This is the closest to smut this sex-repulsed asexual will ever write, so enjoy it for all it's worth.
Hope you enjoy!
Darling. Dearest. Dead.
I buried my face in Luke's shoulder, holding him even tighter if that were even possible.
We stood like that for what felt like eternity. It was quiet except for the breeze and our breathing. Our hearts beat in sync, I could feel his through the thin white t-shirt he wore. I savored the moment, letting the elation and joy fill me up until I felt like I might burst. But it soon morphed into something sadder, the two blending together in an odd way before the aching pain in my chest took over completely.
I tightened my arms around his neck, and had this been anything else but a dream, I would most likely be cutting his circulation off by now and choking him. Tears burned my eyes and I squeezed them shut, burying my face in Luke's neck as I let the overwhelming feeling of loss wash over me.
Even being with him now only reminded me of what I had lost. And it hurt like fucking hell.
But it also reminded me of the love we shared, the part of my life I got to spend with him. When we weren't plotting to destroy camp or fighting about sacrificing myself, I held such wonderful memories. Even then, all I knew was such a beautiful love from him.
He let me silently cry, get it all out of my system. When I finally felt I could reign it in and enjoy this dream with him, I pulled away and wiped my eyes, sniffling. Luke looked at me, wiping his own eyes. He rarely cried, even with me, so it meant a lot that he was crying now.
I took a deep breath in, taking in his crystal blue eyes, the angular lines of his face, the scar running down his right cheek, his corn silk blond hair. He was dressed in a simple white t-shirt and jeans—handsome as ever.
"Hey," I breathed, a smile stretching across my face as my emotions shifted again. I could feel the undercurrent of pain in my chest, but for now, I was just happy to see him again. Happy to be able to hold him in my arms, to feel his warmth and love every time he touched me, every time he looked at me.
Luke smiled back, reaching up to caress my face with both hands, stroking his thumbs underneath my eyes. He gently trailed his calloused hands down my neck, across my shoulders, and down my arms, taking my hands in his. We both looked down as he began to play with my fingers.
"I want to show you something," he murmured. I looked back up at him, he was looking at me again, a soft smile lighting up his features.
I nodded, feeling anticipation rise in my chest.
Luke let go one of my hands, intertwining his fingers with my other hand. I squeezed his hand tightly as he began to pull me away from the swing-set. I glanced back at it, over my shoulder—Nico was gone. Then I looked back at Luke who was guiding me toward a door that had appeared from nowhere, but was now sitting on the hillside, among all the flowers. It was pristine white, almost glowing under the sun.
Luke grasped the handle and pushed it open. Beyond it was an expanse of stars in a jet black sky.
I blinked, trying to process everything else I was seeing. It wasn't just the stars, there was something else. It was stacked with varying shades of brownish-yellow (some more brown, some more yellow) to form…something. And it was ginormous. It took up a lot of space in the doorway, but extended way beyond that. There were also millions of floating rocks in a line around the large mass. It felt familiar, but I couldn't pinpoint why.
"Come on," Luke said, squeezing my hand, looking back at me.
I was hesitant. "Where are we going?"
Luke chuckled. "Would I ever lead you astray?"
I gave him a dry look, raising any eyebrow. "You're joking, right?"
"Okay, that was a bad question," Luke admitted. He began to pull me forward, stepping into the vast expanse of, what I could only assume was, space. I didn't know how he did it, but it was as if he'd only taken a step down on some invisible stairs attached to the doorway. It wasn't even that he was floating, he seemed somehow able to control gravity in space. Then again, this was a dream.
"It's okay," Luke coaxed, stepping further out, pulling me toward the door. Despite this being a dream, I was still hesitant. My instincts were telling me I shouldn't just walk out into the vacuum of space.
But I tried to fight against my instincts since this was a dream. I took a careful step toward the door, poking my head through. Luke stepped down again, onto those floating rocks. The rocks dipped as Luke stepped onto them, but there was a pocket of air between his feet and the rocks themselves.
I was gripping his hand tightly, still only peeking through the door at all the stars. They glittered and twinkled beautifully. Luke tugged on my arm harder. With a terrified squeak, I fell forward, into his arms. I threw my arms around his neck, standing on his feet, and looked around, my heart beating out of my chest. The door floated away, slowly closing before disappearing.
