Fifty-Two
"No," he said, again shaking his head.
"Not yours to take, mine to give," he continued.
"But," she cried her eyes wide in fear.
"Nikki, it's me, Harry," he said soothingly but kissing down her neck, and undoing the buttons on her blouse at the same time. "You have to let me do this, give you this, I need you to trust me, I need you to let me in."
"I can't," she whimpered arching back under his lips. "I don't know how?"
"Trust me, Nikki" he growled trailing a finger along the edge of her bra.
"I…?" she cried.
"I'm in love with you Nikki. Nothing bad will happen to you, I will take care of you, I will give you what you want, but this can only work if we trust each other, please Nikki, please let me in," he whispered. "I need you, I want you but I need you to trust me!"
"I'm only attracted to the wrong sort of men," she moaned.
"Not anymore," he replied.
"Why?" Nikki asked again more desperate this time, clinging to the last shreds of her self-protection shield.
"Someone just reminded me about how I needed to grow up, this is it, this is me growing up. Nothing superficial, I want the real thing Nikki. I want you, all of you."
Nikki kept her arms around him but started walking backwards towards the bedroom. With every step she searched his eyes, desperate for reassurance that this was real, that this was what she had been searching for all these years. That this was true love not some stupid happy ever after but something concrete and lasting and forever, but no matter how hard she tried there was still a part of her that remained frightened. Not frightened of him but frightened of herself.
"I'll try," she said her eyes searching his.
He was staggered by her response, after all he had done, after all these months of torture; she was still willing to try. He was truly humbled.
"I know it!" he suddenly declared.
"You know what?" she asked.
"How to undo that belt buckle?" she scoffed. This really was the oddest foreplay she had ever encountered.
"I know why you did it?" Harry exclaimed again.
"Did what? Harry please don't tell me you're going to go off on one of your little theories about my personal life that relate to classic works of literature," she said, feeling the need to pull the shoulder of her blouse back up.
"When we were in Hungary at the memorial, you saw me, I know you saw me and you turned away." Harry said. "I never knew why until just now."
"Harry, I was in shock, I was…"
"Naked," supplied Harry, moving the shoulder of her blouse back down again and kissing her bare flesh.
"What do you mean?" Nikki asked.
"You couldn't let me see you, because you were naked, all your protective walls and barriers were broken down, there was nothing left, you were exposed and you did the only thing you could, you turned away so I couldn't see." Harry explained and paused.
Tears started rolling unbidden down Nikki's cheeks like racing cars eager for the finish line; she was surprised there were still tears left.
"But then you turned round, and you looked at me." Harry continued triumphantly. "You trusted me then Nikki, you let me in, you let me hold you and look at you and in that moment I saw you and felt your agony and then I left you. I am so sorry." He punctuated his apology with kisses, kissing away her tears. "I promise you, I will never leave you again." He continued his kissing exploration, removing the blouse entirely and whispering to her as he did.
"I will do everything in my power to make sure you get everything you want, and then some. I promise you. I will never ever leave you, I love you. I've always loved you." Somehow in all this he had managed to remove his own clothes, and guide them towards the bed. It was a good thing really as Nikki was in no state for managing anything as complicated as a button.
"No more talking!" she said tipping his chin up so she could look him in the eye. "Sometimes we still don't have to say anything, sometimes!" she repeated pulling him down onto the bed. 'Seven years!' she thought to herself, seven years of knowing looks and silence and now he won't be quiet.
'Whoever thought' she wondered. 'Harry Cunningham was a talker!'
"Harry," she giggled but then his lips hit that perfect spot.
"Harry!" she gasped that time.
Harry had always enjoyed teasing her at work, getting a response from a fantastic one liner, a smile, a chuckle, one of those amazing spontaneous laughs. But here now, removing her clothes in his bedroom and teasing her body until she was desperate and dizzy.
Oh this was way better.
And her laugh, that deep throated chuckle, he'd always found that sexy, but to hear her now; a moan here and a gasp there.
He broke off from a kiss to look at her again. Her face was flushed, her eyes darker than ever.
"Thank you," he whispered as he began kissing her forehead, and then trailing kisses down her hairline and into her neck.
"For what?" she mumbled but she was rapidly losing the power of coherent speech.
"For bringing me home," he said his fingers caressing her face.
"I love you," said Harry grabbing the condoms from the nightstand.
"Let me," he asked. "I promise I will catch you,"
And then finally under the warmth of his gaze and the sincerity in his eyes, she believed him. She could do it, she could let Harry in. It was Harry, her Harry. Hadn't she dreamed of this for months; years even. She could not screw this up now. He had been right about Hungary, and she had been able to do it then. She had let him see her, the real her and she had survived and he had come back. His tenderness and passion were melting her last protective firewall, just as the way he was moving was propelling her further and further towards him and the inevitable.
"I love y.." she began, but Harry didn't need to hear it, he had already seen it in her eyes as he felt her surrounding him, accepting him, trusting him.
Her doubts finally gone, she found herself flying, surrendering and falling.
"I told you I'd catch you," she heard some time later when she had regained control of her breathing.
"Harry!" she mumbled.
She looked up to see the goofiest smile on Harry's face, she dared not think of what hers must look like.
"Harry, I'm sorry," she spluttered realising she had little recollection of the last minutes events only of her own breath taking experience.
"What are you sorry for," he grinned.
"Did you?" she began.
Harry laughed whole heartedly then, "oh yeah," he confirmed. "But if you're worried we could try again later."
Nikki laughed too, 'why had she had doubts?' she wondered. Harry was a perfectionist; she knew that and he was every bit as meticulous and brilliant at his love making as he was at his work.
"Thank you," he said humbly.
"Thank you too," she replied, but she knew Harry's thank you covered a lot more.
He watched her contentedly, her face was still flushed and her hair trailing wildly over his pillow. 'How could he have wasted so much time?' he wondered. But it didn't matter because they were here now, together and stronger than ever before, this is where he belonged, by her side.
Now he was home.
I have an epilogue for you, which even managed to stretch itself to two chapters… so two more to go and that's your lot : )
