AN: Thank you for the kind reviews
The smell of a fresh pot of brewing tea met Idalya's nostrils as she woke. In a happy daze from her dream, it was only when she tried to stretch did she find her limbs confined to her sides. Her eyes blinked open in shock, she was no longer in her bed, but resting in the better of Solas' two high-backed chairs.
There's were many burnt candles flickering in the rotunda casting a soft glow across the rising walls making Solas' murals appear to breathe with life. Solas working in silence, as usual, but a labored and heavy breath reeking of ale moved her focus toward her feet where Rylen was asleep on the floor, propped up against the side of Solas' desk.
"Is this the Fade?" She mumbled mid-stretch, raising her sleep-heavy arms above her head.
"Nothing in the Fade snores at this volume." Solas scoffed as he set down his quill, looking at her.
There was something wrong. She worried that forcing his promise to avoid snooping through her dreams had upset her teacher. His eyes had grown wide in genuine surprise when she told she needed a night off to rest, or more precisely, fall apart in the privacy for once.
She wished there was another way to tell him she trusted him without enlightening him to her struggles. Allowing someone a full pass through your mind also included the dark thoughts you keep hidden from the rest of the world. Neither of them needed to see the demons that haunted the other's dreams.
"Why is Rylen passed out on the floor?"
Solas met her eyes, his cobalt ones filled for a moment with a sadness that took over his entire face before morphing back to the blank canvas he held over himself. He stood from his chair and approached her, kneeling in front of her chair so the two were at eye level.
"Asha, there was an accident." The mage whispered between the Templar's soft snores.
The blood pumping with a feverous pace through Idalya's veins. Oh, Maker, no, this can't be happening. Her hand grasped her throat as she clenched her eyes shut, the visions of Barris' broken body bleeding out on the cold ground that haunted her thoughts pushing fiercely behind her eyelids.
Solas spoke, but she couldn't understand his mangled words. She wasn't aware of the pressure building chaotically around her until a pair of warm hands cupped her shoulders and the pressure released like water emptying through a drain. Idalya opened her eyes to meet another pair of cobalt eyes, but not the one she was expecting.
Rylen's concerned eyes, that bordered on fear, watched her. She was trying to be brave, but she couldn't. Her bottom lip quivered as the tears, freed from her eyes, rolled down the planes of her cheeks.
"How did it happen, Rylen? How did he die?" The whisper caused a physical ache to ricochet through her chest.
I knew this would happen.
Confusion registered over Rylen's boyish features until his understanding kicked in. "Oh no, Doll." He reached forward pulling the sobbing elf into his arms. "Barris is fine." He gripped her tightly, murmuring unintelligible words to calm her shaking.
His ire found Solas. "What in the Maker is wrong with you? You have no experience speaking to living people, do you?"
Solas opened his mouth for a hasty retort but decided against it as he watched the girl fall apart from his thoughtless words.
"He's okay?" Her voice was so fragile, too terrified to allow hope to branch its roots into her soul. If she hoped now, and he rested in the Fade, she didn't know what it would mean for her.
"Yes, I swear, Doll." Rylen leaned back to meet her swirled eyes.
She gasped for breath as the room spun around her, limbs weaker than she remembered.
"What in the void were you talking about?" She turned on Solas as her anger swelled to take the place of the weaker emotion. The mage didn't turn away and took the brunt of her venom as she yelled at him. "There are better ways to give information than cryptically, Solas!"
"Yes, Asha. You are correct. I'm sorry for grieving you so."
Her shoulders slumped as she returned to her regular state of too tired for the world. Solas wasn't an affectionate person and only touched her when in she needed healing, but at that moment she swore he needed a hug more than she had in her swelling of temporary grief. Something weighed behind the sky in his eyes, but she knew better than to ask her teacher to share his thoughts.
"You are forgiven, Solas. You are always forgiven."
His expression faltered for a moment before a smile appeared on his lips she didn't believe for one second. Solas was a man who lied and hid his true feelings, who would claim he did it to keep others safe. The only thing he protected was himself. He could lie to others and himself if he wanted to, but when you're alone, you must listen to those voices in the back of your mind that refuse to be silenced.
