A/N many of you have been waiting for this. John is going to tell Anna about Vera. I want to thank all of you who are leaving your comments and ideas. Especially the oh so loyal AnnaMB. I also want to thank Meg and the folks like her who don't allow direct responses. Ok, get to it, and write back!

I don't own...

Anna left campus a little later than she expected so by the time she got home John had dinner ready and the table set. He came out of the kitchen to greet Anna when he heard the front door open.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she apologized, "I should have let you know."

"It's nothing," John went to help her with her coat, "I knew if you were going to be very late you would have texted. You're very considerate."

"Speaking of considerate," Anna said as she gave Angus some attention, "The tray you left me this morning was lovely." She made her way to the table and sent Angus to his bed in the corner.

John went to the kitchen and brought out the food saying, "I figure I owe you a few thousand nice gestures anyway."

"Bringing me pastries isn't going to suddenly make everything alright, John," Anna warned.

"I know, but it couldn't hurt," he rubbed the back of his neck and quickly continued, "I didn't know whether or not you would want any wine so I got a bottle out, but I didn't open it. What do you think?"

"Best not I'd say. We're planning on hashing things out more firmly aren't we? We'll want clear heads."

"That's what I thought, but I wanted to give you the option. Sit and get some food. I'll get you some water."

Anna dished food onto her own plate and then filled John's. She couldn't help but notice that she still knew how much of each thing he would want without even giving it a conscious thought. John returned quickly and they both began to eat without talking. Finally, Anna decided to ease into the conversation by asking, "So how long are you staying up here?"

"Trying to get rid of me already?" John's joke fell horribly flat and an awkward silence followed. "Um, in answer to your question, I'll stay until we both decide things are settled enough for me to go back to London. One way or the other. As long as it takes."

"Aren't you supposed to be filming 'Highclere'? I didn't know you had time off," Anna asked.

"I don't. I spoke to the producer and had him rearrange some filming so that I could come up for a few days. I told him it was an emergency. If it takes longer than that I'll pay for the whole cast and crew to have some down time." John spoke matter of factly, not expecting any particular credit for his sacrifice, but wanting to make it clear that he was willing to go to any lengths to be here.

Ever the one to think of others , Anna replied, "You shouldn't have done that. It sounds awfully expensive and inconvenient for everyone."

"I don't give a damn about the expense, or about anyone besides you and I." John's voice had risen slightly and he paused to get it under control. "I needed to be here Anna. I needed to tell you how wrong I was and how miserable I've been. I need to do whatever I can to try to get us back to the relationship we had before. In fact, I have something for you," John stood and opened his wallet, removing Anna's credit card. He placed it in front of her on the table then reached into his pants pocket and handed her the key to his flat. It still hung on the 'Anna and John' key ring. "Here," he said, "these belong to you."

Anna put down her knife and fork and stopped eating. She slid the items back across the table toward John, "I don't want them."

John looked crestfallen, but recovered quickly, "Never the less, they belong to you. You don't ever have to use them if you don't want to. I suppose I would understand if you didn't, but I am giving them back to you. They're yours to do with as you wish, but they aren't mine."

"I need to make something clear John, I don't want to go back to the relationship we had before. It isn't the relationship I thought it was. Not if you could just throw it aside so easily."

"Anna, I…"

"No John, let me finish." He nodded his head and she went on, "I thought we were best friends as well as lovers. I thought we were true partners, headed toward marriage."

John started to affirm Anna's statement but thought better of interrupting again.

"It must not have been all I thought it was if you could just send me home and never call or text. You were like the air to me John, and I thought I was the same for you, but no one can go week after week with no air."

"Anna, it was the same for me. You were, you are, all those things for me."

Anna looked at him with disbelief, "Really John?"

"Look," he huffed in frustration, " if you're looking for me to make this make sense for you, I can't. I'm sorry but I can't." He shook his head and his hands began to flail, "It doesn't make sense. I was an insensitive idiot and I don't really know why. There are probably a thousand reasons that contributed," he began ticking them off on his fingers, " my father didn't love me enough, I've never been in this deep of a relationship before, my relationship with Vera was a mess, and so on and so on, but none of them explain or excuse how I could throw away the best thing that's ever happened to me. That's why I'm going to see someone. To figure out why it happened so it will never happen again."

"But why now? What caused you to come back? What suddenly changed?"

