I apologize for taking so long to post this, honestly I've kind of lost my will to write lately. I wanted to thank all of you who reviewed with such nice comments, this chapter was done for you.
Chapter 52
The sunlight fell over him, casting rays over his auburn curls giving him an ethereal glow. Ella lay on her side facing him, drinking in his beauty. Robb's eyes cracked opened and she had never seen such a beautiful blue before.
"What are you looking at beautiful girl?"
Ella blinked and allowed a small smile to take over her face. "You. Just you."
Robb's responding smile was so warm she could swear she felt it all the way to her toes.
They stared at one another until she could no longer keep quiet. "Where are you right now?"
Robb's smile disappeared and she hated herself for making it fade. He sighed heavily. "I'm on the road..." she looked at him in uncertainty. He frowned. "I'm coming home-" his hand moved to cover hers, "... I'm coming home to you." He promised.
She bit her lip and looked to their hands.
He angled himself more towards her now and she soon felt his fingertips trailing over her, first her legs to her hip, then across her stomach until he held her chin in his hand.
"Do you still love me?" His voice sounded doubtful.
The question baffled her and she raised her voice, hand gripping his tighter, "of course I do! You know that, you must know how much I love you!"
Robb shrugged, giving her a half smile. "I just had to make sure..." his hand trailed up her cheek. "When you left you were so angry at me, and I- I'm afraid..." he trailed off and looked into the distance, beyond her at something she couldn't see, but whatever it was it was awful, she knew it. She couldn't explain it but she knew whatever he was looking at was pure hell for him and he was terrified.
"You're afraid of what?" She asked, her tone nearly anxious when his eyes refused to meet hers. What was he looking at? She turned her head and saw nothing.
His eyes finally focused back on hers, but she knew he could still see it, whatever it was- "I'm afraid you won't forgive me for all I've done."
"What you've done," she repeated stupidly.
"You won't forgive me, and how could you?" The defeat in his voice pushed away any doubt in her mind. She'd forgive him because she cannot live without him. No matter what he does, she'd die without him. The thought of him never coming home, or him finding out what she's done with Jon is enough to nearly cripple her. So whatever it is, she will forgive him. She has to, like she needs food to eat, air to breathe. She needs Robb.
Ella sat up, clutching his hand tightly. "Robb I love you! I always have. Please don't question that, never question that because no matter how angry or hurt I am I WILL always love you!" She expected him to smile, but instead his eyes narrowed ever so slightly and then she thought he looked somewhat confused before his face shifted to unreadable. Almost as if he could see her betrayals in just one look. One terrifying moment passed with him looking at her this way, she dug her nails into her thigh to force herself to keep looking at him. If she looked away, he might see it. See her guilt and she'd lose him forever.
A moment passed and then he lifted her hand to his lips to place a tender kiss upon it. He placed another and then another, his eyes fluttering closed as the kisses grew firmer.
And then he released her hand and his eyes opened. She shifted as she watched him staring at her lips until he moved forward and gripped the back of her head to pull her forward. She giggled as he placed a tender kiss to her lips.
"I love you," he said simply. So very simply. Never had those words ever sounded so simple before.
And she knew that there was no one else who could ever say those words to her and mean them the way he did. No one else could make her smile so quickly, or cry so hard. No one else could inspire such misery or joy, safety or hate in her all at the same time. No one else she'd slap and then kiss, no one else.
Simply put, there is no one else. And there never will be.
xxx
Ella woke with a start, and lay on her side in a daze, not moving until the sunlight started to spill into the room, letting her know that it was a new day. Gently she sat up and brought a palm to her face, sagging her shoulders and wondering how in the world she would get Jon out of her bed without offending him or someone seeing him.
No, that's not right. Not her bed.. Robb's bed. Their bed. Jon's in their bed. She choked out a sob and instantly covered her mouth. She instead focused on the man next to her. His soft snores would have been adorable if he wasn't currently reminding her of her shame, what with him being so deliciously naked in her husbands bed and all.
