Author's note: I'm so sorry about the very long delay. My life has had one dramatic turn after another since June and I'm just now able to get back to writing. I won't bore you all with the details, but I will say that I'm glad to be back and hope to update more frequently in the future. That is, if my loyal readers haven't forgotten me by now. Thanks for your great partience while I sorted out my personal drame so that I could return to Luke and Lorelai's drama. Chapter 52 has been started and should be posted within the next couple of days providing my real life will allow me time for my fictional life. On an additional note, I've changed the rating on this story because in re-reading a few pieces to get my head back into the story, I've come to realize that some parts are probably a little higher than a T-rating. I know this makes it harder to find, but I think it's necessary. To those of you who've been reading "Emily's Revenge," I plan on doing the same with it.
Thanks to those who have taken the time to PM me to ask what's been going on and if I'm ok. I greatly appreciate it.
Lanie
Emily Gilmore was sitting in her dining room perusing the guest list and seating chart trying to make sure that everything was going to be perfect for her daughter's wedding day when her doorbell rang. "Amanda, the doorbell's ringing," she called to her newest maid as she continued what she was doing. When the doorbell rang again several times in rapid succession, she sighed, rose from her seat and went to answer it. She had barely turned the doorknob when her very irate daughter barreled through the door shouting, "What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to ruin everything?"
"I beg your pardon?"Emily questioned, immediately going on the offensive at hearing Lorelai's tone.
"Don't give me that innocent look like you don't know what I'm talking about, Mom. You went to see Anna today," Lorelai said hotly. She didn't care anymore about trying to be polite to her mother just for the sake of them getting along. She was unbelievably angry with her for her actions that had caused the rift between her and Luke.
"So what?"
"So what," Lorelai said incredulously. "That's all you have to say for yourself?"
"Well, someone had to act. It was quite clear that you weren't about to do it yourself. All you've done about the situation is stew and fret and cry about it, but you seem completely unwilling to do anything to change it," she reminded her daughter. "I did what I felt had to be done."
"What you felt had to be done? This has nothing to do with what you feel! I can't believe you did this! You went there behind my back after I begged you to stay out of it and now because you didn't listen to me, Anna is furious with Luke and has made it clear that she doesn't want me around April anymore. She told Luke today that the only way he can see April now is at the diner and then only if I'm not there!"
"You can't be serious, Lorelai. You're going to be that child's step-mother! She can't keep you from spending time with her."
"Yes, she can! She's her mother! Not only can she stop me from spending time with her, but she can stop Luke from seeing her too, which she has made clear is exactly what's going to happen if Luke doesn't cooperate with her."
"That's just ridiculous. Someone needs to talk to her again," Emily said as she attempted to push past her daughter toward the front door.
"Not you! You've done enough damage for one day," Lorelai said as she blocked her mother's path.
"I don't see how you can blame me for what's happening here when all I did was what any concerned mother should do to protect her only daughter."
"By making it sound like Luke and I are unstable and on the verge of a break-up? How is that supposed to help?"
"I did no such thing, Lorelai. I merely told that horrible woman that what she was doing was wrong and that she needs to look at how her irresponsible act of keeping Luke's child from him for years has affected him."
"It wasn't your place to do that." Lorelai cried vehemently.
"No, it was yours," Emily replied pointedly.
"No, it wasn't. It was Luke's responsibility to say something to Anna, not yours or mine," Lorelai argued.
"Well, how on earth was he supposed to know to say anything when you're keeping him in the dark about how this is affecting you?"
"He's not in the dark anymore thanks to you! Now he's pissed at me because I didn't tell him about it. We had the most awful fight and now he's talking about how maybe the wedding shouldn't happen at all!"
"What? You must be overreacting. Of course this wedding is going to happen! Do you know how much effort I've put in to making sure that it does happen?" she said as she took her daughter by the arm to lead her into the living room to show her what she'd been doing. "I've working on this for the past two hours, ever since I got back from that woman's nasty little hole in the wall that she calls a boutique. I'd have still been working on it if the ridiculous maid service I use would send me someone who knows how to answer a door!"
