Note: Had to rewrite half of this cause I'd started with Kuroro's pov and nothing was working.
Beta-reader: PlatinumOwl.
Chapter summary: Kurapica's dilemna.


Chapter 53

Kurapica stayed where he was for only a moment, staring after the car as Kuroro drove away. A minute later he made his way back to the bag that the older man had left by the side of the road. He paused, glaring down at the object, trying to resist the urge to kick it. It would serve no purpose whatsoever. Actually, if the food he'd seen Kuroro stuff in there spilled, it could do more harm than anything. He grabbed the strap and slung it across his chest, then he started walking at a brisk pace, carried forward by his anger. He followed the paved road so that he could stomp ahead, ignoring his surroundings in spite of just how disastrous this could become if someone were lying in wait for him. He was simply too furious to care. That asshole. That impossible, insufferable asshole! How dare he spy on him, watch him when Kurapica had been having a quiet, private moment with his friend?! Just who did he think he was?! Kurapica didn't belong to him, he wasn't some damn toy for Kuroro to claim and amuse himself with. Who Kurapica decided to have dinner with was none of his business.

He ploughed on through the day, stopping for neither rest nor food until the anger finally abated. The sun was coming down and the night fell abruptly around him, due to the thickness of the foliage. He veered off of the road and set up a camp of sorts just out of view. He ate a little, still fighting with his irritation, then found a tree to climb into and settled there for the night. He slept fitfully, plagued by both nightmares and the sort of dreams he'd only rarely had before, dreams that left a burning sensation in his cheeks when he awoke. Dreams of the man he'd vowed to kill, someday.

He wasn't ready to join up with him, he just wasn't. He needed more time. After a light breakfast and some instant coffee heated on a small campfire, he was off again. He walked much slower, keeping the road to his left. It was a long, arduous journey as vines and low branches kept trying to snag at his clothes and his hair. He wasn't in any hurry to reach the motel that Kuroro had mentioned, so he didn't mind. The third day passed just like the second and halfway through the fourth, since he'd taken his time, he finally caught sight of the motel. He camped just out of view, determined not to walk into that room until he absolutely had to. His thoughts had been a jumbled mess for days and he wasn't any closer to finding a solution to his problem.

As he was now, Kuroro would easily be able to find and kill him. Without his Nen, Kurapica felt as impotent as a newborn, and he had only his speed, agility and natural strength to count on. The older man, already slightly stronger than him, had all of his abilities to count on, most of which Kurapica had no information on. If Kurapica were to die now, all that he'd done, all that he'd sacrificed already would have been in vain. So, he had to go back. He had to go back, but in what manner?

When he finally knocked on door number thirteen, the night before the week were to have passed, he wasn't any closer to an answer. When he realized that the room was silent and empty, he glanced around and spotted the car, black under the dirt and mud. Definitely Kuroro's. After another pause, he made his way to the office, where the clerk informed him that a key had been left for him. Once in the room, he found no sign of the man at first glance. It kind of looked like no one had actually used the room in days. When he turned on the light, he did see a bag in the corner, but he didn't think Kuroro used the room. The bed was made and nothing, save for that luggage, seemed out of place.

There was something written on the notepad left on top of the desk, and Kurapica ripped the paper off, bringing it up to read it. Lies, all lies. Kuroro hadn't just stepped out; he hadn't used the room at all. There were two sharp knocks at the door, and the knob turned. There was the man, walking in, spouting more lies. He'd probably been observing the room from somewhere, which was the only smart thing he could do, in this situation. In the end, Kurapica decided it didn't matter. He'd returned. He wasn't done thinking, but he was here. "I'm dying for a shower," he informed the older man. "I'd like my luggage so I can get a fresh set of clothes." The taller man observed him quietly for a moment, but then he summoned his Skill Hunter book and got their luggage out. Without so much as another word, the blond picked out clean underwear, cotton pants and a T-shirt. He got his toothbrush out of the duffel bag he'd been carrying and took all of these things with him into the bathroom. He took his time, washing the grime of the journey away, trying to sort out his thoughts still, though he'd hardly succeeded at this last point by the time that he came out of the bathroom, wearing his sleepwear, a towel slung around the back of his neck to try and keep his wet hair from dripping cold water down his neck. The older man sat up from where he'd sprawled on his back on top of the mattress and cocked his head. "Feeling better?" he wanted to know.

