She tried to get over that last issue between them. Really she did. They had finished the tree and stopped to look at it, but her mind was still focused on how close he was standing next to her and her ears were picking up his breathing in the quiet. She didn't know that she could forget this occurrence and she knew it was worth talking about, but she was kind of scared to. This was Natsu, the person she had deemed her best friend, whom called her his best friend, whom she had done so much with, and had helped her to arrive at the place she was now in. She respected him so much and he was special in a way that no one else would ever reach.
She ended up having the driver take him home not too much time after the tree was finished. She didn't think she could sit in the car with him and not worry about an accident with as distracted as she was. Being alone in a confined space would have been bad too. She felt kind of bad and knew that not taking him home screamed that something was wrong and she was refusing to deal with it. She remembered the look on his face when he waved goodbye and got into the driver's car. He looked somewhat dejected, but there was still that intense look in his eyes directed at her before he was out of sight.
She couldn't ignore what he had done and how he had looked when he stared at her. She knew these things went way past just being friends. She was not that naive or blind to the advances of men, even if she never had a boyfriend in her entire life. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask him if he liked her romantically, but she couldn't do it. Until now, she knew exactly where she stood with him and they had built such a great niche for themselves. Even if that niche had always been touchy-feely and it already looked like they were a couple...
"I know you find him physically attractive and that's fine and all, but what do you think of him as a person? If you like him a little, why not ask him out? I'm sure he'd be fine with it. Maybe it's just me, but he seems like he really gets touchy-feely with you sometimes."
Levy's words rang in her ears. That was back during summer vacation, only a few months ago, but she had worried back then that something more than just friends was going on. She hadn't wanted it, but she felt it may be there.
"I don't think I could ever ask Natsu to do something so plain as be my boyfriend. I think of him too highly for that and I have too much gratitude toward him to want to change the way things are for us. A – as much as I find him physically attractive...that's all I might ever feel toward him. I don't find a problem in admiring him that way though I guess."
She was a fool. She had spoken too soon, before she allowed herself to think of what may be, to ever daydream that chance. She had never connected all of the great attributes she saw in Natsu to anything other than a friend. She was so focused on the short-term that she had never looked past her nose into the future.
She heaved a sigh and rolled onto her stomach, clutching her pillow with her arms. She couldn't get the blush or her heartbeat to go away! She hadn't calmed down an hour later and tried to seek solace in her bedroom away from Virgo and Capricorn and cook, but it only served to let her mind wander over today back to the time she lived at Natsu's apartment. Her mind was a train on a track, only going faster and faster and she couldn't get herself to focus on anything else.
She harshly plopped onto her back and threw an arm over her eyes. The darkness was nice, but she only saw his eyes when hers closed. She heaved a sigh and sat up, clutching her pillow to her. Her time in his apartment today came back to her. She quite clearly saw his bare back in her mind and she stared at her bed, already lost in the vision. She shuddered and hugged the pillow as tightly as possible. It squished her breasts against her and she exhaled a shudder. Her breathing was quickly becoming ragged and despite shaking her head to clear herself of this sudden emotion, it was running rampant through her veins.
She was shaking and her adrenaline was on high. She harshly swallowed and threw the pillow to the other corner of her bed and stood. She made a beeline for the bathroom and locked the door, leaning against it. Her head thumped on it as she stared at the ceiling, feeling cold tile on her feet. She took off her clothes and headed for the shower, hoping it would help calm her down.
She turned it as hot as it would go and closed the glass door behind her. The shower quickly steamed up and her skin turned red. She tried to clean up a little in attempt to busy her fingers, but the washcloth was only making things worse. The heat had raised her blood pressure so much that every touch was agony. It was torture because she was the one doing it. It wasn't bringing relief...and yet she knew what would.
'Natsu...'
Her eyes closed as she shoved her face into the spray in a desperate attempt to maintain. She felt the pelting water jets on her chest and after a minute, her hands slowly floated up on their own. She gasped lightly, his hooded eyes springing up behind closed lids. Teeth harshly bit her lip as her fingers pinched and slowly kneaded. She was not helping herself, but she honestly didn't give a damn in this second. All she wanted was to feel this, to increase it, and yet to have him here to torture her. She had to have him next to her...to see his shirt come off and have his face close to hers again. She wondered how his hands would feel and tried to imagine him as her fingers moved.