I clung to Luke, which he didn't seem to mind, as my heart began to steady. Then I continued to gaze in wonder at the vast amount of stars surrounding us. It was breathtaking. I turned my head to examine what we were standing on, the large mass beside us. Finally, it clicked—Saturn. We were standing on the rings of Saturn.
Luke cough-laughed. "It's ironic, isn't it?" he asked, his voice amused with an undertone of bitterness.
I looked back at him. "What do you mean?"
Luke gestured to the planet with his head. "Saturn. The Roman aspect of Kronos."
"If— then why—?"
Luke gave me a rueful smile, gently pulling away from me enough to take one of my hands into his, resting his other hand at my back, on my shoulder blade.
"I've heard its rings are a great place for dancing," he answered.
I blinked and he'd changed into a tux. (Good gods, did he looking dashing in a tux.) I looked down at myself. I had changed into a deep red ball gown with a body that hugged me tightly and a skirt that flared out dramatically. I felt a child-like giddiness bubble up inside me, anticipating seeing how this skirt would swish.
I managed to keep my composure, though, and instead raised an eyebrow at Luke, even though a huge smile was pulling at my lips. He shrugged, grinning cheekily.
"May I have this dance?" he asked, pulling me closer to him, putting his arm around my waist.
"Of course," I said, stepping off his feet and onto the rings of Saturn. "Music?"
"I was hoping you would sing," Luke said, his eyes softening. He looked pained and I felt the ache in my heart grow slightly. "I've missed the sound of your voice."
I took a steadying breath and nodded. "I can sing." I thought of a song that seemed great for this occasion, something that was melancholy in its acoustic version, but beautiful: Taylor Swift's "State of Grace."
We spun around in a small circle as I sang. At one point, I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.
Not exactly great for swishing, but I really just wanted to be close to Luke, to share a tender moment with him at last.
When I finished the song, I pulled back to look at Luke. He smiled and I returned it, my heart stuttering in my chest. I felt fifteen again, the first time I looked at him and thought, "I think I love this boy."
Suddenly, Luke was spinning us around at a much quicker speed, phantom instrumental music picking up around us with a quick tempo. It was a good thing this was a dream or I wouldn't have been able to keep up. The stars swirled around us—we were going so fast they blurred like you'd see in long-exposure photos. I got to see my dress swish around us. I couldn't help a giggle from escaping my lips as we continued to spin. Luke laughed with me, which only made me laugh more.
At some point, Luke spun us right off the side of the rings. For a short moment, we were falling, which felt like floating, but easily landed on a small, circular platform in a colorful place full of deep pinks, reds, purples and varying shades of those colors.
We kept spinning, leaping from one circular platform to the next. They rose up high above the purple-pink waters of this new, strange place. We stopped on one of them, now gently turning as the song slowed.
I couldn't help the smile that stretched across my face as I gazed up at Luke.
"That was fun," I giggled when the song ended.
Luke pulled me closer, grinning down at me. "I'm glad. I thought you'd enjoy it." His voice rumbled, deep in his chest. I felt it rumble, being pressed up against him like I was. It was comforting and warm. I pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around his neck, but keeping enough distance between us so I could keep looking at him.
"So where are we now?" I asked, glancing around at our surroundings. There was foliage of the same pink-red-purple colors. Animals sounded in the distance—birds, maybe? But I couldn't determine where we were, and I didn't see anything in the Valentine's Day-colored flora.
"The Venetian Gardens," Luke answered, his smile growing, his eyes glittering secretively.
I looked at him skeptically. "In…Venice?"
Luke laughed. "No, on Venus." He laughed again when my eyes widened and my jaw dropped.
"This can't be real," I said. "I can believe dancing on the rings of Saturn, but gardens on Venus? I thought Venus was supposed to be, like, bright yellow or something. And rocky. Desolate."
"Oh, so you can believe dancing in the middle of space, on rings made of millions of rocks, but not life existing on another planet?" Luke asked incredulously, jokingly.
"Not pink life," I told him.
"Okay, this place doesn't actually exist. I…got the idea from a show." He blushed, giving me crooked smile.
"It's beautiful," I said. "Doesn't matter where it came from. Just that it's from you."
Luke's smile softened, but his eyes looked pained as he reached up to stroke my cheek with his thumb.
