And it goes down hill form here...yeah I like this song... ;)


Chapter 45: Sara

There's a constant vibration trying to break the thick fog of my mind. Right now it's like my brain had sunk into the quicksand hiding inside my cranium. Soon the vibration turns into a piercing sound. It reverberates itself, banging against every inch of my head. Within seconds the symphony for jackhammers starts playing itself. I can feel nausea invading me and the pain is only getting worse as I fall back into consciousness. The sound stops. There might be some mercy in this world after all.

I believe I'm lying somewhere. Either that or I'm dead.

xxxxx

The assassin's sound strikes back, only this time it's worse as I'm totally conscious of it. Somehow it managed to be louder than… when was it anyway?

Then I can feel my synapses sending me a message. The word 'phone' starts to blink brightly in front of my closed eyes. It takes me a moment to establish the connection between this word and the reality. My brain starts to work again and sends me more elaborate signals like 'phone, ringing, picking up…' and so on. Oh…right… now I get it.

I reach blindly for the source of the noise and luckily find it within reach.

"Hel…" My voice is hollow, it sounds far away even to me. I clear my throat and try again "Sidle." I hear myself say.

I can't make a word of what's being said on the other end of the line. Little by little my brain gets sharper and translates me the shrieking sounds in the other side of the receiving into intelligible words.

"… that little black thing you're holding is not a fucking jukebox, it's a fucking cell phone!!! So when it makes music and lights up you're supposed to answer it god fucking damned it!!"

It takes me time to reprocess the information calmly and then sending new ones to my mouth.

"Cath?"

"I've been calling you for the last four hours!!"

I take some time to process the information again and come back with an answer.

"Huh?"

I hear a frustrated and angry sigh. "Sara are you drunk?"

She's shouting her words and it doesn't help the throbbing pain in my cranium. Another pause.

"No… I'm not." Well at least not as far as I remember.

"Where the hell are you?!" She yells louder

Here starts the first variation of the Jackhammers' symphony. Fuck.

When I understand the question I realize that try as it might my brain doesn't have the answer. And seeing how hard and painful it is to process simple information I'd rather not try to use my memory. I make a surreal effort to open my eyes.

"Sara are you still there?" Cath asks angrily. "Answer me!"

The only sound that cross my lips is a groan. I just can't do two things at once right now. Either I talk into the phone, or I give the needed information to my body for it to move.

My eyes are open and try hard to focus. Cath's voice is still resounding in my ear but I don't know what she's saying. As everything takes place in front me I start to understand where I am and what happened.

"Cath…" She keeps on talking and doesn't listen to me. "Cath…" I try again but it's pointless. I can feel a new wave of pain and nausea for what I'm about to do. "Cath!" I shout. My head spins a little I give everything I've got left to speak again. "I… call you later." I hang up on her protestations and throw my offending cell phone somewhere in the room.

I manage to sit and take another look at the mess surrounding me and catch my head in my hands.

What have I done?

xxxxx

Some undetermined time later I take my head out of its resting place on my hands. Another hand that doesn't belong to me appears in front of me with a glass of some fizzy liquid.

"Here." A soft voice says.

I move my head up further to see the face of my interlocutor. But my movement is way to fast for my sore body and my head starts to spin again.

"Take it easy Sunshine." The voice replies.

Travis. Of course it's him because Travis is living on my apartment for the time being. I'm relaxed by his presence. I don't feel shame or discomfort because somehow this is a dance we have perfected a long time ago.

"Drink, your head will be better in no time." He's crouches besides the couch and he caresses my back in a soothing motion.

I do as I'm told and as every time this thing taste really bad, a long time ago I baptized it 'Nectar of decomposed body fluids'. Yeah you get the idea. He takes back the empty glass and goes to the kitchen and then comes back next to me. This time he sits on the couch and face me.

He caresses my face and my hair to comfort me with one hand while the other is holding one of my hands. This is good. Boy did I miss that intimacy. Once he feels that I'm relaxed and a little better he stops the motion of his hand on my hair but keeps on holding the other. He kisses my forehead gently and then sits back. My head has stopped throbbing and I don't feel nauseous anymore.

"What happened?" I ask him with a weak voice.

"Well I was out making my early run. When I came back the living room was trashed and you were sitting against the wall, passed out. I put you on the couch."

"Thanks." I'm grateful because he knows what to do in any circumstances that's why we generally don't need to speak to each other.

"You hurt yourself a bit it's just superficial scratches but I took care of it anyway."

I just nod, grateful to have him. He gives me some time to process the information he just gave me.

"I remember coming here to talk to you and sitting on the couch. Then I remember waking up with Cath screaming at me over the phone." I tell him.

"Sorry my timing sucked." He says gently with a soft smile.

He stays silent knowing that I need time to express my thought.

"There was a girl at work… Connie Philips she had tried… she… her too had made the same choice as I did. It made me think of what I had done and more specifically about that Day." I explain him. No need to elaborate we both know what I'm talking about.