"What was the accident?" She forced the images of Barris' broken body into the farthest corner of her mind, where she wouldn't have to deal with it until she was alone with her thoughts in the late hours of the night.
Rylen cleared his throat as he stood. "After the Barris scare, this should seem much more reasonable… You caused a fair number of windows in Skyhold to explode last night."
The elf's mouth gaped open like fish displaced from water, as Rylen re-tightened his armor.
"I... What?" Her voice had risen in unexpected volume as both men stood back almost assuming battle stances.
"Your magic." Solas cut in. "The magic that threatened to escape when you believed the Templar lost. It's growing stronger and is connected to your emotions. We need to address it before something serious happens." His voice was calm, with a commanding undertone like her mother used to give instructions to her siblings.
"But I'm not a mage!" She cried as she tried to understand what in Thedas was going on.
"No, you're not. You are something else." He admitted. "But that makes it that much more important to learn to control it safely." A strange look fell over his features as looked deep into her eyes searching for something he refused to name. "We don't even know what you're capable- of what you could be." The final words came out as a whisper drifting over the wind.
She ground her teeth together as she struggled to control her thoughts. "Okay…" Each word was carefully chosen as she tried to keep her magic… no, the magic, from growing out of control. "How do we control it?"
"That is the question of the hour. Solas has ideas and I'm heading out to speak to Cullen so he can take the damages out of my wages."
"Rylen, I can't let you do that!" She tried to argue.
"Do you have any money?" Rylen stood, his chin tattoos looking as menacing as he could try to make them on his handsome face.
"Well, no, but…"
"No, it's settled. I'll take care of it. You set up a plan with Solas, whatever you need, I'll be there- no questions asked." With a shallow bow, the Templar turned to head to the bridge that leads to Cullen's office.
"Rylen? Thank you- for everything."
"You're welcome, Doll. I made a promise to an overbearing friend that I'd keep an eye on you- I didn't know how much trouble that would mean." Flashing a brilliant smile and wink for her behalf he made the last few strides out of the rotunda as he headed toward an unpleasant conversation with the already stressed Commander.
Now just the two elves remained as Solas stood stationary, his arms linked behind the small of his back.
"When do we start?" She wanted nothing to do with this magic, but if learning to stop it would help her complete her mission, then it was required of her to try.
Leliana and Josephine had yet to return from Orlais, her best friend and the Ambassador would be completely up in arms at parts of Skyhold exploding and trying to cause her magic to flourish so they could monitor and teach her to control it. So, she was glad they had yet to return.
Solas chuckled to himself as he rounded his desk to pick up his wooden staff. "I would suggest now."
"Yeah, I knew you would say that." She sighed as she pushed her weary body out of the chair that supported her through the night.
Whatever she was or is, there was no going back. No more pretending in ignorance. Once she stepped out this door, everything had to change if she stood a chance to take down the Archdemon.
"I need to change into better clothes, I'll meet you at the front gate?"
Solas nodded as he packed his parchments filled with notes away.
Almost at the door, she paused. It was now or never.
Turning around she headed straight back toward Solas and without pause wrapped her still shaking arms around him and squeezed her teacher in a hug. She was unable to see his face, but the man's posture remained still, and he spoke no words as the small Warden clung to his side. When the moment grew awkward, she pulled back without meeting his eyes.
"Let's pretend that never happened." She returned to her room much quicker than needed, desperate to exit the rotunda before awkwardness ensued. So fast she missed the true smile that spread across the mage's lips as he stood in shock from the brief showing of affection from the aloof girl.
The smile faded as he finished packing his notes away, the guilt rushing in like piling dirt burying him alive after his blatant lying and spying on the Warden last night.
He listened to her terrified screams and done nothing for fear of exposing himself and his lies. She deserves better than this. She deserves better than us.
If he couldn't be honest with the Warden about who he was, then he needed to distance himself from the girl or risk having his heart broken when she pushed him away when she learned what a vile man he was.
