ME . . . ?

"Oh, no," I groan, staring him in the eyes.

"Oh, yes. Didn't expect this, did you?" Asks the man, stepping into the light. The man who stands before me is none other than Cid Previa- The Scholar. Except that it can't be Cid Previa, because The Scholar is currently inhabiting the body of Cosmos behind me. And if Cosmos' body is The Scholar, that can only mean one thing . . .

"Cosmos," The Scholar/Cosmos says, bowing in mockery. "I didn't think you had it in you."

"You may be the Goddess and I the man, now," Cosmos/Scholar responds with a curtsey utterly out of place for her masculine body, "But I still know more about being a God than you ever will."

"I doubt that very much," The Scholar replies, taking a step nearer, "I've got time to spare. At least, I will very soon."

"Oh yes, Absolute Virtue. We'll discuss that in a moment," Cosmos sneers, stroking her beard. "But first, I believe we were discussing 'hope,' was it?"

"And 'love,'" The Scholar returns.

"Yes, that's right. Now let me share with you what 'hope' and 'love' really are, princess." Cosmos puts one of her hands on my shoulder, as though to comfort, then tightens her grip. A moment later her hand flies across my face as she shrieks "LIES! That's what they are! Total lies!"

Before I can respond, The Scholar lands a fist on the back of my neck, sending me stumbling forward, right into Cosmos' arms. Cosmos grabs me and throws me to the ground, whereupon she straddles me, gripping my throat.

"Love! Ha! Do you know what I did for love? I went along with that fucking Cid's plan and Shinryu's fucking war, and more just to save the man I loved, and what did it get me? WHAT DID IT GET ME! The man I love is dead, at YOUR hands. His father murdered to slake your lust. Only the shadow of them remains! That is what love got me!"

I don't want to resist her, don't want to fight her off of me, but something inside me continues to fight. But the rage is gone. I can't be angry, not even to lost to Cosmos, or be betrayed by The Scholar. And without fury, how can I fight? What have I, if not my anger? And honestly, even if I wanted to be, about what would I be angry? I don't even know Cosmos, and The Scholar is right about everything. What reason have I left to fight?

But you know what? Forget reasons. And forget analysis. I'm done thinking about why, and I'm tired beyond weariness of sorrow and angst. I don't really care much about why anymore. Omega's hold is fading, sure, but I guess maybe I don't really even need Omega's power to win anymore. Hell, maybe I won't even win, but I am not going to just give up. Not now. I'll tear it ALL down, or nothing.

"Get. Off. Me." I growl, suddenly grabbing Cosmos' wrists and lifting.

"No. Now DIE!" She hisses back, pressing more firmly. But it's too late. I've already gathered my strength and, as she crushes my larynx, I begin to break her forearms. The pain is nothing for me, not after Esunaja, but can she endure what I dish out in her new form?

Cosmos releases me, springing backward and clutching her arm in pain, only to be knocked aside by The Scholar. I get back to my feet, and pick Omega up as I go. Now it's time to settle this, once and for all.

"Dear child," The Scholar says, putting a hand on his breast, "Look here. All that remains of the world is you, me, and Cosmos. Only one of us can hold Absolute Virtue. Don't you remember what She did to you? Would you surrender something so pure into the hands of one so twisted?"

"Shut up, Cid," Cosmos roars, "I'm no more twisted than you. Now give me Absolute Virtue, little girl, before I have to tear it out of your hands! No wait, I like that idea better. Resist me, I dare you. Fall like all others before my feet. And when you do, you'll see how important 'love' and 'hope' really are!"

Cosmos runs forward, fire in her eyes, death in her hands. I wait, one moment, two, three, and then, when she's near enough, land a knee to her groin. Shocked by the sudden pain, Cosmos freezes, just long enough for my elbow to come down on her spine.

"I always did wonder," I say, grabbing her and throwing her away from me, "whether it hurt as much as men say it does. Your reaction confirms."

"Such violence," The Scholar notes, "Is this really conduct befitting a champion of hope, and love, and freedom?"

"You know something? I don't really know, and I really don't care. I've given my reasons, and I'm willing to defend them. That appears to be more than you ever were."

"You'd wound me, were I not skeptical still of how earnest your belief in such fleeting virtues truly is."

"Do tell," I reply, Cosmos slowly getting to her feet.

"You are a murderer, a killing machine, a destroyer. I took you, Serah, Lightning, because I believed that you were able to defeat The Lady and anything She could dish out. You have . . . exceeded that expectation. As Cosmos, I arranged for only the relocation of persons already unwilling to comply with the salvation of Heaven. You, on the other hand, have cut a path across Heaven so deep and red that it would bleed, even now, had you not beheaded it.

"But let us not dwell on the grandiose, broad sins. Let us, rather, focus on those sins for which you are more directly responsible, shall we? Now, where do we begin? Ah, let us begin with the obvious, shall we? Who was it that really encouraged all this murder and carnage? Was it me? No, no. I believe you told Cid Kramer you intended to kill me some time back. What was it that lurked in your heart soon after? Rosa, was it not? No, it couldn't be, since after you killed Kain, Cecil, and Snow, your thirst for blood was not quenched. Who, then, was the spark of so much anger?

