A/N: Ok... remember a few chapters ago Kiryu mention Jack had slept with his dad. Yes? Welcome to something of a flashback explaination, involving a very drunk, very mouthy Jack. And a graveyard. Yays. By the way, for ref, I'm informed some people don't know, so for those who do Sr. stands for Senoir. As in same name but older. Ok? Cause you'll need that that chapter. Good? Yes. Review guys.
Jack wasn't sure how early it was, only that it was ridiculously early, when he was woken up by the door opening slightly. It closed and moment late. The mattress dipped, the covers moved and without thinking he reached out and pulled Kiryu into his arms. Kiryu sighed and buried his head in his chest. He closed his eyes and squeezed his waist gently.
"What's wrong?" he said quietly.
Kiryu sighed. "I just felt like coming and spending some time in your arms. Like we used to. I did spend a lot of today with Yusei, right?"
Jack frowned and sat up. Kiryu grazed up at him in the darkness. "Come with me. I want to show you something." Kiryu frowned. "I'm awake now, come on, get up."
Kiryu joined him at the front door a few moments later in his riding suit. The pair headed down to the garage for their D-Wheels and Jack lead Kiryu out to the Satellite. Most of it had been redone now but there were a few places that remained. Jack took Kiryu up to the old graveyard, one of the few places that remained pretty much untouched, just cleaned up a little. Kiryu frowned but Jack led him on into the graveyard.
"This is your most romantic idea ever, Jack," Kiryu muttered. "A graveyard at night."
"Shut up," Jack mumbled. "Here."
He stopped by a pair of graves and Kiryu joined him. In the darkness he couldn't make out the names but he could guess. He pulled out a flash light and shone it at the graves. Jack squeezed his hand gently and he gripped it tightly.
"Jack, I don't wanna be here," he whispered. "Please, can we go, let's go."
"Hey," Jack said gently, slowly wrapping his arms around his shoulder to calm him. Kiryu whimpered slightly and shook his head. "It's ok. I'm here, I won't leave you to face this alone."
"Jack... please, Jack, I don't want to do this. I don't want to be here. Let go. I want to go." He twisted and tried to get loose but Jack squeezed him gently, kissing his cheek and trying to steady him, but Kiryu continued to fight. "Why did you bring me here? I want to go home!"
"I came here every week, you know? Until I left the Satellite I came here every week just to make sure someone did."
"Shut up."
"And then one day I came out here and I saw your dad-"
"I said shut up."
Jack sighed and held him firmly, just tight enough to stop him slipping away until he calmed down and Jack loosened his hold. "It's ok." He sighed and stroked his hair gently. "It's ok. See, when I lost you I fell apart. I mean, we were all broken up about but Aki seemed to act like you were still in the facility and nothing had changed. I tried that. It didn't help." Kiryu struggled against him once more and Jack tightened his grip until he calmed again. "So I came out here at least once a week. Sometimes it was reassuring to think you were somewhere watching, that if I kept telling you that I loved you then maybe you'd know somehow... it was stupid, I know." He sighed and ran his fingers over his cheek. "That's not what you want to know though, is it? That's not why I brought you here. I brought you out here because you want answers."
"Jack..."
"You want to know why, don't you? You've wanted to know why since the moment I told you, didn't you?" he whispered, kissing his cheek. "You want to know what in the world it took to get me in bed with a man who scared me to death, right?"
"I... you hated him... I was dead... why were you even there?"
"I'll give you the answers you want, Kiryu, if you want them. I'll tell you as much as I can remember. I know Yusei know and he'll try to use it against me. I want you to know the truth or why I did it and what happened. If you're sure you want to know."
"I do," Kiryu whispered. "Tell me what happened, please." Jack smiled and kissed him gently. "Jackie..."
"Alright. I never meant to keep it from you anyway. Like I said, I was broken up without you. I was got drunk a lot. I made some stupid mistakes. I'm sorry it happened."
"Jack, just tell me."
Jack took a long drink, walking down the street in the rain. He'd lost track of how much he'd had to drink but didn't really care. Suddenly he was pulled aside and shoved into a building. He groaned and stumbled slightly before regaining his balance and realising where he was; Kiryu's house. He frowned and glanced over his shoulder. Kiryu's father was glaring down at him.
