Fifteen Years Old - 2021
"The time between those cutting words built up our defenses, never made no sense, it just made me hurt. Do you believe that time heals all wounds? It started getting better, but it's easy not to fight when I'm not with you. I was sitting there waiting in my room for you. You were waiting for me, too. And it makes me wonder. The older I get will I get over it? It's been way too long for the times we missed. I didn't know then it would hurt like this. But I think the older I get maybe I'll get over it. It's been way too long for the times we missed. I can't believe it still hurts like this." - Skillet, "The Older I Get"
The "family discussion" that Evie wanted never happened, because Aiden did a remarkable job of keeping away from both her and John. Evie knew he needed space and she was more than willing to give it to him, especially after she found a note on her pillow the day after the incident. 'I don't want to talk about it, and I don't want to have anything to do with either of you right now, but don't worry, I promise I'm not going to tell Dr. Weir or Colonel Norrington or anybody. I won't get you fired. But when I feel like talking to you again, I want to discuss you getting me the new gaming system I've been asking for. Which is totally not blackmail. - Aiden, the apparently-accidental byproduct of a love-struck Lieutenant and a "dreamy" Lieutenant Colonel'
"We're gonna have to sit down and talk with him at some point, but I think we may actually come out of this for the most part unscathed," Evie said to John as they ate lunch on Saturday.
"I'm just amazed that with the temper he's have inherited from us, he hasn't stormed into Dr. Weir's office and blurted out the whole thing," John remarked.
"Let's just keep our fingers crossed," Evie said tiredly; the whole ordeal was exhausting her.
"I ran into him the other day and asked him if he wanted to go to the shooting range with me and he totally blew me off."
"What did you expect? He's trying to avoid you completely and you're reaching out a little bit more at the same time. Things are bound to be awkward until you corner him and lay things out and answer any accusing and probing questions he may have."
"Thank you, Dr. Phil, that sounds like a wonderful suggestion. Do you know where I might find my darling child?" He didn't think his tone could have been any more sarcastic.
"Why, yes, John!" Evie said with the over-the-top enthusiasm characteristic of a game show host. "Right through those doors and down two halls, your long-lost child awaits for you to come and reconnect with him!"
John threw a grape at her.
"He's in the rec room drowning his sorrows in some shoot 'em up game," she answered.
"Thank you," he said, standing up and leaving his tray. "Last one eating has to clear the table," he called back teasingly.
XXXXXX
John quietly entered the rec room and sat down on the floor next to Aiden. There was a long minute of awkward silence until Aiden finally paused the game and handed John one of the extra controllers, avoiding any eye contact. Still not wanting to talk, Aiden merely restarted the game.
John took notice of the fact that when the game gave the lead controller the option to put the two of them on the same team or opposing ones, Aiden put them on opposite teams -- where they would be shooting at each other.
They played without speaking for several minutes, the silence only broken by machine gunfire and the occasional yells of bad guys when John or Aiden took them out. They had nearly equal skill levels, and thus hadn't managed to kill each other yet.
John finally decided to speak up. "So--"
Aiden quickly cut him off. "Did my mom send you in here to talk to me?"
"No," John answered. "I just asked her where you were, and she told me."
"Come to tell your side of the story?" Aiden asked, his tone harsh.
"Aiden…" John paused for a moment, trying to think of where to start. "I have no idea what to tell you. Your mom and I have been together for sixteen years. When you came along, neither one of us wanted to quit this job, so this is what we did. And don't think we haven't second-guessed ourselves every step of the way."
Aiden shot Sheppard's onscreen teammate with his character's machine gun. "Don't you think that maybe I wanted a dad like all the other kids?"
"Don't you think I wanted to be your dad, Aiden?" John replied incredulously, taking out his current frustration on the sniper he had snuck up on. "Neither of us could have been assured job security here in Atlantis if we quit the military. And I highly doubt the Air Force would have just let me retire fifteen years ago anyway."
Aiden remembered his mom saying as much, and thought for a minute. "You still could have told me sooner," he said, repeating his point from earlier.
"I had no idea how the hell you'd take me telling you that I--"
"That you lied to me for fifteen years? Yeah, I expect I wouldn't have taken that very well," Aiden replied bitterly. He threw a grenade at John's character and watched him explode in a bloody, CG mess.
