53
Ianto was tired, despite having just recharged and he sat forlornly staring at the sleeping tot, hoping he would wake soon for a little bit of loving.
Lucy had slunk onto one of the sofas and was resolutely ignoring him as she snored softly.
Ianto ached for Jack, like a raw wound.
Even though they had not been connecting mentally, the smell and the touch had been enough. He now knew that he would survive the separation, as he already had but he also know that he was going to feel worse before he felt better, no longer having Killer Alien Unit Rat Dogs to distract him was making the silence and the great vastness of the cabin and surrounding woods have an echoing feel to it.
Ianto thought about food and dismissed it, then thinking about Heath's bottle and he rose to prepare one just in case, his internal clock telling him that the feed was due. He found himself staring out the kitchen window at the snow, looking at the table and chairs on the deck as he wondered which chair Jack sat in.
Ianto as re-entering the lounge when he saw tiny hand waving, his heart swelling as he bent down and grinned at the baby, then a wave of fatigue washed over him and he sat on the sofa with a puff of air, chastising himself for not eating something.
He just didn't have an appetite. Jack usually pushed him to …
Last time, he had known that he and Jack were OK, that Jack was coming for him and that they would be together again. This time he knew he had ruined any chance of getting Jack's love again. He knew deep in his heart that if Jack found him, there would be no forgiveness. He would lose Heath and probably his own freedom as Jack punished him as he should have in the first place.
Maybe he was destined to be a lost soul.
Ianto held the tiny boy and wiped the tears away as they fell on the tiny face, large eyes seeming to beg him to be strong.
But god his loss did ache.
.
.
.
.
.
Jack was standing by Tosh's chair as they tried to look for Ianto, when it hit.
He found himself on his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks as he struggled to breathe through the immense waves of grief that assaulted him and Owen was there holding him as he wept.
"Easy mate, take a breath" Owen was saying softly as Jack did just that, only to howl with sorrow.
"We'll find him, it's OK, we will find him" Tosh was there as well, trying to help comfort the bereft man who was crumbling to the floor, his howls ragged as though his guts were being torn out.
Owen scrabbled for his desk and pulled open a drawer, removing a syringe that he swung and plunged into Jack's shoulder.
Jack slumped and Tosh looked at Owen with shock.
"What. I always have one there, never know" he shrugged as he helped her lay Jack on the floor. "Poor bastard."
"Close enough for the bond" Tosh said softly, "I think he was openly searching for Ianto at the same time as Ianto was thinking of him. A psychic slam."
"Yeah, their stupid brains." Owen huffed, "I wanna bash their heads together. Wait, how far can the bond stretch do you think?"
"I don't know" she rose and straightened her skirts, "they never tested it."
"When we were heading for the cabin, how long before he started that soft growling thing?" Owen asked and Tosh shrugged as she replied that he had from the airport.
"So … we take that distance and make that our search area, a bed and breakfast maybe? Where might he be, somewhere close to shops for that little man, somewhere he feels safe" Owen muttered as they went back to the search, leaving Jack to sleep off the hypodermic.
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Ianto had placed Heath in the bed, was on his knees gripping the arm of the sofa as he took deep breaths, his eyes shut as he felt the waves of pain. Then they were gone and Ianto was left shaking with fatigue as he tried to work out what the hell had just happened. For a moment he thought that it might be Unit again, frantically scrambling to his feet before realising it had been Jack.
Last time there had been a heightened fear that had made him almost irrational and he had wondered at the time why he was so afraid. Now he knew.
The bond.
It was still there and just as Jack had projected fear and worry last time, this time it was grief and loss. Ianto sank to the sofa with the shock of awareness.
Jack loved him.
He really did.
Ianto checked that Heath was asleep and then he lay back on the sofa and closed his eyes, experimentally sending a loving wave at Jack, hoping it comforted him in some way as the ache in his gut lessened.
.
.
.
.
Jack moaned softly, rolling onto his side and curling up as Tosh knelt to rub his back and soothe him.
He felt it.
The soft stroking of his face, the murmured love that he usually woke to down on their room.
Ianto was thinking of him, missing him and loving him still.
He struggled to his feet and tried to glare at Owen but he knew it had been all that Owen could do so he settled for a hand on the man's shoulder as he took another shuddering breath.
He closed his eyes sent sent back his own loving thoughts.
He felt it.
Ianto responded with relief.
And fear, sorrow, apology.
Jack wiped his face and sighed as he whispered to the bond, "I miss you too."