"And, wrath aside, let's not forget lust. Gilgamesh's constant advances on your person were far more welcome than you pretended. Oh, you naughty little whore, how you shamed us in our own house, grinding your frame against his. And this only moments after tenderly holding another man in your embrace. Benjamin and Gilgamesh, your heart never truly chose between the two. If you could have had your way, you'd have devoured them both, and why?

"Because you are greedy. Your hunger for power is undeniable. Why else did you sacrifice Terra and Firion, despite their peace and happiness, to your pursuit of power? Do not DARE compare yourself to me, child, for I had the compassion to at least spare those whose souls I knew were at rest from my own devious schemes. So driven were you for power that all Giruvegan fell for it, and not even Omega could hope but to beg for mercy from your hands.

"And what of your apathy? Hand in hand with your despair, you became increasingly less concerned with, well, everything and, even as you hammed up how horrid it was to be you, you obsessed over your own perfection. Time, you were given, and chances afforded to enjoy your journey and the companions you had, but instead you played the tragic heroine to the bitter end, willingly allowing your friends to die and murder one another because you were important, and you alone! Had you cared for them, long, long before you would have noticed that your apathy forced Benjamin to Cuore, and encouraged her desire to slaughter the both of you. You'd have seen that Arazlam was barely hiding something from you, or that Gilgamesh had been pleading repeatedly with you to NOT come here, especially after he had warned you that he'd be forced to betray you here! But you preferred to chase phantoms in Benjamin's alleged betrayal rather than face reality.

"On and on I could go, about your pride, and your ambition, and how you and you alone are the cause of suffering, and not I, but I believe my point has been made only too clear. Nevertheless, let me drive this all home by voicing that which you have not dared put into words, but have been thinking all this time.

"I am no traitor to our cause. I am the end result of it. All of this has transpired the way it has because it must. I am the one man who has remained faithful to the truth, and not become attached to the lies of this world. I have seen the reason of The Cycles, and orchestrated all of this to thwart it and free us all of the dreams and whimsy of Gods. Reality is cruel, and it is harsh, but it is still infinitely better than this lying dream. Given Absolute Virtue, I will continue the mission, and bring about Final Heaven.

"You, on the other hand, are the traitor to our cause. You have claimed the lies as your reality, and you have chosen the weakness of 'love,' and 'hope' and 'friendship' in a world that does not exist over me, the one truth, and over me, the only man who has ever loved you, given you hope, and been your friend. You are the traitor, not I. STAND DOWN, child. I am the hero of this story, not you.

"Who is that has drawn sword against a friend? Who is that has turned their back on the members of our organization? Who is that even now clings desperately to fallacies, when the sweet refreshment of reality, and the glorious climax of victory is but moments from our reach? Who now resists and dissents, when unity and reason are required? You slew your comrades to the last, and now you will draw your sword and fight me. So don't you dare look at me with those accusing eyes and think in your heart that I am the traitor. I am no villain, no ma'am. The monster here is not me, but you!"

"Oh, Scholar," Cosmos croons, "You talk too much. She's not giving Absolute Virtue, so I'll just take it from her!"

Cosmos runs at me again, and this time, as I slash at her, she ducks, grabs my knees, and knocks me to the ground. As we fall, I stab Omega into the ground and, making use of the force and momentum of the fall, manage to flip Cosmos to the ground and land atop her. It's not enough for her to stop, though, and she twists from beneath me, crawling away in a hurry.

I back away from her as she does, and try to create a little distance between us. Cosmos seems to agree, and composes herself. She lowers her shoulders, and exhales. There's a little blood running through her beard now, and she doesn't seem to be all that well. This doesn't stop her from smiling, though.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be, little one. Give me Absolute Virtue," she says, "or I will take it from you. Why not hasten the inevitable? No matter your choice, I will get Absolute Virtue from you. Allow me to explain why.

"The Scholar has my body, but I have his. I have survived to this point, and will arrive in the fourteenth cycle, but not in my present state. When I am integrated into the final cycle, I will be given my body back, and when the cycle ends in my favor, I will return to Heaven in possession of myself. So if you give The Scholar Absolute Virtue, it will remain in my body when the war begins, and with it I will end the war, and remake Heaven in my image. I have already won, child."

"Nay," The Scholar says, "Rather, I have already won. For this body has yielded itself to me, and my own body so, too, will do. I am the master of both these forms, and when the war begins, there, too, will I be. If you give Cosmos Absolute Virtue now, it will carry in my body with me to the final battle. If you surrender it to me, I will remain in Cosmos' body with her, and usurp the throne of order once more, claiming Absolute Virtue for myself and instituting Final Heaven when the war ends in our favor. I am Cosmos, and Cosmos is The Scholar. Do you see it now, how hopeless your situation has truly become?"

"Either way you choose," they say in unison, "I have to win."

"So what's it gonna be," Cosmos asks, "Which do you choose, now, at the end of all things? Do you choose me, and save Heaven from further harm?"