Lorelai looked at the guest list and seating chart Emily had meticulously laid out on the dining room table and felt another stab of pain at the thought that everyone was working so hard to make sure that her wedding day was perfect when she wasn't even sure that it was going to happen. When she'd entered the inn in the early morning, Sookie had been gushing about her plans for the menu, which was what had caused her to hide in her office in the first place, and then she'd had Kirk and his music to deal with, now her mother. She couldn't hold back the tears any longer when she said to her mother in a softer tone, "This is great that you're doing this, Mom, but just because you make plans that doesn't means that it's going to happen. Luke said today that he thought maybe we were making a mistake getting married so soon."
"Well, that's just absurd," Emily said getting irritated with her only daughter's self-pitying attitude. "You have to know that he didn't mean it."
"How do I know that? It was his idea to postpone the wedding in the first place. Let's face the facts, Mom. He doesn't want to marry me."
"Lorelai, you're being ridiculous. Of course he wants to marry you. That man has been in love with you for years, even when you were to blind or too dumb to see it."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that he's ready to get married. I mean, he married Nicole on the spur of the moment and look where that ended up. They weren't even married for a whole year. Maybe he's just not the marrying kind. Maybe he…"Her voice trailed off as she was once again overwhelmed by sadness.
"Lorelai, stop it," Emily demanded. "You're making yourself crazy, I mean, crazier than usual. I know for a fact that Luke does want to marry you."
"How could you possibly know that when I've known him for ten years and I don't even know that? I know him better than you could ever know him."
"That's exactly the problem, Lorelai. You're too close to the situation to look at it objectively. I, on the other hand, have been a quiet observer of your relationship with Luke ever since I met him at Rory's sixteenth birthday party."
"Quiet?"Lorelai questioned with a chuckle. "I seem to recall that night that you said he was looking at me like I was a porterhouse steak, and then the night he drove me to the hospital to see dad that you told him we were both idiots."
"He told you about that?"
"Yeah, he did. Even before we were a couple, we talked about everything."
"It doesn't seem that way anymore. Maybe that's what your problem is. You don't talk about everything like you used to," Emily suggested.
"Is this your opinion as a quiet observer," Lorelai quipped. "Like the time you told me that the diner was going to be my reception hall with a ketchup dispenser for a bouquet?"
"Ok, so maybe I haven't been so quiet, but I was right about you wanting to marry Luke, wasn't I? And as for the locale of the wedding, I wasn't far off. You're getting married in the square that the diner overlooks."
"Ok, you got me there, but there won't be any ketchup dispenser bouquet."
"I'm glad to hear that," Emily said with a slight frown as she thought of how distasteful that would be. "Now, to get to the point I was trying to make, while I still don't know Luke all that well, I do know one thing about him and that is that he is completely in love with you and he does want to marry you."
"How can you be so sure of that when I'm not even sure of it anymore?"
"Weren't you listening Friday night when you were upset?"
"Yeah, I was listening. He told me he loved me whether I was fat or not," Lorelai said remember all too well her hormonal breakdown in front of her parents.
"He said a lot more than that. He sat right here at this very table and said in no uncertain terms that he wasn't going to let anything stop your wedding, even a freak blizzard hitting Stars Hollow," she reminded her daughter, hoping that her words would sink in.
"He was just saying that because I was upset," Lorelai argued
"I highly doubt that, Lorelai. I don't gather that Luke is the kind of man to say something like that and not mean it. I'm sure that whatever he said to you today in the heat of the moment was just out of anger toward Anna, not you."
"Maybe," she said as she pondered her mother's statement. Much to her horror, she was once again thinking that her mother was right. When she'd entered the diner earlier, she had walked in on Luke mid-fight with Anna. That had probably already made him agitated and she hadn't made it any easier by admitting that she'd been hiding her feelings from him.
"There's no maybe about it, Lorelai. I know what I'm talking about. Now, I have to get ready to go. I have a meeting with Sookie in an hour to finalize all of this. I was trying to get a head start on it when you arrived so I wouldn't have to keep Sookie away from her kitchen for too long. Speaking of which, didn't you have some wedding errands of your own to do today? I thought you said that you and Luke were supposed to be applying for your license."
"We were, but who knows if we still will be," Lorelai said morosely.
