Title: Illusions & Destinies
Rating: R for the most part, M for select chapters
Author's Note:Pardon my sudden surreal moment of... this being the end. This was written back when I started Wild Cards & Gambits in outline for, before the madness and pain and tears (and then there was the story of course).
To come to it now is so wonderful and somehow, a little painful too.
Epilogue
Nearly two months later...
"It's raining again," Jack said, more out lack of anything else to say rather than a real observation. He tipped his head on the side and listened to the pounding rain beating like a drum against the window pane. "Have you noticed though that it is no longer as cold as it once was?"
There was no answer and he grinned to himself. "Raining Jabberwocks now too."
Still no answer to that ridiculous lie and Jack looked over his shoulder from where he'd been fixing two drinks. He wasn't even sure that Hatter had really noticed that he'd been joined by the Hearts half an hour ago. He had just been standing at the window, muttering to himself and looking troubled. Not that Jack could blame him for that; after the stress of the past months, seeming troubled was not the worst thing that could happen to any of them.
So he shook his head and continued to make Hatter a drink.
Hatter stared blindly out the window, hearing the bustle of the people behind him in the Hospital's corridors. He'd been standing here for hours, listening to the medical staff moving around in their unhurried rounds to take care of any remaining addicts or war veterans who still needed care. It had been easier to just stand out of the way than deal with their questions. He couldn't go back in there anyway until he was allowed to go back. Being alone out here was certainly better than being in the other room, where'd he'd been yelled at for being too edgy and unsettled. But when the Hearts had arrived, bringing Charlie with them from where he'd arrived by ferry, he'd had to submit to having company.
Jack poured out a significant amount of whiskey into the glass from his flask and gave Hatter a tap on the shoulder before handing it over. Hatter arched a brow before taking the glass, eyeing it warily. Always careful, he took a sniff of it and his eyes went to Jack curiously
"You'll need it. I remember when Amelia was in the Hospital... I think I was nearly drunk by the time William was born finally," Jack warned. He looked over at where Charlie was bouncing the little prince on his knee, making horse noises as he did so. The tiny boy seemed bored and ready to start grumbling, but Charlie apparently was very entertained by his own sound effects, doing an impressive imitation of Arthur's whinny. "Of course, there are times when I wonder if I am still drunk just watching that."
He took a sip of his own glass meaningfully and Hatter gave him an amused look. They'd come to a truce since Jack had taken control once more of the City, proving again why he was a formidable leader. But still Jack was uneasy around Hatter sometimes and he knew it. Whether it was because of the tense few weeks were the City had been bracing for yet another civil war, which had brought Hatter back from his vacation to bring the Resistance members to heel once more, or because Hatter made it clear he didn't want to keep having to help like that, somehow Jack always seemed on edge. It had taken a few more weeks before they'd regained their old footing of friendship and Jack had been very careful to cultivate it. He didn't realize that Hatter was aware of how nervous he made him.
Jack's scarred face was angled away and with the shadows his face was nearly normal. Leaning against the window frame, Hatter swirled the alcohol in his glass pensively.
"How've you been?" he asked before taking a long drink of the whiskey. It was Wonderland Bread & Honey liquor and he had to blink away the tears it brought to his eyes. He coughed a little as it burned down his throat, and Jack smiled in amusement.
"Same as ever. The City is nearly running itself again, the Citizen's Council is keeping fair control thanks to your help on the inside. But for me... some bad dreams. How does one kill their mother and not let it bother them?" Jack asked dryly. Hatter shrugged, not having an answer. He had spent years believing in some way he had been responsible for his own mother's death, but with her reappearance, memories of those lonely years had started to fade.
Jack sighed and took another drink before wiping his finger across his lips thoughtfully. "Sometimes I wonder if things could ever be different. If maybe my father had stepped up more to control, would my mother's selfishness have been curbed?"