"It was your letter. I've been miserable ever since you left..."

"I didn't leave," Anna interrupted defensively, "you sent me away."

John closed his eyes and corrected himself, "...ever since I sent you away. I started drinking and smoking again."

"Oh John," she couldn't help but feel sorry for the way he had chosen to deal with his feelings.

He smiled ironically, "I know, very mature, huh? I told you from the beginning that you're the one who makes me a better man. Anyway, I was hardly making it from day to day thinking of you here in the house, but it was just bearable knowing I still had some kind of connection to you. I thought maybe in time I would have my chance again, but when I got your letter and you said you were leaving I couldn't stand it." He looked up and made eye contact with her, "This house was meant for the two of us, not just me. It was never meant for just me, even though I bought it before I met you. This is our house, Anna. Yours and mine. I can't have a whole ocean between us. Not for three months, not for three days."

Anna shook her head and chuckled, "You certainly know how to say all the right things, I'll give you that." She paused, just looking at him, obviously contemplating something, "So what do we do now?"

"I couldn't say. It's your decision, Anna."

Anna rubbed her forehead as though she had a headache, "Thats just it, I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do," she repeated, a note of panic creeping into her voice. Her hands and lip were shaking and she started to cry. She said softly once again, "I don't know what to do."

Now she was crying in earnest. John was up in a flash, pulling her from her chair and into his arms. "Oh Anna. I'm so sorry." He pulled her head into his shoulder, comforting her like he would a child. "Hush, love. It'll be alright, you'll see. Shhhhh. Shhhhh." He rocked her gently back and forth.

Anna cried into his chest for a few moments and then, without moving her head she said, "you sent me away, John. You sent me away." Her words were muffled by his body but the hurt in them was all too clear.

"I know, baby, I know." He said nothing more but continued to rock her.

When she had finished crying, she backed away from him and wiped her eyes, "I must look a mess."

"You look beautiful. You always look beautiful." He tried to lighten the mood, "I tell you what" he slapped his hands on his thighs, "let's take Angus for his walk, do something normal. A breath of fresh air will probably be good for all three of us."

Angus had heard the word 'walk' and was prancing around their feet. Anna gave a rather watery chuckle and said, "I guess we have to now, don't we?"

John smiled, " I guess we do at that."

They put on their scarves and jackets and made their way down the street, finding their steps taking them naturally toward the beach. When they were about half way there, Anna reached over and took John's hand. She didn't say anything, just kept walking. John didn't want to risk breaking the spell so he kept silent as well.

When they arrived at the beach, John led them over to their favorite bench. He knew it was time to tell Anna about Vera's accusation. He didn't want to keep it from her any longer and he found it easier to approach the subject here in the dark.

"Anna, before you decide what happens next I've got to tell you something," he stared straight ahead, looking at the sea, "The night I got your letter, after I read it, I went out and got drunk. Really drunk." Anna could tell that what John was saying was really important to him, so she decided to let him speak without interruption.

"I don't remember much about that night," he continued, "but I remember I ran into Vera at the pub."

His words caused Anna to have a sinking feeling inside. Vera had never had any positive bearing on Anna's life, and she knew better than to think whatever John was about to say would change that. "And?" she asked.

"And she says I went home with her that night." John wanted to look over at Anna to judge her reaction, but he couldn't muster the courage.

"Went home with her to do what?" Anna already knew the answer, but she couldn't help asking.

"She says I slept with her." His words could barely be heard above the sounds of the ocean, he spoke so quietly. When he finished, he leaned his arms on his knees and let his head fall into his hands, running them through his hair.

Anna was silent for a moment, her mind reeling. But then something about the way John had made his confession struck her as odd, "What do you mean she says you slept with her?"

"I woke up the next morning on my sofa, in my own flat. Rob thinks she made the whole thing up. She came the next morning claiming I took her wallet by mistake and she did find it in my coat pocket, but Rob suspects she put it there."

Anna took a deep breath and let it out, she didn't know what to think, "What do you think happened? Do you think you slept with her?"

John looked at Anna now, "I honestly don't know. I don't remember anything about how or when I got home. I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you for sure that I didn't sleep with her, but I just can't," he paused, sounding defeated, "I thought you had a right to know."

Anna was quiet again. So many thoughts were rolling around her head that she couldn't really sort them, but the one that kept floating to the top was that if she had to bet her life on whether it was John or Vera who was telling the truth, she would pick John every time.

