Disclaimer: I do now own Criminal Minds.


"Emotional occasions, especially violent ones, are extremely potent in precipitating mental rearrangements. The sudden and explosive ways in which love, jealousy, guilt, fear, remorse, or anger can seize upon one are known to everybody… And emotions that come in this explosive way seldom leave things as they found them." – William James

o o o o

15 September, 2010

"Guess who?"

"How can I guess? You never told me your name."

"Calliope."

"The muse of epic poetry? The eldest of the Mousai? The mother of Orpheus? What about her?"

"No, silly. My name is Calliope. Calliope Sellers."

"Are you happy, Spencer?"

"Am I happy? What kind of question is that? Of course I'm happy. I'm with you, Sweetheart, how could I not be happy?"

"I'm happy too."

"How, uh, how much coffee have you had to drink today, Calliope?"

"Um… I lost track after thirteen."

"I just… I don't get it."

"You don't get it because you're a good man, Spencer. You're an incredibly loyal person and you would never betray someone you love and care about. Plus, it doesn't hurt that you're dating an artist."

"What do you mean?"

"Artists – we're all kind of therapists, whatever our medium. We absorb things into ourselves that others try and look past or brush aside, try and forget. We express them to the world in ways that, maybe after a while, they won't seem as bad as they truly are. People tell us things because they know we'll understand, they know we can absorb everything they can't and eventually transform whatever it is they're feeling into something beautiful."

"So, I've been using you as a therapist?"

"Spencer, you see horrific things every single day. You study criminals and murderers so you can help people, but in the process, you keep internalizing all of that pain. You never let any of it go; you keep everything inside. You rarely talk about what you see when you're working. We've been dating going on five months now and you rarely talk about what you've seen. But I can feel it. When something's weighing on you, I can feel it."

"Sweet Jesus, Spencer! What the hell is wrong with you? I didn't give you a key so you could come scare the living shit out of me at one in the morning! What the hell is wrong with you? What's going on? Is someone dead? 'Cause if no one's dead and you did that to me for no reason, I'm going to kill you."

"I'm falling in love with you, Dr. Reid."

"I'm sorry."

"Good morning."

"I love you."

"I really like you."

"I like you too."

"Spencer… This is Emeline."

"I met someone, Mom."

"And now you are angry with me too because I have a man here. I found the poor creature sitting all alone astride of a keel, for Jove had struck his ship with lightening and sunk it in mid ocean, so that all his crew were drowned, while he himself was driven by wind and waves on to my island. I got fond of him and cherished him, and had set my heart of making him immortal, so that he should never grow old all of his days."

As soon as Calliope and Kaden started falling backwards, a half dozen people in Kevlar sprang forward. Reid dropped his gun, but couldn't move as his entire relationship flew behind his eyes and he heard every word, felt every touch, saw every smile again. His legs gave out beneath him as if every ounce of strength had suddenly drained itself from his body and he crumpled to the ground. He felt arms around his back, trying to hold him up, but couldn't turn his head to see who touched him.

"Reid, Reid, it's okay," Hotch's voice was in Reid's ear as he held onto the collapsed genius. "It's okay."

"Get away from her, Kaytis," Morgan commanded in a steely tone, his gun pointed at the man who had yet to let go of Calliope. "Let go!"

"I can't," the redhead sobbed outright.

"Yes, you can, you son of a bitch. Get that gun away from her head. Now, Kaytis! I will shoot you."

"No!" Calliope's cracking voice finally came as she managed to pull the disgusting rag out of her mouth. "Derek? Don't shoot. Please."

"Cal–"

"Take the magazine out of the gun," Calliope cried, her tears pooling beneath the duct tape and her hand reaching out for the man she couldn't see.

"I'm gonna get the gun away from you," Morgan said without moving. "Just–"

"No! Derek, get the magazine out of the gun. Please," Calliope shook, unable to keep calm a moment longer. "Trust me. Please, Derek."

Morgan handed his gun to Prentiss and moved closer, carefully. The muzzle was still pressed directly against Calliope's temple even though Kaden's arm was slack. As Morgan knelt, he saw the reason.