"Jack, how much have you had to drink?" he said.
Jack frowned. "What do you care? Want some?"
"I'm sober," Kiryu Sr.- as Jack had dubbed him for lack of an actual name- said. "Have been since they took Kyosuke from me... If I had been a better father he might not have felt the need to murder that man."
"Hmph, well don't expect any pity from me," he muttered.
"I don't," he said, tossing Jack a towel, which he almost dropped. "I know what I've done to you, Jack. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what I did."
"Like hell you are," he laughed.
"Sit down and give me that bottle. You're soaked and you're drunk. Let's get you sobered up a little." He sat Jack on the couch and Jack didn't feel at all afraid for once. Although, he knew that was just the drink. It numbed the pain that had been eating away at him for the past two weeks as well. Kiryu Sr. went to take the drink from him back he moved it out the way. "Jack."
"Get lost. I've got better things to do than listen to you whine about being sober. Just because you are doesn't mean I have to be." He took another long drink and Kiryu Sr. sat at his side. "What did you pull me in for anyway?"
"You know why. Look at yourself, Jack, you're wandering around these streets drunk, in the rain. It's like you want someone to grab you. All it would take is someone looking for a handsome blonde toy and you know you wouldn't be able to do a thing to fight them off."
Jack smirked and almost laughed. "You're going to make up for your previous failures?"
He sighed and turned to face Jack, who took another drink. "You were lucky, Jack. Kyosuke never protected anyone quite as diligently as he protected you."
"He told you he loved me just to get you away."
"He meant it."
"No he didn't. I did, he didn't."
"Yes. He did. Funny, he said exactly the same as you just did. That he loved you but you didn't love him."
Jack laughed bitterly and turned to Kiryu Sr. "So? Why did you drag me in here? To protect me? Or to finish what you started?"
"Kyosuke loved you, what kinda of father would I be if I let the person he loved most in the world get hurt." Again Jack laughed. "Jack-"
"I'll bet you're going to deny that you wanted me too." He smirked and tossed away the empty bottle. The older man frowned and Jack sneered up at him, tilting his head slightly. "Come on. All those times you put your hands on me, kissed me when Kyosuke wasn't looking and whispered to me how it was only a matter of time before I was under you again? You were into me."
He smiled and brushed Jack's hair from his eyes and slowly tracing his jaw. "You're by far the most handsome young man he's ever risked bringing home." Jack shivered slightly and his eyes slipped shut, lips parting slightly, remembering how Kiryu- his Kiryu- used to touch him just like that. "And I am sorry for what I must have put you through. I can't imagine how you suffered because of my actions."
"Yeah, sure. That's why you're touching me like your lover. Is that why she was with other people? Kyosuke's mother's? Because you're into younger guys? I was just a kid when you first pinned me here, remember? I was barely thirteen."
The hand left his skin and he opened his eyes. Kiryu Sr. was frowning at him. He got up and poured a glass of water and handed it to Jack. The blonde glared at the water for a moment before slowly bringing it to his lips as the older man sat at his side once more.
"I don't get why you're being so nice."
"Because it's what he would have wanted," Kiryu Sr. said. Jack frowned and glanced away. "I know you miss him too. He wouldn't want to see you like this. You know that."
Jack clenched his jaw and glared at the water in his hand. Who the hell did he think he was to tell him how to deal with his grief? The bastard had abused him, he'd scarred him for life emotionally- although the others barely noticed, Jack had noticed how since then he'd been involuntarily wary of older men- and he'd spent almost the past decade drunk. How dare he tell Jack what to do?
"Doesn't it piss you off?" he said, glancing at him. "Knowing I slept with Kyosuke right here, under your roof, on this couch. He was happy when he was with me, when I had him on his back screaming my name. You know we even did it in your bed once. Did you know your dear angelic Kyosuke would get off with strangers as long as they brought him drinks?"
"Jack-"
"Did you know he was afraid to tell you he was raped? He told me though. Because he trusted me. I loved him no matter what."
