Anyone still out there? I know I have been abandoning this for too long. Lately I got the book "The Gilmore Girls Companion" and right at the beginning they described how it influenced the fans lives. I was brought back in time and got inspired again. I never did forget about this story and rereading everything I thought maybe I should've ended it with chapter 45. But then as I said before I have still more scenes in mind and if you're still interested in reading them I'll try to finish this.
Chapter 50 – Finding Out
Lorelai's birthday is coming up soon. I want to give her something, but I just don't know what. With Lilly my present wasn't exactly what she wanted – and to be honest I knew that beforehand. Still I threw the party for her. And I'm still convinced that my intention of giving her some friends was noble, but I guess I can't force friendship. At least not a real one. Lorelai wouldn't have talked to me had I done that to her, that much she made clear in the conversation I overheard. So I guess I can be lucky Lilly isn't Lorelai.
Lorelai and Rory just left. I busy myself cleaning up – or rather overlooking it – since I can't face Lilly just yet. She's upstairs checking on Becky, who woke up again. It was a long day for her. Finally I realize that I can't put it off any longer. The caterers have left, the maid is already gone and I can't wait until tomorrow to know how mad she really is. I think of talking to Richard before going upstairs, but decide against it. Sighing I walk upstairs. I hesitate again, when I hear her softly singing to Becky. I shouldn't intrude on that. But when she stops I know I have no reason to wait any longer. I knock softly on her door – not wanting to wake up Becky again – and Lilly is coming out soon. Looking at her face I can't quite read it.
"I'd like to talk to you," I say to her, my voice slightly hesitant. She nods, motioning for me to go ahead and I lead the way to my room. I still don't know how to start when I realize I don't have to.
"Thanks for throwing her out," Lilly says and I turn around to face her. When that's the first she has to say, I'm really lucky.
"I'm sorry, I invited her to begin with," I reply. "But why didn't you tell me?" I ask.
"Tell you what?"
"How nasty they're to you. I know most of their mothers, I could've fixed that. I went through all of this with Lorelai already, I could've helped, I – "
"It's not your task to fix. And anyway, I don't care. Not really," Lilly says.
"You don't care that they treat you like trash? That they treat Becky that way?" I ask incredulously. Mentioning Becky I see her face change slightly for a few seconds.
"I don't need them. Yes, it hurt to listen how they talked about Becky, but I didn't want them here to begin with," she says. So we're getting there.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to torture you or to expose you and Becky to them. I wanted you to make some friends. And well, Susan and Jane seemed nice," I add.
"You're right, they are. And maybe it wouldn't hurt to have some friends," she admits.
"So you're not mad at me," I finally dare to ask.
"I know you meant well," she answers and I give her a questioning look. "No, I'm not mad Emily," she concludes, giving my cheek a little peck and I feel a warmth washing all over me.
"Thanks," I only manage to say, squeezing her hand quickly before turning around to hide my watery eyes.
Yes, I'm really lucky to have her. Still I have no idea what to get Lorelai. I want her to like it. I want her to speak to me after receiving my gift. It's just that I'm not good at knowing what she really wants. Remembering Christmas I'm thinking of taking Rory to the mall.
Rory is running towards the lobby and a dusting Lorelai, chattering about the day she spent with me. I'm following her. It's the first time I'm seeing Lorelai since she rescued Lilly's party. "Hello, Lorelai," I greet her, trying not to think too much about her uniform. It gets me every time, I can't help it.
"Hello, Mom," she returns the greeting.
"…and then Grandma tried to colour with me, but she's not that good at it. Even Grandpa couldn't guess what she wanted to draw," Rory giggles. Lorelai looks at me surprised.
"Because the two of you have no fantasy at all," I reply, seemingly insulted. "Maybe you don't want me to draw with you next time," I add.
"Oh no Grandma, I didn't mean it like that," Rory says, looking concerned. "Are you mad?" she asks.
"No, I'm just kidding," I say. "Really," I add, observing that she's not entirely convinced. Looking at Lorelai she seems to enjoy our little banter. "Lorelai, do you have a minute?" I ask my daughter.