Absentmindedly he caresses my wrist as if to erase the pain and the memory behind the faint scar there. We stay silent, I'm looking at him while he's looking in front of him. I know where he is right now. He's back on my home fifteen years ago, he thinks of that day he came back and found me in the bathroom walking on the thin line between life and death.

"T?" I call him back into the present.

"What came out of your reflection?" He asks me. He focuses his attention back to me. He's looking at me with that love that is only ours and no one else.

"Nothing good judging by the living room." I say looking at my now broken coffee table and all the books, glasses, and frames lying around.

He nods and gets lost in his thoughts again.

"Cath said she'd been trying to call me for hours. Why didn't you answer the phone?" I ask him changing the subject.

"This is a conversation we'll have later." He states seriously. "As for your answer, I didn't answer the phone because you made the choice to avoid her."

"What?"

"You had the choice between coming here and going back home. You chose to come here to avoid her, something we're both aware of. I've always told you, there's almost nothing I wouldn't do for you, crossing hell bare feet being there for you come high water or the apocalypse. But if there's one thing I'll never do it's taking your responsibilities and you know it." He says with a calm voice.

"I didn't avoid her." I protest.

"Really? She knows then?"

Now I don't like the turn of this conversation.

"Travis, don't start." I warn him. "Stay away from this." My tone is harsh.

"Then take your responsibilities!" He snaps back. His voice is even but I can feel the anger behind it. "Answering your phone would have meant either telling her you were here and she would have come here to find you in this state – something we both know you don't want; or me blatantly lying to cover your back since you haven't spoken to her. And if you think that I will play the go-between, you are fooling yourself."

"I don't need to hear this now." I reply.

"And since when am I telling you what you need or want to hear?"

We're staring at each other with all the violent passion our arguments generally generate.

"This is an argument we'll finish another time. You have two hours to get ready for work. Go take a shower while I'm fixing you something to eat. Then I'll take care of your wounds again." He says before getting up, effectively ending our argument.

xxxxx

I'm ready to go to work. Travis and I are silently having a breakfast on my kitchen counter.

Once we have cleaned up and I have brushed my teeth I start to leave for work.

"Talk to her." Travis says with a neutral voice.

I turn to look at him and send him a death glare. "I believe I told you to stay away from this." I say with a sharp voice.

"You did." He simply says, holding my gaze. He sighs. "Fine. But you know what's said about playing with fire…" He stands and starts to walk to the bedroom. "Have a nice day." He sends me over his shoulder.

Sure.

xxxxx

I arrive at work with fifteen minutes to spare. Greg is already in the break room.

"Hey Sar, good evening." He greets me with a smile and a steaming mug of coffee.

"Back at you and thanks."

We share a comfortable silence before our shift starts. Then Greg has to go grab something in the locker room leaving me on my own. A rather grim Nick enters the room.

"Hey Nicky boy, bad case?" I ask with concern.

"Nope, mad boss." He says carefully looking around. He goes to the coffee pot and pours himself a mug. "Saying Catherine is pissed off would be a huge understatement. She's in a fury mode." He takes a big gulp of his coffee. "We're working on a dry B&E and she's pushing us like it was the high profile case of the century." He sighs "I've never been so eager to see the end of a shift."

I take pity on him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Hold on, it will end at some point or another."

He snorts "Yeah, the sooner the better." He replies before finishing his coffee with one more big gulp. "Just between us, whoever put her in this mood is a dead person walking. But if I got the chance I would gladly kick that person's ass right now."

I guess now is not the time to tell him that he's talking to that very person at the moment.

"Nick!" an angry voice rings from the corridor. Nick sends me a desperate look before putting his brave face on. "I asked you a report half an hour ago and I still don't see it in my hands." Catherine says, stopping her walk on the threshold of the room. She gives me one quick glance with a violence I never saw in her before. I don't move and just hold calmly her gaze.

"Tea party is over Nick get me that report and if you get bored go help Warrick!" She orders. She keeps Nick from answering holding up her hand. "Get back to work."

Nick turns to put down his mug and looks at me once more. He arched his eyebrows to show me his misery, I send him a compassionate and apologetic look.

"Now, Nick!" Catherine says before going back from where she came from. Nick leaves the room almost running.

Well I've never been so eager in my life for a shift to last.

"Wow, Catherine is mad, she nearly knocked me down while I didn't move out of her way fast enough, and I'm glad look can't kill because I'd be dead." Greg says reappearing. He looks at me silently. "Is everything ok at home?" He asks.

I just glare back at him letting him know clearly that this isn't a topic we're going to talk about.

"Shut up Greg this is none of your business… right?" He answers himself.

"Something like that yes." I reply calmly.

"Greg, Sara, just the ones I was looking for." Grissom says entering the room. "I just sent Sophia to her scene and I'd like to have a word with you before going to mine. My office please."

Once in his office Greg and I sit down and wait.

"I want an update on the 'fallen angels' cases."