Her hands inched down. Her hair slowly fell forward when her head dipped against the shower wall. Trembling fingers passed her navel and then she cried out. She all but fell to her knees, barely feeling the pain over the ecstasy. She panted and touched herself again, whimpering and whispering his name...imagining his hand instead of hers. Her tongue licked her lips as she moved, head thrown back into the water. It pelted her eyelids and she drank greedily as her fingers moved.
Her heart was beating so fast, her blood pressure was so high. She was getting dizzy from the temperature and what she was doing to herself. It felt so amazing and she wanted to pause and just take in this feeling. She felt it mounting to the top of something and she knew what was coming, but she didn't expect it to be so strong or long-lasting. She couldn't stop the frantic movements of her fingers; she stopped only once and the loss of feeling made her continue. Teeth almost drew blood as she tried to keep from crying out. She panted erratically, breathing his name for the longest time...so many times...before she slumped onto the floor and tried to catch her breath.
Ecstasy flooded her veins, heartbeat too loud in her ears. She felt fantastic and yet somewhat guilty. Why did she just do that when it would only make being near him so much harder now?! She wasn't going to be able to forget this without wanting it again...from him next time. Did she honestly think she wouldn't freak out the next time she saw him when he was here for her party?
She slowly sat up on her heels and looked to her fingers. She felt the water run down her skin and feared being near him now. What if she attacked him? The idea didn't sound horrible, even if she didn't know what he'd do. She knew he may not mind...but where did that put them in a month? She would be too busy to see him and that wasn't fair to him!
She almost considered scrapping the party idea, even if he already knew about it. She had just put herself in a horrible position: either telling him she wasn't going to do the party that she really wanted and having to explain why or have him at the party and be around him the entire time without freaking out whenever he touched her. She couldn't do either! She wanted everyone here for Christmas, wanted to share that day with him, but she knew she wouldn't keep composed throughout however long it would be.
"Oh god..." Hands covered her face as she slumped over her thighs. "What the hell do I do?"
01010
It kind of hurt after that moment to be sent home. He thought he had seen something from her when they were standing there in front of the ladder, but he didn't want to get his hopes up. He didn't want to be wrong and say anything and hear her rejection from those beautiful lips of hers.
He really wanted to kiss her. It stole his ability to think and he was stuck between forcing himself from doing so and seriously wanting to. It mentally exhausted him until she finally broke the spell and pushed him away. He was kind of thankful for her doing so; he didn't know what he would've done had she not taken action. He felt he would've ruined what they had arrived at and he didn't want to do that either.
Part of him wanted to do so. They were strong enough that if something happened between them, he just knew that they could arrive at this new title with their hands clutched tightly together. He didn't think being anything special to her would bother him, but he thought of what she had planned starting next year. Even if he jumped that fence, never to return, he wouldn't be able to see her. He would miss her so much and he would bother her at such a crucial time when she needed solitude to do what she planned.
He knew she would accomplish what she set out to. When Lucy said she was going to do something, her ability to get it planned out and follow through was amazing. He could only feel despair at the thought of getting her heart merely to stand there holding it in wait and wonder if she felt anything for him while she was busy with class. Would she miss him too? Would she agonize over wanting to call him when she was busy studying? Would she try to catch a few minutes here or there daydreaming about being with him when she was taking notes in class?
Hands clutched his hair. He sighed heavily, knowing that they had probably reached a horrible spot in whatever was blooming between them. It was best to leave it alone and try to ignore it, but they had tried to forget all of these instances that were cropping up and it was getting them nowhere. Everything they did or said or the looks they gave each other were only causing more to happen. Nothing was going to stop until they admitted this to themselves and each other and get an answer out of this.
He looked over to the pillow that was still gracing the headboard of her side of the bed. He stared at it for what seemed forever before sliding up the comforter to hug it. His eyes closed when he smelled the barest traces of her on the pillow. She was still here, even when she was halfway across the city. His fingers clenched a little and he was annoyed at how he was torturing himself over this. There was no good answer here and this sweet agony was hard to get over. He didn't know if he wanted to though...
This wouldn't do. He had work in the morning and he really should try to sleep, but his head was so full of her. He could see her whenever he closed his eyes. He could see any image of her from any point in time; all he had to do was think of the timeline he wanted to pull her from and she would be next to him.
