A/N - this might be a little long winded and wordy, but it was what flowed from my (warped?) mind. I wondered about how each one of his friends was dealing with what had happened to him and this was the result. Thanks to honus47 for reviewing and supporting me! That support means the world to me!

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Chapter 54

It'd been a long three and a half hours since they had taken Deeks up to surgery. Craig had popped in a couple times, not that there was much for him to tell them. He could only confirm that Deeks was holding his own and that the doctors were doing everything possible. While it was nice to hear, Kensi was pretty sure the non-update updates were just an excuse to come in and chat with Talia for a few minutes. Each time he came in, Talia seemed a little more interested. Kensi intended to foster that interest as much as possible. While she knew that Talia had no chance with Deeks, it wouldn't hurt her peace of mind to know the beautiful DEA agent was involved with another man. Deeks. The thought of him filled her mind.

She got out of her chair and started pacing, again. This had become such a common occurrence in the hours they had been cooped up in this waiting room, that no one said a word. She knew they were all watching her, ready to step in with a shoulder to cry on or a kind word but, in the meantime, they just let her be and she was grateful. She would sit, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come in and tell them something, anything, official. When she couldn't stand the inactivity any more, she would get up and pace the room. When she tired of that, she would sit back down and begin the whole ritual all over. As she paced this time, she watched the rest of her friends and co-workers, wondering what was going through their minds as they waited. The other people in the room, waiting on their own loved owns, gave the large group, with the badges hanging from their belts, a wide berth.

Sam was sitting in a large chair, the only one in the room that would comfortably hold his large frame, his head back and eyes closed. If asked, she was sure he would say he was meditating but she knew him too well. The tension in his body was a sure fire giveaway that he was neither asleep nor meditating. His right arm held Michelle, who was wedged into his side, tightly against him, as if he was afraid to let her go. Michelle had her head resting on her husband's chest, also with her eyes closed but Kensi knew her friend was tracking her every move. It should have made her feel smothered, but instead it made her feel safe. Kensi resumed her pacing and found herself examining each grouping of the people waiting for word, watching their interactions.

Next up were the Shelton's. They were sitting on one of the available couches. John had his arm around Laura and was softly stroking her arm as she carded her hands through Meaghan's hair. The teenager had cried herself to sleep in her mother's lap and was now snoring softly, her long legs hanging over the arm of the couch. Laura looked up at her as she passed; the signs of tears on her face as well. Kensi thought again about how close she and Deeks had become, knowing it had something to do with their pasts and that it had created a strong bond. She knew, now, what had gone on in Deeks's childhood after their fight and his flight to Santa Barbara but she still didn't know the particulars of what Laura's story was and Deeks wouldn't share that confidence.

Laura watched Kensi pace by again and then settled back into her own thoughts. She was worried sick about losing her little brother once again, Deeks having replaced Perry once and for all in that role. The last time he had been in the hospital she had also worried, but this time was different, this time he really may not make it. She knew he cared about them too, but she hadn't told him exactly what he meant to her yet. She intended to remedy that the first chance she got. Her thoughts went to a dark place where she never got that chance and her hand stilled on Meaghan's hair, the tears starting again. Meaghan whimpered in her sleep and Laura began stroking her again, the whimpering stopping. John's hand tightened on her arm, instinctively knowing what she was thinking. She smiled a little through her tears, knowing that her husband would not have been as aware of her emotions, if he'd even been in the state at all, before these people had invaded their lives. Her old, tired marriage had woken up and gotten a second wind. John was more attentive and did everything possible to do his job here at home. Only when he had no choice would he go away and even then, he called her every chance he got just to tell her he loved her. The house in Santa Barbara had certainly made up for its prior years of disuse. She leaned harder into him, letting him know she appreciated his presence and support. John leaned down and kissed her on the top of her head. She looked up and he wiped away her tears with his thumb, giving her a soft kiss on the lips that she returned.

He, too, was amazed at how different their lives had become. He didn't think he could ever go back to the way things used to be. His wife had become something more than a bored socialite, someone he was proud of, someone who lit up his whole life once more and the daughter he remembered from her childhood was back. Gone was the sullen, surly teenager and in her place was a confident, sunny, loving young woman. He knew a large part of that transformation was due to Marty and Kensi being in their lives. He felt his own heart stutter a little at the thought that the man he had so easily dismissed when they first met; might not make it. This time it was Laura who saw where he was going and comforted him. Kensi realized neither of them was aware of her any longer.

Looking away from the loving couple, feeling envy she wasn't proud of; she noticed that Agent Leary and Neal were standing quite close to each other. Neal had been on his day off and unreachable when Deeks had gone missing. When he had finally responded to the Shelton's frantic calls, Deeks was already in surgery and he had come as soon as possible. Apparently Cheryl had worked some cases in England and the two had hit it off, talking about places they both knew in his home country. Kensi shook her head, wondering why it felt that everyone was finding someone during one of the most hellish days of her life.