"Well we have two victims, females, according to the families they didn't know each other but since they have the exact same tattoos on the exact same places and that those have been made by the same artist we're inclined to think that they did. They both have been abused sexually, they were solitary and they had a common friend Tawny which is just a name so far." I summarize.

"Interesting. Any new leads?"

"Not so far."

"Ok. I need you to put that case on hold." He announces.

"What? Griss…" I protest.

"Sara, there are too many cases at the moment for me to spare two peoples. I didn't ask you to give up on your case just to put it on hold. It means that you'll be working on different cases for the time being, and as soon as something new comes up you work on your case again. Got it?"

I sigh. "You make it sound like a choice." He looks at me exasperated. "Yes, we got it."

Greg and I stand to leave. "Oh, by the way Sara, you have to leave on time until the end of the month, which mean the next three nights if you don't want to be stuck here for next three weeks."

"Great." I snort. "Anything else?"

"Yes, here's your assignment. See you later."

xxxxx

I make my head move in circle in order to work the kink on my neck. I look at the clock. One hour and I'll have to go. Greg and I have been working non stop on an arson case. We're moving painfully slow, but we're moving.

"Hey I've got a serial number on this piece of metal." Greg says.

Something snaps in my head and I rush out of the room to the morgue. "Sara, wait… What…?" I hear Greg asks before following me.

I enter the morgue and find Doc on his way home.

"Sara, what fire brought you here?" He asks taking a look at me.

"Greg gave me an idea."

"I did." A breathless Greg says from behind me. I jus nod in answer.

"I need a sample of ink from all the tattoos of both Connie and Joan. Each tattoo ink is unique. It's classified with a serial number, and composition from one ink to another differs…" I start before Greg cuts me off.

"Euh Sar? I thought we've established that all the tattoos have been done at 'Freakish' by Dan, so… what do you want to do with those samples?"

"Well first it would strengthen the link with the tattoo shop then it might be useful to make some sort of chronology. I mean it could be useful to know if the girls did their tattoos the same day or with a year of difference, it could help us to define their relationship. Besides we're walking with blindfolds so any new information is good to take."

Greg nods at my reasoning. We turn our attention to Doc again.

"Consider it done." He says with a smile and go start to make the samples.

xxxxx

Shift is over. Do you know what that mean? Well it mean that now I'm going back home facing Cath. Any volunteer to take my place? Yeah, I thought so.

xxxxx

I take a deep breath before using my keys to open the door or for the time being the gates of hell. Get a grip Sidle!

I enter silently the house and hear sounds coming from the kitchen. I close the door behind me and go face my fate. Cath has her back facing me as she's rinsing what I guess should be her mug of coffee. I stay near the island and try to think of appropriate words to start. Here's what I know, there's an argument on its way so my job is to manage to explain Cath what happened yesterday and keep the game quiet.

She turns around and I can see that she's less than happy to see me. I take a deep breath, well, may the force be with me.

"Good morning." I say. Not a great way to start I know but it's the first thing I could think of.

She looks at me in disbelief and shakes her head. She walks to me and makes her way behind me without a word. I turn around and see her continuing her way to our bedroom.

"Avoiding the matter won't solve it." I say.

She snorts and turns to face me "You, of all people, are going to give me advice about avoiding matters? Now that's rich!"

"I deserve that." I sigh. "I'm sorry, although I think you might be overreacting."

"Overreacting? Are you kidding me?" She snaps.

"I know I should have called but I didn't plan what happened and…"

"Do you have any idea of what I've been through yesterday? Any idea at all?! Do you?!" She shouts. I open my mouth to answer but before I can make a sound she continues. "I'm sure you don't. I was worried to death that something bad had happened to you, that you were hurt or worse! I called everywhere and no one knew where you were! I even called the hospitals!" She's panting now and her face is strained with tears.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you worry…"

"You wouldn't answering your phone and when I finally reached you, you hung up on me…Oh and by the way I'm still waiting for you to return that call!" She shouts bitterly.

I feel like crap. I hate myself for putting her in so much pain. On the other hand I didn't plan what happened last night. I close the distance between us and try to take her in my arms to comfort her but she pushes me away.

"Don't!"

I sigh. I take a second to calm myself and find the right words.

"I went to my apartment to say something to Travis but he wasn't there and then… I passed out from exhaustion. Next thing I remember is waking up with you on the phone screaming at me…"

"You hung up on me." She repeats with resent.

"I was having a big headache and your screaming weren't helping."

I try to take her in my arms again. At first she struggles out of the embrace but then she sets back into it. Her crying increase and I just hold her silently.

"You scared the hell out of me." She manages to say between two sobs.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was supposed to be there only five minutes and then I passed out. You know me I would have called sooner if I had planned on not coming back home."

"That's why it scared me so much. Because it wasn't like you… and I wasn't able to reach you for hours…"

"I'm fine. I'm back home, and nothing has happened to me." I squeeze her gently. "Forgive me, ok? I didn't plan what happened."

We stay a long moment holding each other, before we decide on going to bed.


I know I haven't given you much but, I'll be back probably tomorrow with more so...

Thanks for reading ;)