So it's about time. Yeesh, sorry. Now to finish the horror I've created...
Tea Part II
"Ready?"
"No."
"Good. Me neither." And with three deep breaths and three brows breaking into a sweat, the three adult women of 11th Division stepped into the onsen reception.
It had been three weeks since the tea incident and they had finally gotten used to the womanly parts; but not so used to them that they didn't want to change back. Normally, in most circumstances, a trip to the public onsen would be out of the question, but today was the annual all-paid open day for officers. And the temptation of free booze, food and massages at an exclusive spa proved too great.
The only problem was…which spa to go into? Male or female?
"Female." They said together, scuttling into the doors with undisguised glee on their faces.
Thirty seconds and several squeals of terror later, the trio found themselves pushed out of the onsen by Yachiru, Soifon and Kiyone. Brushing their hands together, the girls glared at them at went back inside.
"Well, it was worth a try." Yumichika sighed, brushing her hair back.
"Didya get a look at Isane?" Ikkaku chuckled, lifting herself off the ground.
"Nah, I was looking at a certain blonde's ass." Kenpachi smirked. They looked over at the men's entrance with a withering glare.
"Well, I'm not missing out on a facial just I'm too afraid of going into the men's area." Yumichika advanced forward with a swish of her hips.
"Yumichika, I think you should go in the girl's one again by yourself…I'm sure you'll be quite welcome there." Kenpachi smirked.
"Yeah, I noticed you noticing Soifon noticing you…I'm sure she'll give you a second chance now." The two laughed at the extremely annoyed Yumichika.
"I HEARD THAT!" Soifon yelled, her head appearing around the women's door. Never in the history of Soul Society had three women run so quickly into the men's onsen without shunpo.
"Phe-ew, that was close." Ikkaku gasped. Kenpachi didn't say anything, but instead was staring at the men staring at them. Obviously some people had not heard of the accidental gender-switch and a concerned shinigami came up to Kenpachi.
"Excuse me, ma'am, but I think you're in the wrong place." He said politely.
Ikkaku snorted with laughter, "He called you ma'am." Which was followed by several sniggers around the room.
"Dude!" a friend of the first shinigami pulled him away, "she's Captain Kenpachi Zaraki." He strained under a clenched jaw. The companion's eyes widened wide open and they disappeared from sight. With that, nobody bothered the trio…in fact; no one would enter the water with them around except for some senior officers.
That was, until, Aramaki and his friends Nobu, Kenji and Gintarou arrived.
The four had been drinking previously, arrived at the onsen completely plastered and making a racket.
"Gah, those guys." moaned Yumichika.
"Are you going to discipline them, Zaraki?" Shunsui asked from his spot in the hot spring.
"Later…" She said, "they look like they're about to pass out anyway." And while saying that, Aramaki fainted to the ground. But the other three spotted the tree women in the hot spring.
"Wow! Lookit that! They brought strippers!" Nobu pointed. The entire onsen went quiet in anticipation as the three, not recognising their captain through an alcohol-induced haze, swerved towards the feminine trio. Shunsui noticed the water getting a little hotter as the tempers of the three began to rise.
"Taicho…can I kill them?" Yumichika asked, flexing her fingers.
"Hang on, let see what they do next…I wanna know how they're goin' to bury themselves in the grave they've just dug." Kenpachi gritted. Nobu and Kenji got into the hot spring beside Kenpachi, grinning lecherously.
"Hey pretty lady." Nobu said, eying up the seething captain. The growing crowd, tense with excitement in the knowledge that someone was going to get their arse kicked.
"Is there a heart nearby or is that my airport taking off?" Kenji slurred. Yumichika laughed into her knees, which was quite a spectacle considering that they were underwater.
"So how did a gorgeous woman like yourself get an eyepatch like that?"
"Eyepatch? That eyepatch looks a lot like our captain's…"
"…Kenji…I think that…oh shit."
Kenji and Nobu launched themselves out of the onsen, but Kenpachi proved too quick for them, lifting them up out of the water by their nostrils.
"Zorryzorryzorry! We dibn't dow it was you!" Kenji pleaded nasally, finding that dangling from one's nose was incredibly painful.
"Demotions, both of you. Your arses are so far down demoted that if a Fourth Divisioner needs toilet paper, you will offer your hands," Kenpachi started in a deadly voice, "You will start cleaning the streets around the division to Yumichika's standards and if he is not satisfied, you'll be eating soup off of them for a week until Yumichika is satisfied. You shall be doing thing for the next twenty years or until I get bored watching you suffer, which I assure you, will be never." And with that final statement, he dropped them onto the concrete, clutching their bleeding noses.
"I like that punishment." Yumichika gleamed.
Gintarou rushed over to his friends, patting their backs sympathetically, "don't worry, I'm sure it's just PMS."
………
"D'ya think I over-reacted?" Kenpachi asked. The three were relaxing in the division courtyard, catching the last rays of the late summer sun.
"Possibly…I mean demotin' them and the extra punishment was a little harsh." Ikkaku conceded.
"No, I meant about the other one."
"Oh. Yeah, for sure."
"But all I did was death-glare him." Kenpachi proclaimed.
"You took off your eyepatch."
"Unohana said his heart was weak to begin with."
"His heart exploded." Ikkaku deadpanned.
"Well, I'm just impressed that you concentrated all your riatsu on one point," Yumichika added.
"I was aiming for his head."
"I'd've aimed for other places…" Ikkaku huffed. Yachiru rounded the corner excitedly, leading a very harassed Akon in tow.
"Ken-chan! Ken-chan! They've finished! They've got a way t'change you back!" She cheered.
"Well, it's about fuckin' time. I was getting far too used to sittin' down when I piss." Kenpachi exclaimed as Yachiru shoved Akon towards them.
"Mr Horns has it now." She said.
Akon flicked away his cigarette which was damaged in his abduction from the laboratory, "Yes, I've got it. The serum will turn you back into males…with one side effect."
"Oh, please, no tentacles…I'd rather stay a woman." Yumichika bemoaned. The scientist shook his head.
"No tentacles. Just temporary hair growth; nothing unmanageable."
"Oh, good. Gimme." Kenpachi held out her hand eagerly, "I'll take it now."
"Ah, you might want to take it in private…"
"Why?"
"It's a suppository."
"Fuck."
………
"Ne, Ken-chan. You alive?" Yachiru asked, sitting cross-legged on his now-flat chest. He blinked fuzzily.
"Yeah," he groaned, "I'm gonna kill Kurotsuchi; trust him to make a freakin' arse pill." He was relieved that certain body parts had returned to normal.
"Ken-chan?"
"What?"
"You have a beard." She tugged it with fascination. She'd never seen him shave, let alone with facial hair. He looked at it and Yachiru held up a mirror.
"After all these years of wantin' a beard…damn, it looks bad."
"Ken-chan."
"What now?"
"Baldy is no longer bald. He has hair. Black hair."
"Wow. What about that fruitcake?"
"Fruitcake? Dontcha mean Mr Fuzzles?" She grinned.
Okay, lets get to my commentary. I have never loved Yumichika more since he pwned that eye-bleed drag-whore Charlotte.
And about those two who got owned by fem-Ken, you can see them in the manga/anime as those two who are seen sweeping the streets as Kenpachi runs past with Orihime on his back.
On a side note, I have a small job as a part-time nanny for some wealthy people. How did I end up looking after little kids? Especially after I wrote these two chapters...
