Fifty-three

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"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

I turn a blasé face to Jo.

"You're not changing your mind again," I say, distractedly stirring my milkshake.

"He wants to see us this afternoon; I'll tell him then." She tries to move but I'm sitting on the end of our bench; she's not escaping.

"Trust me, you'll have other things to think about this afternoon."

"You know why he wants to see us?"

"I do, and I'm not telling you." It's his story to share.

Kai and I lay in bed for a long moment this morning. He was staring at the ceiling when he told me about the conversation he had with Luke, while I was with my mom. He also told me about his brother's request. He dreads this conversation, but he'd do anything to prove to Luke that he's worth his trust and affection. And if it means coming defenseless before their sisters, then it's the price to pay.

"At least, this afternoon, I'll have a whole bunch of vampires in the house to–"

"Protect you?" I say, arching my brow. "Dude, what do you think I'm here for? Not that he would harm you or anything."

"Last time you were here to presumably protect me, you left when he ordered you to."

"First, I'm not a pet; he doesn't get to order me around, he's not Alice, and I made that very clear. Second, I knew he wasn't going to hurt you."

"Really."

"Did he?"

"Do words count?" I roll my eyes and go back to my milkshake. She sways uncomfortably on her seat, which is right next to me in our booth, and keeps glancing at the door. "Remind me why this is a good idea?"

"Because he's eventually going to find out that you're having twins, so you might as well be the one to tell him, while I'm here to monitor his reaction."

"Right. It does make sense."

I look up when a baby's bottle falls to the floor, a couple booths ahead of us, and my eyes land on this blond, chubby baby that contorts himself in his mother's arms to get it back. Jo's voice grows distant, and all I can hear is the cute noises he makes, and how he taps once or twice on his mother's shoulder to get her attention, looks back at the floor and puts his hand in his mouth, drooling all over it.

"Andy?"

I snap back to reality and turn to Jo. She's looking at me with concern, and that is when I notice the tears on my cheeks.

"Sorry." I look away and wipe them off, trying to put this embarrassing moment to oblivion, but my eyes land back on the baby and I end up crying for good. Real crying. With crocodile tears and chest-aching sobs. What is wrong with me? I can't even control it, it just won't stop. Jo's arm is already around my shoulders, her soothing voice trying to understand what's happening to me, but I cover my mouth and close my eyes, cutting myself off the world. I do not want to think of that. That thought never should have crossed my mind; it should leave, now.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm in love with him." I cry, hiding my face.

"Isn't that a good thing?" she ventures cautiously.

"He doesn't– he won't–" I shake my head. Get a hold of yourself, girl. "I'm sorry, I just– I wasn't prepared to sit here and realize I'm in love in him, I–"

I don't even know what to say. Was I really tricking myself into believing it was nothing more than a big crush? An unresolved physical attraction? Damon's so called return process lingering? I want to disappear into thin air for being so blind with myself. Of course I'm in love with him!

"And you realized that by looking at a– oh." A shimmer of understanding crosses her face and she looks down at my belly, gaping. "Are you…"

"Don't be ridiculous." I can't help a bitter smirk. "He won't even have sex with me." I take a napkin and wipe the tears off, shaking my head to myself. This is ridiculous.

"He won't?"

"I mean, what's up with that? Is he a virgin or something? Because I've been someone's first before, I can handle it."

"No, his first was–"

"Jenny Shepard," I nod, remembering. " Junior year of high school, I know."

"He… told you about Jenny?" Jo asks, skeptically.

"Yeah, 'cause we talk. We kiss and we laugh and we cuddle but, for some reason that is still utter mystery to me, his bed won't serve for any other purpose than sleep. I mean, I'm not needy, okay? Save for 1903-PTSD, I'm not after him all the time. I'm good now. I don't wanna be holding hands all the time, I don't care for texts during the day, I've got my own stuff going on and he's got his, but damn… what am I supposed to do with him?"

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"He doesn't want to talk about it; he runs from it every time I try to talk about it."

I'm angry with him now, and my eyes are inevitably drawn to that cute little baby that got his bottle back but doesn't want it anymore. His mommy's hair is so much more interesting now. I sigh; I can't look away, even though it makes my chest ache. "I don't know how it was for you and Alaric but… I hadn't been thinking about it until now. The thought just came and locked, and I can't unthink it."