"No use guessing what could-a been, you know. It won't do you any good because what happened, happened," Hatter pointed out. "I think that the rest of us are just pleased you're alive."
Jack met his eyes and turned fully, exposing his scars to full view. Hatter never flinched, as the scars never had bothered him, but he simply stared back at him with a wry grin.
"Though it is rather nice that you ain't as pretty now. You can slum it with the rest of us homely ones," Hatter finished and Jack finally chuckled, raising his glass and clinking it against Hatter's.
"Thanks. Only took you a year and a half to say something that friendly to me," Jack said dryly and Hatter grinned cheekily.
"Your looks were lost on me, boyo."
"Laugh all you want, you look no better off," Jack said, pointing with his finger to the ragged scarring along Hatter's neck and collarbone. "Or are you going for the 'devil may care' look still?"
They heard a disgusted sigh that made them both look to the left.
"Oh, are you two finished flirting yet?" Amelia asked as she slipped up beside her husband and took his hand in hers. Hatter blinked, having not even heard her coming and considering how nervous and on edge he was, that was a surprise. Amelia turned her clear eyes on him and smiled. "Any news? I've been wandering around for a while speaking to patients but no one ever came to find me to let me know if you'd heard something."
The sheepish look he gave her made her chuckle and he nervously took a sip of whiskey before answering.
"I got kicked out by Alice a few hours ago. She said I was making her nervous. I wouldn't have left but my mother arrived to help her and the doctor. They helped her kick me out," Hatter admitted. Jack snorted, earning an elbow in the side for it, and then schooled his features into a perfectly sympathetic look. Hatter waved at the hallway doors nervously. "Nothing since."
"Did you get a hold of her mother? I know you sent Suits through but there's been no word?" Amelia asked, looking at Jack for her answer and he nodded.
"Conduit will be exhausted by the time the Suits get there but she'll know. They'll bring her back the moment they can in less than a few hours. I'm still keeping that very hushed up; there's no need for news of an Oyster coming into Wonderland by my order getting out." Jack checked his watch. "She's been in labour for... nine hours now?"
"Nine hours, three minutes and forty-five seconds," Hatter added, his voice troubled. Amelia stepped away from Jack and put her hands on his shoulders.
"Hatter, she'll be fine. She might look like a small thing but I'm sure she can handle this." Her eyes went over him skeptically. "I'm not sure about you though. Can you handle it?"
"I'm peachy," he grumbled. Amelia bit back the urge to chuckle, her teeth pressing into her lower lip hard.
"Well, I suppose that will be seen. Jack, leave Hatter alone to worry himself to a frazzle and go rescue your son from Charlie," Amelia ordered imperiously and Jack narrowed his eyes at her. He then looked at Hatter who was still looking a little nerve-wracked.
"See what happens when you have children? These women start treating you as if you were one of their children."
"Bit late to warn him of that now, considering where we are and why. Stop trying to scare him and come get some rest. I think Hatter can do enough fretting without you taking sadistic pleasure in it." Amelia wrapped her arm around Jack's waist and he sighed as he looked down at her.
"How many times did he tease me about this and now you're saving him? Woman, whose wife are you?" Jack demanded as she pulled him away.
"I prove that every night, and if you want it proven any further then you'd best come with me right now to save our son from the White Knight," she stated sweetly. Jack turned his head towards Hatter quickly.
"You'll be fine right? Of course you will," he answered for Hatter without pause, following his wife like a puppy.
Hatter rolled his eyes and looked back out the window before setting the glass down on the shelf. Unconsciously he reached between the folds of his shirt and stroked the strips of still raw scar tissue. The few doctors that had looked at the wounds had decided that the marks, like the scar on his hand, would never completely heal no matter how much time went by. Like the mark on his hand, sometimes the ones on his body and neck still throbbed and pulsed. They were a reminder, Hatter figured, of what he had tried so hard to prevent. Of what he had lost and then helped gain for the sake of the world.
