Where's the Girl?

He watched as she babbled, obviously thrown by the situation. She was clearly as surprised as him by the arrival of the blonde in the Porsche.

She paused, shaking her head awkwardly. Her hands fluttered about excessively, as if she'd almost been caught with them in the cookie jar and was trying to distract from the fact.

'We were just going to go grab a bite to eat.'

The words were true and innocent, but she had that guilty vibe going, and Jess had to wonder if her mind still went to the places his did sometimes.

'Great, well, how about if we all go together, is that okay?'

No, it's not okay. He had things he wanted to talk about with Rory. He wasn't interested in getting to know her new paramour. But of course, he couldn't say that. He was much more level-headed these days.

'Okay by me.'

He watched the way Logan steered her to his Porsche. She didn't show any pleasure at his touch, but she didn't resist it either. In fact, she didn't show anything. It was as if she wasn't in there. Had Logan's appearance left her that shell-shocked? Huh. Perhaps she was more surprised than him.

After all, he mused as he tailed the Porsche to wherever the hell they were going – she was Rory Gilmore, bewitcher of men. He should have expected that she'd have a significant other. Yes, and a significant other that's nothing like you, his inner monologue taunted him.

He scowled and turned up the volume on his stereo, as if hoping that Bif Naked could drown out the sound of his thoughts. He drives a Porsche and calls her Ace…. No - she couldn't. His inner monologue was mocking him too loudly.

Sitting in the bar, Jess tried to keep his hands on the table in front of him, fingers lightly entwined, as if that would stop him from punching this Prep school cretin in his pompous, arrogant face. It's not like he wouldn't deserve it; he was annoying him more than the Bag Boy used to, and they'd only been sat here for ten minutes.

He tried to tune out most of Logan's blathering and instead focus on Rory, but he found that harder than it should have been. Rory wasn't there. Not his Rory anyway. Not the girl that spoke a million words a minute, that smiled and laughed with blazing eyes and that had - for the shortest time - made Jess Mariano feel like the most important man on the planet. The girl sitting across from him vaguely reminded him of her, but…

She hadn't read his novel yet. The sixty thousand words that he'd secretly been so proud of – that he'd brought to her, wanting desperately for her to share his pride, and to get some sign of forgiveness from her… She hadn't read them. The girl who'd once forced him to listen to her read John Galt's sixty page monologue from Atlas Shrugged in one sitting; the girl who'd read Catch 22 in three days, just so she could discuss it with him; the girl who'd insisted they had to re-read The Princess Bride before they could watch the movie… She hadn't read his short novel.

He wondered if the burning in his eyes as he stepped outside was from tears. No. It couldn't be. He blinked furiously. It stung.

'Jess, wait!'

No tears now. He turned to look at the girl running after him. Huh. How many times had he wanted her to do that? But not now. Not this girl.

He listened disinterestedly as she made excuses for the blonde dick.

Did she know? Did she know that she wasn't Rory anymore?

'I'm going be a journalist.'

No, girl. Not like this you're not.

He had to do it. He had to wake her up. Or at least try; like she'd tried to do for him, so long ago.

'What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place? Being in the DAR? No Yale - why did you drop out of Yale?'

That was the part that baffled him the most. Rory Gilmore give up school?!

It was like talking to Cletus the Slack Jawed Yokel. She just babbled excuses and played dumb. But she wasn't, he was sure. Somewhere in there, his Rory had to be hearing what he was saying.

'This isn't you, Rory. You know it isn't. What's going on?'

Finally she seemed to hear him. Her gaze dropped to the ground and for a split second her perfectly made up face and fancy coiffed hair style seemed to dissolve back into that brilliant force of nature who'd had incredible dreams and the tenacity to make them happen; that girl that he'd known once.

'I don't know.' Her voice was small and uncertain. 'I don't know.'

Had it worked? He hoped so, but he didn't have the stomach to stay and find out. If he got too close to his Rory he'd only get lost in his own emotional baggage again.

And so he choose to pretend he hadn't noticed her reaction. 'Okay, uh. Maybe, maybe we'll catch up at a better time.' When he touched her elbow he told himself he was just trying to be grown-up and reassuring for her – it had nothing to do with proving to himself that the girl in front of him was real – that she still existed.

As he walked away from her, he knew that this reunion hadn't gone quite as he'd imagined, but at least this time he felt satisfied that walking away was the right thing to do. He was no longer the villain in the scene.

He hesitated mid-step and looked back at her.

'Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago? Your birthday?' She looked stunned that he remembered. He wanted to tell her that it was one of the only dates in the year that meant anything to him. Why else would he have launched his book on October 8th, if not for her?

But he can't tell her that now. Not yet. He wants to wait and save that information to tell Rory.

**********

A/N: Thanks for all the amazing reviews on the last chapter. I promise I am working on more updates for this and my other stories, but moving house at Christmas time can be a bit hectic!

Merry Christmas all,

~VC