A/N: Chapter 51!
I got twenty-seven reviews for the last chapter. Seriously, guys, you blow my mind. So I've updated a day early.
Koko23cat deserves a medal for everything she did for this chapter, she is so amazing and helpful. Plus her story Take My Hand is like thirty reviews from one thousand. I'm so proud and happy for her right now.
Disclaimer: I have two Twilight Saga calendars hanging on my bedroom wall. One is set to February 2011 and Jacob (blech). The other is set to June 2010 and Jalice. Does this prove to you that I'm nothing more than a fan?
Chapter 51 - A Ruined Friendship
30th August 2009
Jasper POV
"You bastard!" she spat, and not even a second later, she stormed forward and pulled her arm back. There was a loud crack as she brought her hand down across my cheek.
Silence followed for the few seconds afterwards.
She'd fucking slapped me.
I tried not to show the shock of it on my face, nor did I reach up and touch where it stung the most. I didn't want to give her the benefit of seeing my reaction.
So I kept my hands clenched and shaking at my side. In the back of my mind, I knew I'd deserved it, but even so, I didn't respond well to people hitting me. Had it been a man to do it, I'd have struck them back by now. But this was Alice, and it had been ingrained within me to never lay a single finger on woman, regardless of how angry I may have been.
But I had to hit something, or channel my anger into another outlet, and when she started to strike me again, this time hitting my chest, I focussed it into restraining her. I grasped her wrists, keeping her away from me. She fought against my grip as she tried to lash out again. But I was too strong for her, and her blows missed their mark.
"Fuck off," she ground out through clenched teeth. The words were cold, harsh. She meant them. When I still didn't let her go, she pulled against me harder, her expression contorting into a fury I'd never seen from her.
"Just fuck off!" she screamed, resentment dripping from her every word. "Get out of my house!"
I let go of her, letting her stumble backwards from the sudden release. I didn't try to stop her from falling over.
"Don't worry, I'm going," I said, no emotions escaping in my words, now. For a brief moment, my unsympathetic gaze landed on Jackie, it was the first time I'd looked at her since she'd walked into the house. She stared back, a shocked and slightly fearful look in her eyes.
Then with one, last, heated glance at Alice, I spun around and wrenched the door open. I didn't close it behind me, and I heard rather than saw Alice step forward slam it with as much force as she could muster.
The sound of it rattled through my body, but it didn't break my stride. I just kept walking, feeling the fire pumping through me with each step. I was angry, really fucking angry and nothing she said or did was going to make me look back.
I left her street knowing things had escalated beyond my reach. I couldn't fully comprehend what had just happened and I couldn't work out how the fuck I'd let that it get that bad. Why hadn't I just walked away from her?
I was a fucking adult, why had I let it come to this?
I couldn't even remember exactly what I'd said to her. My mouth had run away from me, reacting before I could think of a sensible response. Some of it had been true. But I knew in my heart that most of it had been pure spite, just to get back at her.
She'd started it, that much I knew. She'd been the first one to react with anger, the one to lash out. But I'd responded in the only way I knew how. I'd retaliated and hurt her back.
I'd thought things were gone between us yesterday, but they definitely were now.
Gone, destroyed, and shattered into a million little pieces.
In my eyes, they were gone forever.
Alice POV
My hands were shaking and my breath was coming in short gasps. I was still standing behind the door I'd slammed only moments ago. Mom was behind me; I could sense her uneasiness from here. She wanted to know what happened, and in all honesty, I couldn't answer her.
I didn't know what happened, or how it had happened. All I knew was that I hated him.
I really fucking hated him.
The anger rolled through me once again, and I was half tempted to wrench the door open and chase after him. My hand still stung from when I'd slapped him. But I wanted to do it again. I wanted to hurt him for what he said.
My thoughts reeled with retorts and snarky comments as I replayed what he'd said in my mind over and over.
Don't act like you didn't put him on a pedestal.
I saw enough to know he was a jerk.
How could he say that? How? He wasn't there; he didn't know shit about Robbie and what he was like. He didn't know him at all.