John tried his best not to scowl as he waited for his character to regenerate. "I know we shouldn't have kept it from you for so long, but if we told you when you were younger, we had no guarantee that you wouldn't mention it to someone innocently or blab it to Caldwell because you were angry with one of us. Besides, are you seriously telling me that you believed Rodney was your father? For all these years you never suspected…?"
Aiden continued playing, but it was obvious from his performance that he was no longer thinking about the game at all. "I guess I knew…" he finally said quietly. "I mean…I think I'd be doing a lot better in school if I was part Rodney." They both chuckled mirthlessly. "But you've always been interested in my life and…you do stuff with me. Like, you've always tried to be there. And, wow, that sounds really sappy now that I say it out loud." Aiden shook his head and tried to focus on the game again.
After another silence that wasn't quite so awkward, John spoke up again. "So…you're not angry at me anymore? We're cool?"
"No, I'm still angry," Aiden answered. "You've majorly broken my trust. You both have…"
John sighed heavily. "I know…" After a pause, he asked, "If I try my hardest, think it will take long for me to earn it back?"
Aiden shrugged uncaringly. "Guess we'll find out."
XXXXXX
A few days later, Aiden found his mother in her quarters after dinner, reading a book. "Mom?"
"Hey. What can I do for you?" she asked, putting the book down.
"I want some answers," he said, sitting down next to her.
She sighed. "I'll answer whatever you ask me, Aiden, but you know that your father--" He gave her a look at the use of the word "father", so she changed to "John would probably really like to be included in this."
"I don't want to talk to him," Aiden said resolutely.
Evie sighed again. "Fine. What have you come to interrogate me about?"
"Why did you drag Rodney into it and say that he was my father?" he asked.
"'Drag Rodney into it'?" she repeated, incredulous. "It was his idea!"
"It was?"
Evie nodded. "When I told Elizabeth that I was pregnant, she asked who the father was and I just froze. When Rodney saw that I was freaking out, he said that it was his."
"Why would he do that?"
"To this day, I still don't know what possessed him to say it. It got us both into a lot of trouble, especially with John. And Rodney almost lost Mary because of it."
"Why did you go along with it?"
"What was I supposed to do, take it back? 'Guess what, Rodney? I got a paternity test done and it's not yours. You're off the hook!' Everybody already assumed I'd had a one-night stand with him, which made me look kind of trampy. I just… John and I never planned on having you and--"
"So I'm just an accident?"
"Aiden, half the children on this base were accidents. No, you weren't planned, but when Carson told me I was pregnant, I was so happy. You mean more to me than anything, and you know that. But back to the Rodney thing… Nine months seemed so far away; we figured we'd have come up with a better plan by then. But we never did. We were going to tell you when we knew you were old enough to handle the information--"
"I could have handled it years ago," Aiden countered.
"If you would let me finish," Evie frowned, "I was going to say that we kept putting it off because we were scared of how you would react."
"I imagine there would have been lots of yelling. And accusing. And I probably would have felt upset, hurt, betrayed…"
"Aiden…"
"Humiliated, stabbed in the back…"
"Aiden, I've said I was sorry! How many more times do you want me to apologize?"
"Until it feels sincere," he answered meanly.
"Which means until you're done punishing me," Evie said with obvious resentment. "Don't you think I've suffered enough these fifteen years?"
"You had it easy!" he accused. "You had us both!"
"Don't yell at me, Aiden," she warned.
"Raise the child by day, sneak off to have sex with the boyfriend by night," he described bitterly. "You got what you wanted."
"Aiden, you need a serious reality check if you think I've had it easy or that this was anything close to what I wanted," Evie countered defensively. "All I ever wanted was a career, a husband, and maybe a kid or two. Do you really think I expected to fall in love with your-- John?"
Aiden rolled his eyes.
"It was hard trying to stay under the radar when we were together, and it got even more complicated after you were born."
"First I'm just an accident, now I'm a complication?"
"Aiden--"
"Maybe you should have just gotten rid of me. Would have solved all your problems."
Evie closed her eyes, devastated by his remark.
When Aiden saw a tear slip down her cheek, his entire demeanor changed. "Mom?" he asked quickly, his anger dissolving.
She brushed the tear away and looked at him. "Don't say that," she whispered, eyes filling with more tears. "Don't ever say that."
