"I can't believe you took the bus here. Especially with winter right around the corner."
Rose shrugged as she handed me the schedule for next week's classes.
"It hasn't started snowing yet. We're still in fall. And it seemed silly to have you driving back and forth just to pick me up. And I knew Christian was in class this morning. It was fine. A few weirdoes that wouldn't stop staring - as usual- but other than that it was fine," she tried to assure me.
I still didn't like that she'd ridden the bus here. I know she's done it before, but after telling me the other day about feeling like she was being watched or followed I couldn't stop worrying that something might happen — something bad. It felt like the old cop instinct in me was working at maximum power, being prepared, expecting the worst, and doing every I can to prevent a bad situation from turning into a worse one.
"Did the staring bother you?" I asked, remembering how all the other officers had stared at me when I first visited the police station after the shooting. There were looks of pity, sympathy, fear that they could've been shot on the job, and worst of all happiness that it wasn't them.
I could only imagined the looks Rose, Lissa, and Vika had to endure. Rose especially because of the pictures that were undoubtedly being passed around.
Again, she shrugged. "A little but sadly I'm getting use to it," she answered with a small smile. Immediately though a proud grin appeared in its place. "I'm learning to be independent though. I mean yeah I could've called you for a ride but I'm trying to do things on my own again the way I use to without being afraid."
"I'm proud of you," I complimented her, trying to forget how bothered I was with her being alone and on her own in the world. I'm a self-defense instructor who was supposed to help my students feel comfortable in the world again but my job was a lot harder to do when I was becoming more and more attached to one of my students.
"I'm proud of me too," she said grinning up at me. I couldn't resist smiling back at her. She really seemed kind of okay.
Even after telling me about her and Lissa's encounter with Lissa's parents Rose seemed relieved that it happened. She said she'd been almost as shaken as Lissa was afterward, but she was glad that it happened. In a way it made everything sink in more and make this whole situation more real. As Stan warned us, there are going to be plenty of people if this goes to trial who are going to turn this entire case around on the girls. This was - in a way - a good experience for them.
I couldn't believe that it happened though. Parents were supposed to take care of their children, be there for them when they needed them most. I was still in disbelief over Rose's mother's reaction.
Rose was getting along fine though without her and she was helping Liss. At least they had each other and then rest of us that made up this crazy bunch.
She stood up and grabbed a roll of gauze to protect her hands during the training we've started doing after the regular classes ended. Physically she was toughening up pretty quickly but it was still taking some time learning the defensive moves.
She handed me the gauze to wrap around her hands.
"Besides, it was a good experience for Liss to take the bus too. She's trying to get a handle on this independence thing too. She did pretty good today except she took forever counting out the bus fare," she laughed. "I texted Christian asking if he could pick her up from her doctor's appointment. She said she didn't want to try handling the public busing system on her own."
I laughed as I finished wrapping the gauze. "I'm glad she's trusting people."
"Me too. She was a little iffy at first but after he and his friend fixed the heater in our house she likes him a lot more now," she smiled.
Normally, it'd be weird that I'm still holding Rose's hand after having finished wrapping them in the protective gauze. In fact, it should be weird. We've had a lot of moments like this lately though, little fractions of time where it's completely silent between us, neither of us saying anything. Sometimes it'll be something like when I brush her hair back from her face and my hand lingers long afterward or I'll catch Rose staring at me an even after I meet her gaze she doesn't look away, she only smiles. I've developed a problem lately of not keeping my hands to myself. Usually after we're talking about the case and I can see how much it bothers her having to think about it all, I find myself wanting to comfort her with more than words.
I stop my thoughts from going any further from there. Gently I release her hand and stand. "Let's go practice."
I don't miss the mix of sadness and disappointment that quickly crosses over her face. But she quickly pulls herself together. She nods in and manages a small smile.
"You're really improving quickly, Roza," I tell her after our practice is over.
I rub at the sore spot of my shoulder where she accidentally high kicked me instead of the practices dummies.
She looks at me regrettably as we finish clearing the mats and practice dummies. "I'm sorry. I didn't think I could ever pack that much force into one kick."