"It's fucking superglued to her head!" Morgan shouted and all movement stopped. "Kaytis is glued to the trigger. Fucking hell…"

Taking a few deep breaths, Morgan steadied himself as much as possible. If he moved Kaden's hand too much, the trigger might trip and Calliope wouldn't stand a chance. Hell, they were lucky the gun hadn't gone off when they fell. Reid managed to get to Calliope's side, albeit with much assistance from Hotch, and he held Calliope's hand tightly, not daring to speak as Morgan assessed how best to proceed. Finally ready, he reached out and started to unlatch the magazine.

Screams erupted as gunshot sliced through the air.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"They've got Callie," Penelope pulled the headset from her ear and threw it down on the table, the tears she'd been holding in for a dozen odd hours finally poured freely. Laying her head down on her folded arms in sheer exhaustion, Penelope García sobbed in a way she hadn't since her parents' funeral.

Gideon pulled his glasses off and wiped his eyes dry. Perses jumped up onto the couch next to him and tried to climb into the mans' lap as if he were a tiny lapdog. Gideon just rested his hand on the dog's head.

Ben and Brenda collapsed into each other, their relief all consuming. All around the room, people's reactions were the same: cries of relief, tears of joy, prayers of thankfulness to God for letting this Hell end.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Morgan jerked back, terrified, but the shooting continued. Calliope clung to Reid's hand and dug her lime green acrylic nails into his skin. Spencer felt nothing. Twelve different radios crackled from the belts of twelve different people and earwigs went from silent to practically shouting.

"SWAT caught two men trying to leave out back," Rossi said unnecessarily. Everyone had already heard. "One's dead, the other wounded."

Hands shaking slightly, Morgan reached towards the handle of the gun again and willed his hands to be still. As soon as the Glock was free of brass, Morgan ripped the muzzle away from the area of duct tape over Calliope's temple to which it had been glued. Calliope screamed as the movement shot pain from her ribs to ever nerve ending in her body.

Morgan was instantly on his feet and dragging Kaden, whose hand was still glued to the gun, away from Calliope by the cusp of his collar, not bothered a bit when the man started coughing and protesting in pain. Reid dropped his head until his forehead touched Calliope's. Squeezing his eyes shut against tears he knew he had no chance at holding back, he pressed a kiss against her sweaty skin and tried to take a full breath.

"Spencer? Spencer!" Calliope grabbed onto him for reassurance and cried out when he pulled her into his arms, "Take it off! Please, take it off!"

"We'll take it off as soon as we can," he promised and pulled her hands down away from the duct tape before calling across the driveway. "Morgan! I need you're help."

"Son of a bitch! She's your sister, damnit! You could have had a family and all you wanted was the damn money. She's your sister, not a paycheck, ya sick bastard," Morgan growled, giving the prone man a last sharp kick in the ribs before leaving him with the SWAT officers. Turning, he jogged the few steps to where Reid was holding Calliope to his chest. Morgan pulled his pocketknife out as he knelt next to them and put a hand on Calliope's shoulder, "Cal, I need you to hold very, very still. I'm going to cut the tape off, but you need to hold very still so I don't accidently cut you."

When she was still, Morgan slipped the edge of the small blade under the tape and carefully starting sawing away at the layers. She started to shake a little after a few seconds and he stopped, motioning for Prentiss to come over.

"Cal, Prentiss is gonna hold your head so I can cut the rest of this off."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Calliope mumbled, still clinging desperately to Reid.

"Don't be sorry, Sweetheart. You're fine," he told her, taking one of her hands in his.

"Reid's right, Cal," Derek agreed. "You're doing great, Toothpick. Prentiss is just going to help you. Hey, hey, Cal. It's ok. That's Prentiss. Those are her hands."

"Spencer?"

"I'm still right here, Calliope. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere"

"Get it off. Please, just get it off."

"You have to hold still, Calliope. We're going to help you, ok?" Prentiss told her, positioning her hands on either side of Calliopes head.