That the rest of Wonderland would never really know had bothered him. It had been pushed aside though, now merely an afterthought that made him wonder why only certain people would remember. But considering Wonderland's chances for disaster, forgetfulness was a good thing.
He just hoped he could forget some time in the future. Alice worried about him enough as it was. She comforted him through his ever present dreams and nightmares, and he held her through hers. That odd balance they had managed to come to in the past weeks had helped heal the damage that Wonderland had wedged between them once and everything had nearly gone back to the way it once was. Except for this... this was an agonizing wait he was being put through and it was nearly too much.
The doors behind him opened and he stared in absolute terror out the window. Jack and Amelia paused from where they'd been retrieving William from Charlie's enthusiastic play, and stared as Abigail approached her son. He turned slowly toward her and swallowed down the sudden lump in his throat when their eyes met.
Her face was too serious and when he tried to read her eyes, he felt his heart drop to his stomach. But then her expression lightened, bringing his heart back up with it, and Abigail held out her hand. His mother smiled at him, a sight Hatter was still getting used to, and nodded to him.
"Come on, Noble. It's time."
It was like being faced with a ravenous Jabberwock and he wiped his palms on his slacks. Jack and Amelia both smiled and sat back down, content to wait. Charlie started to get up to follow and Jack grabbed his arm, hauling him back down onto the chair and giving him a fierce shake of the head.
Hatter saw none of it, too focussed on controlling his nerves. Just behind Abigail, Hatter walked down the hall, the medicine smell and too brilliant of fluorescent light bothering him, all things he tried to concentrate on instead of that pounding feeling of dread. He repeatedly kept fixing his coat collar and sleeves as he followed his mother to Alice's suite room.
Abigail stopped at the door and turned, taking his hands in hers. The sweated palm made her smile, and she looked up at him to see how tense he was. "Deep breath, Hatter. You'll be fine."
"She's fine?" Hatter asked anxiously and she nodded, patting his hand.
"She's small but strong. Very strong. Everything is fine and the doctor took very good care of her; he's just down the hall. You need to breathe or you'll pass out and that would likely ruin your reputation if that managed to get out," she said with a grin. He groaned and then shook his head, letting her pull him forward.
Pushing the door open, Abigail led him into the room and over to the bay windows, positioning him near the small visitor's couch as if she was afraid he'd faint. Still wearing a grin, she disappeared behind the curtained off section and Hatter dropped his head towards his chest nervously.
"You can do this," he muttered to himself. He hadn't been this nervous since he'd followed Alice through the mirror for the very first time. Somehow, that had been less terrifying than this.
At the sound of a soft mewl-like cry, he looked up and swallowed a new lump in his throat. His fingers flexed repeatedly at his sides and, inexplicably, he felt ready to bolt back out the door. But his feet were frozen to the floor, his body locked and unable to move, and he drew in a deep, shaky breath that burned its way through his suddenly clenched lungs. He was sure he would faint if he didn't breathe and he was determined not to.
His mother stepped back around the curtain, a swaddled bundle carefully held in her arms and she walked very carefully. Lifting her eyes from the bundle, she beamed at him happily and approached him, aware that he was staring wide-eyed and terrified.
"Hatter, meet your daughter," Abigail said as she gently tried to pass him the tiny newborn. His arms were still to his side and she pushed at his chest lightly to get him to lift them.
"My..."
"Your first child. A very beautiful girl, Noble. Come along," she encouraged, holding her arms and showing him how to hold his newborn daughter when his arms lifted.
Hatter took his daughter, tense and uncomfortable the minute he felt the delicate little body suddenly in his arms, and the panicky urge to pass her right back raced through him. He was sure he was shaking from his nerves and he was terrified he'd drop her in his nervousness. But his mother simply nodded happily and watched them together.