"I can take you to real Venice, if you'd like," he murmured. He pulled one of my hands away from his neck before pulling us down, like we were going to sit down onto something. And we did—we landed in a gondola, in one of Venice's many canals. Only, this looked like Venice from when people had just finished building it. The cobble stones were clean and pristine, not worn away and brownish-grey from time. The buildings looked the same, clean and sleek.
There were no people at all—the streets were barren. There wasn't even a person in the gondola with us. Just something invisible handling the oar, gently pushing us forward, through the canals. The waters were a crystal blue, reflecting and refracting the light beautifully. If this wasn't a dream, I'd probably be blinded six ways from Sunday. Since it was, however, it didn't hurt my eyes at all. It simply looked like someone had embedded diamonds into the water, if that was even physically possible.
Luke was still holding my hand. We'd changed back into everyday clothes. When I was done admiring our scenery, I looked over at Luke and smiled.
"It's beautiful," I told him.
Luke returned my smile, squeezing my hand. "Yeah," he agreed, reaching up with his free hand to stroke my cheek. I had a strong feeling he wasn't talking about Venice.
I shifted closer to him, throwing my legs over his. Luke let go of my hand to put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I let my head rest against his shoulder and closed my eyes, bringing up one of my hands to press my palm against his chest, where his heart was. Luke brought his other arm around my waist.
After a few moments of listening to the water splash against the gondola, and Luke's breathing, Luke spoke.
"Will you tell me," he began, his voice tense, "what happened?"
I pulled away slightly to look up at him. His expression had darkened, his eyes were glazed, glaring off into the distance. I'd been so caught up in just being with him again, I hadn't even noticed when he'd tensed. His whole body was taught, coiled like a rattle snake and ready to strike. His jaw was clenched, and rage had seeped into his eyes. His fingertips were gentle as they traced little lines across one of my arms—a stark difference from the rest of his body.
"Luke?" I asked uncertainly.
His eyes focused in on me, softening. His body relaxed slightly and he stopped tracing lines. Pain replaced his anger, and without taking his eyes off me, he gently grasped my wrist, lifting and twisting slightly so I could see the back of my arm.
With his free hand, he began tracing lines again.
"These are scars," he whispered. The rage had returned. But it wasn't directed at me. It was the same rage I'd seen when Luke talked about the gods.
My blood ran cold. How had he seen them? They were so thin, I'd even had a hard time seeing them myself when I looked in a mirror. But right in the sunlight, against my brown skin, they were thrown into relief. And there were so many of them, I guess it'd be kind of hard not to miss them. Or maybe Luke just had really good eyes when it came to me.
"How did you get them?" he asked when I hadn't responded.
I gently pulled my wrist from his grasp, swallowing hard. "If I tell you, you have to promise me something first," I said carefully.
Luke's eyes tightened and I saw his breath catch. For a moment, I thought he might've blacked out or something because he seemed despondent. Then he blinked and focused back on me. His arms came around my waist again, pulling me closer.
"What is it?" he asked, his voice still quietly contained.
"No matter what I tell you, you won't try and do anything about it. Just let it be. What's done is done, and there isn't much you can do about it now. Promise me you won't act out."
Now he was angry at me.
"How can you ask that of me?" His voice was still low, but harsh. "How can you expect me to just sit around and do nothing while you're hurt? How can you expect me to sit around and let those that hurt you get away with what they've done?"
I took his face in my hands, bringing our faces closer together, touching my forehead to his. Luke closed his eyes and I closed mine.
"I don't need you to save me, Luke," I whispered.
"But I love you," he whispered back.
"I know." My voice broke. "But if you love me, you'll do as I ask. Please. Promise me, please."
Luke let out a shaky breath. "I promise."
I pulled away and dropped my hands. "Thank you," I breathed.
Luke opened his eyes, sighing, and shook his head, like he didn't want me to thank him for anything.
I rested my head back on his shoulder, pressing my palm to his chest again. I felt Luke bury his nose in my hair.
"Someone…needed to be punished for the Titan War," I began in a soft voice. I felt him freeze, his nose still in my hair. He wasn't breathing. My heart was beating out of my chest, but I forced myself to continue.
I told him about my punishment, the things it entailed. He stayed still as a statue, only relaxing ever so slightly when I got past that part and began with the monster attacks. The warnings they gave me. The bounty on my head.
My dreams. Of him.
It was more painful, recounting those to him. I felt that ache in my chest build. Surprisingly, my eyes stayed dry. If Luke wanted to comfort me, it didn't show. He was still tense, hadn't moved a single muscle since I'd began the story. Thankfully, he'd started breathing again.