"You ready, Cal?"

She nodded shakily and gritted her teeth as Morgan began cutting the through the duct tape again. It took several minutes before Morgan managed to cut all the way through the multitude of tape covering her eyes.

"Okay, Cal. Almost done. We're finished with the cutting. All we have to do now is peel it off. How long has the tape been on, Toothpick?"

"They put it on in the basement. Pretty soon after I was down there."

"Then this is going to take some time, all right? I want you to keep your eyes shut. Don't open them until Reid says it's ok. Understand?"

She nodded again and squeezed Reids' hand as Morgan slowly began peeling the tape back.

"Where's Kaden? Is the ok?"

"The officers have Kaytis. You're safe now. He can't hurt you."

"No! Where is he? He's not dead, is he? The shots didn't kill him, did they?"

"No, he'll live. But you're safe, Cal."

"I know I'm safe, Derek. Is he okay?"

"Stay still, Sweetheart. I know it hurts, I know," Reid said comfortingly, holding her tightly. "You're doing really well, Sweetheart."

"Are – are Grandpa and Mammy ok?"

"They're fine, Calliope. They're at home – at Dahlia – waiting for us to get you back."

"What about Eme?"

Morgan motioned for Reid to keep her talking – she was still when she had something to focus on. Half an eye was showing and Morgan kept slowly working his fingers over the edge of the tape, trying to break the tape that had bonded to her skin without taking the skin with it.

"Ow! Shit, I think that hurt worse then being hit." Calliope instinctively jerked her hand to her forehead. "Am I bleeding?"

"Hey! Detective Myers, we need some tissues or something," Emily called over her shoulder and the officer did an awkward jog back to his cruiser, coming back with a box of tissues.

"Allergies," he shrugged in explanation, handing the box to Reid who pressed a couple of bunched tissues to her forehead near the bridge of her nose. "Is she going to be ok?"

"I'm fine," Calliope said, wincing as a few hairs from her right eyebrow tugged out with the tape. "And apparently I'm not going to have to wax my eyebrows for a while. Do I have any eyebrow left?"

The four people around her started chuckling and Reid felt a full breath of air filled his lungs as the ambulance screamed onto the scene. "You have plenty of eyebrow left, Sweetheart," he told her.

"Ok, Cal. A few more seconds and the tape's off your eyes. All most… done. Ok, Cal. Very slowly, I want you to open your eyes. If you can't, don't force them. Some of the sticky residue might be gluing your eyes shut."

"I can't get them open…" Calliope told him, her nose wrinkling in irritation. "Wait. My left eye. D, help, please?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Cal. Let's wait for the medics."

"No! I want to see. I want to see you guys. It's really loose. I can see a little bit, I just need some help to get it all the way open."

"Alright. Hold still." With one careful sweep of his fingers, Calliope's eye opened and she smiled gratefully.

"The other?"

"Calliope, if your eye's stuck, we should wait for the medics," Reid told her, realistically.

"Spencer, please. My eyes have been closed for hours." At Reids' reluctant nod, Morgan gently began working the sticky glue from her eyelid, peeling globs away from her eyelashes.

"Okay. Try now, Cal."

"Almost," she told them, her nose wrinkling again. A few more wipes and Calliope blinked her second eye open. "Thank you."

"Hold still for a little longer so I can cut this chunk of tape off." Morgan quickly cut off the loose flap of duct tape and tucked the knife back into his pocket. "We'll deal with the tape over your hair later."

Prentiss and Morgan moved back as two EMTs came up with a stretcher. Calliope leaned against Reid, resting her head on his bulletproof FBI vest while the stretcher was collapsed to the ground.

"I'm fine, Spencer. I just want to go home. I want to go home to Dahlia."

"You're going to the hospital, Sweetheart."

"Home."

"Nope."

"Mean."

"Stubborn."

"True." Calliope smiled and her eyes fluttered closed, exhaustion finally hitting her. "Spencer? Thank you."

