The Crooked Knife

By CKBarGuy and BrownEyedBluez

We don't own Twilight. We don't want Emily and Sam's grocery bill!

Chapter 52

1/16

Dear Diary –

I sent a tweet to Edward, even though he'd said goodnight, just to let him know I wasn't planning to stay at the apartment. He responded, saying I could come and stay in one of his guest rooms if I wanted.

Fuck.

Yes, I wanted to stay with him, but not in a guest room; in his room, in his arms. I had fucked that up, though, by making him think Em and I had been together recently. Shit, it's been almost five years, and even if he didn't have Rose, I wouldn't touch Em now. I couldn't. Not after what he did… after what we did. I'm just as guilty now as I was then, only now other people are being hurt because of my stupidity.

When will I ever learn to think first?

I asked Edward to just leave the door open, but he said he'd be waiting up for me. Great. No way then to avoid this conversation. It's probably for the better. He'll hear what I have to say and if I'm lucky, he'll still let me have a guest room for the night.

I packed a few things in a bag and walked out into the living room. Rose, Alice and Em all stopped talking to look at me. It felt like I was taking a fucking walk of shame, so I did the only thing I could do. I looked straight at Em and told him I was going to Edward to try to undo the mess I'd made of things. If he had a problem with that, he needed to say something now.

He looked at me, at the floor, at Rose, and back at me before he said, "Bella, you do what you have to do, and good luck with that. I'm going to do what I have to do, and that's tell Rose about a most amazing girl I used to date, who I hurt more than anyone ever should have and who didn't deserve an asshole like me fucking up her life. The reason she's so amazing, is she's still talking to me. She doesn't hate me, and she deserves every bit of happiness she can find with my best friend."

Rose and Alice both were staring between us and I hoped Em had said pretty much all he was going to about it. He gave me a little nod and a shy grin, and I knew that was it. Good. I didn't think I could take that whole revelation from him. I'm not sure where he and Rose are in their relationship, so he may not be ready for that conversation, but if and when he does get serious with someone, he knows that's a story he may have to share.

As do I. The thought terrified me and I cried all the way to Edward's.

Edward pulled me into his arms the second he opened the door, which only made me cry harder. I don't deserve him or his compassion, especially since I started a fight between him and Em, but I couldn't let go of him, either. And then he took me to a guest room.

That did it. I could hardly talk, but I asked him if I could sleep in his room instead. I couldn't stand to be alone. He led me to his room and wrapped his arms around me, kissing my hair and my face, begging my forgiveness. There was nothing for me to forgive – he just reacted to my stupidity. I can't fault him for that.

I got ready for bed in his bathroom, racking my brain for a way to tell him. I knew I needed to give him the full story, but he'd just beat the shit out of Em tonight over a misconception. If he knew everything, he might kill him. Or he might just walk away and be done with me. With us. I can't take that chance. At some point, yes, he will need to know, but not tonight.

When I crawled in the bed with him, he cradled me to his chest, again whispering his apologies. That set the crying off again and he ended up shedding his shirt because it was wet with my tears. I had to pull away from him a little then. I had things to say, and lying on his beautiful bare chest was much too distracting.

I told him I was sorry for the misunderstanding and for being the cause of the fight. Jazz had tweeted from Edward's account earlier, and the 'Bella, Bella, Bella' tweet I read sounded much more like Emmett had got hold of it and was pretending to be Edward. He asked about the tweet he sent right after, about touching me and the flower on my bra. I said it was then that I realized it wasn't Em, it was him after all, but it was too late. He'd thought I meant Em had seen me like that.

I sat up and fidgeted with the hem of my tank top. He sat up, too, leaning on one arm and caressing my face with the other. I told him Em and I had been together, starting back in high school. Em went into the Navy after we broke up and I hadn't seen or heard from him in five years, until my mom gave his mom my number, since we were both in New York. I had only spoken to him a couple of times on the phone, and the day I went to meet him at FoodParc was really the first I'd seen him in all that time.

I could see the hurt look on Edward's face in the light coming through the open window curtain and all I wanted to do was kiss it away. But that probably wasn't what he wanted from me right then, so I didn't. I apologized again, this time for hurting him, but he pulled me back down to his chest and kissed me before I could finish. He thanked me for telling him and said that, though he wished it weren't so, he was glad I'd told him the truth. My stomach did a flip – I had told the truth, but such a small portion of it, that the rest could be considered a lie of omission.

Then he did the oddest thing. He asked me to go way with him for a weekend after his run of working on Friday nights ends. Seriously? I just told you I slept with one of your best friends years ago, and you still want to be with me? I felt a wave of relief as I told him I'd love it. He seemed much too happy with my answer, cuddling me close and kissing my hair until I fell asleep.