"It's alright," I laugh. "Actually, it's kind of a good thing that you can pack that much force. If I wasn't in so much pain I'd be proud of you," I tease.
She scoffs, laughing. "Yeah well you're a break wall of muscles on legs. You should be immune to pain."
It's nice to see her smiling so much and laughing. Every day she's changing from the broken girl I first met into someone who is doing her best to enjoy the small moments in her life instead of dwelling on the darker ones. It's moments like this that I wish could last longer.
I also wish I understood how and why I was having strong feelings. I haven't known her for that long but I feel like I know a lot about her, about this girl who is a student and I shouldn't have any feelings for beyond that of a teacher. These types of feelings and thoughts should be for someone closer to my age, someone like Tasha and yet when I'm with her I only ever really feel like we should just be friends.
My confusion doesn't stop me from trying to keep the day from ending though.
"Do you know what would help my wound? Ice cream."
"Since when does ice cream act as a healing aid?" She asked amused as we walked back to the office.
"Ice cream makes everything better," I told her as if this is an absolute fact.
"It's almost winter! In Montana!" She exclaims laughing. "You said so yourself."
"It hasn't started snowing yet," I tell her throwing her earlier argument back at her. "Which means it's one of the last times we'll be able to appreciate the healing powers of ice cream before it starts snowing and there's ice everywhere. Besides, I think we've earned it. You worked pretty hard today."
She thought about it for a moment and smiled as the realization sank in that she served to treat herself a little and have a little free time and fun for once. We finished putting away the last of the supplies and shutting off the main room's lights.
"Yeah. You're right. Okay, I'm in. Let's go."
"Coffee ice cream with chocolate chips?"
Rose scooped a spoonful of it into her mouth and grinned. "It's the best flavor ever. I'm not really a big fan of drinking coffee but the ice cream flavor is pretty good," she tells me as we walk through one of the park's paths along the lake. It's cold but not as cold as it's going to get when winter starts. The lake isn't even frozen yet. The air is just a little brisk. "Here, try." She holds her cup of ice cream out to me so that I can take a spoonful. I'm not much a coffee drinker either but it is pretty good as an ice cream flavor.
"I admit it, it's good."
She grinned triumphantly.
"But sherbet is better."
"Sherbet with gummy bears and cookie crumbs on top? Isn't that a little sweet?" she asked taking a spoonful of my ice cream.
"I have a sweet tooth. It kind of gets in the way of trying to stay fit but since you kicked me today I think I've earned it," I joke.
She poked me with the end of her spoonful before scooping the ice cream into her mouth. Her eyes widened. "This is good." She took another scoop of mine to mix with her own ice cream as we continued walking. "So you were right about the ice cream and the Macaroni and Cheese. Are you sure you weren't a food critic in another life?" She asks amused.
"It's a perk of having Christian as a friend. The women in my family use force me to learn to cook so I know a thing or two about being in the kitchen but Christian's cooking expertise has definitely rubbed off on me, made me like cooking more. If I hadn't become a cop first or my training gym hadn't worked out, I probably would've done something food related."
"It's never too late. You could always do it on the side. Maybe you and Christian would have your own restaurant or something," she suggests, brightening at the idea.
I feel myself smile at her optimism.
"True, but I like what I'm doing now."
"Because you're helping people," she answered right away, remembering what I'd told her about always wanting to help others.
"Exactly. As a chef I wouldn't be helping as many people as I am now. Don't get me wrong, Christian cooks food for homeless families when he gets the opportunity and food makes people happy but I like being physically active, teaching people to defend themselves," I explained. "Despite the mild limitations of the old wound in my leg, I don't let it keep me down. I won't let it keep me down and that's kind of thanks to you actually."
She looks over at me surprised. "Me?"
"About a week or two after we met, when we tried a running routine," I reminded her. "I avoided being on my feet for too long and was less active until-"
"Until I came into your studio and changed your life forever," she said dramatically in a dry sense of humor kind of way that made both of us smile.
Admittedly my life was different before the day I'd met Rose. My life was complicated before that day she walked into my studio. It's even more complicated now but also better. Things aren't exactly peachy Keene right now but they could be worse.
She pulls her cell phone out of her pocket after it jingles once and reads the text.