"You stop that kind of thinking this instant," Emily admonished her daughter. "I mean it, Lorelai. I'm tired of this. This weepy 'poor me' attitude is not you and we both know it. You've always been a take-charge kind of woman who doesn't give up until she gets what she wants, so go back to Stars Hollow and do what it takes to get what you want and do not let that woman get to you!"
"Ok," Lorelai said with a nod. She had to admit her mother had a point. She was giving in too easily. She and Luke were going to make it, whether Anna thought so or not and she was going to prove to her that she would be a good step-mother to April. She began to walk back toward the front door, before turning back to her mother and impulsively gripping her in a tight hug and saying, "Thanks, Mom."
Emil hugged her back in silence for a moment before shooing her away and saying sincerely, "You're welcome. Now, go! I'll be right behind you. I've got a wedding to help get ready for."
Lorelai simply smiled at her mother as made her way to the front door trying to come up with the right words to apologize to Luke.
Luke walked hesitantly up the front steps of The Dragonfly to pick Lorelai up for their pre-wedding errands. He lingered on the porch thinking he was not quite sure he was ready to see her yet after the way they'd spoken to each other in the diner. The truth was he really wanted to see her, but he wasn't sure that she was ready to see him and he didn't have one clue what to say to her to make things right and prove to her once and for all that he loved her and he really did want to marry her. He leaned on the porch rail and thought about how much they'd been through to get to this point in their lives and how hard it would be if things didn't work out between them.
As he stared at the front door, Luke recalled that first kiss two years ago that had started the whole thing and of how nervous he'd been that weekend, knowing that things between him and the object of his affection were on the verge of changing drastically. He'd been watching Lorelai all day as she came one step closer to realizing her dream and he'd noticed that she'd seemed really nervous too. He's thought at the time that it had just been because the inn was about to open and she'd already expressed to him her lack of confidence in her abilities. Of course, he'd learned later that her nervousness had had nothing to do with the inn. It had been all about him. Once they'd both gotten past his crazed outburst after his run-in with Jason, they'd had a good laugh and she'd admitted that she'd realized, just as he had, that their friendship was heading in a whole new direction and that they were on the brink of building a real life together. The more he thought about it, the more he came to understand that that's what they had been doing for years. They'd been slowly, painfully building a life together long before they were officially a couple.
He shifted on his perch and heard a crunching of paper and that was when he remembered that he held his divorce decree in his hand, since he needed it to continue his plans for his life with his future bride. It struck him in that moment that he'd really known his life should be with Lorelai since his marriage to Nicole started falling apart due to the fact that he was unable to cut her out of his life as Nicole had demanded that he do. Lorelai had never known how much she was a part of the reason that he had let his first marriage wither and die. Now, he was ready to marry the woman he should have married all along. He just hoped it wasn't too late.
"Might as well get this over with," he muttered as he finally rose from his makeshift seat on the porch rail and walked through the front door of the inn where he waited for Michel to finish up with the guests standing at the front desk.
Upon seeing Luke standing there in his usual jeans-and-flannel combo, Michel pretending not to know him, said, "I'm sorry, Sir, but if you're looking for a room, we're completely booked," not wanting the well-groomed guests who were checking out to know that this scruffy man was in any way affiliated with the inn that he took such pride in looking after. He wanted to be sure that they'd remember their stay with enough fondness to come back. He wasn't about to let a slovenly diner owner ruin that.
Luke rolled his eyes and said impatiently, "Cut the crap, Michel! Will you just tell Lorelai that I'm here?" He was in no mood to deal with the smarmy Frenchman and his snotty attitude toward him.
"I would be more than happy to do so if she were here, but once again, she has taken off and didn't leave me any information about where she was or how she could be reached since she can't be bothered to answer her cell phone anymore," he said before turning his attention back to the guests he'd been waiting on. He handed them back the credit card he'd been holding along with their receipt. "I hope that you enjoyed your stay at the Dragonfly. Please come back to see us anytime," he said to the departing guests with his typical reserved-for-guests-only smile.