"Or do you choose me," The Scholar says, "and remain true to that for which you have fought?"

I hesitate in response, and when I do, their expressions darken. Both of them becoming enraged. Their anger emboldens me, and I respond the only way I can, "Neither! I choose not to surrender Absolute Virtue! Not to you, Cosmos, and not to you, Cid!"

It is then that I am taught a very valuable lesson. Cosmos- that is, The Scholar's face twists, rage consuming the otherwise beautiful face. He reaches the boiling point, and fires upon me, shouting in his anger, "DO. NOT. CALL. ME. CID!"

The flames lick my face, and while I steel myself for them, I am not prepared for the sudden blast of ice piercing my stomach and spine. I swear I've endured everything thrice over by now, but before Absolute Virtue can fill in for Omega and heal me, Cosmos combines her strength with The Scholar's, casting forward a beam of light that sears the skin and pulls at the flesh.

This lasts only momentarily, however, as The Scholar knocks her aside, claiming victory over me for himself, firing again and again, until at last his long, golden hair snakes out and pierces me, just as Barthandelus had done to Cuore to possess her, and Arazlam, to kill him. The Scholar's influence invades me, and fights to take control of my being.

Omega, however, denies him access as I chop the hair off, causing it to wither and smoke. The Scholar staggers back a moment then fires more, even as Cosmos looks frantically about for a way to beat him to it. Not that I can think of any way she could at this point.

"Submit! Beg forgiveness of the one, true God! Of the Almighty you have slighted! On your knees, pathetic pawn!" Cid roars, the tentacle hair penetrating both Cosmos and I at the same time. "Cease to exist! I have tolerated you and your miserable hopes of life and liberty and love and hope for far too long! I see no further reason to explain myself to you, and since you no longer respond to reason, I deny even the need to justify this! You resist in vain, Lightning, Serah, Omega, for I have made you, and now, monster, I will do the world a favor, and undo that which I have done!"

There's a certain desperation to my reasoning in the coming moments that I know I'll never be able to understand it. It's a choice made in one of those moments that hangs between madness and reason, reality and fantasy. As The Scholar's force pulses in me, numbing my body and spirit, I cling to Absolute Virtue and think of the first things that come to mind.

Ramza Beoulve, and a world full of flowers.

"You know, kitten," says someone behind The Scholar as the tip of a blade bursts through his heart, "There are only so many perfect breasts in this world, and it's shameful to ruin yours, but then, I've always been more of an ass man myself."

The Scholar, in horror, looks down at the sword sticking from his breast. Excalibur's tip drips Cosmos' blood; a pain that Cosmos apparently shares, judging by her own expression. Each turns to behold the man who drove the blade through The Scholar, only to find that it was not driven, but thrown, by Gilgamesh, who stands, knees weak, at the end of the platform.

The Scholar turns to grab him, but his arm crumbles as he reaches. He turns toward me again, a new madness in his eyes, "Fool! You've ruined everything! EVERYTHING! But this isn't over, no, not yet. The battle I give you, but it's a shame you won't survive to see the war ended. One more cycle, one last cycle, that's all I neeeeeaaaarrrrggghhhhH!"

The Scholar crumbles around Excalibur, and Cosmos begins to disintegrate, too. Her tone is calm, though her words echo The Scholar's as she calmly states, "The war is closing. The cycle is about to break. All the pieces are taken to the board, and there the prize awaits us. You have only denied us a head start. The real game is about to begin. A pity neither of you will be there for it."

With this last bit of mockery, Cosmos and The Scholar are gone, and with them all those who sought to rule Heaven. Absolute Virtue itself is gone, and now, were it not for its light still hanging in the air, Gilgamesh and I would remain here forever, alone in the darkness.

Gilgamesh runs toward me, and catches me as I fall to the ground. Searching for the cause of his sudden panic, I notice that I did not recover fully from The Scholar's attack before sending Absolute Virtue away. I am, as it happens, bleeding profusely. And though pain and horror and fear have been my only food this whole time, the sudden chance of death is welcome to me, rather than rejected with fear.

"Hey," Gilgamesh says, trying to keep me with him. "All this time, and I never even got to know your name."

"Me either," I respond. My breath beginning to grow short. "You know something? I should've slept with you when I had the chance."

"Really?" He asks, his eyes filling with tears as he tries to avoid the elephant in the room. "I'm glad you didn't. You've always been such a mystery to me. The chase is part of why I fell in love with you."

"Gods, that's cliché," I laugh, then cough, my body growing cold, "Still; I wish you didn't love me. Mostly because I don't feel like I've been a very good 'me.' I wish you could've known me, and not Lightning or Omega."

"Hey, whoever you are, your ass is still fascinating to me."

"Will you stay with me till it's time to go?"

"No. I'll stay with you even afterward."

"We feel it necessary to state that the two of you are the worst example of romance, quite possibly, ever," someone in the shadows says. The voice is unmistakable. And it's definitely not the last one I ever want to hear. It is, of course, the voice of Goegnuo.