He sat up with a sigh and tossed her pillow back in its spot and sat up. He didn't have the heart to put it away in the closet. He wanted to hold on to any reminder that she was there with him. It helped him get through the quiet of his apartment whenever he went to sleep at night and didn't hear her shifting to get comfortable or breathing when she was asleep.
He slid off the bed and looked down when something touched his leg. His brows furrowed. That wasn't the blanket...what? He kneeled and found something not of the bed barely sticking out in between the mattresses. He reached for it and pulled out what looked like a piece of paper. He recognized her handwriting and lifted up the mattress. His eyes widened in shock at finding a small, messy stack of pages there. She had obviously done some writing when he wasn't around and had hidden it there from him! He suddenly grinned evilly and snatched all of the pages. 'She must have forgotten about it in here...' Finders keepers! He sat on the bed and turned his lamp on so he could read her story. She never gave him the opportunity to do so, saying her writing was never good enough. He now had the chance to find out for himself and he was totally going to do so! He settled in and ordered the pages for easy use.
His eyes were intense again and they were burning into hers. He was wearing the same outfit that he always did with it opened wide to shamelessly reveal his chest and all those rippling muscles. His arms were crossed. He looked like quite the alpha male right now and quite cocky at that with that boyish smile tinged with smugness. She feasted on his figure from this distance, almost forgetting what she was doing.
She locked eyes with him and a sly smile that slowly lost its edge as the buttons came off on her pajama top. His face flamed as she slid the garment from her shoulders, revealing her chest in all its glory to him. There was never an appropriate moment to focus specifically on him admiring her bare form and she had never truly wanted him to unlike now. She finally ended his agony and put her top on. She emitted a shaky breath as she looked down. Her fingers slowly tugged her pajama pants till they pooled at her ankles. She picked them up and added them to the table. She subtly looked his way and found his eyes had widened a little. She tried to keep her lips from twitching. She put the shorts on over her underwear and finally looked him in the eye. "Ready..." She breathed, not moving from her spot of safety. It seemed like her words almost didn't register in his ears until he finally pushed off the edge of her bed frame. He moved almost in slow motion as he neared her. "N – Natsu...?"
He stopped when he saw his name on the page. Aside from the story being hot and heavy, she had made him a character! Why she chose him he didn't know, but who was the female character? Heart pounding, blood already boiling, he grabbed the next page.
She jumped out of her skin when his mouth clamped down on her shoulder. She panted as he applied pressure and drew her skin to his teeth. Then he bit her. She cried out and grabbed his arms to steady herself. She could feel the points from his canines prick her skin. The pain felt great in its own way, even if it did hurt a little. It barely registered with what he was doing. She leaned against him and he easily supported her weight. Her head lolled against his, eyes hardly seeing his neck. Before catching herself, her lips opened in slow motion and her teeth clamped around his jugular. His heartbeat roared against her tongue.
He jolted at the sensation and pressed her against him roughly. They stood there for who knew how long in beautiful ecstasy. His hands dug into her hips and pushed her against him again. "Lucy..." He whispered, breath hot over her skin.
He froze. Every muscle, every tendon, every breath halted when he saw her name on the page even though his hands were shaking. She had written such heavy stuff and made the two of them characters! Why? What was she planning on doing with this? How long ago had she written this and stashed it here?! It had to be when she lived here because there was no other opportunity. He didn't think she would just oh-so-casually pick them to write this about merely because she couldn't make up her own characters. She was more creative than that; there had to be a reason!
He stared at the pages for the longest time, mind whirling and hope soaring. Did she do this because she felt something like this toward him that many months ago? His fingers tightened on the paper, barely hearing the crinkling. He kept reading on, amazed at the plot, the heat, and her imagination. She had put them into a world of magic and made them both magicians. He made her the main female protagonist and him the main male one. She had fallen under a sleep type spell for some reason and then played out what she felt for him in her dreams because she thought he didn't feel the same way in real life.
He finally tossed the last page onto the bed, hands scrubbing his face harshly. His mind was spinning at the ending and he couldn't comprehend this sudden twist of irony. Did she like him romantically back then and wrote about this to get everything out? Did she still feel this way? Today raced through his head and he could only assume she did by the way she acted. The main fact of her driver taking him home instead of her told him that she was too uncomfortable to be in her car with him. It almost gave him hope to try and do something the next time he was with her and think that maybe she wouldn't push him away.
