AN: This is one of the most frustrating chapters of the story

AN: This is one of the most frustrating chapters of the story. I had so many ideas for it before my laptop broke down and now I've lost most of them. I feel there should be all these adjusting to parenting scenes but I'm not in the right place to write them at the moment. This will have to do because I feel so bad about how long you guys are waiting.

Not beta'd and I haven't even read over the last scene I wrote so sorry for any typos.

I've mapped out the next couple of chapters and on paper there are three more. They could expand to as many as 5 chapters by the time they're written.

Please, please, please comment!

Chapter 52: Parenting

Victoria Harrison eyed her husband coolly when she arrived home from the hospital in the early hours of the morning. She hung her coat by the door then walked into the kitchen. Stuart followed and paused by the door as she poured a glass of water, then took a languid sip.

"Did you see my note?" she asked.

He nodded.

Her expression fell. He'd known their daughter was in labor and still had done nothing. "Well if you're interested, we have a beautiful grand-daughter. She's healthy and Jude's okay too."

He nodded disinterestedly and she slammed her glass down onto the counter. Stuart jumped in surprise as water splashed over the surface and dripped onto the floor. Victoria was normally a docile woman; he could count on one hand the number of times she'd lost her temper during their marriage.

"You're a hypocrite Stuart Harrison! That or you suffer from a pathetic selective memory."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're so cold and unforgiving of their mistakes. How long are you going to sit on your pedestal and pretend you've never made any of your own? Are you forgetting why we got married."

He didn't answer and she turned away from him in disgust.

"He's not good enough for her," he insisted, his voice trembling with emotion.

She smiled, not a happy smile but one of grim agreement. "No one ever will be."

- -

Jude awoke to bright early morning sun streaming through the window. She winked blearily as her mind scrambled to figure out where she was. She moved to sit up but the action caused the entire night's events to come rushing back to her with one pained cry.

At the sound, Tommy, who'd been dozing in a nearby arm chair, rushed over to the bed. "Are you okay?"

She was cringing still but at the concern in his eyes, she forced a smile and nodded her head, "just a little sore." It was the understatement of her life.

"You got pretty out of it last night but I think they uh," he looked extremely awkward, his face turning a bright red color as he ran a hand through his hair, "had to give you some stitches for tearing or something."

"Oh," she nodded, sure her own face was equally red, "that would explain a lot."

He slid his chair over to the side of the bed as Jude searched the room for her daughter. Her eyes fell on a nearby incubator and, enamored, she watched the baby's small chest rise and fall slowly as it slept.

"Did you go home last night?" she asked Tommy, noting the dark stains under his eyes.

He nodded. "For a couple of hours but I couldn't really sleep."

"Was the house too scary without me there to protect you from the dark?" she teased.

He smiled, and then his expression turned serious again as he shook his head, "no. It was just too lonely."

"Well you're going to wish you could sleep when we get home," she motioned to the baby, "cause if this kid is mine I highly doubt she's going to let us sleep through the night."

"She'll have to make herself heard, just like Mom." He folded his arms on the edge of the bed then slowly lowered his head to rest on them, his exhaustion apparent.

Jude watched silently as his eyes slowly slid shut. She lay back against her pillow and leaned over to run her hand through his hair. "Thank-you for being here," she said softly.

"Thanks for letting me be."

She shifted a little, attempting to pull the blankets up over her shoulders. Noticing the action Tommy pulled the top blanket up, then tucked it around her. One arm lingered then moved to wrap around her shoulder as he carefully sat on the bed next to her. She smiled at him and he paused, his expression serious.

"Can I just say how amazed I am by you?" he asked softly.

"Why?" she whispered, her eyes meeting his questioningly.

"Jude, what you did last night, how brave you were, how... dignified. I'm so proud of you."

"Think how many people there are in the world, Tommy. There's a woman who gave birth for every one of them. I'm nothing special."

"No, you're amazing."

- - -

Jude was flipping through the pages of a magazine and watching furtively as Tommy casually wandered over to their daughter's incubator. He hadn't really seen her yet; after the briefest of glances after the birth she'd been wheeled away to be checked over. Jude had fallen asleep and he'd gone home for the night. He'd left again, earlier that morning, when one of the nurses gave Jude her first breastfeeding lesson. Needless to say he'd been out of the room before the nurse could even finish suggesting it. Now he paused by the incubator, thumbs slung into the pocket of his jeans as he gazed down at the sleeping baby. It was the first chance he'd really had to see her. She was an unbelievably tiny, miniature person with feet, hands and tiny fingernails and impossibly large eyes that gazed up at him curiously. It occurred to him in a rush, just how vulnerable and helpless she was and a wave of protectiveness watched over him. He smiled softly and still watching, Jude set down her magazine.

