Chapter 54

AJ had the grace to look ashamed, knowing that he was the cause of her distress. "I'm sorry, Taya, that what happened between Sarah and I is hurting you. I know how badly you wanted another child in fact..." AJ stopped speaking when he heard Taya give a gasping sob and once again found his wife weeping in his arms. "Oh, Taya, I'm sorry this is affecting you this much I didn't know..."

Taya interrupted him crying, "What you don't know was that I WAS going to have another baby! While they were torturing us I miscarried our baby!"

Even though AJ had been aware of Taya's deception about the birth control pills, he'd no idea that she'd been pregnant. Then, to find out that she had lost the child she had wanted so badly due to torture tore at his heart. "Oh, my darling," he whispered not knowing what else to say. This was not the time to bring up her deception or ask questions about if she had known she was pregnant before she left. This was a time to just offer her comfort, because she had lost something so important to her. A child. Their child. AJ mourned the loss of the baby with her, knowing that he would never have suggested aborting the child even if it had been conceived in deceit. He wondered briefly if Taya had counted on that when she chose to deceive him?

"AJ, could we please have a baby to replace the one we lost?" Taya pleaded into the silence of the room.

"Taya, we can talk about this some other time," he told her not wanting to start arguing again.

"That's your way of saying 'no' isn't it?" she asked, her voice already rising.

"No, it's my way of trying not to hurt you any more right now," he replied.

"Because you're going to say 'no'!"

"Taya…"

He was interrupted with, "Why, AJ, why? You know how badly I want a baby."

It seemed there was just no way around dealing with the issue right there and then, so he said, "So badly that you were flushing your birth control pills and enlisting Allison in your lie."

"How did you…oh Allison told you?"

"Yes, she asked Sarah if that was how she'd gotten pregnant. Did you know you were expecting a baby before you left on the mission?"

"I had just found out, and was going to tell you on the camping trip."

"Then if you valued having a child so highly, why did you place yourself in such a dangerous situation?"

"I honestly believed it would be a quick easy mission to clean up the loose ends of my last job. If I'd had any way of knowing what would have happened I most certainly wouldn't have gone."

"I am sorry for what happened, Taya, and that you miscarried, but you were right, that still doesn't change my mind about another child."

"But Mac…"

"That was an accident as we explained, not a deliberate try at having a child, or a deception to have one either."

"So you want me to go back on the pill?" she asked sullenly.

"No, I don't know that I can trust you to take them, so as soon as we get home I plan on having a vasectomy."

"AJ, you don't have to do that! You can trust me, I swear!"

"I trusted you before, Taya. This time I'll rely on myself to take the preventative measures."

"But that takes months to be sure of! Are you saying you won't make love to me until then?"

"No, but I'll wear a condom until the doctor assures me its safe!"

"But I was hoping you would make love to me now to help erase all the bad memories," Taya whispered, hoping to play on his sympathies.

"Taya, I can love you if that's what you want, but you should know that won't erase what happened to you."

"You'll make love to me!? Oh thank you, AJ!" After having Fahad's doctor keeping such a close watch on her cycle, Taya knew that today and tomorrow she would be ovulating and it was her best chance to get pregnant.

To be continued…