As soon as he was done, the older man ceased all contact with his lover, going as far as to drop the cigarette he had still been pressing against the burnt spot on Izaya's neck, as if it was going to poison him, as he rebuttoned his pants and moved back to sit on the couch.
Izaya squirmed and dry heaved, a thin trail of saliva and semen escaping from the corner of his mouth, his body pressing against the hard, cold floor, making him feel increasingly numb and therefore all the more aware of the feeling of his insides being torn apart.
He could feel blood run down his inner thighs, though that wasn't really a sensation he wanted to concentrate on, and it was hardly strong enough to distract him from pain.
He desperately needed something to hold onto, so he wouldn't drown in the sea of pain, whose current was trying to pull him under and wash away his sanity, carrying it to the same place his confidence and dignity had gone, a place where he would never be able to get it back.
Izaya was very aware of the fact that he was close to his limit, that he was already starting to come undone, and it angered him immensely, that there was a part of his mind, his soul, that he could not control, a part of him that was weak and stayed that way.
He was angry at himself, for not being able to bear this, instead of hating Shiki for putting him into this situation in the first place.
Fighting to keep his eyes focused, the informant looked up at Shiki almost needily, finding the space between them all too wide, and wishing for nothing more than one small kiss, because he was hurting and he never had a mother to kiss the pain away when he fell as a kid.
And it didn't matter that Shiki himself was the source of pain and that one word from him could have stopped everything, Izaya was convinced that he needed the older man's presence more than for him to stop hurting him.
Because if Shiki were to stop this, there would be nothing left, and the fear of being dropped, of being cast aside like an outdated, boring toy was so great that the informant was willing to go through hell so it wouldn't happen.
The relief Izaya felt when the man using him finally stopped and left his body had him feeling dizzy, taking a deep, shuddering breath, as if he had been suffocating and had suddenly regained breath, as he lay on his side limbly.
For a moment, he forgot all about what might be awaiting him, because no one was touching him or coming close with the intention of laying their grubby hands on him.
"About that assignment I gave you the other day." Shiki said matter of factly, as if the person he was talking to was just another one of his suit wearing business partners, and not a man he loved and tried to destroy for the exact same reason. "What did you find out?"
The young, dark haired man managed to curl up and roll around so that he could at least kneel, supporting his weight with his calves.
There was a short moment of doubt, horror filling him up at the prospect of lying to Shiki and how the older man would punish him for it if he found out.
Maybe he would even go as far as to kill him.
"He looks clean to me." Izaya said, never having had so much trouble uttering a lie. He always hid behind a veil of lies, making sure no one could peek through it and see what was behind it, because he couldn't afford to be vulnerable.
"Really." Shiki inquired and something within Izaya froze. There was no going back now, he had lied to the Awakusu-kai executive.
And a part of him was starting to regret it, sirens going off in his own head and warning him, because he knew that he had made a mistake long before Shiki looked at him with eyes that were colder than ever and seemed to see right into his head.
The informant was sure his heart was going to explode, because he knew that he had been caught, Shiki didn't even need to say anything, and somehow, Izaya almost wished for the older man to say something, anything, because the silence was killing him.
A knock cut through the suffocating hush and the heavy door opened a second later.
Two men clad in black entered, dragging someone behind them who was struggling immensely, and when Izaya recognized the person, his heart stopped for just a second.