"He told me everything." Jack turned away and clenched his fists around the chipped glass. "The night before he was arrested he came home, he was in bits. He told me everything. He told me about how much it had hurt him that you two had broken up and how he loved you and was afraid to tell you in case you rejected him." Jack wasn't sure what to say, but it didn't stop him being furious at Kiryu Sr. for saying all of it. Kiryu would never say something like that anyway. He was the one who insisted on it being purely physical. "But you wouldn't have, would you? Funny how you two couldn't see how you felt for each other."
"You don't know what you're talking about. Just shut up, old man."
He went to put the glass on the table but his hands were still a little unsteady and it slipped through his fingers. Kiryu Sr.'s hands closed around his and the glass, catching it before water went all over him. Jack glanced up and realised they were suddenly only inches apart, so close he could feel the man's breath on his lips as he guided Jack's hands to the table.
"Better?" he said gently.
Jack nodded dumbly and licked his lips as it hit him just how similar to Kiryu Jr. that was, with a small smile and slightly teasing tone that was still reassuring. And he did look a lot like his son, just older, more worn. Except for his eyes... Jack had always loved his golden eyes but Kiryu Sr.'s were a dull grey-blue.
"No more alcohol, ok? You can stay here tonight, I'll get you some dry clothes and you can sleep it off here."
Without thinking, Jack leant in a pressed their lips together, squeezing his hands slightly. For a few long moments, Kiryu Sr. returned his kiss, their lips parting slightly and their tongues meeting momentarily.
"Jack... no," he said gently, brushing his dripping hair from his eyes once more. "You'll regret that in the morning."
"Shut up. You don't know anything about me. And I'd like to point out that you kissed me back." He smirked and leant back. "I was right. You are into younger guys. No wonder she had to go elsewhere."
"You have very big mouth when under the influence, don't you?" Kiryu Sr. said, standing up.
"Well, I'm just saying the truth," Jack sneered. "So what, did you go out and find kids in the Satellite looking for a meal? I mean, a you knew what you were doing when we first met, you'd done it before. What was it? You rape them and then feed them so they don't say a word?"
"You do have a nasty side to you, Jack," he said, seemingly unaffected by anything Jack said. "Did you let Kyosuke ever see that side of you?"
"He liked it when we argued," he snapped, folding his arms and sticking his nose in the air but losing his balance slightly and falling back on the couch arm. "What about you? Was it not kids on the streets? Did you practise on Kyosuke?"
That got a reaction and Kiryu Sr. yanked him to his feet as Jack smirked. "Get upstairs, Jack. I'm not rising to it."
"You're not my dad."
"And my son is in the graveyard. Get upstairs."
Jack laughed and staggered towards the stairs, still sniggering slightly, stumbling up them with Kiryu Sr. behind him. "Your room again?"
"Are you laughing because you're scared?" he asked. "You want to put up a front."
Jack turned to snap at him but stumbled slightly and fell back onto the step behind him, gazing up at Kiryu's father, who looked amused by the whole situation. Jack's blood boiled.
"Get your kicks by watching drunk kids, do you?" he snapped. "You think it's funny to see me barely able to walk, or is it just that you know I'm completely at your mercy? I'll bet it gets you hot to see me in this state, knowing you could do anything to me."
"You're a wonderful salesman," he laughed, helping him up. "Come on, third door on the left."
"That's not your room."
"You're an idiot. I'm not going trying to get you in bed, Jack, I'm sober now, remember? If I was I'd have either given you more booze or pinned you down and got to work by now."
"You're trying to get me to let my guard down."
"If you say so, Jack. Here."
He pushed Jack into a bedroom Jack knew well. Kiryu's room. He stood on his own and glanced around, tears pricking his eyes slightly. His heart was pounding and Kiryu Sr.'s hand fell on his shoulder.
"You're soaked, Jack. I'll get you something dry to wear." He left Jack on his own for a few moments and Jack wished he hadn't. He was overwhelmed by his memories of Kiryu. "Jack." He spun and Kiryu Sr. smiled. "Come on, take off those wet clothes."
"While you're in the room?"
"Fine." He tossed him the dry clothes and sighed. "The bathroom's next door. Anything you need you know where my room is. Don't you dare be sick in Kyosuke's room. Leave your clothes outside and I'll dry them off for you. Goodnight."