I recounted how the gods had gone silent a month before Percy disappeared from camp. How I'd grown closer to Annabeth over a shared/similar pain. And about the three new demigods. He didn't seem surprised to find out there were Roman demigods and I wondered if that meant there were Roman demigods in Elysium, considering Roman mythology was based off Greek mythology and the gods basically shared forms—whichever forms gods had—with their Roman counterparts.
I told him about Nick. How I'd rescued him and brought him back to camp. His silly crush. How, soon after he'd arrived, I'd tried to erase my memories using the waters from the River Lethe in the Hypnos cabin.
Luke's breath caught and I paused.
"Tori—" he whispered harshly.
"Just let me finish," I whispered back. When he kept silent, I continued.
I told him why I'd tried to do that, how desperate I was…how badly I was handling his death. I could tell he didn't like that, wanted to say something, but I pressed my hand against his chest, and that held him back. I just wanted to get through this story as quick as possible.
I told him about Gaea's visit, how that led to her introduction of my voice, my singing skills.
It was harder talking about TJ. I don't know that I'd gotten over my guilt for his death. I didn't know if I ever would—as Rowan told me, it wasn't so much about getting rid of it, but learning to reduce it and cope with the rest. My throat clogged up as I recounted the events that led to TJ's death, but still no tears came. Which was probably good, considering if I started crying, I don't think I could've finished telling him all he'd missed.
Talking about the development of my friendship with Leo was easier, more light-hearted and carefree. Talking about the development of my relationship with Nick was harder.
"We grew close," I murmured. My eyes were still dry, but I figured it was because I'd numbed myself in order to get through the entirety of what happened without breaking down every five seconds.
I pulled away a little to be able to look at Luke. His expression was unreadable.
"I kissed him," I said. "Nick. I kissed Nick."
Luke looked sad, but not surprised. Which kind of surprised me. Did he honestly think I could ever fall out of love with him? That I would find someone else so easily, so fast?
"That's not it," he murmured, reaching up to caress my cheek. I flinched because it was like he could read my mind. "I just thought…maybe you deserved better than, well, me."
"Don't say that," I whispered, reaching up to grip the hand at my face. "I'll never love anyone like I love you, Luke. Nick was too good. I didn't deserve him."
Luke pulled me back into him, moving his hand from my cheek to my shoulder. "You deserve the world."
"You are my world, Luke," I mumbled back, resting my head back on his shoulder.
Luke chuckled. His voice was soft as he said, "You get that from a book?"
I blushed. "Shut up. I'm a hopeless romantic, okay?"
Luke hummed in agreement, stroking my shoulder with his thumb. "That's what I love about you."
I continued with the story, detailing the big stuff. I was glad we'd had a tiny moment of reprieve because what came next was undeniably worse than everything I'd already told him combined.
It was hard enough telling him that I'd ended up in Tartarus—how I got those scars he noticed. He tensed up again when I told him there were more all across my other arm, my back, and the back of my legs.
I didn't need to tell him I suspected the gods had planned to send me to Tartarus, he put it together himself. And I knew the exact moment he figured it out. The world around us seemed to stop. The oar froze. The water stopped lapping at the gondola. We came to a standstill.
Luke stopped breathing. Stopped moving. His body was as solid as marble.
"Promise," I whispered, reminding him, squeezing my eyes shut. "You promised."
Luke let out a long, slow breath. The water picked back up. The invisible person began pushing our gondola again. Luke was less tense. He began breathing again. I let out a small breath of my own, opening my eyes.
I could tell he was angry at me for having him promise such a thing when he hadn't know the extent of what'd happened, but I continued on. I was brief with Tartarus since it was still too fresh. I was also afraid my own fear would interact with this dream and plunge us into Tartarus at any second if I began to panic too much.
The rest of the story went surprisingly quick. It was easier in a way because I had healed some with Rowan's help. And Audrey II had become my therapy pet for my nightmares. Of course, there was still that awkward rivalry I had with Jason, but that was nothing compared to everything else I'd already been through.
When I told him about my plan to fool Gaea he laughed and pulled away. His eyes shined with pride.
I blushed and hunched my shoulders, trying to hide behind my hair.
"Don't look too proud yet," I mumbled. "It didn't work."
"But you tried, and that's fantastic, Tori," he said, still grinning, brushing my hair behind my ear and caressing my cheek.
