Day 53

Nothing really interesting has been happening lately. Though I suppose everything is interesting to Mags and Finnick because I'm finally starting to become who I used to be. I don't think I'll ever be that girl again. I hope that's okay.

That's the good and bad thing about life. Certain events will change us forever. The happy events change us for the better and the sad ones for the worse; at least, that's how it is most of the time. I've been changed completely because of the games and because of my dad's death. They have left wounds that will never heal; wounds that I'm not so sure I even want to heal completely, because that would mean forgetting and I don't want to forget.

I've found much solace in the lighthouse lately. I would go up there to type but I'm afraid I would damage my laptop. I go up there a lot to think. There's a little overhang up at the top and it's completely open and there's a large metal rail spanning across the overhang so no one falls. When I first saw it, I was afraid it would make me feel trapped, but instead it made me feel safe.

I really like the view from the lighthouse. It's the tallest point on District Four and when you're up in that overhang you can see the entire expanse of sea, stretching out for miles and miles, and then at some very distant point, just when you think it wouldn't end, it meets the horizon and the two travel on forever as a pair.

I also love what the lighthouse represents. It's this large, strong structure which is a sign of land ahead for those who were out at sea. After all those sailors are out in the unpredictable waters, there's the lighthouse there to guide them and welcome them home. It is a symbol of strength located at the edge of unpredictable tides as it provides navigational guidance and bright light in a storm. It will always stand as a reassuring sign of steady ground, serving as a symbol of hope for all looking to move forward safely.

Most days I love to go up there for the sunrises and sunsets. I've seen many sunrises and many sunsets but I never get tired of them. I think I want to see every sunrise and every sunset of every day for the rest of my life to remind myself that even at the end of the worst day, there is something beautiful there to remind us all that there is still good in the world and even after what may seem like the longest and darkest time, there is still a sunrise at the end of it to pull us out and light us up.

District Four and all that is in it is my source of strength. It reminds me that no matter how alone I feel, no matter how lost I get, I always have a home and people I love and who love me to go back to. It's my home and there's no place I'd rather be.

Annie