I shrugged off Remus and Peter as I left the classroom as they ran to offer condolences. They understood when I didn't turn round that I wanted to be alone, and simply went in a different direction. When they were out of sight, I turned off down a corridor and followed my feet blindly until I came across and empty nook behind a suit of armour. Looking around tentatively to check nobody was around, I ducked into it and threw down my bag beside me, curling my knees to my chest.
I sank deep into my thoughts until I was quite dumb to the outside world. The image of Lily's cold, dead face was burned into my memory and I couldn't quite shake it, no matter how much I tried to squeeze my eyes shut and mask it with darkness. She was alive, I kept telling myself, and she wasn't going to die any day soon.
But I couldn't quite convince myself, the Daily Prophet had spent the last few weeks convincing me otherwise. The death tolls took up the whole back page, and endless morbid list of names of muggle-borns, all killed at the hands of Voldemort or one of his followers. I shuddered at the thought of him, of what he'd done, of what he could do. My precious Lily, so vibrant in death as she was in life, such a thing could be made a reality by his merciless hand. Hot rage swept through me at the thought with force enough it almost helped me forget for a second or two what I'd seen.
But when I remembered, I was greeted with more mortification. Everyone had seen. All knew my worst fear. All knew it was death.
Lily's death.
Surely by now Kaise would be receiving an earful, and I knew already that our odd relationship, more like a friendship with the odd kiss and very little intimacy, was now over. That would be the second relationship of mine ended because of Lily Evans.
I sat for a long while in the nook, somewhat afraid to leave, unwilling to face Kaise and her probable wrath. How would I explain to her? I like you, really I do, only I love Lily. Sorry. It was a bit weak, in all fairness. I spent the rest of the time sitting steeling myself for the affair, until my stomach began to protest against its lack of sustenance and I looked at my watch to find it was lunchtime already.
I stood abruptly and jumped as I realised there was a figure a little taller than I standing much too close. I jumped out of the way instinctively, feeling a shock run through my veins as I tried to reorientate myself. The figure turned out to be Sirius', though he looked as if he had just been passing through and not waiting specifically for me to stand. He, too looked shock.
As he noticed my expression, he opened his mouth to speak, and not in the mood to silence him I made no motion to stop him or leave.
"It's worse for us, he always said," Sirius began, and I looked at him with confusion, "My Uncle Alphard, that is. He always said that death was worse for us than it is for them, which in a way should make it better for us, right?" My frown deepened as I tried to work through the jumbled up sentence that Sirius had phrased whilst walking on eggshells, trying as best he could not to cause another argument. He cleared his throat and tried a third time.
"Death is always better for the deceased than for the mourners, 'cause they're dead and all, it doesn't matter to them, they're in a better place if you believe in that stuff," he shrugged, "but it's worse for us, 'cause we'll miss them. But if you think about it, they're all right, in that better place, so really we should just be happy for them." He looked up quickly, as if to replay the statement in his head and make sure it made sense, then nodded satisfied.
I didn't answer him, but I nodded thanks at his consoling words. It had actually made me feel better, but of course it had. Sirius always knew exactly how to make me feel better. He gave me a weak smile and then walked off, and I walked back to the lunch hall to face Kaise.
Her head turned slowly to acknowledge me as I came to sit down, and I didn't bother to smile or feign misunderstanding at her narrowed eyes. I sighed as I sat down opposite her.
"I guess we have to talk," I said, leaning over to serve myself some sausages. She was clearly not impressed by my choice to eat during and important conversation, but considering we were breaking up anyway, she didn't penalize him.
"We don't have to talk, James," she said calmly, a sentiment which I had not expected, "I always understood that Evans would break us up eventually, I just hoped that you would make a move on her or something." I opened my mouth slightly for a second, stunned, before closing it and frowning, unsure of what to say.
Sophia had yelled and snogged Gabe Kramer, she tried her hardest to tear me to pieces, she hoped I would be miserable. Kaise just smiled at me politely and shrugged. "It was nice doing business with you, Mr Potter," she said matter-of-factly and slid back to me the clipping from our prank competition.
"You too, Miss Sommerson," I said, and with a quick summoning charm I slid it back beside hers. James is always Sirius about his games, and Where the Summer Sun sets, lay side by side for a moment, before Kaise pulled hers back and I took back my own.
"I could have loved you, you know, if we were older, given time," I said softly, so nobody else could hear. She shook her head sadly, the only admittance of any negative feelings about our splitting.
"No, you wouldn't have. Not really, not with all that Lily to love," she said, but it wasn't bitter, it was kind. I smiled at her weakly, knowing there was little else to say, and that this was the end of our mutual pranking. I felt a slight hollowness of remorse as she slid away from me on the bench to be with her consoling friends, knowing that I know had now lost two good friends.
I missed Kaise the moment she was gone, realising a fondness I had not recognised when she was still near me. I missed her easy conversation. I missed how bold she was, never afraid to speak her mind. Sadly I realised, however, that this was always the intention, to make a girl jealous, not to become eternal lovers. Our relationship, if you even could call such a thing that lacked intimacy, had an expiration date.
Plus, there was the Evans factor. There would always be the Evans factor. It was at that point specifically that I gave up trying, because if it wasn't Evans, it was nothing. Any girl who I might actually like would just eventually notice that they could never compete with Lily Evans.