I couldn't help but smile at this enthusiasm. "Thanks."
Our moods sobered up pretty quickly, though, as I got to the end of my story. Luke was proud of me for using just my voice and my music to defeated a giant, but he became a statue yet again when he learned of my broken swear, Styx's warning.
"I would do it, you know," he murmured, darkness seeping into his voice. "I would find a way back to the living and kill the gods for you. All you'd have to do is say the word."
"I know," I whispered. "But I won't."
Luke seemed a tiny bit better when I told him my old punishment had been made void, and that my new punishment was lightyears better. I think it was also good for him to hear that they'd kind of given me some rewards. He started absentmindedly stroking the scar from Hecate's now-ruined rune on my wrist as I finished my recount.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you," I whispered, gripping the front of his shirt in my fist. Luke moved his hand from my wrist back to my waist. "I wanted to. I could have done it, too. But the gods…Styx…" I was sure it was her. She had probably had an audience with Zeus before my sentencing, made sure that I wouldn't be able to bring Luke back from the Underworld.
Luke cradled me to him. "It's okay," he murmured. "I'm just glad…that I have this time with you."
My grip on his shirt tightened. "It won't last."
"It's better than nothing."
I closed my eyes and pressed myself against him, flattening my hand out and once again pressing my palm to his chest, where his heart was. My other hand was loosely laced with his.
"Does he make you happy?" Luke asked, his voice quiet. If I wasn't mistaken, scared, even. "Nick?"
"I don't know," I answered, keeping my eyes closed. "It doesn't matter now, anyway, he's dead."
Luke pulled away to look at me. He looked shocked and worried. Had I left that part out? It was very likely, seeing as I hadn't even begun to address my grief regarding his and Reed's deaths.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I was confused at his question. After all that, I tell him Nick died and now he's asking me how I'm holding up?
Little did I know, he had a better sense of my emotions than I did at the time. (Our souls felt like one at this point, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.)
I opened my mouth to respond that, Yes, of course I was fine, but no words came out. Something about Luke's concerned expression pulled the truth right out of me. The numbness disappeared, vanished so quickly it left me breathless. Tears filled my eyes and before I knew it, I was sobbing, weeping, wailing.
I leaned into Luke, gripping the front of his shirt with both my hands, resting my forehead against his chest. Luke shifted so that I was now fully in his lap, and he held me tight, whispering comfort and warmth into my ear, letting me get it all out.
I let it all wash over me—let the grief, anger, loss, sadness, all of it, take hold. It wasn't just about Nick's death, it was about Reed's death. And TJ's death. It was about how angry I was that the gods would ask such things of children. It was my rage at the gods for throwing me into Tartarus. It was my hatred of the gods for making me a servant to Mr. D for so long. It was at the unfairness of it all—what happened to my mom, my chronic pain, my PTSD, my suicidal thoughts, the misery that was waiting for me from Styx.
I screamed and cried out all my emotions until my throat felt raw. Until my eyes felt so swollen and puffy I was afraid I wouldn't be able to open them.
When I had nothing left, I sat in Luke's lap, his arms around me. We continued to gently travel through the canals of Venice. I closed my eyes and pressed my ear to his chest, listening to his breathing and his heartbeat.
I held onto one of his hands with both of mine. His free arm wrapped tightly around my waist. He kissed my forehead, my temple, my cheeks, my eyelids, the tip of my nose, all while whispering sweet nothings.
It was comforting. It infused warmth back into my soul.
I felt a small smile pull at my lips and I hummed in contentment.
Luke pulled his hand from both of mine, caressing my face and tilting it up slightly. I opened my eyes so I could look at him, meet his eyes. Slowly, I reached up with both of my hands to cradle his face. I stroked his scar with my thumb. Then I closed the distance between us.
I felt my heart stutter before bursting in my chest like a firework. It felt like I'd been wandering the desert for almost a year without water and was now tasting its sweetness on my lips, my tongue. I craved more of it, I wanted to drown in it.
His lips were slightly chapped, just like I remembered. And just like I remembered, he was oh-so gentle, despite how intensely he kissed me.
One of his arms was around my waist, holding me flush to him. His other hand was tangled in my hair. I was gripping the collar of his shirt with one hand, pulling him closer. My free hand was in his hair, not-so-gently pulling at it.
