a/n: Oi, I've missed you all SO MUCH! 2017 ended in a series of adventures for me including out-of-state travel, wedding showers, NaNoWriMo, joining a writer's club, family health concerns, and marrying off my sister. I've actually never been much of a traveler, but here I am visiting my other sister in California. I'm living out of a suitcase!

Thank you for all of the follows, faves, and views in the meantime. I had the darnedest time deciding whether to skip this scene or not. It ended sooner than I wanted, but I figure if I'm going to get this story back off the ground I gotta start with something.

Guest: you are the bomb diggity squigim! Thanks much for that!

AngelaLove072101: I appreciate all of your enthusiastic comments!

Nihkohl: welcome to the party, doll! And if anyone's late, it's me, lol.

Mardy: thank you for your super kind words. :D Much more Markl to come this chapter~


Chapter 53: Out of the Mouth of Babes

HOWL'S LOVE ADVICE

Professional Love Advice from Dr. Howl Jenkins Pendragon

March 4th, Entry #19

Dear Dr. Pendragon:

When is the best time to tell your significant other you have kids?

Sincerely,

Mommy Issues


Dear Mommy Issues:

After the wedding.

Dr. Pendragon, your neighborhood love enthusiast


Howl knew from personal experience that Mrs. Coriander, Markl's caseworker, could not be charmed. If the boxy little woman ever made an online dating profile, her ideal match would be "punctual, compulsively honest, and enjoy long sessions of paperwork."

She completely shocked him when she accepted his dear, charitable secretary's breakfast invitation.

"Thank you for the tea, young lady. Wherever did Mr. Jenkins find you?"

"I must've fallen from the ceiling," Sophie replied.

The love doctor paused in the middle of putting down a plate. Had Sophie just make their first inside joke? He tried to get her attention but caught Mrs. Coriander's instead. The older woman narrowed her eyes over her mug. Howl smiled weakly.

This could potentially be the second most awkward breakfast of his life.

Think positively, he reminded himself when he spotted Markl bouncing on his stool. This was the last agency visit before they'd be free to enjoy their lives together. All they had to do was stick to the script and Mrs. Coriander's ugly green car would soon be out of their driveway.

"Wow, I'm starved!" Markl cried as he received an empty plate.

"You haven't eaten anything?" Mrs. Coriander asked.

"No. When dad's not here, we're not allowed in the kitchen."

Howl cleared his throat. "You are allowed in the kitchen. You're just not allowed to use the stove."

"Yeah, so we don't start a fire again!"

The caseworker's sparse eyebrows lifted as she pulled out her notebook.

"It was no big deal, lady. Nuthin' like that scary and powerful fire demon we conjured, eh Markl?" Calcifer offered, attempting rescue. Howl shot him a look. "What? We put a lid on it."

"That's right, put a lid on it," Howl gritted before moving to retrieve the pan of bacon and eggs.

Sophie was standing by the stove already. Despite the circumstances, the love doctor rather liked the sight of her managing his kitchen. Morning sunlight from the sink window flowed around her like watercolors. An impression came to him that he couldn't quite interpret. It felt like…

…like watching a grandma?

A sexyish one.

When she braced to lift the cast iron, he swooped to help. "Allow me."

"I've got it."

"I insist."

A piece of bacon fell to the floor.

"Five second rule!" Markl shouted.

"Germs don't play that game," Sophie huffed, finally relinquishing the pan so she could clean up the crispy casualty. Howl tried to catch her gaze, but she mutely passed him by. He frowned.

"One time, one time I was made to eat a bug!"

"Who told you to do that, Markl, a bully?" Mrs. Coriander said. "Someone at the orphanage?"

"No, just me." Markl sighed. His little shoulders slumped. "Daddy won't let me see my friends."

"Markl, I take you to the park all the time," Howl exclaimed.

"But you never let my friends come here! Last time you said our stuff wasn't good for kids' eyes."

"I was talking about my laundry -" Dear Lord, Howl thought, a bead of sweat rolling down his neck at the sound of Mrs. Coriander's pen scratching. At this rate I'll be lucky if I get visiting rights. Judgment levels were rising. Sophie's gaze pressed on his soul, and Calcifer sounded suspiciously like he was choking on air. Howl hastily started serving the food. "Bon appétit, enjoy," he cheered.

His son promptly abandoned all manners.

It was like a horror scene: little hands and teeth tearing into breakfast, bits of fried flesh and yolk splattering everywhere.

"Markl..." The love doctor grabbed a napkin and leaned over in what he hoped appeared to be a patient, paternal endeavor. "Hold still, you've got something on your face."

Markl shot him a weird look. "Dad. I'm not a baby."

The oven timer rang.

"Scones are ready," Sophie announced.

"Yay! I worked hard for those," Markl cried.

"You had to work for food?"

Howl was starting to hate the sound of Mrs. Coriander's voice.

"Sophie made them 'cause I cleaned my room! She's nicer than Uncle Cal. This morning, I played a trick on him, and he chased me around the house, and sometimes he beats me-"

"He beats you!"

Calcifer spewed egg.

"At video games, Mrs. Coriander," supplied Howl with a nervous laugh.

The older woman frowned. "What sorts of video games, Markl?"

"Well, there's demons and witches and heads cut off..."

For the next few minutes, Howl numbly listened to his little boy talk them into a custody battle. Strangia seemed nice this time of year. He wondered if Calcifer could buy them time to get to the border.

"Excuse me." He finally stood. "Please continue your meal." As graciously as he could, he slid his plate to Calcifer and left. The sounds of kitchen activity were soon dampened by the bathroom door and the splashing of cold water. Extra cold.

Howl sighed into his wet hands. I'm going to need a bath after this.