"I really don't you know," Anna said.

John looked confused, "You don't what?"

"I really don't have a right to know whether you slept with her or not. Either way, we weren't together when it happened. Technically, you could be sleeping with whoever you want."

Out of all the people in the world, John suspected that only Anna would respond in this way. His perfect Anna. No, he thought, she wasn't perfect and she didn't have to be. He had learned that lesson and he would never forget it. She didn't have to be perfect, she just had to be herself. Completely and wonderfully as near perfect as she was. "The only person I want to sleep with ever again is you." He paused again and then said, "I wish we were already married."

Anna looked shocked, "You've got to be kidding! Clearly we are nowhere near ready for that."

"I just mean that if we were married I know you would give me another chance. You would never divorce me without trying to work things out. That's not who you are." He smiled sadly.

Anna sat thinking for quite awhile. John was right in a way, if they had already married she wouldn't throw their marriage away without at least trying to save it, even if John had cheated on her or been sent to prison.

"You know John, I wouldn't put it past Vera to have planted that wallet in your pocket. She's a devious, lying bitch."

She said it very calmly, but John was shocked at Anna's language. She rarely cursed, and although he knew Anna and Vera had never liked each other, Anna had never said anything to John to criticize the other woman. He couldn't help but chuckle just a little, "I've never heard you speak about anyone like that before."

"She deserves it." Anna made no apology for her words or the sentiment behind them.

"So you believe me? You agree with Rob?"

"Well, since we don't know what really happened I have a choice. I can choose to believe you did sleep with her, which would make me miserable, or I can choose to believe that you didn't, which leaves me slightly less miserable. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to be completely honest with me John."

"Of course."

"Would you have slept with her if you were sober? Or even if you were only a little drunk?"

"God no!"

"Not even to hurt me? Or yourself? Not even to punish Vera?"

"No Anna, I swear. That night, after I read your letter, I realized how devastated I would be without you. I realized how much I love you and how there could never be anyone else for me after you. I wanted you so badly I couldn't stand it. I wouldn't have gone from those thoughts to Vera's bed. I couldn't have." Anna nodded and John went on, "Besides, honestly, I was so out of it I doubt I could have accomplished anything even if I had wanted to." With his last statement John managed to look a little embarrassed, despite the gravity of the situation.

Anna let his words sink in. She smirked and John saw just a hint of her old cheekiness, "Well, there is that." She leaned into him bopping him with her shoulder.

"Yes, there is that," John replied with a smile of his own.

They smiled at each other for a second before Anna stood up abruptly and called for Angus. She put the dog on his leash and began to walk back toward the house. John didn't know what was happening and stayed seated. When Anna was a few meters away she looked over her shoulder and said, "Well, aren't you coming? Or are you going to make me walk home alone?"

John rose quickly and walked to Anna, who was waiting for him to catch up. They walked home together, although Anna made no move to take his hand this time. When they got to the house Anna let Angus in and took off her coat. John waited on the doorstep for her to turn around.

"So what happens next?" he inquired.

"Well," Anna sounded determined, "tomorrow's Friday. Why don't you stay here for the weekend and go back to London Sunday night."

"Alright," John agreed, "if that's what you want."

"I think you should stay here at the house…"

"I won't send you to Gwen's Anna. Not this time."

"No, I won't go to Gwen's. I'll stay in my room and you can stay in yours. It's only two days. Two days for us to just be. If this is going to work out we have to see if we can act and feel normal around each other. There has to be a foundation to rebuild on. Let's see what happens."

John was taken aback. This was more than he had ever expected, "Do you mean it? My god Anna, thank you." He broke into a cautious smile.

"Well, don't thank me yet, Mr. Bates. Let's see what happens the next couple of days, shall we?"

"Sure, anything you say. But really, thanks." He was looking more hopeful by the minute.

"It's all settled then. You can bring your things whenever you want tomorrow and I'll see you when I get back from school. Now, I'm exhausted and I'm going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

With that she shut the door, leaving John to make his way back to the hotel. She hadn't even let him kiss her on the forehead tonight, but he didn't mind at all. In fact, it was one of the happiest walks he had taken in his entire life.

Anna walked through the house turning off the lights before going upstairs to her room. She passed the table where the credit card and key were lying. She brushed each one lightly with her fingertips as she passed, but she didn't pick them up or put them away.