Luke pushed me back, and without anything to hold me up, we fell back. Only, we didn't land on the cushions of the gondola, we landed on a king-sized bed in an already darkened room…from what I could tell. I was pretty preoccupied. I mean, I knew for sure it was dark and we were on a big bed, but that was all I knew for sure.
When I had to pull away for air, Luke only took a second to catch his breath before he was nipping at my neck, gently biting small areas of my skin before licking them. I bit my lip and moaned. I ran my fingers through his hair, my chest still heaving as he pulled my shirt down to nip at my collar bone while simultaneously sliding his other hand underneath my shirt.
I laughed when his hand slid across my stomach. I couldn't help it.
Luke pulled himself up, his lips at my ear, "That tickle?" he asked, chuckling, brushing his hand over my stomach again. His voice was husky and that drove me nuts.
I laughed again, squirming underneath him. When I got ahold of myself, I brought my hands away from Luke's hair and gripped his shoulders. I hooked one foot on his leg, bringing my other leg to pressed against his hip. Then I rolled us, so I was on top, straddling him.
Grinning down at him victoriously, I rolled my hips, eliciting a groan from Luke.
"Fuck, Tori—"
I cut him off with a kiss. I felt Luke's hands come up around my waist, migrating slowly up my back, riding my shirt up toward my shoulders.
"Oh, fuck," I whispered when he dragged his fingertips up and down my spine, shockwaves of pleasure following in his fingers' wake.
I don't know if it was absentminded or unconscious, but one his hands moved to my scars. Without meaning to, I tensed, sucking in a sharp breath. Luke froze immediately. I pulled away slightly so I could look at him.
"It's fine," I assured, still a little breathless. I shifted so I could stroke his cheek with my thumb. "I'm just not used to it."
For some reason, that had the opposite effect I'd wanted it to have: I tried to kiss him again, but he stopped me.
"Luke," I said, hurt rocketing through me as he sat up, forcing me to sit up, too. With gentle hands, he pulled my shirt back down before moving me off his lap. Embarrassment followed the hurt. I felt tears burn my eyes and my chest tightened.
I moved myself further away from him, bringing my legs up to my chest, sitting back against the headboard of the bed. Luke moved to sit beside me, quiet, not offering an explanation, keeping his distance.
I let my hair fall around my face and rested my chin on my folded arms, trying to hold back my tears. My chest heaved with hurt and my face was red with embarrassment. Had I been reading the signs wrong all along? Why hadn't he stopped me sooner? Some part of me had thought he might meet someone in Elysium—Elysium a place full of heroes, beautiful people, probably. Heroic, beautiful people. How did I compare?
Luke gently caressed my face, turning my head to look at him as he wiped his thumb under my eye, catching a stray tear.
His expression was as gentle as his voice, "It's not that." Like he could read my mind again. "I promise you, it's nothing like that at all." But there was a tinge of hurt, a pain in his voice that I couldn't understand or recognize.
Luke pulled his hand away slowly, but I felt the heat of anger explode in my chest. If it wasn't that, then what? And why wouldn't he tell me?
One of my hands shot up to grab the wrist of his retreating hand. Luke blinked.
"Tori—?" He began to ask, but I cut him off by taking hold of his other wrist before forcing his back against the bed. I straddled him once more, but this time it was to hold him down. I pressed his wrists into the bed, above his head and glared down at him. He didn't give any fight, just gazed at me with eyes that looked older than he was.
My hair fell around my face again, down around Luke's face, like a veil. My tears were now streaming down my cheeks, ending at my chin and dripping down onto Luke's cheek. That seemed to do something. He blinked and worry filled his eyes.
"Tori," he said, trying to pull free from my hold, but I pressed his wrists further into the mattress, indicating I didn't want him to move.
He shifted under me uncomfortably. I knew he hated it when he wasn't able to comfort me.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked, more tears slipping from my eyes and splashing onto Luke's face. "That I hate you?" I spit out through gritted teeth, my grip tightening on his wrists. "Because maybe I do." I watched his reaction to my words. He didn't seem surprised. In fact, he was looking at me expectantly, like he deserved this as some form of punishment. I could tell my words had hurt him, but he did nothing to try and get me off of him, or stop me from speaking.