Angry tears poured from my eyes, but I brushed them away with the palm of my hand, turning around and heading for the stairs. I wanted to be alone, but somehow, I knew Mom wouldn't let that happen.
I was right, of course.
"Alice, what the hell just happened?" she said sternly, with her hands resting on her hips. I ignored her and made for the stairs once again, but this time, she stood in my path. I knew I wasn't going to get passed her.
"You're not going to hide in your room. Get in there, now," she continued, pointing towards the living room. "You're going to explain to me why you two were fighting in my house, and you're not going to leave anything out, got it?"
A scowl formed on my face; I didn't want to talk about it. I was too worked up to explain it to her. But I did as I was told, nonetheless, and sat down on the couch. She followed suit and looked at me for a long moment, waiting for me to speak.
"I hate him," I whispered as a lump formed in my throat, marring my words. "I hate him."
As those three words revolved around my mind, a fresh wave of tears hit me. But this time they weren't from anger, they were different, and it hurt to cry. It hurt to finally know what he was really thinking. It hurt to hear those words passing my lips, and I couldn't quite understand it.
Mom shifted closer to me and pulled me into an embrace. She rubbed her hands up and down my arms soothingly, trying to quell my tears.
"Alice," she finally began after we'd been sitting in silence for a long while. "You have to tell me what happened."
I took in a deep, shuddering breath before sitting up and rubbing at my sore eyes. What happened played through my mind once again, but this time, I went back to the previous day, trying to think of when it started.
"It was yesterday, when Henry and Jasper were talking," I told her, my voice was quiet and I didn't meet her eye as I spoke. "I don't know exactly what they talked about, but I think it something about Henry thinking me and Jasper should be more than just friends."
In my peripheral vision, I saw Mom nod for me to continue. I took a deep breath and carried on.
"The next morning, Jasper had an argument with Henry. He said that what Henry told him had messed with his mind, and that he was thinking about it now. But then he said that I wasn't ready because I said Robbie's name."
When I finished, I looked up to see her wearing a confused expression. "What do you mean you said Robbie's name?"
I sniffled quietly, trying not to cry again. "When we woke up, I said his name. I don't remember saying it, but the next thing I knew, Jasper was pulling away and going inside. When I got up to follow him, he was already arguing with Henry."
Her brow furrowed further. "Alice, honey, I'm not following what you're saying. You were sleeping outside?"
"Yes, we went to sit outside," I said, exhaling, feeling slightly annoyed that she wasn't grasping what I was saying. Why did it matter that we were outside?
"We fell asleep on the chair," I explained impatiently. "When I woke up, that was when I thought he was Robbie."
"Wait, you thought he was Robbie?" Mom looked shocked as she voiced her question. "I thought you just said his name?"
As she finished, I felt a quick burst of irritation in my chest. "I did say his name. I was half asleep, Mom, I wasn't thinking straight. Everything was warm and his arm was around me - I just got confused."
"His arm was around you?"
I gritted my teeth; her questions were starting to really frustrate me, and I could feel the same anger brewing up again. But I couldn't let it escape, not with Mom. So before I answered, I took another deep, calming breath.
"We were on the same chair; I've already told you this."
"No, honey, you didn't tell me you slept on the same chair as him." Her expression was turning worried now.
I stared at her for a long moment, feeling the annoyance subside slightly. I thought back over the past couple of minutes and realised that, in fact, she was right – I hadn't told her.
When I didn't say anything, she decided to continue. "Alice, you must realise how this sounds to me."
Her words rendered me speechless. How was I supposed to respond to a comment like that? I wasn't even sure what she meant by it.
"What do you mean?" I said nervously.
"Who suggested you slept next to each other?" she asked in a softer voice. It was as if she already knew the answer.
"I did," I whispered, feeling a knot forming in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't read her expression, but in the back of my mind, I was suddenly certain she knew I was going to say that.
"You won't like hearing this," Mom continued, and I tensed, waiting for her to go on. "But think of the impression that must have given him."