"You know, they say a woman becomes a mother the moment she gets pregnant and that a man becomes a father the moment he first sees his child." He glanced over at her and she smiled softly. She shrugged lightly, feeling a little nervous despite the intentions he'd stated over and over. Would the reality be too much for him? She was stronger then she'd been nine months earlier. She knew she could survive without him but in that moment, she couldn't think of anything worse. "So, are you a Daddy?"

He nodded, his eyes drifting back to the baby. "I'm a Daddy," he whispered, his voice laden with emotion. He reached down and bushed his finger down her cheek and she shifted in her sleep. Yawning, her arms stretched out and as her eyes fluttered open, one hand reached up and wrapped around his finger.

"She needs a name," he pointed out a few emotional moments later.

Jude smiled and stretched her arms above her head. "So calling her 'it' isn't going to cut it anymore?"

He shook his head and wheeled the incubator over to the side of the bed. "Do you have any ideas?"

She chewed on her bottom lip as she gazed at the baby's deep blue eyes, long lashes and rosy cheeks. She was completely unaware of the bright red color, rashes, wrinkly skin and general newborn unattractiveness the baby possessed - all she saw was beauty. "Something cute and pretty, but not silly."

"My Mother's middle name is Emma," he suggested tentatively. "I always thought that was pretty."

"It is." Jude leaned over to the edge of the bed, wincing slightly in pain and Tommy pushed the incubator closer. "Emma?" she called softly. The baby's head turned, her eyes turned to Jude and she kicked one foot into the air.

Tommy laughed. "I think she likes it."

"Emma it is." Jude smiled and gently poked Emma's stomach, making the baby smile and wriggle it's arms. "Hi Emma; I'm your Mommy and this is your Daddy," Jude whispered. She smiled at Tommy as he sat down on the edge of the bed, "and we are so glad you're here."

- - -

Tommy ignored the fluttering butterflies in his stomach as he braked, slowing the car as it reached an intersection. Jude was in the backseat, her gaze and attention fully on Emma. It was their daughter's first day in the outside world and they were halfway through the both dreaded and anticipated trip home.

"You know," Jude's teasing voice drifted to him, "you can drive a little faster then this."

"No," he shook his head as he turned into their street, "this is fine."

She smiled. The car came to a stop in their driveway and she began to unfasten the straps that held the baby seat to the chair. Tommy met her at the door and she sat back and watched as he carefully lifted out the plastic contraption that protected Emma and held the door open for her.

"You okay?" he asked as she stood shakily.

She nodded. "I'm just happy to be home."

"Things aren't going to be the same," he remarked as they slowly walked to the door.

She grinned, "we're not going to know what hit us."

- - -

Jude sat at the kitchen table, her arms folded on the surface and her forehead resting against them. One hand clutched a baby monitor while the other held a baby's rattle. She didn't move as Tommy walked into the room and barely flinched as he rattled some pots and pans in the cupboard.

"Is she asleep yet?" she asked, her voice muffled by a large yawn.

He nodded and began to prepare two cups of coffee. "Each time I thought she was asleep and started for the door, she'd begin to scream. No matter how little sound I made, she knew I was leaving."

"She just wants your undivided attention and every moment of your day. It's perfectly reasonable really," Jude remarked. With much effort she moved to sit upright in her chair. She rested her elbow on the edge of the table and propped her chin up on the palm of her hand as she yawned again. "I feel like I haven't slept in weeks," she said softly as he walked over to the table with the coffee. She smiled in appreciation as he set a mug down in front of her.

"My dreams are filled with diapers and baby bottles. Sometime, during the day, I hear the tune to rockaby baby playing in my head."

"For me it's twinkle twinkle little star."

He laughed. "I can't believe it's only been a week."

Jude took a sip of her coffee then winced as a piercing scream shot from the baby monitor. Before she could react Tommy had pushed back his chair and stood up. "I'll get it," he said, shaking his head at her own attempts to follow.

"You're an angel," she called after him as he walked down the hallway.

"Nope, just a father," his voice floated back.

When he'd left she resumed her original position, half asleep on the kitchen table. She smiled softly as the sound of Tommy singing to Emma drifted through the baby monitor and slowly, the lullaby took it's affect on her too.