"Maybe I do," I repeated angrily. "For dying. For leaving me alone." The agony in his eyes cut through me like a giant meat cleaver. "But maybe…" More tears filled my eyes and spilled over. I shook my head, as if that would dispel them. Opening my eyes again, I looked at Luke. "Maybe some small part of fourteen-year-old me hated my mom, too, after she died. Hated her for not being strong enough to survive. For leaving me and my brother alone.
"Maybe a part of fourteen-year-old me hated Dan for not being there to witness something so horrific, for not being able to share the pain I felt. Maybe some part of me still resents him for that. For being claimed when I wasn't." I paused, my grip loosening on Luke's wrists. "Maybe I miss you more than anything else."
Luke's eyes widened and I broke down into sobs again. This time, these tears, these sobs, these screams, wails, and shrieks were for Luke, and Luke only.
Now free to move, I felt Luke take me into his lap again, holding me in his arms, the only place I'd ever felt 100% safe.
I continued crying, even though my sobs had turned into hiccups. I clung to Luke, searching for his heartbeat, it was always comforting. Luke shifted slightly, just enough to be able to press his cheek to my temple, burying his nose in my hair.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, his arms tightening around me. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean— I wish I could…do something. I would do anything for you. I'm sorry."
"You don't need to save me, Luke," I reminded him in a soft voice, hoarse from crying. I nuzzled my head against his neck, closing my eyes. He rested his chin on the top of my head and held me closer. "I just want you to stay with me."
Luke half-laughed, half-snorted, both devoid of any sort of humor. His voice wavered, "I can't even do that." His arm tightened around me. "It seems the only thing I can do right is apologize."
"You don't need to apologize," I told him.
"Tori—"
I pressed my hand against his chest firmly, my eyes snapping open. "I mean it. You don't need to apologize. You've always been everything I've ever needed. Isn't that enough?"
A strange silence followed my question. Luke shifted, burying his face in my hair.
"Yeah," he whispered, his voice sounding as fragile as glass. "Yeah, it is."
One of his hands came up to caress my face, gently tilting it up. I closed my eyes as we closed the distance between us. I could taste the saltiness of his tears on his lips. I kept my eyes closed, reaching up to pull at the collar of his shirt, bring him closer to me.
We began to pick up where we let off.
I think, this being a dream and all, and considering our quick change earlier in the dream, we could've wished our clothes off and it'd be done. But there was something extremely intimate about taking our time and undressing each other. And it seemed we both silently agreed that we would keep that part in. Even if it was easier to will away our clothes.
It also allowed me to get used to someone being so close again. The memories of his calloused hands gently caressing me were nothing new, but to physically feel that sensation was a shock to the system, I'd been away from him for so long.
It heightened my sensitivity in the best way possible, though.
I relished the way his hands felt sliding up my sides as he lifted my shirt. Heat coiled in my stomach when his pupils dilated as I reached behind my back to unclasp my bra. The way he his fingertips trailed down my legs as he removed my pants and underwear sent shivers up and down my spine, and elicited curses and moans from me.
With slightly trembling hands, I pressed both against his six pack, slowly sliding them up his chest, taking his shirt with them. Luke groaned and I felt it beneath my palms. Once his shirt was removed, I pulled both his pants and boxers down, running my hands over his legs with a feather-lightness, eliciting a long, deep groan from Luke. And as soon as I was done, Luke cupped the nape of my neck, pulling me back up to him, and crushed his lips to mine. I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm.
It felt like the first time we'd made love—once we'd slowed down, we began to explore each other's bodies with soft lips and gentle hands. And at the height of euphoria, we connected. It was pure bliss. I was so aware of where his body was touching mine. One of his hands was laced with mine. The other held him up, but was such that he could just stroke my cheek with his thumb, while my free hand was knotted in his hair.
Luke kept repeating my name quietly in my ear, like a prayer. His voice filled with so much devotion and love it made my stomach coil with heat and my heart stutter. And then I was crying out his name in exaltation, dragging my nails down his back. Luke cried my name out, almost like a plea.
Then he pulled back so we could gaze at each other. Our chests were heaving, bodies covered in a sheen of sweat.
"I love you," we whispered together, kissing once more.
Then we simply laid in each other's arms.
Luke held me and I snuggled up to his side. I rested one arm across his chest, tracing his scars. He was doing the same—tracing the big, nasty scars I'd received from the hellhound, as well as the newer, smaller scars I'd received from those demons of disease in the Underworld. Our legs were tangled up.
I didn't want it to end.