What the hell had she been thinking when she allowed him to stay? They hadn't made love but they were very close to it. Its safe to say Jon now knew her body the way her husband only should.
Gods what is wrong with her? Why does she keep doing these things? She loves Robb, there's no doubt about that. Her feelings for Jon are real, but no where near the love she has for Robb. So why does she keep risking that love? By rights he could hang them both for treason. He has every right to as a King, and even a husband. No one would question a man for getting rid of an unfaithful wife. Maybe she was more Lannister than she thought. After-all isn't this what started the war? Cersei cheating on her husband and Jaime having to throw an innocent boy from a tower to cover it up?
At-least she knows she'd never do something like that. She'll face what she's done and take her punishment because its what she deserves. She wishes she could spare Jon that though. He's going to be a problem, she knows him well enough now to know he won't just walk away- and when Robb comes back he'll probably tell him himself. His stupid honor won't allow him to keep it a secret, and she wondered where that honor was when his head was between her thighs. Funny how the Stark men chose to ignore some things they considered to be honorable, but upheld to others at the expense of everyone else around them. She briefly considered tossing his honorable ass out of the room for putting her in this position, but thought better of it. She couldn't blame him when it was really her doing. Jon's not to blame here.
Strong arms suddenly wrapped around her from behind. She stiffened in his hold as he placed kisses along her naked back. It should have felt good, but it didn't. She felt dirty. Disgusting. Horrible.
"You smell so good, how do you smell so good in the morning?" Jon mumbled against her skin, fingers pulling the furs away as his hand trailed over her hip to caress her tummy. She smelled of him. She'd probably smell of him even after a scalding hot bath. The thought made her dizzy. Would Robb smell him on her when he comes home? If not her, will he smell it in his bed? Her shame is likely ingrained in these furs, in the feathers and in the mattress. For one crazy moment she considered burning it, burning the entire room if need be to escape from her lies and betrayal... her shame.
Jon, oblivious to her inner torment continued to caress her, spreading his scent over here even more.
"Someone will catch us," she tried.
"Just a little longer," he mumbled sleepily as he pulled her back with him to lay down. She struggled to get out of his hold until he began to tickle her. She squealed and grabbed a fist full of black hair, yanking his head into her lap. "Stop it, we need to get up before you're found in here!"
He winced and attempted to lick her and she yanked on his hair even harder making him curse and glare up at her with those grey eyes of his.
"Fine woman, let go!" With a responding glare she finally released him and jumped out of bed before he could grab her again. He groaned in defeat and watched as she started to dress, a pout on his sleepy face.
She dressed swiftly, yanking on the ties on the back of her dress, refusing to cast any glances back at him as she dressed in silence. She could feel his eyes burning into her back, while she pretended not to notice. She only looked at him once she was dressed. She gathered up his clothes and tossed them to him. Confusion and a little hurt crossed his features as he dressed, forcing her to look away again. She avoided meeting his sad puppy-dog eyes.
She felt guilty enough already, and she'd rather feel guilty for betraying her husband than feel guilty for hurting her lover's feelings.
Once he was on his feet she moved to the door to open it for him. He followed her and attempted to place a kiss on her lips. She swiftly turned her head, making his kiss land on her cheek.
She heard him huff and mumble under his breath as he opened the door, poking his head out to make sure the coast was clear.
The sight of the Hound standing against the wall didn't surprise them. He was well trained in ignoring those he guarded. If guarding the Lannister's taught him anything, it was to look the other way and to mind his own business.
"I'll see you later," Jon muttered before leaving.
Once he was gone Ella sagged against the door and finally allowed herself to breakdown.
xxx
The morning passed by quickly in the training yard watching Arya practice. Thankfully Jon had disappeared and not been seen since that morning. Her luck didn't last very long.
Mid-Afternoon, she was handed a note that made her want to go right back to bed. It was no surprise who it was from.
