The only thing tough about these things is I had to make them correlate to the other references that I made throughout the story...so much work.

It was only after 10 minutes that Kakashi was starting to panic. And though ten minutes was not a lot of time for searching it should have been enough. He knew all the places that Naruto would often run to when he was upset. The hokage monument, training ground, ichiraku's, sometimes after sasuke had died he had a habit of going to the Uchiha district. But no matter where kakashi looked he couldn't find him.

Damn.

He should have known that Shikamaru had probably already looked into those areas. The man was like Naruto's personal watchdog and if he was desperate that meant Naruto really couldn't be found.

A wave of panic threatened to spill but he clapped down on it.

Naruto was fine.

Naruto was fine

Naruto was fine…..

Just Lost.

After an hour the panic was to great to contain. Where could he have possibly gone? Had he been taken? Had he gotten hurt and couldn't get back?

He had no way of knowing anything. What he did know was that Naruto was probably grieving. But he had chosen not to come to Kakashi or Shikamaru; the closest ones he had left.

That said a lot.

Now that he thought about it Shikamaru had once told him that when Sakura died he hadn't cried. Naruto wouldn't cry in front of the Nara though. Shikamaru was pessimistic enough that was why Naruto was a good balance because Naruto was the one who had hope and smiled. And they needed that to stay sane…..

But he hadn't come to Kakashi either. Kakashi was the only other person on the team, surely Naruto should have confided in him… And he had but he hadn't cried then either. Just reminisced and talked about not letting her death be in vain.

So what had Naruto done? Naruto was not well known for keeping his emotions in check. So he had to release somewher….

Iruka.

Naruto had probably confided in his father figure Iruka who had told him all that crap that he had regurgitated to him later. But now that Iruka had gone where would he have turned? Who else was someone that he would tell secrets to? That he would be honest with? That he didn't mind being weak…..

No wonder Shikamaru couldn't find him.

Kakashi thought as he jumped away in the cold rain knowing now exactly where to go.


He couldn't remember the last time that he had been to the house. He was surprised that he even remembered where it was. He could only remember being there enough times to count on his hand. The roof was caved slightly and the window were broken. The cement walls that should have held firm were cracked and chipped making the place look haunted. And perhaps it was because how long had it been since someone had lived there?

The door was already ajar when he walked in. The entrance was a hallway, dusty and broken, the rain outside left the inside gloomy and dank. Up ahead were stairs but there was no one he was going up there. Not because of safety reasons but rather the memories would be too much for him to handle. And if Naruto was here like he thought he was he wouldn't….

He probably would but he was hoping he hadn't anyway.

Instead Kakashi turned to the door that lead to another memorable room. It was a place that they had spent the most time in. he tried to mentally prepare himself for what he would see, attempting to remember what it had looked like in it's heyday but perhaps the constant alcohol was finally doing it's job because he couldn't even remember the wall color.

He took a deep breath instead and pushed the broken door open hoping to find the child he was looking for because if he didn't he was done.

But Kakashi though he had no confidence in his gut instinct he did in his logic and lo and behold sitting on the old dusty and probably broken couch sat a tall young man. Too tall to disappear behind the cushion as he had done often before. His blond hair was damp but he looked like he had been here for awhile.

Kakashi took another breath walking around the couch Of course he would run here Kakashi thought as he walked in front of Naruto. With no one else left he had chased after a ghost…

Sakura's.

"Naruto you've made everyon-"

What?

Now it was to be noted that there was hardly ever a time that Kakashi had not seen Naruto happy, mad, frustrated or slightly sad; those four only. Kakashi wasn't the one any of his students ran to when they needed emotional support because they knew they wouldn't get it from him.

And sometimes he wished he could be that guy. That bonded so close that his students picked up his habits like Shikamaru did with Asuma. Or that talked frequently like Kurenai did with her students. He didn't want anything too extreme like Lee and Gai but he wondered what it was like to have that son figure.

But he wasn't that type of guy and the one he had tried to bond with had betrayed them all.

But this….

Naruto's eyes never looked so dark. They were broken and empty as he stared off into space not even motioning if he was aware of his teacher's presence. There was no glow as there usually was and no warmth.

Naruto was a corpse.

Naruto had broken.

And Kakashi felt awful and not because he could have helped prevent this, or because this was his student, not even for the fact that Naruto looked so god awfully distraught; but because he was happy.

He was on a high of happiness. Naruto was feeling just as he did for so many days of his life. Torn to shreds from the inside out. And he was overjoyed. It was a disgusting thought but he was positively giddy.

