Xanxus' Adventures in Parenthood Piracy by InsaneScriptist

Beta'd by the impressive Umei no Mai

Summary: Xanxus could only blame the damn scientists for stranding him in an alternate dimension. However Xanxus could only blame himself for allowing that woman to foist her child onto him. Drabble fic.


Ignore

While there was a satisfaction in beating someone down, the fact that Squalette was so hopelessly outclassed rendered it null.

The idea to create and fight a Cloud Flame clone was back with vengeance. Still a terrible idea.

Xanxus resolutely ignored it in favor of taking Squalette back to her family without notice from any of Machina's citizenry. He even managed to break into the Clyde's home, where he was finally noticed by Melrose who had been in the process of making dinner. Melrose told him which room belong to Squalette; not that the Clydes had a lot of room in their home. It was actually smaller if you took into account the space the shop took up in Lougetown but the individual rooms were larger. As they were working for him, they didn't need a shop; that Barret was a poor shopkeeper at best was beside the point. The man was much happier running a workshop and leaving the commercial side of things to his children and 'boss.'

Melrose remained Xanxus' favorite Clyde by understanding exactly what had occurred when he noticed that Sansetto was actually wearing his blade.

Xanxus dumped Squalette in Cordelia's room anyway. It was closer.

Improvement

"What does nee-san have to improve on?" Melrose asked.

"Everything." Sansetto answered honestly. Xanxus found that knowing only how to fall and properly grasp a blade was pathetic.

"What should she fix first?" The far too pretty boy asked, once again demonstrating that he had inherited more than his fair share of the family perceptiveness despite both his sisters being pretty sharp in their own ways. Barret might look similar enough to Iemitsu to pass as the former CEDEF's boss' cousin, but he liked Barret far more.

Xanxus mentally replayed their spar, taking what he knew about her personality into account. She was a greedy individual, pragmatic, intelligent enough to know she didn't know everything but not quite cunning enough to make her own way. She had a loud personality but it wasn't forceful, was mildly respectful when she could see something worth respecting and had a temper to boot. She did however remain analytic even in the depths of her latest temper tantrum, if only to make the most of losing her temper. Most of her motivations were pride-related or ensuring the well-being of herself and her siblings.

"Awareness. Speed. Tactics. Iaido. Power." Xanxus proclaimed. "In that order too." She had the nerves for iaido, but the question was did she have the speed and reflexes for it? Even less than ideal speed and reflexes could be made up for with a proper grasp of your opponent. All Xanxus wanted was a half decent sparring partner when it came to blade work, not Squalo's female double no matter how much she looked similar to him; it was the hair cut and the cool calculating eyes, Xanxus decided. They weren't actually very similar as people even if Squalette had the fluffy bangs Squalo was growing out.

Squalo was far more temperamental when he wasn't being deferential or stupidly loyal. The only things Squalo had ever been greedy about was food, sleep and sword knowledge. Money never really matter to that particular swordsman, so much as murder. In fact Squalo had been pointedly avoiding his family since he became Varia and especially over the last few months as they were trying to get him to settle down and marry of all things. That was just proof that while they had raised Squalo to be of Varia Quality they had no idea what being Varia actually entailed or what being a married member of the Varia was seen as either. It was the same as telling Squalo to retire, because Xanxus wasn't going to let some random trash the shark's family had picked out for him to make babies with onto Varia grounds. They were honestly trying to get the shark to copy Bel and slaughter his family.

"Are you staying for dinner then?" Melrose asked.

"If you're offering brat."

Names

"Nee-san is going to throw a fit, but that's what you want." Melrose commented with humor in his voice. He didn't have much of a presence and most of it was due to Melrose's tomboy appeal. It was a product of social norming that girls received less mental attention than boys; boys got into more trouble so had to be watched more after all. He was too feminine to really pull off 'girl borrowing her brother's clothing' properly, despite the stains some of his clothing had picked up so he looked like a 'tomboy.' He was very observant and self-effacing, which said that Melrose was going to grow up vicious.