-Stables after dinner. Was written in Jon's messy scrawl.
She knew she'd have to show up or he'd likely end up at her door in the middle of the night, which would be worse.
xxx
After a quiet dinner with the children Ella reluctantly made her way to the stables, the Hound following closely behind. One firm glare and she was able to enter the stables alone, the Hound in hearing distance.
Slowly but bravely she made her way down the long line of stalls, searching for him.
She smelled him before she saw him. It was hard not to. He must have consumed the entire stock of wine, and then some.
"Oh Jon," pity leaking into her words. Her hand reached out before she could think better of it and she let her fingers brush his jaw. His eyes flew open and she couldn't stifle a startled jerk.
"I didn't think you'd come." She almost took another step forward but hesitated before taking two steps back instead. His eyes followed the movement and he tried to get to his feet. His movements were sluggish, and he stumbled back into the wall. Her instincts we're to help him, but her brain told her to keep her distance. She always had a difficult time saying no when he was close to her.
She inhaled deeply as she prepared herself.
"Don't," his voice was a low, guttural growl. "Don't tell me it's over."
She struggled to get the words out, her eyes wet as she stared at him, her voice small and trembling as she hesitated before saying, "I'm so sorry but I can't do this anymore," she fought for control over herself. Crying would probably give him the wrong idea. "I won't do it anymore." She said more firmly.
A desperate cry escaped her when he lunged and pushed her into the wall. It didn't hurt but the unexpected speed had her heart beating rapidly as she fought for breath. It felt like all of the air had been sucked from her lungs.
Both hands held her shoulders as his body pressed against her, his face in her hair. "You smell so sweet." His nose trailed along her skin, tongue barely peeking out to taste her skin.
She whimpered and closed her eyes. "Let go,"
He pulled back and studied her, grey eyes flitting over her features. Ella couldn't move, much less speak. When it looked like he was going to release her, she exhaled in relief, but that was short lived because suddenly his tongue was thrust into her mouth.
She allowed him to kiss her, using this moment to think of an exit strategy. He tilted her head further, kissed her deeper, and growled in frustration when it wasn't enough.
His hands were now in her hair, holding her scalp so tightly it started to hurt.
"I need you, I need more of you, all of you, underneath me and above. I need to be inside you so badly- please Ella."
His hand moved down to her skirts, slowly moving them up as his mouth moved over hers.
"No!" Ella yelled, yanking herself out of his hold and shoving him away. "This is over Jon. Whatever this was, its over!"
His eyes widened with surprise for a few seconds before they went blank. She trembled as she watched him turn his back on her and go.
She wondered if it was for good.
xxx
The next morning arrived sooner than should would have liked, and a groan escaped her dry lips as she heard the chamber door open. She buried her face underneath the furs, assuming it was a servant.
The bed dipped and the covers were ripped away from her.
"Get up, Jon's missing." Arya all but shouted.
"What do you mean missing?" Ella croaked, struggling to pull the furs back.
Arya sighed and rolled her eyes. "Missing as in not here," Ella had a feeling 'you idiot' was implied.
"How long has he been gone?" Ella sat up and rubbed at her eyes.
"Since last night, no one's seen him since before dinner."
"He's probably out checking the borders, I wouldn't worry yet."
Arya growled. "He was supposed to be here to welcome some of the Night's watch-men, but he's not here. Something is wrong, he wouldn't miss seeing his friend Sam."
Ella frowned, thinking back on all of the stories Jon would tell of his brothers from the watch. Samwell Tarly was probably Jon's closest friend and it was odd that he wouldn't' be here to welcome him. She had forgotten that they we're arriving today. They were on a mission to pick up more men for the Wall and extra supplies from Winterfell. They would only be here for a couple days so Jon's absence was strange.
"Let me get dressed, I'll go and greet them. Is the Hound in the hall?"