"What thought?" she asks in a soft voice, and I suspect she knows exactly what I'm talking about. My eyes resume stinging. Maybe if I voice it–

"I was thinking about my future children and I was picturing it and… he was there." I close my eyes. I shouldn't even think about that. And yet… "I love him so much, I don't think I could ever have anyone else's baby. I– I don't know how to explain, I must sound like a crazy person right now but it's like an evidence, like–"

"Like a need?" she offers. I lower my eyes to the Lights dancing around her belly. Two of them. I'd be so damn grateful to have one. Not right now, of course. But someday.

"It's nonsense," I whisper. "I've known him for five minutes, how can I even think stuff like that?"

"You two have been through quite a lot in five minutes," she tells me gently. "I mean, look at Rick and me: one minute we're dating and the next, we're getting married and starting a family. When the person's right, time means nothing."

I shake my head. I don't even want to be in love. Or do I? Well, I wasn't planning on never falling in love again, but I was aiming for someday, not now. Not like this, not in this mess. And him? Do I want to be in love with him? Girl, you're beyond deciding on that; besides, you love loving him.

But he's a witch. My people hunt them for a living. I'm not even supposed to be real friends with them… I mean, a careless flint would have been okay, but this? I'm pretty sure there's a law against it.

"I always thought I'd retire from the hunt and meet someone and get married and have kids; the white picket fence and the dog, you know. But realizing that I'll never have all that…"

"Who says you'll never have all that?" Jo's hand brushes my cheek and my hair. "Maybe he wants the same thing–"

"He never wants to have children," I whisper. "I know. It came up in 1903; I don't remember what we were talking about but… he doesn't want to be a father, he was very clear on that. He doesn't want to risk siring a siphoner, and he said he doesn't have it in him to be a parent." He doesn't want to be in a position of failing them as well. "And it didn't use to matter because he wasn't– but now…" My voice breaks and I inhale deeply. You can't spend your time crying, Andy, get your shit together.

"Hey, people change their minds all the time; we're human and we evolve. Maybe he needs to hear all this to have the same realization."

"Or maybe he needs to hear all this to confirm I'm way more into him than he is into me. God, I love him so much; it's embarrassingly pathetic. I so, so, so didn't want to fall like that for anyone."

"It's terrifying, isn't it?" She smiles. "To realize how much power that other person has over you."

"You mean, the power to unilaterally decide there won't be any kids?"

"We'll talk about that when he sees how happy Rick and I are with our babies." She looks at me with so much softness and tenderness, which is so different from how tough and stern she can be; she's gonna be a great mother. "And if you can't get him to change his mind about children, you can be the most loving auntie that ever lived. Or get a dog."

I can't hold a snort. "He doesn't like dogs."

"Why are you into him again?"

I chuckle at that, somehow moved that she would qualify me as her babies' aunt. Kai and I are not exactly together after all, I'm not family, and there's no way to tell whether I'll still be here by the time she gives them birth. And yet, sitting here with her feels right. I'm actually grateful I uncontrollably burst into tears in front of her and not in front of him or Liv or– anyone else. God, I wish Alice would understand.

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%

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When Kai enters the diner, his eyes land on us, laughing, and he frowns. He walks up to our booth and sits down on the empty bench across from us, but we are so much caught up in our amusement that we genuinely, barely notice.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, it's a true story," Jo assures me. "He didn't enter the kitchen for three days after that, in case the dog would still be there."

I chuckle and turn an amused smile to Kai. "You never told me about Nestor." His eyes go from me to Jo, then back to me and he frowns even more.

"Nestor," he repeats.

"Aunt Betty's dog," Jo reminds him, "you wanted to play throw-and-fetch with him, and he got a bit too excited and scared you to tears."

"I was six. And that dog was– way too big and way too young to play with children."

"I never had a problem with Nestor."

"Of course you never had a problem with Nestor; the beast was scared of you."

I grin, genuinely happy to hear them bring up a childhood memory without the tears and the screams. They laugh and it almost seems normal, ordinary; which they probably notice because the sound fades and the glance they share lingers. Tension isn't far. Kai lowers his fond gaze before locking it on me.

"So," he says lightly, "why did you wanna see me?"

"Jo wants to tell you something."

"Huh," he says, looking back at her, all seriousness gone, "you do realize we're meeting this afternoon already."

"I do," Jo says, very calm and solemn, "but I needed to talk to you on neutral ground."

"Which is why I chose to meet at the Salvatores'."