She paced on, her eyes lighting on Eric and Nell. The two analysts had been working nonstop on their tablets, digging into the background and financials of everyone involved in the rescue. Trying to uncover something that might lead them to whoever had helped McGonagle escape. She couldn't help but notice how close the two of them sat, most of their lower bodies completely touching. When Deeks was better, the two of them were going to confront these two. She was pretty sure Deeks wouldn't be above using his near brush with death to guilt them into admitting there was something more going on. She smirked a little, already picturing the scene in her head, her Deeks using his puppy dog eyes on the two unsuspecting geeks. Her breath hitched as she realized it might never happen.

She turned away and found her eyes on Cindy and Chris. L.C. was sound asleep on his daddy's chest and Chris was rubbing light circles on his back, his other arm around Cindy who looked to be asleep on his shoulder. She knew from talking to Cindy recently, that L.C. was teething and neither was getting much sleep. The sight of the little family unit set up a longing in Kensi that was so intense that she almost gasped. Not now, but soon enough, she was determined that it would be Deeks holding their child like Chris was. She knew he would be a great dad and her prior worries about having a child, anyone's child, had washed away since they had opened up to each other. Her interactions with L.C. and Sam's Kamran had proven her wrong about her abilities with children. She didn't think she would ever have the instant connection Deeks always seemed to find with a child, but she was now sure she could hold her own. Watching them should have made her feel sad, worried that the future she was thinking about was in jeopardy, instead it gave her hope. She smiled gently at Chris when he looked up and he returned it in full force.

Moving on she eyed Lt. Bates, Hetty and Granger, who were sitting at the only table in the room, talking quietly and intensely. Officer Wolinksy standing behind them, listening intently. She knew they were rehashing everything that had happened, filling in Bates on the things that he had missed, talking strategy for finding McGonagle and Robinson. They had heard from Agent Franklin that Robinson's was not one of the bodies at the plant. That meant both of them had escaped and were most likely together. Normally she would not want to be left out of this discussion, as would none of her teammates. Yet not one of them seemed inclined to butt into the impromptu meeting going on in the corner.

She turned to Cassie and Paula, sitting on a couch together, holding hands and softly talking with Talia. She wondered what they were talking about. Sharing stories about Deeks? Girl talk? Talia seemed to be fitting right in with their friends and she found that didn't bother her as much as she would have expected. She and Talia had cleared the air between them and she thought they wouldn't have as many problems in the future. She was pacing past them when Cassie's phone pinged her about another incoming text. She had been getting them almost non-stop since she had informed her boss about what had happened and asked for the night off, instantly given.

Cassie looked up and grimaced at Kensi. "It's Barry again. He's about ready to shut down the club for the night and head over here if we don't give him more frequent updates on Marty. I've tried to explain I don't have anything to share, but he says everyone's bugging him. The word has even gotten out to some of our customers and they've shown up to ask about him, even though the club hasn't opened for the evening yet." She and Kensi shared a small smile, one that didn't reach either of their eyes.

Looking at the two women whose wedding she had enjoyed such a short time ago, Kensi drifted into a memory. The night of the wedding, after the couple had left for their honeymoon, everyone had stayed at the bar until it closed, dancing, drinking and thoroughly enjoying themselves. When they'd finally gotten back to the room, Deeks had placed the do not disturb sign on their door and had turned slowly to her.

He had been so damned handsome in that damn tux that it had taken away her ability to think. She had watched him stalk towards her and had held her breath. When he had reached her, he had done what he had wanted to do all night. He reached up and slowly pulled the pins from her hair, one by one, watching with hooded eyes as her hair fell down to her shoulders. She had shivered at the look in his eyes, feeling the heat start in her belly, wanting him as much, if not more, than ever. He had paused and lifted the weight of her hair off her shoulders, leaning forward to plant a warm kiss on her neck. She had moaned and turned into him, capturing his lips with hers, feeling his hands slowly start undoing the fastenings on her bridesmaid dress as he, once again, relieved her of it.

She snapped out of the memory, remembering where she was, hoping no one would question her rapid breathing or flushed skin. She was relieved when the door opened again and all eyes turned to it. Tara walked in with a tall handsome brunette Kensi assumed was her fiancé. She turned out to be correct when Tara came up, gave her a hug and introduced them. "Dave, this is Kensi. She's the one Marty talks about all the time! She helped me save his life today. Kensi, this is my fiancé, Dave Andrews."

Kensi put her hand out to Dave but was instead engulfed in a huge hug. She returned it, feeling the comfort it was meant to give. He pushed her away a little and then grinned "You are every bit as beautiful as Marty said! I thought for sure he was exaggerating! After all, what would a beautiful woman be doing with that goofball?" Kensi would've taken offense at his words but she heard the affection and worry in the man's voice.

She leaned back in his arms and replied "Tara said you were an accountant? That can't be right! Where are your glasses and pocket protector?"

He chuckled at her and said "I knew I would like you from Tara's description!" His laughter faded and his face turned serious. "How is he? Craig has been keeping Tara updated on his status but it's always the same. He's alive and they're working on him."