My brow pulled together at her response. "Henry was inside the house at the time, there's no way he could have heard it, or seen us together, either."
Mom had a sympathetic look in her eyes as she sighed. "I wasn't referring to Henry, Alice. Think of how that must have looked to Jasper."
I was taken aback by her comment and felt slightly nauseous as her words fully sunk in. She was right, of course she was. I'd never thought about the way I acted around Jasper; it just came naturally. I certainly never thought about what impression it would give him.
But surely Jasper knew that…
Surely...
I shook my head; the movement made me feel dizzy. "Jasper knows, I…" I stopped, trying to think of the right word. "He knows I wouldn't mean it in that way."
At first, Mom was silent. She just looked at me, and I stared right back. I knew there was something she wanted to tell me. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear what she had to say. I certainly wasn't going to prompt her to tell me.
"Does he, though?" she questioned quietly, ignoring my blank expression. "You know Jasper far better than I do, but you spend so much time together, Alice. I've noticed the change between you both. Maybe he's noticed it, too."
"No," I said, not looking at her now. "That's not possible. He wouldn't think like that…I know he wouldn't."
She didn't look fully convinced, but made no further comment on what I'd just said. Instead, she rubbed her hand across her brow, as if she was suddenly getting a headache.
"There's something you should know," she said, gnawing at her bottom lip. "I've been contemplating whether or not to tell you, and just wait to see if you remembered about it yourself. But either you did remember and you're disregarding it, or you really did forget it happened."
She paused then, and I could feel my heartbeat getting a little bit faster. I didn't have a clue what she was going to tell me, and that scared me.
"Do you remember when you went to Rosalie and Edward's party, and you and Jasper came home drunk?" she said, confusing me at the direction she was taking. Where was she going with this? I kept quiet, letting her continue. "You both fell on the floor, and when he helped you up, you…you kissed him."
The blood drained from my face as her words registered. I'd kissed him. That couldn't be true. No, it wasn't true. Why would I kiss him? Drunk or not, it wasn't possible. He was about as ready for that kind of thing as I was. How would I not remember doing it?
But when I returned my gaze to Mom, I quickly realised that it was true, she would never lie to me, so it must have happened.
"Does he know?" I asked, choking out the words as heat began to prickle at the base of my neck.
She pursed her lips. "I'm not sure. Do you remember I asked if he could recall anything from the previous night?"
I nodded; it was curt, jilted, as I remembered back to that morning.
"He said he couldn't remember anything, but, honey, I don't know if he did remember, and just didn't say anything because he didn't want to mention it in front of everyone."
My breathing increased in pace I searched my mind for any indication that he remembered the kiss. I didn't have to look back very far, as I thought of when he'd left that same morning. He'd kissed me on the cheek as he said goodbye, something he'd never done before.
I turned it over and over in my mind. Was that why he was so angry with Henry, with me? Did he think I'd moved on, only to change my mind and push him away again?
I couldn't believe that saying Robbie's name had caused this, and I was finding it hard to believe that Jasper would think like that.
There was no way that he could think I was playing him, toying with his mind. He must have known I would never do that.
He must have.
I swallowed heavily.
A whole new layer had just been added to the already tangled mess we were in, and I didn't know how to deal with it.
How on earth was I going to find out if he knew? We weren't talking, and his face was the last one I wanted to see.
I wasn't going to find out, because I never wanted to see him again.
Needing some time alone, I stood up and moved away from Mom. But as I did so, she stood up, too.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going to my room. I just want to be on my own," I told her quietly, hoping she'd let me go, this time.
She nodded with a worried look in her eye. "Okay, but if you need me, I'll be down here. If you decide to go out, you come and tell first, you got that?"
"Sure," I mumbled, wondering why she'd just said that.
But it suddenly dawned on me, as I made my way upstairs, that she must have thought I would go after Jasper. She wanted me to let her know, so that if she had to, she could stop me.