As the guests made their way out the door, luggage in tow, Luke approached Michel, saying, "What do you mean, Lorelai's not here? I was supposed to pick her up." He was beginning to panic wondering if the fight they'd had had pushed her too far. He feared that she'd taken seriously what he'd said about them not being ready for marriage. He hoped with all his heart that that wasn't the case and that she'd just needed to cool off, but who knew with Lorelai, especially given her recent emotional outbursts due to her pregnancy.
"I'm sorry, but I'm not your fiancé's keeper," Michel said with the usual snobbery he directed at Luke. "Usually when she shirks her responsibilities around here, it's because of you. If she's not with you, then I have no idea where she is. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do that Lorelai should be doing, but since she no longer views this inn as a priority, I must do these things myself. You can wait in her office until she returns if you like," he said with a dismissive wave in the direction of her office wanting to get Luke out of the view of the public.
"No thanks. I'll just call her cell," Luke said gruffly as he pulled his own cell phone out of his pocket.
"Good luck getting her to answer," Michel said sarcastically.
"Did it ever occur to you that the reason she didn't answer when you called was because she just didn't want to talk to you," Luke countered as he pressed the familiar speed dial on his phone and stomped back out the door. Just as he heard ringing on the other end, he saw Lorelai's jeep pulling into the inn's driveway. He hastily pushed the end button on his phone and rushed over to the jeep before Lorelai had even put it in park.
Lorelai climbed out of the Jeep and was surprised to see Luke standing there. "What are you doing here?"She asked him warily wondering if he was here to end it once and for all or if her mother was right and he'd just said the things he had in the heat of the moment because he was angry with Anna.
"You don't want me here?"He asked tensely immediately going on the defensive as he was still burning with curiosity over what exactly Lorelai had told Emily that would have made her suggest to Anna that their relationship was in trouble.
"Why wouldn't I want you here?"She countered just as tensely crossing her arms over her chest.
"You tell me. You're the one who's been talking about me behind my back and not letting me in on any of it."
"Luke, I'm sorry," she said as she uncrossed her arms and hung her head at seeing the pain etched on his face. "I'm just so frustrated by this whole thing with Anna. It seems like you're willing to take whatever you can get when it comes to April and it worries me because it's not like you not to fight for what you want."
"I know," he admitted. "But with Anna, I don't really know where I stand on this whole paternal rights thing." He sighed then added, "I've never done this before. How am I supposed to know what's normal when you have a kid with someone you're not with anymore?"
"You're asking me? I don't know the answer to that any better than you do. Christopher barely made an effort with Rory." Luke tensed at the mention of Christopher. "Luke, you have to stop doing that," she said with a frustrated sigh.
"Doing what," he asked as he looked down at his feet.
Lorelai shifted her own position to look Luke in the eye,"Doing that. You can't keep getting all tense and stressed every time Christopher's name is mentioned. We've talked about this before. He's always going to be Rory's father and I can't change that, but you have to know that you're the one who's in my life now. You're the one who's going to stay in my life…I mean… if that's what you still want."
"It is," Luke said without hesitating finally looking up.
"So…Does that mean what you said about it being too soon…?"
"I was angry. I didn't mean it. I meant what I said the other night. I can't wait to marry you and I'm sorry that I blamed you for your mother's assault on Anna."
"One thing about Emily Gilmore, subtlety is not exactly her strong suit," Lorelai said with a shake of her head.
Luke chuckled a little at this and replied, "I guess if she's going to be my mother-in-law, I'm going to have to get used to it, huh?"
"Yes, you are," she said firmly. After a moment's silence, she hesitantly asked, "So, are we ok?"
"God, I hope so," he said. "I don't like it when we don't talk to each other."
"It's not one of my favorite things either," she agreed. "So, what's that." She asked indicating the crumpled papers in his hand.
"Divorce papers," he said. "I got them out because I thought we were going to apply for our license today."
"Oh," Lorelai said in surprise that even after their fight, he'd remembered. "So, that's still the plan then?"
"Unless you don't want it to be," he said defensively.
"Of course I want it to be,"Lorelai. "I proposed to you, remember?"
"Yeah, I remember," he said with a smile as he briefly focused his memory on that night. "So, I guess that's the plan, then."
"Good, let's go then," Lorelai said with an eager smile, relieved that her mother had been right.
"Wait," I do have something I want to say first, just so it's all out in the open."