"I love you," Reid whispered against her temple before letting the medics carefully take her from him and put her on the stretcher. He watched helplessly as they asked her questions and began cutting her cardigan off, her favourite cardigan, the one piece of clothing she wore most often and it was gone. It was trivial, yes, but he hated seeing the green knit stained with Kaden's blood and knowing he'd never watch the glittering wool flowers stitched to the back sparkle as she ran in front of him.

Her bloody, pink Blondie shirt was cut up the middle and then the sleeves. Reid gritted his teeth, but stayed silent. He didn't like the other people looking at her body. She was his, for his eyes only. Ripping off the Kevlar vest, Reid pulled his sweater off to cover her as soon as they were finished.

"Is Kad okay?"

"Kad?" Reid asked, his brow furrowing in confusion at the term of endearment while he put the sweater next to her on the stretcher.

"Kaden. The man who was shot. My brother."

"I know who he is, Calliope. He held you hostage."

"No. No, he tried to protect me. He tried to keep me safe!"

"Calliope, what are you talking about?"

"You didn't have to shoot him," Calliope stared at him, her eyes welling with tears. "You didn't have to shoot him. He wasn't going to hurt me. He was scared and trapped and didn't have a choice!"

"He had a gun to your head."

"Spencer, he wasn't going to hurt me. Go check on him. Please. For me."

"Alright, alright. I'll go check on him if you promise to calm down before you start hyperventilating. I'll be back." Reid kissed her head and nodded to the to the medics who were wrapping Calliope's ribs tightly. Standing, he made quick work of walking over to where Rossi and Morgan were standing over by where they had Kaden. "Hey."

"Why aren't you with Callie?" Rossi asked, looking at him strangely, knowing nothing short of an emergency could have torn him away from the woman.

"She sent me over here to check on Kaytis. She seems convinced he wasn't going to hurt her. She said he protected her and kept her safe. Nothing's making sense anymore. This just doesn't fit. We're missing something." Reid pushed past them towards where medics were working on Kaden.

"What the hell is going on?" He spat as he squatted next to the man. "Why?"

"Is Callie ok? My sister – she's not hurt, is she?"

"Her ribs are broken. Make me understand why you did this."

"I didn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Kaden was shaking with sobs, burying his face in his hands, a movement that hindered the medic's ability to wrap his shoulder. "I tried to stop it."

"Then what happened?"

"Spencer, stop it."

Spencer turned at Calliope's voice and grabbed her to him when she started to move towards the other man. She rolled her eyes as he held her protectively against him, away from Kaden.

"Spencer, let go."

"Absolutely not. You're not getting anywhere near him. You should be in the ambulance! Who let you out of the ambulance?"

"Let. Go."

He had never heard this particular steely tone directed at him and the couple stared at each other down for several long minutes before he let go and watched like a hawk as she sat next to her brother and took his hand.

"Kad? Are you okay?"

"Callie. I'm so sorry, Callie. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, Kad. I'm fine. Everything's going to be okay."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Spencer still didn't understand a few minutes later when they finally managed to get Calliope back onto the stretcher and he had climbed into the ambulance after her. She'd almost fallen asleep by the time the ambulance reached the hospital, despite how much pain her ribs must have been causing her, despite the EMTs hovering over her to clean her spliced bottom lip, and probably because of morphine IV hooked into her arm.

"Spencer?"

"I'm right here," he took her hand.

"Eme… is she okay? Does she–"

"I haven't told her anything. She's fine."

Calliope nodded and closed her eyes.

ooo ooo ooo ooo

"Hotch, why'd you shoot Kaytis?" Spencer asked as they sat outside in the waiting room. Emily was waiting in the entrance for the carload of people from Dahlia to get there and J.J. was dealing with the onslaught of media that had followed them from the shoot-out at the textile factory to the hospital. Dave had gone to the police station and Derek had simply disappeared.

Aaron turned his head to look at his coworker, waiting a minute or so before answering. "No one else on this team is going to lose a loved one because of an unsub. I lost Haley, Derek lost Darrian Walkers, Gideon lost Sarah, Dave lost Ray, Elle lost… herself. That's enough. I wasn't going to let Callie be added to that list."