"No, he's out in the yard with Bran and Rickon. I was supposed to join them today for practice but I'm worried about Jon." Arya's voice wavered at the end and Ella's stomach dropped. She hadn't known her good sister long, but she knew if she was worried then it was a bad sign.
"Have him meet me in the great hall. I want to see him before I welcome our guests. We need to find Jon and I'd like for him to lead a search party."
"He would be no use here. He doesn't know this land, not like I do." Arya argued, and the silent 'you idiot' was implied again.
"I can't send you Arya, it could be dangerous. For once do as your told, I'll make sure The Hound has some of Winterfell's best guides with him."
Eventually the younger girl agreed and left her to get dressed. Ella silently wondered if Jon was punishing her for breaking off their short lived affair. If so she would kill him for making her worry.
xxx
"Arya's gone," Bran announced as Hodor carried him into the dining hall.
Ella's violent scream echoed throughout the halls of Winterfell, followed by the crash of a plate hitting the wall.
xxx
"What are you doing in here? We're not supposed to be in here!" Sam whispered worriedly.
Janos didn't bother turning around from his work, "Go back to minding your own business piggy before I gut you and serve you up to the rest of the crows!"
"What are you doing?" Sam asked again, eyes growing wide as he watched him scribble a few words on a parchment.
Sam took a step closer to try and read over his shoulder. The cold steel of a blade met his neck and he froze. "W-what are you doing?"
"What I came to do!" Sam didn't have time to even yell before the knife was shoved into his side. White hot pain exploded as he fell, head hitting the corner of the table on his way down.
xxx
Ella rushed down the corridor towards the main hall, a fire had been set in Wintertown and chaos had broken out and there were reports of men attacking the East Gate. Jon still hadn't been found and a small search party that had went to look for him was now missing. Ella had been searching for Arya when news came about the fire. The stress of it all made her stop to empty her stomach in a very unladylike like way in front of several of the Nights Watch members. She shrugged it off and moved on. She had no time for apologies anymore.
A strange sound had to her stopping, and turning towards the library. At first she thought she was mistaken, that maybe she had been hearing things but soon a cry of pain met her ears.
Without thinking she pushed her way through the doors and what she was met with had her gasping.
"Sam?" Ella's voice trembled as she slowly approached him.
"Your Majesty?" Sam whimpered pathetically from his spot on the floor.
"Oh gods what happened Sam?" Ella took three steps forward before she felt a hand fist into her hair and yank her back.
She yelled out, a high pitch whine, and grappled for the hand holding her.
"She's a pretty one, far prettier than the last Queen," a cruel voice chuckled behind her.
"Let her go!" Sam shouted as he attempted to sit up, failing miserably and collapsing again.
"Let go!" Ella screamed in frustration, squirming around on her knees as he tightened his hold on her, her scalp burning as he yanked her around. Clearly the man who had her enjoyed her painful cries, his laughs made her fight even harder.
"I think I'll sell you to Mance Rayder, with Tywin dead I don't think I'll be seeing any of that Lannister gold he promised,"
Shock ran through her at hearing his words. For a second she gave up her struggles as she processed the news. Her father was dead. It was expected, but up until this moment she had held onto a tiny sliver of hope that things would work out in the end, that Robb would find another way to end this war.
Obviously he didn't.
The monster holding onto her laughed even harder. "Looks like you didn't hear the news. I'm glad I could share it." A sob escaped her lips as she clutched his arms, "I hear Stannis has his head on a spike between Cersei's and the Imps. They may have hated each other in this world but at-least they have eachother for company in the next!"
Ella bit her lip so hard it bled. She would not give his man the pleasure of seeing her tears.
"I think I may take some of this golden hair as a trophy. It may be worth something on the market." The light on the blade reflected with the stained glass window in front of them and it brought her out of her shock.
"I'm going to kill you, I swear it!" Ella snarled as she spit at him, kicking and scratching at anything she could hit.