Honestly, Xanxus blamed the name. Melrose was a very 'girly' name. Men who had those sorts of names often lacked a sense of shame, had a brutal kind of honesty and could make anyone teasing them about it regret it. Well, that or they had hair-trigger tempers and pitiful impulse control which often amounted to the former in civilian circles. Names were pretty important when defining a person, but they also could be shed. Xanxus knew a lot of people left their old lives and names behind when they joined the mafia.

Even assassins occasionally had names they'd rather be rid of, which is why some of them went exclusively by nicknames or their call-signs; even the Officers weren't exempt from it. Lussuria and Leviathan were clearly not their 'real' names for all that everyone else had forgotten that they had other names because they had left them behind so long ago that they were forgotten. Leviathan was actually Levi's callsign before Xanxus was part of the Varia, while Lussuria was named because of his 'lust' for battle, blood and death as well as the fact that was how his actual name translated. Lussuria then stuck better than the name he was born with, possibly because it was also easier to pronounce.

Mammon's identity as 'Viper' was something of an open secret thanks to Reborn using that name exclusively. It was also in various records that both the Vongola and the Varia held, as 'Viper' was the nickname that Mammon picked up during his freelance days, back when Viper admitted to being female physically. That Mammon gained a new name in the Varia was not unexpected, nor was the fact that Mammon was the demon of greed either; Mammon suited the illusionist much better than 'Viper.'

He was honestly more surprised that people thought that Bel's actual name was Belphegor. It wasn't. Nor was it that hard to find Bel's actual name, home country and more should a person have the means and motivation to look, especially should they have Bel's true name. Xanxus had been naming his handcrafted guns by the names of demons then, and so extended that practice to a possible tool that Bel represented if he was as good an investment as he appeared. He had been, and had taken a certain glee in his new identity.

Xanxus had outgrown that phase of teenage dramatics if only because he ran out of demons to name rifles, pistols and guns -tools- to name them after. As Squalette was still a teenager and disposed towards dramatics for all that she would maintain a professional quality in her work despite the agitation, he could have fun riling her up.

Squalette wasn't Squalo, but she was so easy to torment. Being greedy as she was just made it easier.

Fume

Dinner wasn't as entertaining as Xanxus thought it would be, as Squalette was too tired to properly react. She didn't even have the energy to fume and sulk properly.

"Stamina." Xanxus told Melrose seriously.

Melrose nodded.

Maudlin

Xanxus arrived before Rouge started fixing dinner. He told her to not bother with his part since he had already eaten. He was knew what his issue was, but that didn't quite stop him from brooding on it.

While he still felt an excess of physical energy -enough to make the fucking horrible idea about fighting a Cloud copy appealing- that would have to be worked out, he was also suffering from a general sense of discontentment. That was something he felt about this entire situation in general; nearly a year in a different dimension was enough. He was going to call Tyrant and see what the issue was tomorrow.

Stupid scientists. They should be very afraid. Xanxus was not going to be merciful.

While he knew that there was a possibility that he'd never get home, he could never believe it even before he met with Tyrant. The Varia wouldn't stand for it and they could bully the Sawada-brat into making it happen like they couldn't the Ninth. It helped that the Neo-Primo brat was all for the idea of 'family togetherness' for all that Xanxus rightfully terrified the would-be Boss.

Xanxus decided that he was going to get some sleep before his thoughts turned too maudlin. He wasn't drunk enough to be maudlin, damn it, as he was distressingly sober.

That wasn't exactly a good thing. Drunkenness didn't solve a lot of problems but it did suppress dreams, even if he had long gotten past the rebound effect due to being sober for so long; he didn't remember most of those dreams after all. He had the feeling that whatever dreams would happen wouldn't be pretty.

His never were.

They also wouldn't go away should Xanxus decide to have a night of insomnia. His brain didn't work like that. He'd just had to endure it the bad memories such dreams inevitably brought up. Fuck.


Alcohol and some drugs do suppress REM-sleep aka dreams. The rebound effect is basically your brain making up for all the missed dreams. The bad thing is that the rebound tends to be nightmare-heavy.