"Um, ok, "Lorelai replied, tensely, trying to brace herself for what might be coming.
"I know that I'm not always the easiest person to talk to, but it really bothered me that you didn't talk to me about the stuff that was bothering you, but you shared it with your mother, of all people. I mean, you and your mother have never been that close and I thought she'd be the last person you'd talk to about stuff like that."
"Would it have made it any better if I'd talked to Sookie, instead?"
"I don't know, maybe," he said. "At least Sookie wouldn't be judgmental or try to butt in with Anna. Why didn't you talk to Sookie about this anyway?"
"All she's wanted to talk about lately is catering and seating charts and place settings. She's been so high on making all these wedding plans; I didn't want to tell her that there was a chance it might not happen."
"It's going to happen," Luke stated adamantly. "I don't want you to ever doubt that again."
"I'll try. I'm just scared."
"You're not the only one," Luke replied.
"You? When have you ever been scared of anything?"
"God, Lorelai, I'm scared all the time. I was a rotten husband to Nicole and I can't help wondering what if I'm the same way with you?"
"You won't be."
"You don't know that," he argued as all of his self-doubt began to creep back in.
"Yes, I do. I think you've learned from the mistakes you made with Nicole. You even said yourself that you thought it was something that you had to go through so you could learn how to be a good husband.
"It's not just the husband thing," he said. "This fatherhood thing has got me scared to death too. I royally blew with Rory the other day and I'm screwing up with April…How am I going to be a good father to newborn twins if I can't even handle two girls that are pretty much grown?"
"Newborns are easier to handle," Lorelai said.
"How do you figure?"
"Newborns aren't as complicated. They haven't formed their own personalities yet. You don't have to worry about what to say to them or if they're making the right choices or if you're making the right choices for them. You pretty much just have to feed them and change them and take care of them when they're sick and pay attention to them. It's when they get older that you have to start worrying. Kids don't even start forming long-term memory until they're about three so I figure we've got a three-year grace period to figure out how to not screw them up."
Luke couldn't help but laugh, "You always make everything sound so easy. How can you be so confident?"
"I'm not, really. I just believe in us and that we can handle anything life throws at us."
"I believe in us, too," he said with a smile as he leaned in to hiss her softly.
"Then believe me when I say that you are going to be one amazing father to our kids and I have no doubt you'll be an equally amazing husband."
"You got it," he said. "But if we're going to get to the husband part, we should go get the legal stuff taken care of. You ready?"
"I thought you'd never ask," she said as she reached for the door handle on the jeep, then hesitated, turning back to face Luke.
"What?"
"I have something I want to say too," she said.
"Shoot," he said more confidently than he felt.
"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you what I was feeling. I want you to know that it wasn't because I didn't trust you. It's just that I see how happy you are when you get to spend time with April and I didn't want anything to spoil that, but I felt like Anna owed you more than that since she kept you from even knowing about April most for most of her life."
"I get it. I kinda feel the same way now that Rory's hanging with her dad so much. I'm happy that she's happy, but at the same time I can't help but feel like he owes her more than the occasional dinner. He ought to be explaining where he's been all these years and busting his ass to make up for it."
"If you feel that way, then why haven't you been doing more as far as your visitation with April is concerned?"
"For the same reason that I don't like Rory's new thing with Christopher, I'm afraid she'll get hurt, especially if this would turn into a big battle between me and Anna. I don't want her to be caught in the middle or be forced to choose sides."
"Or maybe you're just afraid that she's choose Anna, since she's been in her life longer," Lorelai suggested.
"Maybe…I don't know," he said. "I do know one thing for sure. I'm not going to let Anna tell me that you're not allowed to be a part of April's life. I'll tell you what we'll do. When we get done with our wedding errands, why don't we go down to Woodbridge and talk to Anna together? April will be at her chess club thing this afternoon, so we'll be able to talk to Anna without getting her involved if it gets ugly. I mean, we'll have a little time before we have to go see Reverend Skinner. That is….if you want to," he added hesitantly when she didn't reply.
Lorelai just looked at Luke for a moment suddenly wondering why she'd been afraid to bring up the subject in the first place. "Good plan," She said. "Let's go."
