A/N: haha, yeah it's been awhile for this as well, but I really like this chapter. I hope you guys all like it! Comments/feedback is always appreciated. I wanna say that I love you guys, seriously. I love checking my emails and getting the review alerts. It makes me smile and motivated to write more. I hope you guys like this...though the ending is kinda sucky for you guys. Enjoy!
The time that Tommy went unconscious til the ambulance arrived is a complete and total blur. I was shoved out of the way and paramedics surrounded him. People started answering questions and I couldn't answer them. My eyes kept trying to keep sight of Tommy, to see if he was still breathing. Once they had him on a gurney and heading to the ambulance, questioning ceased and I was allowed to ride in the ambulance with him. I was crying still, it seemed like the tears never stopped running down my face. I wanted to hold his hand, to let him know that I was there, but the paramedics wouldn't let me. I couldn't do anything but watch helplessly. I couldn't even tell them what blood type he was so the hospital could get his levels back up or if he was allergic to any medications. I didn't know. I didn't even know how to contact someone who would. I was useless and Tommy needed me more than ever and I couldn't help him. I could only sit back and watch as the paramedics did everything they could to keep him alive until we made it to the hospital.
"Is he going to be ok?" I asked weakly at one of the paramedics. I didn't get an answer, just a look of sympathy as they kept checking the machines and IV fluids. We began to roll to a stop when the machines started beeping fast and loud. I looked up in panic, knowing the sound from TV. The paramedics hurried up and rushed around Tommy, doing things so fast I couldn't keep track of. They burst out the back of the ambulance and I tried to follow, my legs shaking so hard I couldn't keep up. The only thing I could think of was that this was it. That I lost him.
I managed to make it through the ER doors and was stopped by a nurse. She took one look at my appearance and her eyes went sympathetic. She wrapped an arm around me and led me away from the hustle and bustle of the halls.
"Tommy, is he"
"The Doctors have him now, they'll do everything they can, hun." She told me, her voice soft and gentle as she spoke to me.
"I just…he was…he's so weak…"
"Jude," I looked up at her in confusion. "My daughter is a fan."
"Oh."
"Jude, hon, is there anyone we can call for you – for him, friends, family…"
"My sister. Sadie." I answered automatically with a sniff, reaching up to rub my eyes where tears were still flowing freely. I gave the nurse Sadie's cell number and the nurse ruffled my hair.
"We'll give her a call. Is there anything you need hon?"
A miracle. I thought and shook my head. The nurse gave me a sympathetic look and left the room. My eyes blurred and tears fell freely. I reached up to cover my mouth but froze, the sob coming out unguarded. My hands started to shake and I felt like I was going to be sick. My hands were covered with his blood. Not one patch of pale skin showed through. I just stared numbly at my hands, turning them over to look at them, feeling sicker by the minute and tears flowing freely down my face. I felt my stomach lurch and I got up from my chair and made it to the trash can before my stomach rebelled and it's contents left my mouth. I heaved long after there was anything left to spit up and it only made me feel worst. I couldn't stop thinking about all the blood. At how pale Tommy was. How he … he saved me.
"Jude?" I heard a soft voice say and I didn't get up. I couldn't. I heard a couple steps of heels click on the tile and then felt a hand rub up and down my back. I took a couple deep breaths and looked over to see Sadie kneeling next to me, her eyes full of concern and I let out another sob. Sadie wordlessly pulled me to her and I cried harder, my sister soothing my hair and rubbing circles up and down my back.
"Jude…I'm…sorry. Love you." His words rang through my head and I gripped Sadie harder, silently praying that he'd pull through. That he'd make it and we'd be together again. I heard the door open and felt Sadie look to see who it was, but she didn't stop comforting me. I took a couple deep breaths and looked over to see Kwest standing in the room, looking a bit uncomfortable.
"Hey, Jude." Kwest said, his voice sad and his eyes sympathetic.