He went to leave and Jack frowned, slowly pulling off his top. "Wait..." He turned back and his eyes flickered over him. "How... how do you make it stop hurting? You lost the woman you loved, right? How did you stop the pain?"
He sighed and smiled. "You can't, Jack. You can't make it stop. No amount of drink or drugs will stop it. Just give it time and it'll get better, but it never really heals completely."
Jack frowned and lowered his gaze. Then he noticed Kiryu Sr. still watching him. "What, don't you remember what I look like naked? You've undressed me enough times."
"Goodnight Jack."
He shut the door and Jack suddenly felt so alone. He changed slowly and climbed into the bed he'd shared with Kiryu once or twice. He never used to believe people when they said they could smell their lover on the pillow. He supposed it made sense in the city where girl wore perfume but not in the Satellite. Until that night anyway. He buried his face in the pillow and could have sworn he could smell Kiryu on the material as he drifted off to sleep.
Jack woke up in darkness and sat up, his head pounding. He glanced around. He had no idea where he was or how he got there. He staggered to his feet and got to the door. He wasn't even in his own clothes. As he glanced up at down the hall, he realised where he was and it all came back to him. His stomach churned at for a moment he was sure he was going to be sick. He'd kissed Kiryu's dad... willingly! He'd started it!
He groaned and staggered down the hall as Kiryu Sr.'s door opened. He frowned and folded his arms. Jack glanced at him and held his stomach. How could he have tried to kiss that man? Kiryu's father and the man who'd abused him every time they met. What was wrong with him?
He went to carry on out but stumbled and Kiryu Sr. caught him in his arms, laughing softly. Jack gazed up at him, eyes slightly blurred as he was helped back upright. He smiled, gently stroking his back.
"Are you ok?"
"No. I feel sick," he grumbled.
"Are you going to be sick?" he said gently.
"No. I just feel it," he snapped.
"Jack."
"I just-" He frowned and lowered his gaze and his voice. "I just had a dream about Kyosuke."
Kiryu Sr. sighed and nodded. He pulled him into his room and sat him on his bed, disappearing for a moment, then returning with a glass of water which he handed to Jack. The blonde frowned but sipped it slowly, already feeling slightly clearer.
"Here," he said, mixing in a pill. "It'll settle your stomach."
"Thank you..."
Kiryu Sr. smiled and nodded. "It's the least I can do for you, Jack. After what I've done to you and how much you meant to Kyosuke." He laughed softly. "Like I said, what kind of father would I be if I just sat back and let you get raped by someone else. You meant the world to him, so I will protect you."
"I'm not going to let my guard down."
"I don't expect you to."
"I don't want to be in that room though... I don't like the memories. I miss him."
"I know." He stroked Jack's hair gently and Jack closed his eyes. "I know you do. You can stay in here if you'd like." Jack sighed and slowly took his hand, not quite knowing why. "Hey, let's not start this again, Jack. I'm not going to take advantage of you. You're in no position to be doing anything like this. You need to sleep."
"And you want to be the one sleeping with me."
"Stop that. I'm just looking after you. You're all I have left of my son."
Jack opened his eyes a little and kissed him firmly, if only to get him to shut up. How dare he tell him what to do? He'd do what the hell he liked.
"Jack, you don't want to do this." He pulled him back and pushed him to the bed. He didn't know why he just needed this. "Jack, stop and take a moment." He sighed and stroked Jack's cheeks. "Are you sure you want to do this? Do you honestly want to put yourself through this? Just think about Kyosuke for a second."
A few tears slipped down his cheeks and he shook his head. "I loved him..."
"I know you did." He sat up and gently brought Jack into his arms. "He loved you too."
"Why did he have to go?" He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "I would have stayed with him. I just needed him to relax and see that. I didn't mean to hurt him." He lifted his head and gazed up at him. "Please... I just want to feel..." He sighed and shook his head. "Just for a while."
He nodded and leant down, covering Jack's lips with his own. Jack closed his eyes slowly and settled into his hold as Kiryu Sr.'s hands slowly moved over his body. He was absolute ashamed of himself and new Kiryu would be if he could see him, but he just needed to push away that pain and feel close to someone, even just for a little while.