But all too soon the bliss and euphoria faded into fear. I was so afraid, at any moment, I would be ripped from this dream without getting a chance to say goodbye.
"I miss you," Luke murmured.
"I miss you, too," I mumbled back, snuggling closer to him. I could feel tears start to burn my eyes again.
"Dawn will be here soon," Luke said quietly, making me wonder, for the third time if he could read minds in this dream.
I stopped tracing his scars and laid my palm against his chest, shifting so I could rest my ear against his chest as well, to be able to listen to his heartbeat. It was steady, like his breathing. It was comforting and I missed being able to calm myself down this way.
"I guess this is…goodbye, then," I whispered, remembering when I'd said goodbye to him on Mount Orthrys, the day Kronos had possessed him. And then I flashed-forward, to our heart-wrenching goodbye in the throne room of Olympus. I saw the scared look in his eyes, the way his life faded from those eyes, which became dark, reflecting back the starry sky above.
Luke's hands stilled. "Yeah."
With effort, I pulled myself away, out of his embrace. We got dressed and headed for the door. I kept hold of Luke's hand, letting him open the door. Dread was starting to seep into every pore of my body the closer the end of this dream came. Would I be able to handle it…if I woke up to a world without Luke again?
Behind the door was the same meadow I'd begun this dream in. It was still a beautiful sunny day. The wildflowers danced in the summer breeze. I glanced over my shoulder at the darkened room. Through the windows, it was still nighttime. I looked back at the wildflower foothills, marveling at how these two opposites could coexist so easily in this dream realm.
Luke pulled me through slowly. The door shut behind me on its own. I jumped when I heard it click and latch into place. Then it dissolved into nothing, leaving us standing in the sun, surrounded by wildflowers.
Keeping my hand in his, we walked side-by-side until we came back to the empty swing set, still sitting and an awkward angle on the side of the hill.
I started toward it, but Luke squeezed my hand and said, "Wait."
"Are you trying to make me lose my nerve?" I asked, a lopsided smile pulling at the corner of my lips as I looked over at him.
He mirrored my smile and squeezed my hand, turning to face me more.
"I just want you to know how much stronger you are than me," he said. "And that I'm so proud of you, proud of everything you've done."
Tears burned my eyes and I struggled to breath without breaking into tears.
"I love you, so much," I managed in a shaking voice.
"I love you, too." Luke reached up to stroke my cheek, swiping away one of my tears that'd escaped. I took a shaky breath in, turning toward the swing set again, keeping hold of one of his hands.
We walked up to it, but I didn't sit. Instead, I turned to face Luke, taking both of his hands in mine.
"Will you wait for me?" I asked, my voice stronger. Luke smiled, his eyes twinkling, despite how much this goodbye was hurting him. Both of us. He reached up to caress my face.
"I will." He stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I will stay with you for as long as you need me."
I felt a small smile pull at my lips. "You know you're promising forever, right?"
"I do."
Luke pulled me in for a kiss. Then we hugged. I thought maybe if I never let go, I wouldn't wake up.
But that's not how these things worked.
When I woke, I was in the Apollo cabin. I was lying on my stomach, my arms up under my pillow. Tears had filled my eyes whilst I slept, and one managed to squeeze its way out, sliding down my cheek.
Audrey II was there, sitting like a cat near my head and leaned forward, licking it up with her rough tongue. I sighed and shifted—blinking away the rest of my tears—so I could pet Audrey II's head.
Luke's last words to me echoed in my mind, as if he were still there, whispering them into my ear:
"Goodbye, love."
*I made myself sad gif*
Guys, my eyes are misting and my heart is heavy. Why did I have to kill him off? Also, why did I have to make her break her swear on the Styx, dammit? (I mean, I do know why, but that's not the point.) Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and try to find loopholes/plot holes in my logic for this next installment in this OC series so I can bring Luke back and give them a happy ending they deserve.
The dancing on Saturn's rings and in the Venetian gardens came from an episode of Futurama: "The Sting." It's one of my favorites, and I really liked how it showcased Leela and Fry's love for each other. It was also such a well-done, well-written episode.
Not much else by way of notes! Next chapter will be up next week for y'all!
Title taken from A Series of Unfortunate Events, specifically one of Lemony Snicket's letters to his dearly departed, Beatrice. I thought it fit, so….
As always, I hope you enjoyed! Comments are much appreciate! ^_^
Thank you for reading,
TheBrightestNight