Kurapica nodded. "The shower helped," he confirmed. He paused, eyeing the piece of furniture that the older man was currently sitting on. His chest tightened nearly painfully. It was hard to breathe. "There's only one bed," he pointed out.

"I can take another room," Kuroro gallantly offered. "I only chose this one because this is where I told you I'd wait."

"You," Kurapica began, but then he hesitated. After a short hesitation, he managed to ask, "You'd do that?"

Kuroro tilted his head. "I would," he assured him. "Twice now, I've let you go for some days and you've returned. I'd like to think that I could take another room in the same hotel without fearing that you would run off." He paused. "I've said so a few times already, but you're not my prisoner."

The blond made a face. "You threatened to kill me if I were to run off."

"Warned," Kuroro corrected him, "not threatened."

"I fail to see the difference," Kurapica remarked.

Kuroro sighed softly, leaning back onto his left hand. "Well," he began, "the difference is that I informed you that I intend to kill you if you leave my side, but I wouldn't mean it as retaliation for leaving. I do believe I've pointed out that you don't really leave me much of a choice." He chose his next words carefully. "We've already established that you have two goals. One is revenge on me and my team, the other is the return of the Scarlet Eyes to Lukso. Now, I hold all of the pairs that we've gathered so far and that means that if you were to leave, you'd either have to let go of both your goals, or you'd have to attack me." He leaned forward and tapped his fingertips together a few times. "The only way that I could prevent you from causing me problems in the future, were our current arrangement to fall through, would be to kill you. Now," he straightened up, "we've been travelling together for some months now, and I've grown quite fond of you. I don't believe I owed you a warning, but I gave it to you anyway because, as I've also said before, I'd really rather not harm you in any way." Kurapica opened his mouth to answer, but then he shut it and frowned thoughtfully. "Do you understand my reasoning?" Kuroro asked him.

The Kuruta lowered his head, thinking over what he'd just been told. Minutes trickled by in silence, broken only by the soft, shuffling sound of Kurapica's movements as he slowly, pensively started rubbing at his hair with his towel. He noticed Kuroro's fingers twitching slightly, but he ignored it. He didn't get the man and wasn't sure he wanted to anyway. "It does make sense," he finally conceded. "It's twisted, but it makes sense."

"I'm glad that you see it," Kuroro told him, pushing himself up to his feet. He walked over to the blond and regarded him in silence for some time.

Kurapica glanced up at him and sharply turned away. "I need more time," he told Kuroro. He began, "Could we..?" but then he hesitated, suddenly changing gears. "I'd like to stay here for a few days; give me time to think." He wasn't sure how well it would go over, but if he wasn't a prisoner, he wasn't going to ask for permission, anymore.

Kuroro's eyebrows lowered a fraction, but then his expression cleared and he answered, "I understand." He didn't look like he understood; not really. "I'll be in the room across the parking lot." He pointed in the general direction of the door. So that was where he'd been hiding out. Kurapica wasn't surprised. "I'll leave you to your thoughts," The Spider Head continued. "When you're ready to leave, come to me. I will not bother you." The blond acquiesced with a slow movement of his head. The taller man searched his face carefully for a moment longer before he, too, nodded. He grabbed what little possession he had in the room and, with a careless wave, he left. The door latched behind him and Kurapica held his breath, listening to the silence outside. A few minutes went on in silence before the older man finally stepped away from the door.

Kurapica let go of the breath he'd been holding but stayed where he was, staring at the floor long after the older man had left. He had a lot to think about. Once upon a time, the choice would have been easy. He'd have told the Spider Head never to touch him ever again. And it still felt like it was what he should do. And yet, yet he didn't know if he could go back to how it was, anymore. He'd only been gone a week; only a few days and already, seeing Kuroro sitting there on the one bed, staring at him with his dark, unfathomable eyes had sent the blond's heart trip-hammering in his chest.