"Sure," she answers. "Do you want to show me your picture? Maybe I have better fantasy than Rory and Dad," she says, winking at Rory.
"Yes, because I'm carrying this masterpiece around with me," I answer dryly. "Seriously, do you have a minute?"
"Yes," she says, motioning for me to sit down. "Or do you want to go outside?"
"No. I just want to thank you for last Saturday. I really wouldn't have known how this would've ended without you coming to the rescue. Thank you," I say sincerely.
"Rory, Sookie has a surprise for you in the kitchen. Why don't you go and get it?" she sends Rory away. "Mom, I know I should better stay out of this, but how could you do this to her? She hates those girls and they were horrible –
"Yes, you should stay out of this," I say defensively.
"Well, you just came to thank me because I didn't," she points out. I sigh. I don't want to discuss this with her.
"I admit that some of them were horrible and I took care of that," I start.
"And good for you," Lorelai chimes in. "That really was some sight. Is Lucy still going to Chilton?" Lorelai winks at me. I smirk, but try to ignore that comment.
"But you also have to admit that some of them were nice. And Lilly needs friends. It's just school, Becky, Richard and me and she needs some social life. Anyway I'm not here to discuss this with you, I only came to say that I'm grateful for your help." She nods. Rory is coming in again.
"And did you like Sookie's new pie?" Rory nods, still chewing.
"Lorelai, she already had dessert," I say.
"Really? Dinner at your house includes dessert?" Lorelai mocks me. "I know, Mom, but Sookie especially saved it for Rory." I sigh again. I guess I can be lucky that we're able to talk that way without fighting. Some weeks ago more than one sentence I said today, would've started a fight.
"I have to go. Goodbye Lorelai, goodbye Rory," I say, bending down a little to hug Rory.
"You know Mom, Grandma is great in reading stories and telling me about the fairies," Rory says.
"Thank you, Sweetie," I say. "And I really was just kidding," I whisper to her.
They accompany me to my car. Just before I get in, Lorelai comes to me, hugs me shortly and whispers: "You can't force her to make friends, Mom," before retreating.
She's right and for the time being I didn't mention this topic to Lilly again. Now I'm once more in my car driving Rory back to the inn. Even though we did visit the mall it resulted only in me restraining myself from buying too much for Rory. Sadly I had no such luck as her pointing out a dress Lorelai craves, but can't afford. I'm just as clueless as this morning. Maybe I should have a look at her room – or is it rooms? – to get an idea. Thinking about it, I've never seen where exactly she lives. I always supposed she was living in the inn, but I was never there. We always talked in the lobby or outside. Not that I wouldn't be curious, but I'm not sure Lorelai would like me to see it.
"Grandma?" Rory asks from the backseat, as we arrive at the Independence Inn.
„Yes, Sweetie?" I reply.
„I want to show you something I made for the fairies, I forgot to bring it to kindergarten this morning. I'll go get it, okay?"
„Okay," I smile and as soon as she unbuckled her seatbelt, she speeds off to – well not to the Inn. Is she going to Laura's nest? But then that's not where she's heading either. I'm confused and slowly following her. Suddenly she vanishes into an old shed. Why is she going there? Surely this isn't where she's playing. Since she doesn't come out again I slowly follow her in – and my heart stops. Judging the outside I would've suspected them to put their gardening utensils here, but what I see is a bed, a table, a cupboard and Rory in the midst of all of this, searching for something under the bed. It can't be – it just can't be. She's not choosing this over us. She can't. Suddenly Rory nearly bumps into me.
"Oh, Grandma, there you are. I found it, see?" she says, holding something up to me, that seems like a blur and I don't really comprehend it. "Grandma? – Oh, you weren't here before, were you?" she chatters. "Well, this is our place," she tells me proudly, waving her arms around. "This is my bed," she says pointing at it. "Oh and look at what Mom did. She made a curtain, so we even have our own bathroom in here – isnt't that neat?" she goes on, revealing a bathtub behind a pink curtain. It can't be. It simply can't. I have to get out of here. "Grandma? Grandma?" she runs after me. Breathe. I need to breathe. Slowly. Deeply. „Grandma! Mom!" Rory shouts and this gets my attention. Lorelai appears on the porch. "Mom, I think something is wrong with Grandma," Rory says and Lorelai comes to us.