"Is Lissa alright?"
She nods. "Yeah. She said since I wasn't coming home right away Christian offered to fix her something to eat and stick around for a little. She's not really use to having to do things herself."
"It's good that you're helping her though."
She tucks her cell phone back into the pocket of her jacket. "Yeah, I'm an expert in doing every day chores. My grandma use to make learn how to properly wash dishes, vacuum, sewing...things like that so that I'd always be able to take good care of myself. She didn't want me to ever have to rely on any one else. Now that I think about it, it's like she was preparing me for the day my mother would decided to just take off."
I swallowed a spoonful of my ice cream. I wanted to tell her that her mother would come back once she realized she made a mistake leaving. But maybe it was better that her mother left. Looking at Rose now, how much stronger she's become, it's made me kind of glad that her mother left. As slightly grateful as I am that her mother is gone, it doesn't keep that sad look from appearing on Rose's face.
"Sounds like your grandmother wanted you to be strong. She knew you were capable but she wanted to make sure you'd be able life's hard problems, with or without your mother. I feel kind of guilty," I admit.
We settle ourselves on the same bench we'd sat on so many weeks ago at this park facing the lake.
"Why do you feel guilty?" she ask looking over at me confused as she plays with her spoon in her cup of ice cream.
It's actually something I've felt guilty about for a while. It'll finally be a relief to tell her. "I spent so much time trying to convince you that telling your mother about the attack would be best and that she'd endure all of this with you."
Now that she understands the expression on her face relaxes and she shrugs. "You couldn't have known she was going to take off. I should've seen it coming honestly. She'd been doing so good: she called every so often when she was going between jobs or on her break. The first time I'd reported Adrian, she stuck by me even though she lost two of her jobs. She played the protective mother part really well. I guess this was just too much for her. I think she thought it was over."
"None of us expected this."
She sighed leaning back against the bench and nodded in agreement. "At least your mother is handling this well. Between my mom and Lissa's mom, your mother is a saint. In fact I think you come from a family of saints."
"You've never seen my family in the morning when everyone is fighting over breakfast and looking their worst," I told her dryly even though I really do have an amazing family. "Things can get pretty ugly."
"You've never seen Lissa and I in the morning. We look pretty bad ourselves. Liss is naturally beautiful but in the morning..." I laugh when her voice trails off and she pretends to shudder. "I bet it was a relief when you moved out of your mother's house into your own apartment?" she asks sneaking another scoop of my ice cream.
I didn't mind. It actually made me smile how casual she was about taking a bit of my food. She did the same thing that night we went out to eat at the restaurant and pretty much every time we'd eaten together. I sat watching her while she indulged in my ice cream, smiling to herself when the sweetness of the flavor hit her tongue before going for another scoop. It took me a moment to realize she was waiting for me to answer her question.
"At first it was exciting because Ivan and I were finally moving into our own apartment together just like we'd planned," I answered. I scooped some of her ice cream since she was slowly devouring mine while I answered. "After the shooting, it was weird being in that apartment by myself and my family was concerned about me being on my own while I was still recuperating so I moved back home for a while."
"When did you move out again?"
"When my grandmother started picking my clothes out for me and ironing them and Karolina would sometimes pack a lunch for me whenever I left the house, I knew it was time to go."
She laughed as she swallowed another spoonful of ice cream. "That's so cute," she gushed. "Were they mad that you were moving out again?"
"At first they were but then everybody started realizing that me leaving meant another room would be free in the house. That's when they started packing my bags for me and apartment hunting."
"You guys are pretty close though even though you don't live there."
We watched a family of ducks sail slowly across the lake before I replied. "Yeva threatens to kill me anytime I go more than a few days without calling or visiting. My mother is the same way."
Rose listened intently while I told a few stories about my family and why we're so close. We've had our fair share of difficult time but we've managed to always pull through. "We have more good memories than bad. The good times out weigh the bad."
We've both long finished each other's ice cream and we're just sitting watch those ducks swim back and forth across the lake. Rose looks thoughtful, absent-mindedly tugging loose strands of her hair out of her face before just deciding to tie her ponytail again.