It was Lily or nothing.
And so was the birth of my constant bombardment of Lily Evans.
The first time I asked her out was quite inconveniently right before the first quidditch match of the season, Slytherin-Gryffindor. Whilst I was mid-air.
It was a good day for Quidditch, cloudy so that the sun didn't get in our eyes, dark enough that we weren't hit by a glare but not heavy enough that we were going to rain. I had found recently that I needed my glasses more often now, and I put them on, deciding that it wouldn't rain and they wouldn't fog up. When people asked, I always told them that I wasn't a seeker because of my eyesight.
"That tiny thing? I can barely read my homework assignments most of the time!" I would say with a broad smile before Sirius would punch me in the arm.
"That's just what he tells teachers so that he gets out of doing it," he would say disappointedly, and our enrapt audience would laugh as Sirius and I put on the grand spectacle that was our friendship. I looked for him in the stands as I waited nervously in the changing room for the game to start.
"Still nervous there, Potter?" asked Michael as he came and joined me to peer out. "Would have thought nerves would have worn off with that arrogance of yours." I laughed in good humour but I still couldn't shake the apprehension. I searched for my lucky charm. She was sitting next to Remus, giggling, her red hair so at home in its complimenting yellow.
"... here comes GRYFFINDOR!" yelled Davey down the microphone, and Bella ushered us out and onto our brooms soaring along the pitch. As we did so, Davey read off the roster. "Alright folks, you already know half the team. Our chasers this year are the same, St Claire, Nixon, Potter, the keeper and new team captain is Spruce, but the shock of the season is the new beater, still under five foot, Alice Fletcher! She is joined by Markus Korvitch and the new seeker is lightning fast Patrick Flynn, the transfer from the Boy's Wizarding Academy in Ireland, give them all a cheer!" The crowd erupted into cheers so loud that Davey's final words were completely drowned out. As we took our customary lap around the pitch, however, I stopped short where I saw the scarlet hair, bobbing up and down.
"Hey Evans," I yelled nonchalantly.
"James!" she replied, breathless and confused. From behind me I heard Bella shouting at me, and I knew I had little time.
"Go out with me?" I asked with a sly smile. She looked frantically from me to the rest of the pitch, full of my teammates beckoning me over. At first she seemed confused, then momentarily flattered, and then most definitely angry.
"I most certainly will not when you embarrass me in front of the entire school!" she began yelling, her cheeks steadily turning violet as she began to try to cover up her shock, shouting crude things. I was gone before I could hear her finish it off, shrugging and flying back into position as she continued to yell into the air.
The minority quarter of the crowd which supported Slytherin then took their own turn to applaud their team. Though a smaller amount, they increased their noise with booming, snake shaped fireworks and amplifying charms.
We hadn't yet had the chance to see our opponents, as none of our scouts could get near this year, so as they took their lap this was our chance to get a good look. Most of Vanity's thugs hadn't left yet, so they were still on the team, but this time with a new, slighter addition.
"And of course their seeker, Regulus Black," I started as I saw the Nimbus 1001 streaking past me. Sirius' Regulus? Why hadn't he told me.
Oh yeah.
I remember watching Regulus on his new Cleansweep last Christmas whilst I had used the old 140. He had learnt from his mistake and gotten used to this one, so that broom and rider were one, flying together smoothly. He no longer handled it with heavy hands, he knew what he was doing, and my affinity with my own broom was no longer as much of an advantage. I settled into my seat as the game began. It would be more difficult than Felix's ingenuity last year.
The match went as well as our last one did with Slytherin. The new players took well to the 'Felix Method' as we had affectionately called it, the pirouettes and flourishes which made Vanity's thugs look like animals. We were soon fifty points up with no sign of them catching up and this time, we hadn't lost any players.
But the game was short lived, as Quidditch games end with the catching of the snitch.
We were almost through twenty minutes, sixty-ten, when Davey Gudgeon picked up on the jaunty flying of Rick and Regulus, the two seekers. Clearly one had seen the snitch, but they both flew so close it was hard to tell who. The other, whoever hadn't seen it first, had caught on and they were flying neck-in-neck, so close that the competition became not how fast you were but how long you could stretch.
Rick was a good flyer, visible because of his blur of bright ginger hair. He and his broom had clearly been acquainted for a long time, and though old it moved with his every turn with admirably fluidity. Moreover, the boy could fly in more positions that just the conventional, and as the gaping audience watched he had shuffled forward until he perched on the very end of his broom. Then, he leant forward even further, navigating it with his hips and stretching out his arms.
Beside him, Regulus looked worried and his flying grew frantic. He drove the broom forward with all his might, leaning down so that his chin touched the end and stretching his arm out. When even this was futile and Rick had almost clutched the little winged ball, Regulus turned from frantic to drastic, and instead of going forward drove far to the right, smashing into Rick, smashing his broom in the process, knocking him off balance.
Rick flew from his seat and went flying into the ground ten feet below. He landed on his arm with a horrid crunch.
A/N: 100 reviews that's fantastic! Thanks for all of you who got me this far, I SERIOUSLY appreciate it and love you all so much, without you this wouldn't exist.
I wanted a Quidditch match but not a long one, just to let you know Regulus is seeker. Also, this is the beginning of the James/Lily conflict you've all been hoping for and I was bored of Kaise. Hope you enjoyed and do review for me.