"Hi." I managed to say, sniffling. Sadie continued to stoke my hair, her eyes not leaving mine. "Did they…is he…"
"No news yet." Kwest said, giving me a small smile. "Hey, Tommy's a stubborn bastard. He's not going to go down without a fight." I nodded and sniffed again.
"Hey, Jude?" I looked over at Sadie. "You wanna go get cleaned up?" She asked me, looking down at my hands and then back at me. I looked down at the bloodstained hands and thought I was going to be sick again. My head swam and my vision blurred and I felt my stomach tighten. I closed my eyes and nodded. Sadie pulled me up and I opened my eyes again, still a bit light headed and let her lead me down the hall.
Sadie silently started running warm water in the bathroom sink and wordlessly, took my hands and placed them under the water. She then squirted soap in her hands, rubbed them together and scrubbed vigorously at my hands. I just stared at the floor, unable to look at myself in the mirror or at the sink where I was sure the blood was going down the sink. I don't know how long we stood like that, but Sadie kept reapplying soap on her hands and scrubbing harder. I didn't feel the pain behind her force. I knew I should, but I was numb. I didn't feel much of anything. After a long time, Sadie rinsed her hands and mine, and grabbed some papertowels and dried off my hands then hers.
When she was done, I looked down at my hands, all traces of Tommy's blood were gone. Just like that, it was like it never happened.
"Jude?" I looked up at Sadie. "What happened?" She asked me.
I opened my mouth to tell her and a whimper escaped as my mind flashed back to Damien. I started to shake and suddenly, I couldn't breath. I was gasping for breath and the only thing I could see was that warehouse room and Damien's knife, Damien's sick twisted smile, Tommy's soft eyes as he looked at me, and then the look of pain, the shock, and his weak unfocused eyes as he told me he loved me.
I felt hands on my arms and I screamed. It wasn't like I was myself. Like my mind was separate from my body. It was like…like I wasn't me as I screamed at the touch.
"Jude! JUDE!" My whole body shook violently and I stopped screaming.
"Sadie?" I managed to say, my voice sounding small and choked. Sadie's eyes were wide and worried as she looked at me. I whimpered and Sadie pulled me into a hug.
"It's ok." She said, rubbing my back. "It's over. You don't have to talk about it, ok?" I didn't answer. Couldn't answer even if I wanted to. My whole body was shaking. My throat was closed up tight and I felt like I was going to burst into tears again at any second.
"Sadie?"
"Yeah Jude?"
"I just…I want to know that he's ok."
"He is, Jude. He's Tommy." Sadie told me, stroking my hair. I shook my head.
"He was so weak, Sades." I told her, a couple tears falling down my face. "He was flat lining in the ambulance." Sadie didn't say anything for a long moment and I knew she believed the worst.
"Tommy wouldn't want you thinking the worst, ok?" She finally said, breaking the silence. "He loves you, Jude. He fought to save you, and he'll fight to stay alive to be with you." I nodded, knowing there was truth in her words. "Wanna go see if Kwest heard anything yet?" She asked me and I nodded. Sadie gave me a small smile and wrapped an arm around my shoulders and walked with me back to the waiting area and to Kwest.
"Any word yet?" I asked and Kwest shook his head and I felt my heart sink at the thought. The longer it took, the worst it was.
I pulled away from Sadie and sat down in a chair and watched the door. I felt Sadie and Kwest's eyes on me but I didn't care. I wanted word on Tommy. If they hadn't come yet, then he was still alive. He wasn't dead yet and that was a good sign. He was going to pull through, he had to. I couldn't do this without him and I wouldn't want to.
Sadie and Kwest moved to sit down on either side of me. Sadie kept an arm around me and Kwest just sat wordlessly next to me, offering me silent support. When the doors opened, I felt my heart leap into my throat, and then sink to my feet. The middle-aged female doctor entered the room with a grim look in her eyes.
"No." I whispered, tears falling down my face.