"I wonder if I'll ever have that," she says suddenly once she's finished pulling her hair into a loose messy bun at the nape of her neck. "More good memories than the bad," she says without me having to ask her to elaborate. "Me and Liss had a few good times before high school started and there're a few good memories with my mom and my grandmother but...not many."
"You will. Eventually, this will all be over. Look how quickly time is passing by. You'll be finished with high school soon. It's almost winter. Thanksgiving just passed-"
"It did?" She asked surprised. She was trying to think back and calculate the date in her head.
I laughed. "I know, I've lost track of the days and holidays too. Especially since Thanksgiving isn't a holiday in Russia and my family doesn't really celebrate it, I didn't realize Thanksgiving was that Thursday when we had dinner at my mother's house."
Rose's dark browns furrowed and she thought back. "Oh my gosh. I knew we were close to winter but...I can't believe I didn't even realize. Neither did Liss. Or if she did she hasn't said anything."
"The holidays are probably the furthest thing from her mind."
"Wow," she laughed nervously rubbing at her eyes. "I feel so...off. Out of it."
"Don't worry. When this is over you'll be-"
"A normal everyday person?" She asks amused slightly.
"I don't think you'll ever be normal," I answer without thinking. Realizing what I've just said, it can be taken as an awkward embarrassing compliment or an offensive insult. From the confused and surprised expression on Rose's face I can tell she's trying to figure out what exactly I meant too. "I meant there's something special about you Roza. And from what you've told me I think your grandmother saw it in you too. You're meant to do something big with your life. Or at least something significant."
"Like a women's rights activist or something. Maybe I'll be like that detective on Law & Order: SVU," she suggested thoughtfully. "Or a doctor in one of those special free clinics to help people who can't afford regular healthcare."
I smiled at her optimism. "It's up to you. What do you want to do?"
"I feel like college should be my first answer. I probably won't go right after high school, I'll go someday but...I don't know," she answers. From the tone in her voice I can she really hasn't thought about it. I decided to help her by laying a plan out for her.
"Okay let's try this, without thinking about the case or the possible trial, what's the first thing you want to do after high school?"
She was quiet for ten minutes while she really thought about it.
"I know you said you definitely wanted to leave town-"
"That's a must," she says firmly. "Staying here would be...weird. I guess...I don't know...I feel like it depends on Lissa. Her baby is due early to mid July. She says she doesn't really have a plan yet but she's leaning towards keeping the baby and if she does that without a plan-"
"She'll definitely need help," I finished for her, realizing what she was saying.
"Right. I still can't believe it. My best friend, a mother."
I'm glad she was referring to Lissa as her best friend. The last incident with Lissa's parents must've really pushed them together again.
"She always said she wanted to be a mother but obviously not this soon and not like this. I just want to be there for her."
I'm really proud of Rose. For someone so young and going through so much, she's handling this a lot better than most would expect of her. I just want to make sure she has plans for herself and her own future too.
"That's great. I'm glad you'll be there for each other but you should take some time to think about what you want to do for your self too," I suggested. I didn't want Rose to have any regrets. This was something I came across a lot while helping victims learn to train and defend themselves. They often regretted later decisions they made because of how their attack affected their lives.
"I will," she smiled up at me. "I promise. It's just going to take me some time. After you recovered from your leg wound, how quickly did you decide to become a self-defense instructor?"
"A few months," I answered quickly thinking back to when I'd made the decision to help others and not sit behind a desk the rest of my life.
"That's pretty quick. Maybe after this legal situation is over I'll have more time to think about it. I just hope it's over soon."
That makes two of us.
"This is your fault," Rose laughed running beside me.
"You and your hot idea to go and get ice cream when it's freezing outside and now it's raining!" she shouted as we were making a run to not get caught up in the sudden freezing cold and sheets of rain. As soon as the sun had set the wind picked up and was whistling around us blowing leaves and natural debris every which way.
"We'll laugh about this one day!" I shout back beside her.
People that had also been in the park were scattering in different directions for their cars. Thunder suddenly rolled as lightning crackled and flashed in the sky. Rose and I both looked up to see how far the lightning strike was. Since we were still running and our focus was on the sky above us, neither of us saw the large puddle of water that quickly formed on the slippery path until it was too late. I grabbed a hold of Rose's arm to keep her from skidding but ended up tugging her too hard and we both fell into the small pond of water.