"Sorry," he mumbled. After a moment, he leaned over and hugged her. "I didn't mean it, Mom, I'm just…"
"Upset." She hugged him back tightly, one hand holding his head against hers. "I know, honey." She paused, then added in a whisper, "I'm sorry."
Aiden continued holding her and said softly, "I forgive you…"
Evie sniffled as a few more tears made their way down her face. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too." He pulled away a short moment later and watched as she wiped her eyes again. "I hate it when you cry," he commented.
She smiled as she sniffled. "John says I cry too much," she related. "I cried when he asked me to marry him, I cried when I finally said yes, I cried when we got back from Venalia…"
"Wait, what happened on Venalia? And when did he ask you to marry him?" Aiden asked, his desire for answers re-ignited.
"Aiden, our relationship is so much more than 'sneaking off to have sex at night,'" she said, and he blushed at her repeating his phrase. "We've been through a heck of a lot together. Let me 'splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up." Aiden grinned at her use of the quote. "Shall I start with the marriage ceremony on Venalia?"
Aiden's eyes about bugged out of his head. "You guys got married?!" he gasped.
Evie grinned. "Yup. We're legal in Pegasus. Earth…" She wiggled her hand to stress her uncertainty. "We might need some papers someday."
"So start with when he asked you," Aiden requested. "I bet that went really well."
"Oh, it was special alright. It was a little over sixteen years ago, and I found him on one of the balconies…"
XXXXXX
After that day, Evie found herself on the road to recovery with Aiden. Things were still not the same between them, and Evie realized it would take more than just one meaningful moment to rebuild the trust that had been broken, but she was able to hope that their relationship would someday be whole again. She was disappointed to learn that things were not so great between Aiden and John, so she invited John to join them in watching a movie in her quarters.
John got there first and sat down on the bed next to Evie, engaging in conversation until their son showed up.
Aiden rushed in the door a few minutes later. "Hey, Mom. Sorry I'm late, I-- Oh. Hey, John." The tone in his greeting related that he wasn't thrilled to see the man.
"Hey. Hope you don't mind me watching the movie with you two."
Aiden tried his best not to scowl; today was one of those days where he just didn't want to deal with John. "Whatever." He took the DVD that he had brought and put it into his mother's laptop. Then he pulled over her swivel chair, which was what he always used, and sat down.
As the movie started up, he saw his mother and John getting comfortable. Evie lay down with her back against John, and Aiden stiffened when John slid his hand from around her waist to resting on her hip.
Randomly glancing over at Aiden after a minute, John was surprised to see his son shooting him an angry glare. Chalking it up to Aiden being moody, John returned his attention to the movie. When he glanced back a minute later, Aiden was still glaring at him. "Okay, what is your problem?" John finally asked.
"Do you have to grope her?"
John made a questioning gesture with his hand that relayed an unspoken "What the hell?" "I'm not groping her," John said, adding defensively, "And even if I was, it wouldn't be any of your business." When Aiden rolled his eyes and muttered something decidedly derogatory, John sat up, giving his son the stern look that reminded the boy of when he was a younger and about to get a well-deserved spanking. "I know you're pissed at me, Aiden, but if you don't stop acting like this every time we're in the same room together…"
Aiden clenched his fists at John's unfinished threat.
"What? You wanna take a swing at me?" John asked, seeing Aiden's hostile attitude. "Let's go. Right now."
"John…" Evie said, her tone indicating that she didn't like the idea.
"We'll be fine," he said, not taking his eyes off Aiden. "C'mon. We'll both get some of that frustration out."
Aiden turned to his mother and began moving his hands animatedly. Evie had taught Aiden basic signs when he was younger and what he didn't know, he could finger-spell. John, on the other hand, only knew how to sign "I love you"-- but he could tell, by the way that Aiden was making all of his signs forcefully, that he was probably saying something rude.
Evie shook her head and signed something short back to him.
"It's not polite to talk with your hands," John commented, feeling left out.
Aiden started to repeat what he had just signed, but Evie just pointed toward the door.
Aiden scowled and trudged out the door of his mother's quarters, John following after him.
"Don't beat the crap out of each other too badly," Evie called as they left.
XXXXXX
Ten minutes later, after stopping to grab gym bags, John and Aiden were changing into more comfortable gym clothes. "What, no more questions for me this time?" John asked as he slipped out of his uniform pants.
"I think I know all I need to know," Aiden snapped, pulling on a pair of gray sweatpants.