- - -

Jude was bathing Emma in their miniature plastic baby bath in the kitchen. One hand held the baby securely as the other gently splashed water on her chest and massaged soap into her skin. The first time she'd bathed Emma she'd been terrified. At one point the nurse had adopted a school teacher style grim voice as she instructed Jude to stop messing around and look after her daughter. Her skin had seemed so slippery and with just the slightest wriggle she'd slip through her hands. Jude had nightmares that night of Emma drowning in the water and her unable to help.

Now it came pretty effortlessly. She knew the exact spots where she could hold the baby comfortably and securely. She made a face and leaned down to blow raspberries on Emma's round stomach before lifting her up and out of the warm water. She wrapped her up in a warm towel and cradled her in her arms as Tommy walked into the room.

"Was there any mail?" she asked as he carried a newspaper and some envelopes over to the kitchen table.

"Actually, yeah," he paused and dropped everything on the table except for one envelope. "There's something from your father."

Jude frowned as he handed her the envelope. She barely noticed as he knelt down in front of her and took Emma from her hands. The sound of him cooing and singing softly to the baby, coupled with birds chirping outside filled her ears as she tore open the crisp white envelope and took out the card.

On the cover was a loose painting of a baby's face. The child had no hair, big blue eyes and was smiling happily. As Jude gazed at it she saw what her father had seen, a striking similarity to one of her own baby pictures, the one he still carried around in his wallet.

She opened the card and scanned the printed, impersonal congratulations inside. Her eyes scanned in the inside cover and found, written in small and uncertain print:

I know I screwed up again and I'm not really sure how and if there is anyway to fix it. Victoria says the baby is beautiful and I'm sure she is. Congratulations honey, you're going to be a great mother.

-Dad

Tommy's voice broke into her thoughts as she stared at the card, "Is it okay?"

She nodded, "yeah. It's okay."

"Are you okay?" He persisted.

She glanced up at him briefly then smiled down at Emma. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the baby's cheek. "I'm fine."

"You're different."

She glanced up again, "am I?"

He shrugged, "more serious or something."

"I think I'm still adjusting," she held out her hand and Emma reached for her fingers. "I think I miss her," she laughed, "that sounds so ridiculous but when I was pregnant it was like we were always together. We were the one person and now I can see that things aren't ever going to be the same again. In her life she's just going to drift further and further away from me as she becomes her own person."

He smiled, "don't say you have empty nest syndrome already."

"See?" she rolled her eyes, "I'm crazy. She's my whole world."

"So that's the adjusting part. You deserve so much, Jude. Your world is going to be so much more then just her. Maybe you need to start opening yourself up to the other things it has to offer." His eyes lingered on hers for a long moment as he tried to convey his message without scaring her away.

She nodded slightly, "You're right."

- - -

In her dream there was a storm with thunder and lightning and rain crashing against the windows angrily. The lights were out and flicking candles lit the staircase as she slowly and carefully made her way down the stairs.

She turned in the hallway and walked into the lounge. A fire roared in the fireplace, the flames leaping about wildly as wind howled down the chimney and attempted to snuff them out. Tommy stood by the fireplace, one hand braced on the mantel as he gazed into the fire. The flames danced across his face, causing it to appear to glow in the otherwise dark room. He glanced up as she walked in and the room was suddenly filled with an electric charge.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his eyes flitting over her.

She nodded silently as she walked over to him. "Emma's asleep."

Their eyes met as she paused in front of him. He nodded slowly and unconsciously his hand lifted to brush against her cheek softly. Her lips parted to voice some unknown thought or emotion but the words were never spoken as his lips suddenly crushed down onto hers. Her eyes fluttered shut as his hand slid around to cradle the back of her head and pull her even closer.

A loud clap of thunder shook the entire house as she wrapped her arms around him tightly. Then, through the thundering of the storm, the pounding of her heart and the screaming emotions flying through her mind, a soft cry entered the fray.

Jude's heavy eyelids fluttered weekly, desperately fighting the sleep that was pulling them down like weighted anchors. Her mind was hazy, stuck between a dream and reality as she crawled into a sitting position and glanced around the room. Soft moonlight streamed through the window and fell upon the crib at the foot of her bed. She yawned weekly as her feet slid out of the bed and met the icy floor. She reached for her robe and wrapped it around her shoulders as she reached the crib.

"Shh, baby. It's okay," she whispered to Emma as she cradled her in her arms. Her gaze drifted to the door, her mind stepping through it and walking down the hallway to Tommy's door. "It was just a dream, honey, just a dream..."

Chapter 53

"What?"

"It's silly. Forget I did this," she muttered, feeling ashamed and embarrassed, she started for the door. Blindly, he reached out to stop her and his hand landed on her waist, just above her hip.

"No, wait. You, uh, want to sleep with me?" she could hear the surprise in his voice. "