"I'm laughing now!" she shouts clutching at her stomach and bending over so that I can sit up laughing too.
"I cannot believe that just happened," I say between laughing and struggling to stand up. I manage to pull myself up and then help Rose up. She winces but is still giggling.
"You're not going to believe this either but I think I landed on my week ankle! I think it's sprained again!" Right now she's stuck somewhere between giggling hysterically and wincing at the pain in her stomach from laughing and the pain in her ankle. Her teeth are chattering while she's smiling.
I slid my beanie cap off of my head and on to hers. It's wet on the outside but warm on the inside. She smiles up at me all chattering bright teeth and dark brown eyes. "Thanks!"
"C'mon, let's hurry before it floods!"
Before she realizes what's happening I hoist her up into my arms, carrying her the rest of the way.
"It'll be quicker since every one step I take is like ten for you," I joke. She laughs even harder as I try to pick our way over the suddenly difficult paths. Police training thankfully prepared me for situations like this. Rose buries her face into my shoulder to keep the flying debris from getting into her eyes. Neither of us is wearing a proper coat for this weather. She's so light it's almost like she's not even here.
By the time we reach the car, Rose says in an amused voice, "I think you spoke too soon about the flooding thing." The entire parking area of the park is flooded with thick muddy water and the sheets of rain still cascading down aren't helping. "Thank goodness your truck is high off of the ground," she says as I unlock the doors and sit her in the passenger seat.
I lean to look at the front right tire.
"My truck is high off of the ground but one of the tires still managed to get stuck in the mud I think," I tell her.
I try three times to pull us out of the mud. I tried to do it with the shovel I have in the trunk but ended up slipping in the mud making Rose and I laugh harder. It isn't until I press all the way down on the petal and jerk forward that we're able to get ourselves out of the hole. As I'm driving out of the park slowly moving in the traffic of other cars also leaving the park, Rose and I are still laughing.
"Liss says the main high way is close off because of the flooding," she says reading a text on her phone. "Which means..."I trail off, realizing the highway is the only way back to the town to where Rose's house is.
"I can't go home," she finishes giggling.
"I'm glad this amuses you so much," I laugh as we inch along. "We're muddy and wet. We have to clean up somewhere."
"Is now a bad time to tell you I'm hungry for some real food?"
I think about suggesting going back to the studio to clean our selves up and wait the storm out but it feels more rational to just go back to my apartment. That way we can eat and wash up while waiting the storm out and it's closer than my mother's house.
"What about your place? Is it closer than your mother's?" Rose suggests as if she's reading my mind.
She sneezes and sniffles still shivering from the cold despite being wrapped in the blanket I kept in my trunk, my beanie hat, and shedding the wet jacket she'd been wearing. I adjust the heat in the truck while I answer.
"It's a lot closer. Is it alright that we go there? Do you feel comfortable?" I ask.
Whatever feelings or emotions I'm having about Rose my biggest priority is making she sure she feels comfortable, safe, and I'm not putting her in any weird positions. We some how formed a light-hearted friendship but pushing those boundaries would only ruin things.
Rose seemed surprised by my questions but also smiled a little, almost...appreciative.
"What?" I asked when she still hadn't answered. I laughed a little nervously.
"Nothing that's just...really considerate. Yeah I'm fine with it. I think I-" she sneezed cutting herself off. She opened herself to try talking again but kept sneezing.
"We need to get you inside someplace warm and to check on that ankle again."
"It just recently healed," she sighed and then sneezed. "Don't you love Montana's weather?"
A/N: Sorry guys! I've been having a hard time fixing a few continuity issues. Basically I lost track of the timeline of when everything happened and I had to go back and do some serious rereading. I also plan on fixing a few obvious grammar errors in a couple of the chapters so if you see the story is update but no new chapter yet, that's why. Anyways, you guys continue to blow me away with the reviews, follows, etc.! Thanks a million and my goal is to finish at least two of my stories by the end of the summer and I hope it's this one or Runaway To Magic. I've also been rewriting Deception and Before but we'll see what happens I guess!