"I needed to see you alone." Kai's eyes flicker to me and she adds, "Andy's my wingman here."

"Yeah, she's usually my wingman now," he says with a slight frown.

"Well, not today," Jo asserts with more confidence, "today she's mine."

Do I tell them Liv asked me to be her wingman this afternoon when she got Kai's text about a Parker reunion at the Salvatores'? Nah, I'll just let them deal with the Gemini heirs first. Kai takes in the way Jo fiddles with her engagement ring, the way my hand is resting on her wrist, and doesn't say a word until the waiter leaves our table with his order.

"Are you sick?" he suddenly asks, paling.

"What?"

"Are you– is anyone sick? Or about to die? It's Liv, isn't it? Liv is sick?"

"No one is sick," she tells him. "No one is going to die, except maybe the glorious genius who ever invented heels."

"And corsets," I offer.

"Right?" She turns to me. "Have you tried my dress? Well, we could fit two of you in it. It's like every time I try it on, it gets skinnier."

"Actually, it's… you getting bigger."

We both turn to Kai; me, flabbergasted that he actually used the B-word in front of her; Jo, shooting him a look that could freeze hell in half a second.

"What did you just say to me?"

"He didn't mean that," I intervene, sensing an explosion coming. "You look beautiful."

"You do," her brother quickly adds. "Maybe a little– yeah, no, you look beautiful. Beautifully pregnant. And healthy."

"He can live without his eyes, right?" Jo asks me, not leaving him out of her sight.

"I like his eyes," I plead.

"So no one's dying, then," he safely resumes.

"Not yet, but I might change my mind."

I purse my lips not to laugh, oh-so-happy with this conversation. The waiter comes back and fills a mug with coffee for Kai. The latter leans back in his seat, probably aware that his twin sister can't actually resort to killing him without dying in the process. He rubs the back of his neck and exhales.

"Why are we here, Josette?"

"Right. Um, so you know how we all thought I was expecting a baby…"

His face collapses at that and I don't even need to say anything: she immediately reaches for his wrist, "Oh, God, no, nothing's wrong with my pregnancy– baby's healthy. In fact… they both are."

The words sink in and Kai's face slowly, very slowly, lights up, as if he couldn't dare believe it.

"You– you're having twins." His lips stretch in the widest grin as his gaze lowers to her belly. That look of happy disbelief he gives her warms my heart to a degree I never thought possible. Of course, I didn't expect him to react in a negative way but this is… It gives me hope. Maybe– "Oh my God, Josette, that's great. Congratulations!"

Jo is surprised with his genuine reaction, and very impressed. She stares at him, and so much passes in their gaze that I almost feel like I shouldn't be here. Almost.

"I wanna make a deal with you," she says very seriously.

The atmosphere cools down a bit, and Kai notices my slight frown: I didn't know about that.

"What kind of a deal?" His voice is cautious.

"You let my children live their lives; you, the coven– you let them grow, unharmed and happy, and I'll make sure they never merge and challenge your leadership." The land blows as he understands the meaning of her words. He lowers his gaze again, and gently pulls away from her touch.

"You wanted Andy here to be sure I wouldn't hurt you and your babies," he whispers. He leans back in his seat, tears gathering in his eyes. "Well, your twinsies can challenge me for leadership for all I care," he whispers. "It'll be in twenty-two years. What do you think, that I'm some power-lusting monster that will cling to his crown when the next generation comes for it?

"I'm going to be a mother. I need to assume the worst from the entire world."

"Right." He has this sad, delusional smile I hate, and scratches the back of his neck. "Well, you know what? I'm leader, so I'll make sure no one goes after your children; no need for a deal. Will that be all?"

"Kai," I simply say, "tell her about the merge" His eyes linger on me, while Jo glances between the two of us, confused. He inhales and turns to her, but he won't meet her eyes.

"I've been looking for a way to avoid merging in order to become leader." Silence meets his words and when he finally risks a glance at her, she's gaping.

"You what?" He rubs the back of his neck.

"Well, so many people have died over it, and it's not even a good thing for the coven, I mean why would we accept to lose a witch after twenty-two years of training and living and– it doesn't even make sense. It's just an old, creepy tradition that no one really ditched, but it doesn't mean–" He stops when she reaches for his wrist again and clenches his jaw.

"Thank you," Jo says, taking in how he looks away and tries to hold back new tears. "From the bottom of my heart, thank you."

He nods, once. Then he pulls away from her and leaves.