The baby made a whimper and tried to open her eyes, staring up at him from still half-shut blue eyes and Hatter stared back, snared immediately by what he saw. She had a tiny patch of dark hair and the way she looked at him reminded him instantly of Alice, even though he was sure she was less than twenty minutes old. Her eyes widened a little as if she was trying to take him in, though he couldn't be nothing more than a fuzzy figure to her. Hatter held her a little closer and curled his fingers around her tiny body.
He'd never held something so small and fragile in his entire life and Hatter loved her instantly and intensely.
His daughter looked up at him and oddly her eyes appeared to lock on him now that he held her safely. Hatter stared back, shifting her in his arms to gently run his finger down her downy soft cheek. She made a soft sound but still her barely open eyes seemed fixed on him, wriggling a little. When he looked at her, Hatter couldn't help feel but that his daughter was analysing him in return.
Which he would have thought as ridiculous if only it didn't make such perfect sense for one of his family.
His daughter — and how utterly mad it was to think just that — gave a faint whimper and then relaxed into his arms when he lifted her tighter against his chest. Smiling, Hatter bounced her gently before quickly cuddling her closer. Behind him, his mother sighed happily and watched. The sight of her son holding her granddaughter made tears come to her eyes and she wiped them away, remembering how it had looked when Grey had held her little Noble. It was the same emotions that had roiled through her then that came back to her now and she had forgotten how beautiful that ache was.
Wiping at even more tears, she looked over her shoulder at where Alice had come around the curtain, albeit a little shakily, and smiled at her as Alice moved towards one of the other windows near the bed.
"All that effort for one little thing, eh?" Hatter asked softly as his daughter made another little sound that almost broke his heart, and was startled when he heard his mother snort impolitely.
"Typical man, right Alice?" she asked and Hatter lifted his head to see his lover turning around from the window she stood near. He was thankful for his protective grip on his daughter, else wise he might have dropped her at the sight of Alice.
"'Effort for one little thing'. I'll think we can forgive your father for that one, don't you think, little one? Just this once?" she asked of the newborn boy in her own arms. Hatter stared at her and Abigail saw how pale he had become, Hatter's eyes impossibly wide.
"Sit down before you drop your daughter, Noble." She put her hand on his shoulder and made him sit on the couch before turning to Alice. "I'll leave you two alone for now and go tell Charlie and the Hearts the good news. But remember, you need some rest. That was a long day for you and you still aren't quite strong to be up and running."
Nodding at her in thanks, Alice smiled and waited for the door to close behind her before she walked toward Hatter, coming close. The tiny baby in her own arms had been born second, small compared to his sister, but he seemed strong to the doctor and been pronounced very healthy. Alice still held him protectively in fear if she didn't, she might lose him. Judging by the grip Hatter had on their daughter, he felt the same way about the tiny newborn. He had some colour back in his cheeks again, now that the momentary shock of twins had left him, and he didn't look as shaky.
His eyes were curious as he stared at her, and she smiled at him as she sat down beside him.
Hatter gave a half-smile and curved his fingers around his daughter's little body. He could see the pale glow to Alice's skin and the exhaustion in every line of her features. But there was a serenity there he hadn't seen in a very long time. As if now that she no longer worried about a safe birth she had been relieved her of some great burden.
Clearing his throat, Hatter nodded at the tiny bundle in her arms. "This is..."
"A surprise, I admit. No one knew, least of all me. I didn't get that big you know and the doctors were never sure." She tipped her head on the side. "Though I think Wonderland knew. Thinking back... it did tell us several times. Abigail said that she and her sister were twins... so maybe it runs in your family."
Hatter leaned over and she pulled the blanket down. Their son looked nearly identical to their daughter and he looked up at Hatter sleepily. He had the same dark hair and blue eyes, the same odd focus, and the baby squalled a little when he looked at Hatter.
"It was rough when he came out," Alice muttered. "I hadn't been prepared to go through it twice."
She looked wryly at Hatter and he grinned cheekily back, pride almost shining in his eyes.
