch him writhe in agony."

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Fran stared at the rifle curiously, turning it around and examining it. "So you can't fire it? It'd help if you put some ammunition in it, you know."

"I tried...but... it blew up on me."

"You really suck."

"And you're a bitch, Fran. Shut up. Nobody likes you."

"I thought you liked me."

"Yeah, but I don't count because technically I'm a figment of Mukuro's imagination. Which...kinda makes things hard, you know? And besides, why aren't you crying? Those were very mean words I spoke to you, you know."

The frog head glared indignantly at the more diminutive frog head (who was a frog head in a totally different sense). "I'm a fully grown male adult-" (Mori: You sure you're male?) "I won't be reduced to tears through such simple means.

Mori stared at him. Five seconds later found Fran clutching his knee in agony and trying (and failing) to not cry. "Mommy...." He was kinda like a magic guy in an RPG game. Magically...er....illusionally...strong...but physically...he really sucked.

"You know, you remind me of that girl from ffvii. That one that has the pink ribbon in her hair and the pink dress and the considerably darker pinkish...eh...that mini coat thingy. Honestly, how does she get that stuff? Custom made?"

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and that's that. I'd be lying if I said i'd update soon. But...Kyouya doesn't show up much these days, so I'm not holding that much of an interest in him. And mori's just an asshole as usual.

Question though. You think I should do a Varia version? I like the Varia more these days, but making too many oc stories makes me guilty for some reason. Answer? Cricket chirp? No? Want me to drug Kyouya and set him loose in your house? ...don't answer that.