I dreamt I was sitting in the audience of a huge recital hall, watching Edward play a grand piano in the center of the stage. The spotlight made his beautiful hair shimmer as his hands drifted across the keys. I realized before long that, as he played, I could feel his fingers on my body. Every note he struck corresponded with an electric touch I could feel, as though I was his true instrument and not the gleaming wood and ivory before him. I resisted at first, because the things I was feeling were not fit to reveal in the middle of an audience of strangers, yet as he played on, I cared less and less that the people around me could see the effect he was having on my body. My breathing became heavy; I called out to him and writhed in my seat as he played a particularly difficult passage, my flesh on fire both on and beneath my skin. He turned his glorious head and looked straight at me through the bright light, as though he knew exactly what he was doing to me and he meant to enjoy it. He raised one hand high and crashed it down onto a chord that throbbed straight through my pussy.

I woke gasping his name. The window curtains were still open and the early morning light framed a halo of flame around his head between my thighs. I stammered at him, still dazed and thick with sleep. He calmly thrust his finger in me again, saying he had asked my permission and I'd agreed. His soft hot tongue slid through my folds and lightly licked my clit before he turned those dark green eyes on me and asked if it was 'all right'. I told him he was trying to kill me, but he disagreed, even as he licked me again more firmly.

I felt him slide another finger in with the first as he took my clit in his mouth and began to lick and suck it with fervor. His fingers pumped slowly and firmly at first, then more rapidly as he began to add tiny nibbles to the sweet torture. I flung my legs over his shoulders and dug into his back with my heels, my hands buried in his hair as I hung on for dear life. I could feel the fire building with each curl of his tongue and nip of his teeth. I felt his fingers moving in me, curving as he thrust them farther in. My mind was no longer conscious of anything but where he was touching me, playing me, sucking…

"Can you come for me, love?" he murmured and I couldn't answer; I was too busy calling out his name as I fell over the edge and felt myself wash away into paradise.

Fuck me, he did it again. He made me come. It wasn't a fluke or an accident or a random… oh, my god, he was still pumping those fingers in and out of me, slowly again, and have I mentioned, how very long and strong they are? His thumb brushed lightly over my clit and I jerked at the sensation, even as he began to crawl up my body. His head dipped down and he took the edge of my tank top in his teeth, pulling it up to expose my breasts. I may have arched my back the tiniest bit, just to help him, but I was far from coherent, especially when he grasped my nipple between his teeth and sucked, hard.

Edward. His name is Edward. I concentrated on remembering that, because I couldn't have come up with my own at that point. He licked and sucked, flicked and nibbled at my breasts until I had no more sense than a jelly bean, and the way he seemed to enjoy it, I must have tasted like one, too. His hands never stopped, either, the one caressing and plucking at whichever breast wasn't in his mouth, the other quite steadily pleasuring my clit and firmly fucking me. The man is a master of multitasking.

He gave one last, rather sharp nip to my nipple and began to kiss and lick his way back down my body. I managed a sentence, I think, to the effect that he didn't have to do what he so obviously was about to do, but he insisted that he wanted to, very much. Not that I really wanted to stop him, just giving him the option. He licked my pussy from my clit down to where his busy fingers were still working me, before slowly pulling them out of me and licking and sucking them clean.

Fuck, that was hot. He said it was better than ice cream. I may have decided right then that whatever I had to do or say to keep this magic man with me would be worth it. I needed him and I needed him, now.

He spread me open with those long and oh, so very talented fingers, and proceeded to make me fall in love with his tongue as he licked me again: once, twice and then he was fucking me with it, hot and wet and silk and fast and deep. He held me open with one hand as the other grasped my ass to steady me, my hands again in his hair, my thighs straining to clamp together and grind my pussy into his face. He let one finger stray to my clit to begin rubbing tiny circles over it, and I felt the first wave slam through me.

I cried out that I was coming, and he only thrust harder and faster, pointing his tongue to probe deeper, fucking me into oblivion as his finger practically vibrated against my clit. I saw stars and comets and swirling lights and green green green eyes as each successive wave pounded through me and into his hot and waiting mouth. He greedily sucked at my pussy, capturing every drop and licking me entirely clean before crawling back up the bed to cradle my now-boneless body.

"Edward… no words… amazing," was the most I could manage. He chuckled and kissed me, asking if I'd minded being woken up that way. Was he serious? Fuck, no! He made a joke about me being his breakfast in bed, and we kissed and cuddled until we both were actually hungry.

After breakfast, we went back to my apartment, because I needed to talk to Alice and Rose. Em was sitting on the sofa when we came in, and Edward went right to him to apologize and shake his hand. Em said he understood and would probably have done the same if it was Rose, before announcing he still intended to hang out with Edward and Jazz for 'guys night' tonight.

Edward kissed me and reminded me of the dates for our little 'getaway', before leaving to try to get some more work done on his projects. I sat down with Alice and Rose, and explained the short version of what happened. I could tell Alice was full of questions, but Rose stopped her, stating that Em told her we had dated, but that was all in the past and we had both moved on. I agreed, and she said that was good enough for her. Then she broke out the Chablis and the three of us toasted to ourselves, the apartment, New York, and our boys, not necessarily in that order and definitely not that coherently.

I'm now waiting for Edward to get online. I'm enjoying the solitude of my own room, but damn it, I miss the fuck out of him.