He desired him, and that was so wrong.

Kuroro always pushed and tested his limits, and Kurapica was quite intent on doing the same. So, the older man had said he would give him space and wouldn't push so long as Kurapica didn't make the first move. The blond was going to see this for himself. He wouldn't step out of his room until he'd made his decision. He still had food, he had coffee and a few books. He'd take his time and make sure that Kuroro would stay true to his word.

He did.

Day after day, Kurapica hid out in his room, not coming out even once. He knew the older man was probably observing from across the parking lot, but he didn't look out the window to confirm it. Three days passed, and there were still no sign from the Spider Head. Kurapica was starting to go stir-crazy from inaction and tension. Worse still, he had dreams. His mind had recorded so many sensations, so many sounds, and it played those for him whenever he slept or zoned out. It was simply ridiculous. Sure, he was a healthy young man, and such things were probably to be expected, but it was still an extremely hard pill to swallow. It would have felt strange to have these thoughts about anyone, really, but the fact that it was the Ryodan leader touching and teasing him made it stranger still. He'd known for some time now that he wasn't as detached from it all as he'd hoped, but this didn't mean that things were any easier.

It was a dream that broke him. He shot up in bed, his fourth night at the motel, and though the visual disappeared from his mind immediately, he was left with the physical sensations, with the memory of warm hands mapping his body, with Kuroro's voice whispering in his head. He angrily threw his blankets aside and got to his feet, taking a few steps towards the door before he even realized what he was doing. He stopped, just a few inches away, and turned on his heels. Back to the bed, he couldn't even sit down on it, but already, he was heading towards the door. He paused again, fighting with himself. Had he so little self-control?! Was he really this weak, this – this physical?!

Surely, he could at least wait until he'd thought things through. But then what? Were he to deny the older man, if his mind kept plaguing him with memories, with images, sounds and sensations, how long would it take before he betrayed himself, how long before Kuroro noticed? No, he had to take control, somehow. From the beginning, he'd never intended to let the older man play him, never intended to let him have the upper hand. He had the advantage because of Kurapica's inexperience, but this didn't mean that he had to wait for Kuroro's smug, knowing look, to wait for him to catch Kurapica in a moment of weakness. No, Kurapica had to regain control of the situation. And just as Kuroro played with his perceptions to tie their fate even more closely together, the Kuruta would be on the look out for weakness, for a chink in Kuroro's armour.

It kept coming back to this one truth; there was nothing that Kurapica would back down from in order to fulfil his oaths.

It was twisted, insane and more than a little perverse, but it was his reality now. Kuroro and he were both using each other, and they had developed a physical relationship. Until he accepted this, accepted that no matter what happened after this, the Spider Head had been the first to touch him, the first to, to take him, he would always come back to his doubts, to his fears and weakness. The Ryodan leader would keep the upper hand. In any case, there was nothing he hadn't already given the man and no matter his decision, he couldn't take it all back.

This time, when he walked over to the door, he threw it open and crossed the parking lot on bare feet. He wasn't sure which door it was, but he opted for number twenty-six as it was probably more likely to be the one that the older man had selected as being the closest to being directly across Kurapica's room. He knocked sharply and heard a shuffling sound from inside. When the door knob turned, he held his breath and only let it go when his eyes landed on the face of the Ryodan leader. "It's three in the morning," the Spider Head informed him.

"I know," Kurapica replied, pushing inside of the room, "and I don't care." He closed the door behind himself. Kuroro took a step back, looking at him curiously. He was dressed in cotton pants and a long-sleeved shirt, having clearly been sleeping. "I made my decision," the Kuruta went on, which got him a nod.

"What have you decided?" the older man wanted to know.

Kurapica's answer was to walk over to him and pull him into a harsh kiss that set the blond's head spinning and his heart hammering in his chest. He was done letting things happen. Now, he was going all in.