"I thought we weren't supposed to keep score," Spencer glanced at his superior before looking down at his hands and fiddling with the bracelet the medics had taken from Calliope's wrist and handed to him. "I believe that's what you told me after Owen Savage."

"Sometimes…" Aaron searched within his own mind for the right words. "Sometimes, you can't help but to keep score. We can't lose Callie. This team can't lose someone again. We can't…" Aaron trailed off, his thoughts leaving Calliope and shifting to Haley. He hadn't been able to save Haley. He hadn't been able to get there in time. He couldn't have risked being too late to save Calliope.

Spencer simply nodded. They had wheeled Calliope through a set of double doors for x-rays and all he could do was sit and wait. Pulling his phone out, he dialed Emeline's phone number with no regard to the 'No Cell Phone' sign a few feet away, but no one answered. He was about to call again when a doctor walked in.

"Calliope Sellers?"

"Yes?" Spencer stood, Aaron right behind him.

"I can't tell you anything official, but she's going to be fine."

"Her ribs?" Aaron asked the question Spencer couldn't force past this throat.

"No permanent damage. She's in room two-eighty-eight. You can go see her." Spencer was gone before anyone could change their mind. He practically ran down the hall and through the open door. Calliope lay partially propped up on a pillow, partially asleep with an IV taped to her left hand. He had never seen her look so pale and tiny before, so fragile.

"Calliope."

Her name came out in a breathy way, more a whispered prayer than anything else. Closing the distance between where he stood and the side of her bed, Spencer grabbed her right hand. Calliope opened her eyes.

"Hey, Handsome." The words were tired, but relieved, and she squeezed his hand. "I want to go home."

"I know," Spencer wiped away her tears and kissed her cheek. "We can probably go home tomorrow."

"Stay with me?"

Spencer bit back a laugh. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Grandpa and Mammy?"

"On their way."

"Kaden?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "He wasn't hit anywhere life-threatening. He should be fine."

"Emeline?"

"She's fine. She just wants to talk to you. Try and sleep, Sweetheart," Spencer pulled a chair over without letting go of her hand and sat next to her bed. "Go to sleep."

"You're crying," Calliope extricated her hand from his to reach for his face, but Spencer pulled her hand down and scrubbed at his face himself.

"I could have lost you. I was terrified. I'm just… just having trouble calming my heart down long enough to regain a normal rhythm. How are you feeling? Pain?"

"A little. My ribs hurt, but the happy juice is dulling it. And making me sleepy."

"Go to sleep, Calliope."

By the time Ben and Brenda came bursting into the room with the doctor on their heels, Calliope had fallen asleep. Spencer raised his head from where it had been resting against her hand. Ben stooped over the bed on the other side and kissed his granddaughter's forehead.

"Thank you, God," Brenda whispered.

"She has six broken ribs, but no internal bleeding, no punctured lungs. X-rays look good and the ribs should heal without any problems. Ms. Sellers should be completely fine in eight weeks."

ooo ooo ooo ooo

Calliope slept through visits from everyone on the team except for Derek, who had yet to rematerialize, and every member of her family. Jill and Steven had arrived at five in the morning and now the hugely pregnant Jill was sitting uncomfortably in stiff, unyielding waiting room seats. Spencer had yet to leave Calliope's side, regardless of people's attempt to get him to get something to eat. He wanted to be here when she woke up. Plus, his heart might pound directly out of his chest if she was out of his sight.

"No one's answering, Spencer," Calliope cried as she handed him back the iPhone after trying both the numbers to reach Emeline several times each. Spencer put the phone on the plain, fiberboard nightstand next to her bed and pulled her close to his side, careful not to dislodge the IV taped to her hand or jostle her ribs. She leaned against him and he kissed her hair, trying to stay positive: Calliope was safe, sitting on the small bed right next to him and he was sure Emeline was just out having fun, blissfully unaware that anything was wrong in her universe.

"She's probably off playing with Yva," he said against her forehead as Brenda came back into the room with a cup of coffee in her hands and sat next to Ben. "We'll talk to her when she gets home."