"I just can't believe that you write smut. A rich and successful lady like yourself writing pornographic stories...it just seems funny."
He looked to the second to last chapter. He harshly swallowed and felt himself shake a little. He had laughed at her, but her detail was a little too good and vivid. Did she want him to do things like this to her? Is that why she wrote about it? Despite not wanting to, already having torn him asunder, his eyes went back to those pages.
Her arms raised without her command and shuffled out from the straps. She suddenly felt exposed as a finger slowly pulled the top off her and threw it somewhere in the room. She looked down at him with hooded eyes, barely able to see him. Her mouth trembled, aching to touch him. "Natsu... Yes..."
He needed no more encouragement and his lips clamped down. Her cry was music as she arched back to give him more access. He raked a canine over her nipple, hearing her whimper. A bead of sweat fell down between her cleavage and he licked it away. He moved to the other side and applied the same dedication.
He lavished every word, every action that his story-self did to her. He reread it so many times, obsessed with the images she put in his head. She let the story-him do things in these pages that the real him wanted to do to her. He had to pull himself back to his room lest he keep reading them and reading them, never to stop. He was shaking like a leaf in a storm from the emotions she invoked in him. They were so strong, so needy, and all encompassing. He felt an ache so powerful and he regretfully pushed the pages away to try and clear his head.
He looked down, shifting against the pull to his jeans. He grimaced and stood, feeling highly uncomfortable and needing this urge to go away. He tossed all his clothes on the floor and headed for the shower, trying to keep the temperature as cold as he could. He didn't want to be under it, but knew it needed to be done.
The fall of the water touched him everywhere. It didn't help with his mind still playing over the last scene he couldn't get out of his head. His hands twitched and in a second, unable to think anymore, one hand reached down and upped the temperature. His blood pressure rapidly turned around and went up and his hooded eyes stared at the tile walls. He let the spray hit his chest and imagined it was her fingers, just as she had touched him in his story. A hand reached out against the shower wall to help him balance.
His blood was boiling. His breath was ragged and he could barely stand. He looked down to his waist, watching the water strike him. His free hand floated near his hip in hesitation. He paused for what seemed forever until fingers closed around himself. He gasped shakily and stroked once. He imagined it was her, just as she had touched him in the story with her mouth...with her. He lost himself in the urge to need her, to want her, and his hand moved. The hand against the wall clenched, nails biting his skin as he sped up. He slid down to his knees and still his hand moved. His arm was burning, but he kept it up. His teeth grit tightly, imagination working overtime, as he gave in and released...choking her name so many times...
He panted heavily, eyes closed, body spent as the water cleansed the sweat from his skin. His eyes slitted open and stared at the tub. He had gone and done it...he just crossed a line he couldn't come back from... What did he do now? He wouldn't be able to ever look at her again without thinking of her story, of wondering how she truly felt, of what he just did and how he wished it was her body...
A hand wiped the ever-flowing water off his face. A shred of regret flowed through him, even if he tried to deny it. He didn't want to feel sorry over something like this, but he couldn't help it. He had done something selfish without thinking of the consequences and now he was here. The only solace he had was in a measly few weeks he'd be cut off from her again with just her story to keep him company.
He shut the shower off and remained kneeling until he gained the strength to stand. He snatched a towel and wrapped it around his waist as he left the bathroom and went for a pair of sweatpants. He draped the towel over his head and put them on. He plopped down on the bed with a sigh, the towel crinkling part of the story. He sat up and collected the pages silently, eyes idly staring at the words.
He couldn't leave it like this. Good or bad, he had to have an ending. If she wrote something like this, there must be something there! He didn't want to hope against hope, but he needed to know. He would confront her with this story and see for himself how she felt. He didn't want to assume anymore; he needed to hear it from her to close the door or step through it! If she felt nothing or it had died, he would accept that answer and get on with his life. If it was the other way...if she truly felt something for him like on these pages...they would work to find a way to be together. As bittersweet as it was going to be...
His hand tightened on the pages, jaw clenching. If the feeling was mutual, he didn't care how long it would take; he would keep her heart safe and wait for her to get done what she needed so she could come be with him. He glowered at the pages. That may take a year, possibly a few more, but he had to believe she was worth it. He could think of nothing bad when he pictured her; she was perfect in so many ways. He would work out a way to bother her when she had free time and he would take what she would give him. He had faith that she would try...provided she felt the same...