"So you don--"
"Can we just do this, John?" To dispense with the lie, and also to show a loss of respect, Aiden had dropped the "Uncle" and started calling him just "John" now.
John finished tying his shoelace. "Fine. Gloves or fists?" he asked, gesturing to the various forms of hand protection on the shelf.
Aiden thought for a minute. "Fists." He needed to feel some physical pain to take his mind off the emotional pain.
After five minutes of sparring, they were both panting, though John had hit Aiden a lot more times than Aiden had hit John. Aiden swung again, but John easily blocked it and delivered his own blow that caught Aiden's chin. "You're swinging too hard," he commented. "I can get my next punch in before you recover."
Aiden frowned, but didn't say anything.
A moment later, John critiqued him again. "You're too tense. Bend your knees a little. And move your feet."
"Would you stop criticizing me?" Aiden frowned. "I'm not one of your men."
"No," he grunted, blocking a wild swing from Aiden, "you're just my son."
"Stop calling me that," Aiden growled, feinting left. When John went to block him, Aiden swung from the right and hit Sheppard squarely on the ear.
John shook off the blow and replied, "It's the truth, Aiden, and the sooner you stop acting like a spoiled little brat and get with the program, the happier we'll all be."
"Rodney never criticizes me."
"Rodney's not your father."
"I think I liked it better when he was," Aiden said viciously.
Enraged, John grabbed Aiden's wrist with both of his hands, yanking the boy forward and flipping him. Aiden landed on the mat with a groan and John quickly moved to pin Aiden's body with his own, pinning the boy's arms to the floor as well. "What the hell is your problem?" John asked angrily.
Aiden stared up at John defiantly, struggling a little beneath the larger man.
John leaned more of his weight forward, onto Aiden's arms. "Why are you fighting this thing so hard?"
"Maybe I don't want you for a dad!" Aiden answered harshly.
Deeply hurt by this, John lashed out cruelly with, "What's the matter? Afraid Evie loves me more than you?"
Anger flashed in Aiden's eyes, and he struggled fiercely, managing to get his right hand free. Before John had a chance to react, Aiden's fist collided with John's left eye socket. John used swear words Aiden probably hadn't heard before as he clutched his face. "I hate you!" Aiden cried, scrambling away from John.
"Son of a bitch," John hissed, more at the pain than the boy.
Aiden stood up and quickly made for the entrance to the gym. "You can go off-world and get fed on by a Wraith for all I care!" he called back. He had almost made it to the door when they suddenly whooshed shut in front of him. Aiden stopped and commanded them open with his mind. Nothing happened. Aiden scowled and ran his hand in front of the sensor on the wall. Still nothing.
Aiden whirled around, furious, not caring that John could now see the tears in his eyes. "Let me out," he demanded through clenched teeth.
"No," John managed, still holding his hand against his injured face.
"Let me out of here! I hate you!" Aiden screamed. A few of the tears finally spilled down his face and, oh, how he hated that he was crying in front of John.
"Aiden--"
"You think you can control me," his voice was breaking, but he was too angry to succumb to sobs; he had a lot of things he needed to say. "You think that after fifteen years of lies, after fifteen years of not having a dad, you can just come in and expect me to be your best friend and obey you. You turned my whole world upside-down, John! And you think I'm just supposed to pick up all the pieces and start over and accept you as a father! I can't even--" With an anguished cry, he turned and slammed his arm against the wall. He let his head drop to the crook of his arm and rested his weight against the wall. His breath came in uneven gasps as he tried to calm himself down, tears still trickling down his cheeks.
There was a long silence until Aiden heard John's quiet voice. "Aiden?" The voice sounded closer, but Aiden didn't care and he didn't answer; he only sniffled and tried to get the tears to stop. He jumped when he suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder. When John gently called his name again, a sob escaped Aiden's throat.
"You know I don't expect you to accept all this like there's nothing wrong, Aiden," John said quietly. "I'm… I'm sorry for all of it, but all I'm asking for is a second chance. All I want you to do is try. I don't expect things to immediately be great between us, or even good. But if you'll let me, I'd like to get there eventually." When Aiden didn't say anything, he figured he should probably let his son have some time alone. "Hey, I'm going to go get cleaned up. You gonna be okay?"
Aiden nodded his head slowly, keeping his face hidden against his arm.