"I want to talk to my baby," she sniffed into his shirt and his heart hurt. He couldn't fix this.

"I know. I do too."

Ben touched Calliope's hand from where he sat next to her bed. He knew the little hand so well. It had wormed its way into his on more occasions than he could remember and he would look down when it did to see a bright, happy face smiling at him with a joyful innocence that he hoped she would never lose, no matter what happened. Now, her fingers twisted through him and her smile was weak and eyes teary.

"Emeline's fine, Peanut," Brenda said. "She's just fine."

"I know, Mammy. I just want to hear her voice."

"I know, Callie."

Calliope closed her eyes again and leaned heavily against Spencer. Spencer smiled inwardly as he kiss the back of her head. Being able to feel her, tangibly know and see that she was safe… he needed that right now more than he needed oxygen.

"What's going to happen to Kaden?" Calliope tried to look at Spencer, but moving that way sent a jolt of pain through her body.

"We can talk about that later."

"I want to talk about it now. He didn't do anything wrong."

"He could have killed you."

"Not by choice!"

"Callie, calm down," Ben plead, "please, Peanut."

"They had him tied up. He tried to get me out, but there were two of them and he's not exactly Derek."

"What was he doing in an abandoned factory that was about to be torn down anyways?" Brenda asked and Calliope stopped.

"I… I don't know. I didn't think to ask."

"Sweetheart, he had an entire room in his apartment full of stuff about you and your family and Dahlia and… He's been stalking you your entire life. Even if he didn't intend for you to be hurt or kidnapped, for any of this to happen, he was the reason this happened. He's the reason those two even thought of this."

"Spencer, it's not his fault. He just… he… he wanted a family, but he was scared. And–"

"Please, Calliope. We can talk about this later."

"Spencer…"

"You can tell the police what happened in the basement when they come to talk to you and it's up to you whether or not you want to press charges against him, but the State might press charges anyways."

"Is the other two?"

"Both dead. One at the factory, the other in the ambulance."

"Good," Brenda muttered into her coffee.

"Room for two more?" Derek's voice caused the small family to look up.

"Emeline!"

"Maman!" Emeline leaned towards them from Derek's arms and Spencer was out of the bed and on his feet in a second. Taking his little girl from his brother's arms, Spencer felt his cheeks dampen again with fresh tears. Emeline latched her tiny arms around his neck. "Poppy, mwen renmen'w. Mwen renmen'w."

"Mwen renmen'w, Eme." Spencer was sure he was squeezing a little too tightly, but Emeline didn't say anything, just hugged him tightly.

"Spencer!" Calliope said his name and he turned, carrying Emeline over towards the hospital bed. Emeline leaned away from Spencer and he kissed her once.

"Maman's tummy hurts, okay, Princess? You have to be very, very careful."

"Give me my baby," Calliope cut off Spencer's words, holding her arms out impatiently and Emeline leaned so far towards her that she nearly toppled out of Spencer's arms. Smiling, he put Emeline down on the bed and the little girl climbed quickly into Calliope's arms.

"Oh, my baby girl," Calliope's voice verged dangerously on tears as she pulled Emeline even closer and buried her face in the crinkly brown hair, repeatedly kissing the top of her head. Emeline cuddled closer, latching her arms tightly around Calliope's neck and not letting go.

"What happened, Maman? You have ouchies."

"Maman's fine, Baby. She's fine. I love you so, so much, Eme."

"You didn't answer the phone," she sniffed and buried her face in her mother's neck.

"I'm so sorry, Princess. I'll never not answer my phone ever, ever again, okay?"

"Promise?"

"Promise. Mwen renmen'w, Eme."

"Mwen renmen'w, Maman. Mwen renmen'w."

Spencer sat hunched over in the chair on the opposite side of Calliope's hospital bed from Ben and Brenda, his elbows resting on his knees and his fingers threaded together. His connected hands covered his eyes and his thumbs cradled his head by each temple and Derek watched for a moment as his friends' shoulders shook. Penelope tugged on Derek's hand and pulled him out of the hospital room.