"Mom, is everything –"
"Are you seriously choosing this over us?" I burst out. „Over your home?"
„Excuse me?" Lorelai says, looking questioningly at me. For a moment I see fear flicker across her face, but soon it's replaced with the defiant look I've come to know for so long now.
"I saw it. I saw where you ran off to," I say angrily, my eye catching Rory, who's about to burst into tears. I breathe again, closing my eyes, trying to calm myself. It seems that Lorelai must've seen Rory as well, since the outburst I expected from her is lessened a good deal.
"Mom. Remember what we talked about. You want to accept my decisions. Coming here was my decision. I like it here – we like it here," she says and looking at Rory she's nodding timidly.
"Rory, why don't you leave us alone for a minute," I suggest as calm as I can muster.
"But I don't want you to fight," she whispers, tears in her eyes.
"Please, Rory. I promise I'll try not to," I say looking at Lorelai. She has to know we have to talk about this – alone.
"Listen to your grandmother, Rory. Sookie is waiting for your help anyway," she encourages her. Rory is looking uncertainly at us. Not being able to stand the stares of two grown Gilmore women she finally gives in.
"Please, don't fight," she whispers, slowly going inside.
"There is nothing to talk about, mother," my daughter says, the defiant look back in place.
"Lorelai, please. This can't be where you want to raise your daughter. She doesn't have her own room, her own space. What when she goes to school? Do you want her to invite the other girls to this?"
"Not everyone sees it through your eyes, mother. We had some fun parties already here. And space isn't always about room," she adds, giving me a pointed look. "Anyway," she goes on, before I can reply to that, "of course this isn't where I want to live for the rest of my life. And I won't. I'm saving money and someday I'll be able to buy us a nice house here in Stars Hollow," she reveals.
"Then let me help you," I offer.
"No," she says without missing a beat.
"Lorelai, please. I'm not trying to get you back. I know you'll never come back. But you can choose a nice place around here. And if you insist on it, you can pay me back whenever you have the money. Though that wouldn't be necessary," I try again.
"Mom, we'll stay here. End of story," she says.
"And why did you never show it to me before? Admit it, you're ashamed to live there as well," I say my voice rising. The look she's giving me is sending quivers through my body.
"I'm ashamed of you," she says, turning around. This can't be.
"Lorelai, wait," I say, grabbing her arm.
"You really don't know why I didn't want to show you, do you? Well guess why? This is why. I knew you wouldn't get it. This is my home now, mother, a home I am proud of and I didn't want you to demean it," she yells, her eyes glistening. "I know you don't understand it, but that's how it is. And I'm happier here than I was in a mansion," she says, not able to look into my eyes. I'll mask my hurt in looking down as well. That can't be happening. "I'll go get Rory now. You better leave," she says going inside. This time I'm not grabbing her arm.
How can she live in a shed? She could have everything. We would help her. Why can't she accept a little help? She's right, I don't understand her. I just hope that this hasn't destroyed everything we achieved. I guess this is our test. If we get through this, we really did change for the better. Seeing Rory coming outside with Lorelai, I try to put on a smile.
"You did fight, didn't you?" she asks me sadly.
"Just a little, I'm sorry," I reply.
"I'll show you my fairy swing next Friday, all right" she asks me, looking at her mother as well.
"That's fine with me, Sweetie," I say, looking at Lorelai, too. She nods slightly and relief is rushing through me. Thank God.
"Goodbye, Mother," she says, giving me a piercing look.
"Thank you, Lorelai," I reply.
"I remember my promise – I hope you remember yours," she says before going inside. I hug Rory to me, assuring her that this wasn't her fault, before driving home.
So what do you say? Can I still do it? I'm not so sure of this chapter, but I thought it wouldn't be right to just have it on my computer. Let me know if you're still interested in hearing more.