Janos ignored her as he walked across the room, dragging Ella's body along by her hair, half sliding, half crawling, all screaming.
Finally he stopped and threw her down on to her front.
She started screaming out threats and curses as he pressed his knees into the small of her back, forcing her down into the ground and preventing her from moving.
His hand was in her hair again, tangled in the knotty, mess he had created. Roughly he pried her head up, and she struggled like a wounded animal. The thought of this man cutting of her hair somehow humiliated her worse than a simple beating or even rape would. It made no sense but this show of dominance would likely take a huge part of her pride and she wasn't ready to lose anything else. Not to mention the years it took to grow out her hair from one of Tyrion's more adventurous ideas that resulted in a severe beating for him and a endless taunts from Cersei for looking like a boy.
They're dead... father, Cersei and... Tyrion. All dead. A broken whimper escaped her lips as she saw Tyrion's smiling face. Dead. All dead. There will be no one left in the end. Robb will kill Jaime and she'll lose him when he finds out the truth. She'll have no one.
Ella closed her eyes as she felt the blade against her scalp. The scrape of metal being drawn from a sheath was heard, followed by a grunt of pain and the release of her hair. Ella opened her eyes and saw green ones staring back at her. Fury burning within them that slowly faded to relief.
The sound of the man gargling next to her disturbed their reunion. "Y-you're-" is all he managed to get out before Jaime brought his sword down again, this time straight through the mans chest.
"No one dares to touch a Lannister and lives- don't you know, a Lannister always pays his debts!" Jaime said, smiling viciously at the man on the floor.
"Stark actually," Sam corrected timidly from behind them.
xxx
Sansa watched from the carriage as Robb spoke to her personal guard. They had left Kingslanding two days before and we're hardly stopping for rest. She was too anxious to return home to care though, thoughts of her home and siblings occupied her mind almost always.
The times they did stop she stuck close to Robb, never allowing him out of her sight, afraid that if she did she'd never see him again. Long gone was the boy she used to know, scrawny and bright eyed, always with a smile on his face.
These days Robb hardly smiled at all, and she wasn't sure it was really a smile at all- and would usually turn into a grimace. Robb aged drastically since she last saw him in Winterfell before they left to head south. Lines and scars covered his handsome face, and she wondered if Jon looked the same too.
One topic did seem to bring a smile to his face, and that was his Lannister bride. Robb spoke endlessly about her when they had the extra time. Sansa was extremely curious to meet her good sister, but part of her feared it. Cersei was just as monstrous as her son, and Sansa felt panic start to take over when she would remember the abuse she suffered at their hands- and even worse the murder of her father. When Robb told her he took her head, Sansa sobbed in his arms in relief.
What happened after that shocked her to her very core, and until that moment she hadn't realized just how much Robb loved his wife... No, not until he announced that he would allow Tyrion Lannister to live.
When she asked him why, he told her straight.
He said he had a dream about her, his beautiful Ella was in his arms once again, the sunlight casting over her golden curls making her appear as a goddess. He smiled the whole time as he retold it, saying he could even smell her sweet scent, and that it stayed with him for hours after he awoke. It was the night he executed Cersei and Tywin, and he had been terrified that she would never forgive him. But instead she promised she would never stop loving him, and he knew then that he couldn't take Tyrion from her. He confessed to her that he never truly believed Tyrion was responsible for that assassin sent to kill Bran, and that his anger and hatred was the real reason he planned to kill him. But after that dream Robb made his decision. Tyrion must agree to join the Night's watch and live out his days on the Wall, and the halfman readily agreed.
With that said, it was no shock when he confirmed that his mind was made up about Jaime Lannister, the Kingslayer would die for his crimes.
But Robb loved his wife and he would would spare Tyrion if it meant she'd forgive him for the rest. Sansa smiled and gave him a gentle pat on the hand, but deep down she worried that this small mercy wouldn't be enough, that Ella would never be able to forgive or forget.