"Baby Girl, you are a miracle worker to pull that off," Derek whispered against her temple as the two walked back to the waiting room where the rest of their family sat together.

"It was your idea, Hot Stuff. I just worked the magic. How are you feeling? Still sucky?"

"I think Clooney and I might need to go back home for a weekend."

"That might be a good idea. A weekend in Chicago might be exactly what you need."

"Seeing those five together was exactly what I needed."


A/N:

Yayayay Happiness. Everybody's happy. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Sing the happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy song. Sing the happy, happy, happy, happy soooooong. Dang. Now I wanna watch Rugrats. Thank goodness I... OWN THE ENTIRE SERIES ON DVD. Yay! It's my favourite cartoon in the entire world. Andy-ways... What's gonna happen with Kaden now? We shall see. Well, I know. You'll have to wait and see.

I love Diet Dr. Pepper. Just wanted to get that out there. I also love puppies and my Kindle and audiobooks and long car rides and fireplaces and monkeys and Harry Potter and Gilmore Girls and The Chronicles of Narnia and snow. Speaking of snow... ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE IN TEXAS. It was a snowpocalypse! A SNOWPOCALYPSE I TELL YOU! My tale of woe might not be all that impressive to you Northerners, but, here in Texas, it's intense. Because of my Dad, I know how to drive on ice and dig out a car and all that good stuff. One of the few perks of having the Dad I did. Unfortunately, no one else in Texas knows those things. Also - Texas' supply of snow plows is laughable. So I was trapped in my apartment while I was trying to finish moving because stupid people were doing stupid things and getting in wrecks right, left and center. So it was safer to stay trapped in my apartment.

I posted this on my Facebook page a few weeks ago, but I thought ya'll would like it, so I'm gonna share again. Also because it makes me laugh like LOL.

THE FOLLOWING IS A 100% TRUE STORY:

I love it when stuff like this happens - ya know, in real life rather than a movie or sitcom. So, three semesters ago, I was walking to class. Far, far away on the other side of the campus and I tend to read while I walk. Because I'm a menace to society. I was going over my Jazz notes and walking to whichever class I was walking to and I glance up, ya know, to make sure I'm not about to kill anybody or anything like that and, right in front of me, well, technically, he was a little to the right, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. I look up from my notecards and there's this guy.

Dressed up like the Cookie Monster.

And this was no cheap Party City costume either. This was a hardcore, he could have walked off the set of Sesame Street kind of costume.

HE HAD FUR

FUR, I TELL YOU

Mr. Cookie Monster aslo had a bright, neon pink poster board and it said, "GIVE ME YOUR COOKIES!" So I can't help it. I had a cookie in my bag for class and I gave it to him. And he like freaking engulfed me in a hug. He was so soft.

It gets better.

I'm leaving. Giggling a little, but walking away, cause I have class and all. And I hear this scuffling behind me, so, of course, I turn around. Mr. Cookie Monster throws his sign in the air and starts chasing after this poor girl eating a salad. She's screaming bloody murder and this at least six-foot-tall, furry Cookie Monster is chasing her around the quad. I'm nearly dying at this point. I'm laughin' so hard I can't hardly breath. Lettuce is flying everywhere. And she's just screaming, "GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK, GET AWAY!" and she starts chucking her tomatos at him.

There was no way she could get away from him. I mean, she wasn't short or anything, but he was like a mammoth or something. Huge. So he catches her pretty easily once he actually wanted to and he just consumes her in a hug.

and then bellows "COOKIE MONSTER LIKES VEGGIES NOW! NOOMMM!" He waited for a dramatic pause and then shouts "GIVE ME COOKIES!", picks up his sign and walked away like nothing happened.

It was hysterical. I had cramps from laughing. I nearly DIED. It was so working giving him my cookie. So worth it.

And that girl... I don't know who she is, but she will never eat a salad in that quad ever again.

I hope you like the chapter (and my awesome cookie monster story) and, please, tell me what you think - good or bad!

Love, Thalia