Between Burroughs
by ariviand
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following characters; they belong to Cassandra Clare, author of The Mortal Instruments.
A/N: Tried an old trick, listening to "Gravity" and "Hometown Glory" on repeat until the chapter was finished. It helps. It's strange. Sorry there's more introspection than action. That does happen sometimes. Next chapter, maybe.
This one is dedicated to all of you. Thank you for still reading this fluffy mess.
Chapter 54: Barely
Alec could have retold time by his frenzied heartbeat. The erratic thudding got louder the longer the silence dragged on. Not a comforting thought, that his excited pulse was probably the loudest thing in the room, with the exception of the morning traffic coming through the open window. If Alec was lucky, all that would drown out the proof of his nervous energy. Alec squeezed one hand together at his side, trying to focus his stress on one fist as his eyes continued to stare at Magnus's face. Magnus's own unnatural eyes were fixated right back on him. If Alec wasn't remaining still by sheer determination, he might have wondered if the warlock was using some kind of spell to keep him there, in spite of the sudden impulse to run.
Magnus never looked more half-human than when he was angry. His eyes seemed even brighter, the feline pupils hard to miss when his eyes were slightly narrowed, his irritation plain. He had a way of looking down at Alec from his nose which was a tactic his mother sometimes used to intimidate, but coming from a very tall warlock, well, it was a little more scary and a lot more serious. Why had he worried so long over parental disapproval, when an upset Magnus Bane was by far more terrifying to behold, especially alone together in a locked room?
Alec took a fortifying breath, then unclenched his hand, preparing to defend himself. "You're not being fair."
"Really? I could say the same of you," Magnus countered, no apparent change in his expression.
"Magnus..." Alec said, finally glancing away. If there was some way of pacifying the warlock simply by speaking his name, that would be so much easier.
"Alec." Magnus was not appeased, one dark brow raised, waiting.
What did he want? What did he really expect? Alec was shy, had always been shy, at least when it came down to relationships. Hell, he had never had a proper relationship before Magnus, and even then, it had taken them weeks to progress beyond the point of secret meetings and stolen kisses and petting over clothes, with his family none the wiser. Coming out to his mother and father, to Jace and Isabelle and essentially, the entire shadowhunter community in Alicante had been a huge step. In that span of time, he had admitted to Magnus and himself that he was in love, that there was someone outside of his own family that he was fiercely protective of and didn't want to live without. Partnering him in that battle had just cemented that bond.
Days after that, Magnus had challenged him to take it a step further, to start shedding clothes and be with him an entirely new way. It was scary. Alec hesitated. And it was too much for Magnus to expect that he wouldn't be shy about it. Alec felt more justified than ever. The weeks that passed had instilled a measure of trust and some confidence in the shadowhunter, but the plain and simple truth was, he just wasn't ready. He needed time. He'd moved too quickly in the hope of pleasing Magnus and because he thought it was normal and expected to be at that point, but once he'd crossed the line, Alec felt even less sure, even more anxious around Magnus, like he'd bared a part of him he wasn't ready to expose yet. He'd bared everything, and that was a lot to take in and reconcile.
When Alec closed his eyes, he could still see Magnus standing there, naked beneath the spray of the water. The image made him shudder and clench his hand into a fist again. It was not a distraction he needed right now, but the mental imagine wouldn't go away. And the memory of his own...nudity was still fresh and unnerving. Those angry eyes that bored into him now had seen all of him only hours before. It wasn't something Alec could undo.
But how could he express it to Magnus? It felt like he was always putting him off and slowing him down. But it had nothing to do with his fear of being found out, or his unwillingness to be close to Magnus. He wanted that connection, and on some level, he recognized his own desire for what it was. But that still didn't mean he was ready to teeter on the edge of shower sex with his boyfriend, or Angel forbid, plunge into the real thing...
Alec's face flamed with color. Maybe it was naive, but he always thought when the time was right, he would know it and his mind would tell him he was as ready as his body. Maybe that was the truth. But if so, while his body might want to rush things, his mind wasn't there yet. Weeks had changed so much in the way of Alec's love life; he had one now. That was a crazy revelation. But he still wasn't anywhere near Magnus's experience, and he had to find some way of making the eight-hundred year-old warlock understand that he was still an inexperienced nineteen year-old who'd just had his first kiss over the summer, who had never undressed in front of anyone outside of family, and he needed a little more time to catch up. He just needed Magnus to be patient, instead of finding fault with Alec's inconsistent behavior. Alec had to concede he must seem like the worst tease. The thought just made his embarrassment that much worse.