I shook my head, knowing that this had rapidly gone from bad to worse in a matter of hours. If I was being honest, in this current situation I couldn't see us ever coming back from this.
The day dragged on. There was no one to see, no one to talk to. It wasn't a feeling I was used to. Even when I was younger, there had always been someone there, someone I would go to.
But now, there really wasn't anyone. I'd relied too heavily on Jasper, I knew that now, and the impact of our argument was hitting me hard. Since I calmed down, I'd cried again, but not because I was angry, but because of what it meant.
Our friendship was gone, ruined, and everything that had happened, everything we'd been through was all in the past now.
I was still too angry with him to miss him, but somewhere, deep down in my heart I knew I'd lost something dear to me, something I couldn't replace.
I'd switched my phone off, not because I thought Jasper was going to call me, or anyone else, for that matter, but because in that moment, I wanted to get away from everything outside my room. Even when Mom came in to check on me, I pretended to be asleep.
When the night finally came, I found myself pulling the photo of me and Robbie into bed, clutching it to my chest. I stared at it in the partial darkness, wishing that I could go back to how things had been a year ago, before Jasper Whitlock, and before the thought of life without Robbie never ever crossed my mind.
I just wanted my old life back.
That's how I fell asleep, with the photo frame in my tightly clenched hands.
The dream started slowly, merging from black and white to colour, mist to discernible images. I knew where I was as soon as things became clear for me. I was in the school again.
It felt strange, as though I was expecting things to happen a moment before they did. Like the doors opening, and suddenly finding myself outside. The sound of the tyres against the ground rattled through my mind, but when I looked around, Robbie was nowhere to be seen. It was just Jasper.
Jasper, the one sitting behind the wheel.
I gasped and closed my eyes. It wasn't true, I knew that, but I still tried to scream.
I tried so hard, but nothing came out.
When I opened them again, the car was gone and Jasper was standing in front of me.
Too close.
But I didn't move away, I didn't take a step back.
"Alice," he growled, my name rolling off his tongue, the syllables more defined than usual.
It all happened so quickly then that I didn't have time to react. His hand grasped my face, the other on the back of my head, in my hair, pulling me closer. His lips were crushed against mine faster than I was able to close my eyes. They were hard, ardent, claiming me for everything I had.
The kiss was angry, as though the fury from our confrontation was fuelling it.
I raised my arms up towards him. Why? To push him away? To pull him closer? I didn't know. But when my fingers came into contact with him, a new sensation overcame me. Familiarity. The feel of his skin beneath my palms, the sudden softness of his lips, I knew them all.
But when I pulled back, it wasn't Jasper I was kissing at all. It was Robbie.
He brushed his thumb against my cheek, smiling. "Perfect."
Happiness. It washed through me and I leaned into his touch, closing my eyes. Robbie, he was here. He wasn't dying, not this time.
"He's not."
My eyes snapped open. Jasper. His eyes were dark, staring deep into mine with an unwavering intensity.
He's not perfect.
The scene before me blurred, my vision hazy, as the image of Jasper and Robbie began to merge. It flickered from Robbie to Jasper, back again. My head swam with dizziness as I watched Robbie fade and Jasper become more and more prominent before me.
Then suddenly everything around us disappeared, the school, the car, the parking lot, and it was just me and Jasper, standing in the middle of the road, rain pouring down around us.
It was just us, it was only us...it was all I could see.
All I could see was Jasper.
A/N: I warned you before that shit would be hitting the fan. This was what I meant. Having ups and downs are one of the things that make a good story, right? Yes, I go to extremes to do that in this story, but I know I wouldn't want to read something where everything is perfect for the two main characters.
The majority of you were right, she did indeed slap him. Some of you thought she was going to kiss him..nope, not exactly (unless you count the dream as kissing him :P)
What do you think of the dream? She was kissing him back. What do you make of that? Does that mean she likes Jasper? Or was it her mind trying to throw her out the loop even more? I deliberately didn't have Alice wake up at the end. I thought it would be interesting to see how you think she'd react.
Reviews = teasers. My aim: 785.