Kensi sighed. "You know as much as we do." She looked down at her watch, realizing another hour had passed. "They've been working on him for almost four and half hours now. I have to believe that's a good sign! If they hadn't been able to save him, it would have been over long ago."

Dave nodded and he and Tara wandered off to talk to Cassie and Paula. It was obvious that they knew each other and she suspected they had met through Deeks at some point in time. Kensi turned to watch the last two in the group. Callen was sitting on the floor, his knees drawn up and his hands resting on them. Joelle sat by his side. She had come as soon as she was able to get a substitute for her class and was trying hard to comfort the man she was already in love with. It was hard though, this was new to her. She knew that their jobs were dangerous and that this was always a possibility but she felt something was different about this situation and Callen wasn't sharing. She looked up when Kensi approached and patted Callen's arm. She had a feeling that her friend would be better able to find out what was going on in the man's mind. She got up off the floor, gave Kensi a quick hug and said "I'm going to get a coffee. Do you want one?"

Kensi returned the hug and nodded yes. She knew Joelle was leaving to give her some time alone with Callen. She and her boss needed to have a talk. As Joelle asked around who else might want coffee or a snack, Kensi leaned back against the wall and slid down next to Callen, resting her head on his shoulder. She didn't say anything, waiting for him to acknowledge her. She didn't have long to wait.

"I'm so sorry Kensi. This is all my fault."

"How is this all your fault, Callen? There's only one whose fault it is and that's McGonagle. He's the one you should focus on."

"You were right. If I hadn't been so stubborn, if I had listened to Deeks's instincts, he wouldn't be up in surgery fighting for his life. He'd be back at the Mission, coming up with some new way to annoy Sam."

Kensi paused and tried to put into words something that had been floating around her mind for the last few hours. "I'm not so sure that would have been for the best, Callen."

Callen turned and looked at her in stunned surprise. "What the hell do you mean by that?" his voice rising.

"Calm down and listen to me. I want you to answer me with your first gut instinct. If we had gone in the front and you guys had gone in the back, would one of us have been the one taken or would it have looked like the other two? Just a hoax."

Callen thought about it and said "It would've been uneventful and we would've thought it another useless raid."

"Do you think they would've given up after that? Knowing now that Timmons and Parks were behind this?"

"No. No, I don't think that at all. I think Timmons is so obsessed with Deeks that he would never give up. We still don't know what the connection between Timmons and Parks is, but it seems that whatever Timmons wants, Parks is going to give him."

"So, if this had continued, do you think they would have done another warehouse call? I don't! I think next time it might have been a full on assault and someone else would've gotten hurt. It might have been one of us or an innocent bystander. Maybe even someone like Joelle or Kamran. Someone they had to remove to get to Deeks."

Callen nodded slowly, still not sure where she was going with this. Kensi continued. "In that case, knowing how careful and ruthless these guys are, do you think we would have gotten the break we did with the fingerprint? Do you think we would have gotten the FBI to take an interest if we hadn't been able to definitively say Robinson was involved? If we hadn't been able to get the FBI involved, do you think we could have gotten the same intel Cheryl did so quickly? The intel that led us to that damn packing plant? And if we hadn't, do you think we would have been able to get to him in time before he….before he…" Kensi wasn't able to finish that thought.

Callen looked at her in astonishment. The junior agent had just calmly and carefully, constructed a reason why this had been the best way for this to go down and he found himself agreeing with her. He said "I'm so proud of you Kens. I was so busy wallowing in my own guilt that I never thought to put that spin on it. You're right. If they had taken him from somewhere else, we might never have been able to find him. We'll never know for sure, but it's definitely a possibility and we have to live with the decisions we made and the hand we've been dealt. The only thing that matters now is that Marty survives this and we bring down all of them. McGonagle, Robinson, Timmons, Parks and anyone who helped them!"

Kensi carefully noted their boss's use of Deeks's first name and filed it away with all the other things she planned to tell him when he was better. She opened her mouth to talk some more when the door opened again. She looked up expecting it to be Joelle returning but instead her mother walked through it. "Mom!" She exploded off the floor and ran into her mother's arms. Julia wrapped her arms around her daughter and Kensi completely broke down for the first time that day. The intensity of her sobbing caused Julia to wonder if she was too late and the love of her daughter's life was dead.

"Is he..is he?" she stumbled over her words, not able to ask if he was dead. A vision of the vibrant, goofy, intelligent young man she hoped to welcome into her family, played in her head.

"No, mom, no! He's still alive. He's still in surgery and that's all we know." Kensi sniffled as she reassured her mom and then burrowed her head further into her mom's shoulder, seeking the comfort only a mother can give. Julia rubbed her back and whispered over and over that it would be okay; knowing that however this turned out, her daughter was strong and would survive it, with the help of her friends and family. They stood there for what seemed like hours, Kensi sniffling and Julia rocking her, when the door opened again and a tired looking doctor entered.

"Family of Martin Deeks?"