"I need time," Alec murmured, uncertain eyes flicking back up to meet Magnus's eyes.
To his surprise, Magnus nodded, brow still raised. "Fortunately, I have that in abundance."
That was it? That seemed almost too easy.
"I don't want you to be mad at me because I'm an idiot," Alec tried, running a hand restlessly through his already messy hair.
"You are an idiot. But since you admitted it first, I'll try not to be mad."
Alec lip twitched, testing the waters to see if it was OK to smile and joke now.
"What do you need?" Magnus asked. His voice, no longer irritated, had that compelling purr to it. Alec had difficulty thinking past the sound of Magnus's voice when he did that, much less focus on what he was actually saying.
"What?"
"What do you want?" Magnus clarified. "Some space?"
"I don't want you to go," Alec said, taking an impulsive step forward, misunderstanding what the warlock was saying.
"I'm not going anywhere. For one thing, you need my assistance right now, and I can't imagine my roomy bed is half as comfortable as your luxurious twin."
Alec barked a laugh, glancing at his tiny unmade bed. It was the first time in a while he'd allowed it to stay rumpled like that after leaving it.
"Maybe we can...commandeer a bed from one of the empty rooms and push them together."
"That's very Partridge family. But I like it."
"What?"
"Never mind, darling. Sounds good to me."
"But, as for the rest..." Alec started. Magnus interrupted, holding up his hand.
"I got it. We'll put any new material on pause, at least until after we've sorted out the latest situation. But, as soon as we've brought down the bad guy and there's one last complication behind us, I expect a proper reward for my efforts."
Alec's jaw dropped. He had no idea how to reply to that, assuming he meant... actually, he wasn't even quite sure what Magnus was implying by that, but had a good idea as to the direction of his thoughts.
"I want a new television."
"A new-"
"Yes. A flatscreen. And preferably one of those mounted stands so I can slap it up on the wall and keep the cords out of the way from Chairman Meow. Anything electrical is a special treat."
"Can't you just, I don't know, snap one into existence on your own?"
"Well, I could, but I do try to avoid snagging high dollar items when I could just as easily accept one as payment for services rendered. Would aiding you in the capture of a rogue warlock, not to mention placing a massive protection spell on the Institute not count as one hell of a job well done?"
Alec worried on his lower lip for a moment, muttering: "And the repairs. Can you at least help with the windows?"
Magnus rolled his eyes, looking exasperated. But he puffed once, then waved his hand dismissively. "Fine. A few windows, starting with yours, but only because Manhattan traffic is especially obnoxious at 3AM and I'd like to get some sleep."
"Thank you," Alec replied with apparent relief.
"It better be a quality TV."
"I'm sure we can work something out, if that's really what you want."
"It's a start," Magnus purred, his eyes wicked now. Alec had to glance away, feeling a traitorous tingle in his limbs, his body responding as it always did when Magnus paid special attention to him.
"But you know what I'd really like?" Magnus continued. Alec, hesitant to look up, shoved his hands in his pockets, swallowing.
"What?"
"Breakfast."
"Oh," Alec replied, looking up. "I think we can do that."
"Why don't we just go down the street and grab something?"
"Sure," Alec decided. It wasn't far and they wouldn't be gone long. They couldn't hide inside the Institute forever, nor was it something he wanted to do. He was a demon-hunter, not a mundane. His job meant running into a dangerous fight, not shying away from it and clinging to safety. Besides, if it would make Magnus happy, he'd brave fifteen minutes of exposure. He would carry his stele and a seraph blade, and Magnus was hardly powerless.
"My treat," Alec added, patting down his pockets, making sure he had everything.
"Ohh. I'd offer to pay, if you do that again," Magnus rasped with a glittery wink.
"Do what?" Alec replied too fast, then thought about it and blushed. He shook his head, scowling at the warlock. Magnus laughed, waving wrist. The battered door to Alec's room edged open, allowing them to pass into the hallway, still smelling faintly of smoke and demon residue.
A few doors down, Alec slid out his hand, grasping for Magnus's. Without turning to look at each other, they simply walked hand-in-hand, an odd, but striking pair, Magnus with his glittery flare, and Alec, wild hair and somber clothes, but a new strength to his stride.