But it didn't last. Most good feeling didn't with Kakashi and it sobered out into shame quickily enough. He sighed heavily

"Naruto."

No response.

"Naruto look at me"

Not even a glance and that was frustrating to a new level because Naruto's gaze always seemed to trail after his. After Pien had attacked and he had 'died' Naruto always had him in his sights. And when they had to kill his old teammate Naruto never let the man breath. It was why he came to his house every week and the underground leaders allowed it because if Naruto was his personal guard than there was no way that one of the last sharingans would disappear.

"Naruto!"

His voice cracked because it had been some time since he had been forced to raise it. But Naruto just sat there on the couch that he still remembered they all sat in to have a movie night at Sakura's request.

Kakashi was getting pissed so he raised a heavy fist and-

BAM!

He didn't fall off the couch as he had hoped, the boy certainly had gotten stronger as of late. In fact he didn't move at all for a couple of seconds but then his gaze lazily and still burnt out turned to Kakashi and spoke wonders.

It was all his fault.

Not Kakashi's; Naruto's.

Had he been smarter he could have figured out a plan sooner.

Had he been stronger he could have stopped them faster.

Had he been there he could have saved them.

Everything was his fault. People were dying and it was blood on his hands.

Blood

Blood.

Blood.

Kakashi grit his teeth as he leaped onto Naruto straddling him and pulling his shirt.

"SHUT UP!"

Because though he hadn't said it he knew that what he was thinking because all too often he thought the same thoughts. And where he had been happy about it before he was pissed now.

Because Naruto was better than this. Because Naruto was brighter than this…

"I won't let you drown…."

Because that's what the boy was doing. Kakashi grit his teeth as he retched the doll like child up to his face.

"I won't allow you to drown in this sin alone!"

A spark flashed in those dead blue eyes and the numbness that had protected the boy seemed to break and Kakashi realized how fragile he really was. Still too young to bear the burdens of the world on his shoulder, and forever too young to lose those important to you….

"Ka...Kakashi…"

It was broken tears streaming down his face and then a sorrow so great filled those blue eye making him look empty again.

"Kill me"

Shock.

That was what you could call it.

Kakashi was going through shock because never in his life had he thought he would hear those words from this person. This person that endured being taunted and isolated as a child. That was almost killed by his teacher. That made a mercenary's heart ache. That turned a psychomaniac jinjuriki into a hokage. That saved princesses and made enemies cry. Who had finally managed to become the hokage so that he could do so much more….

That person had just asked him to kill him.

It was as if something in his brain snapped. Like he suddenly detached because the words were more shocking than when Jiraiya died.

He didn't even have a coherent thought as his hand went to his vest zipper pulling it down roughly and and throwing it off to the side.

"Ka….shi?"

So Naruto wanted to die? Naruto wanted Kakashi to kill him?!

He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it up throwing it as well leaving his chest bare,

"You want me to kill you right? You're just gonna die right?"

Kakashi was now livid as he grabbed Naruto's shirt roughly and pulling the zipper down retching the jacket off. Clothes were thrown haphazardly across the room, and Naruto began to show a bit more life.

"I won't let you…"

Came a deep throaty growl, Because it wasn't fair that Naruto just wanted to leave him too.

"Stop"

Naruto said weakly his arms should have easily pushed him off as he did so many times with the enemy. But they weren't and the Kakashi was relentless and desperate. He wouldn't even give the man air to breath at this rate,

"I won't allow it…."

More manhandling. He wanted Naruto to feel everything. Wanted Naruto to be in so much pain that he couldn't wallow in sadness.

"I said stop"

The voice came out a bit firmer and a fear glittered in those blue eyes that he had become so possessive over.

And in his mind he thought he should stop. That this was going to far. That raping his student was too much. But he didn't think he could at this point. He wanted this so bad. They were both drowning in the despair that was this time period not knowing what right from wrong was anymore. And who knows maybe Naruto would forgive him. And Kakashi would forgive him for trying to cope out like his dad had.

His hand slammed on the blonde's head shoving him down forcefully

"Even if you hate me…. You can't!"

Maybe


And how scary.

Neither of them ran from each other. Dying on the inside with pain and misery wanting to be devoured by the other in the most brutalist of ways. Both broken from the inside out.

soooo... I am not a fan of rape but I do know desperation and some people do often think that being physical is the only way to heal emotional scars... But on another note, this is officially the story between their relationship.