"'Kay." He reached his hand up and gently tousled Aiden's hair, an act that had been a sign of affection between them since Aiden had had enough hair to rumple. John mentally unlocked the doors, then grabbed his gear and left, knowing they both had a lot to think about.
XXXXXX
For the next month and a half, Aiden's tolerance of John was about as unpredictable as the weather. Some days they were able to have civil meals together, with Evie always at the table in case things got ugly. Some days they were able to do stuff together and enjoy themselves for the most part. And other days John would accidentally push too hard to spend time together, and Aiden wouldn't want to have anything to do with him.
That had been their agreement, the day after their fight in the gym. John had promised that Aiden would be the one to decide when they spent time together, so long as Aiden would stop glaring at John like an overprotective guard dog every time he touched Evie. Most days they both kept up their ends of the deal.
John could tell that Aiden still didn't trust him one hundred percent, but he knew that would probably take months to regain. Their relationship was slowly taking steps back toward normalcy, but John had an idea to speed things up. He didn't care that Aiden hadn't hugged him, and didn't call him "Dad", he just wanted the awkward tension between them to go away.
So, almost a full two months after Aiden had walked in on his parents, John asked his son if he wanted to go flying in the jumper. "I think it's time I let you fly solo," John said with a proud smile.
"What, you mean all by myself?" Aiden's eyes lit up.
"No, I'll be there. But you'll have solo control," he promised.
"Mom probably won't let me," Aiden said dejectedly.
"I already talked her into it."
"Really? She didn't complain about how dangerous it is and the fact that I'll probably get us both killed?"
"Oh, she did, but I promised her we'd come back in one piece."
Aiden grinned. "Can we go right now?"
John nodded. "No place else I'd rather be."
"Okay, John, you've got to stop saying sappy stuff like that," Aiden pointed out.
John chuckled. "Duly noted. Let's go."
Ten minutes later, they were airborne, and the controls on John's side of the jumper were deactivated. Aiden did several loop-de-loops, wishing the inertial dampeners weren't so perfect; he'd love to feel some of these maneuvers. "You know, John… Jumpers are great and going solo is great, really, but I'd like to fly a 302 sometime."
"Ha. Maybe for your eighteenth birthday," John said.
"You said these things go underwater, right?" Aiden asked a moment later.
"Yes, but we're not doing that. This jumper hasn't been properly prepped for that."
Aiden sighed. Then, with a mischievous smirk, he tilted the controls downward, starting a steep descent toward the water beneath them.
"Aiden, what are you doing?" John asked worriedly. Aiden didn't answer. The jumper was in an all-out nosedive now, heading straight for the water, and John began panicking. "Aiden, pull up! Pull up!" The only way John could control the jumper was to physically take over the controls on Aiden's side. With the Lantean ocean zooming towards them, John quickly got out of his chair and was about to grab the yoke, when Aiden suddenly pulled up, the change in direction and G-forces -- finally strong enough to overcome the dampeners -- knocking John off his feet.
When John got back up a moment later, Aiden was smirking and obviously trying not to laugh. "Very funny," John said, sitting back down.
"You're such a pansy," Aided giggled.
"Yeah, well, most all of the times people have been underwater in these things, bad things have happened."
"Sorry," Aiden said, setting a course for the mainland.
XXXXXX
Twenty minutes and a very amusing conversation later, the jumper was approaching the city. "Control Room, this is Jumper One requesting fly-by," Aiden said with a grin. John chuckled.
"This is the Control Room, Jumper One… I'm not sure I understand what you're asking."
"Just give him permission and set your coffee cups down," John spoke up.
"Uhh… Okay… Permission granted, Jumper One."
Aiden grinned and began steering the jumper towards the Control Tower. About ten seconds later, they passed so close to the Tower that they could see the startled expression on Chuck's face. Both father and son laughed as they sped off into the sky once more.
"You about ready to head back?" John asked a minute later.
"Yeah, I guess. Thanks for letting me do this, John," he said with a sincere smile. "It was really fun."
"Yeah. You did great."
Aiden beamed at the praise. "Hey, me and Aaron and Uncle Michael are going paintballing in, like, half an hour. Wanna come?"
John nodded. "Sure."
"Great." Aiden didn't say anything further, as he began concentrating on lowering the jumper through the roof into the jumper bay.
When John realized that Aiden's paintball invitation made the third time they'd done something together this week, he smiled. Maybe they could recover their relationship after all.