"I sometimes can be an overachiever," he said and she shook her head.
"Jack's going to think we did it just to one up him," she pointed out. Hatter laughed.
"Probably, but I get the feeling he'll have another bundle to add to his family in nine months, the way Amelia keeps waylaying him."
Alice smiled and reached out to stroke her daughter's tiny head. The downy softness of her skin made her eyes tear up and Hatter cleared his throat, worried about her.
"You okay, luv?" he asked and she nodded, sniffing back tears.
"Yeah. It's just..." She waved her free hand in the air. "I struggled so long to keep them and now that they're here... it's surreal, you know?"
"If I had known you were pregnant with twins, I would have never let what happened happen. You would have stayed here. Safe," Hatter said and Alice shook her head.
"Then I might have lost you, Hatter." Alice touched his cheek and made him look at her. "And there was no way I would let that happen."
To lighten the mood, she smiled. "Plus, can you imagine me raising twins? Especially if they are like you?"
Hatter thought it over and almost went a little green. "Wonderland, we are in trouble."
Alice giggled and cuddled her son closer, delighting in his fresh scent and tiny warmth. Hatter watched, transfixed by the sight of her with their child, and he shifted his arms around their daughter to feel her closer against his heart.
"So we've got two. What names are they gettin'?" Hatter asked and Alice leaned into him, tickling her daughter's cheek. They'd discussed names, usually in a joking way, but she knew the ones that had stuck, the ones that had made them both smile and become even more excited for these new lives. The names she felt were meant to happen.
"I'm thinking we can call her Adelaide, like we planned. The A's run in your family and it would be nice to continue that." Her eyes met Hatter's and she smiled even as he stared back at her curiously. He nodded after a moment and then looked down.
"And him?" Hatter asked. His son was staring at them with almost unnatural focus but when Alice shifted the infant finally blinked sleepily and dozed off.
"I think this can be your choice," Alice answered and Hatter sighed. "Because I think I know what you'd like to name him. I know it wasn't formal but you... hinted."
"Grey Robert. Bit backwards, I know but..."
Alice nodded. "I agree."
"We lost them both and it's the only way to remember them without pain. Better memories through him," Hatter finished.
Alice nodded and tucked her son closer against her heart. "They're going to be trouble, you know."
Hatter grinned wickedly. "I don't think you realized what you were getting yourself into, did you?"
"Oh please," Alice said as she looked at him and leaned forward, brushing her mouth against his. "I knew it from the moment I met you."
His eyes drifted over her face. "My Alice. I'm glad you stayed with me."
Her head tilted as she looked up at him, feeling their children move a little between them. "I came home that day, Hatter. I knew that the moment I decided that you were the one I wanted to be with."
He freed his one hand and stroked the back of his palm down her cheek. "One of the best days of my life, you know. Those days only started when you came into Wonderland."
She leaned into his touch. "Beginning of a new story, remember?"
"I think I might enjoy this one even more," he said, smiling at her. They both looked down at the children in their arms and Alice rested her head on his shoulder, feeling his warmth and the comfort it brought her.
"Me too."
Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, stuck with, cried over, raged out on, etc. etc. this trilogy of stories. I started Of Tea & Chess as a sort of writing therapy. That escalated into Wild Cards & Gambits, which I wrote during a painful time in my life. Then Illusions & Destinies, where I decided to expand on my story-telling a little more into even more detail and depth.
This was, at first, going to only be a 3 chapter story but it simply grew outside that. Then it became an experiment to see if I could commit to a story to see it through to the end. Now, with three novel-size stories, I've been able to prove to myself that I could do it and can now expand out of my original short stories into longer fiction.
Thank you, everyone, from the people who reviewed every chapter to the silent readers and the private message-ers. I loved every review, helpful hint and death threat I got along the way and I'm deeply appreciative that you all chose to stay and follow this adventure out with me :D
