49. 16 Weeks (2)
"Sure." Haymitch answered to April's chirping, used by now to having conversations that didn't make much sense. "We're gonna go home soon, don't worry your pretty little head, sweetheart."
Haymitch was sitting with April propped on his lap, facing him, one of his hands at her back to support her and the other one waving the blue stuffed fish in front of her, pretending to make him swim to amuse her. His daughter's interest in the toy was limited though and, truth be told, so was his.
The clinic's waiting area wasn't packed but it wasn't empty either, despite the steady drizzle outside, and the smell of wet clothes and antiseptic was making him a bit nauseous. It was no wonder that Effie hadn't been able to stand it for more than a couple of minutes. His eyes trailed on the restroom's door, waiting for her to come back. She had been in there a while already.
"Mama's gonna be back soon." he promised April in a low voice that carried anyway because everyone was mostly silent aside for the occasional cough or awkward shifting. The plastic chairs really weren't that comfortable.
Two of the women who were sitting there kept tossing him looks he had become familiar with since April was born. According to Effie, a man with a baby was attractive. He failed to see what was attractive about the baby puke stain on his shoulder but he supposed it was one of those mysterious woman things he would never really get – like how Effie always freaked out when he borrowed her toothbrush.
He adjusted April's blue sweater, making sure she was warm enough. The weather wasn't great that day and, given a choice, they would have kept her inside but the prospect of waiting yet another day to find out if Effie… He tried hard to hide his nervousness but the slight tremor in his fingers betrayed him.
The last twenty-four hours had been pure torture.
He hated being kept in the dark. He hated not knowing what was in store. He hated that he didn't know for sure.
He also hated the fact that if Effie wasn't pregnant, that meant something else could be seriously wrong with her. It was a possibility that terrified him a lot more than the perspective of another child.
Effie had kept tossing him incredulous looks because he was remaining calm about the idea of a second pregnancy. The truth was that he had had a very private freaking out session in the backyard while he was getting rid of the eggs, another one when he had cleaned the trash bin and several more since then. He wasn't sure it was the best idea. He wasn't sure they could deal. But he was also very sure that if she was pregnant, there would be no discussion about keeping it or not.
If she was pregnant.
If she wasn't ill.
He couldn't even begin to phantom a life without her. If she was ill… If she…
April's sharp cry of reproach brought his attention back to his daughter. "Sorry, sweetheart. What were you saying?"
He went back to waving that stuffed fish, his throat closed and his heart regularly missing a beat. It seemed like hours before Effie walked out of the ladies and came back to sit next to him. She was a bit pale and she didn't look that good. More than one curious pair of eyes tracked her progress.
"You're okay?" he asked in a soft voice.
"Of course." she replied cheerfully. It was mostly fake but her smile was genuine enough that he relaxed a little. "What have you two been up to?"
"We're watching the fish swim." he informed her very seriously.
"Ah, my favorite activity." she grinned, resting her head on his shoulder.
So they all watched the stuffed fish wave in the air in front of April's delighted face, engaging her in conversation every time she let out some noises.
After ten more minutes, Haymitch's arms were starting to get tired and he was relieved to hear Effie's name being called. He bolted out of his chair, turning back to Effie to ask if she wanted to take the baby but she had already passed the diaper bag over her shoulder so he dropped the idea. He wasn't sure April wasn't heavier at this point.
"Is it for the little miss?" the nurse asked with a bright smile.
"Yeah." Haymitch answered firmly – and loudly enough to be heard by everyone around. Effie had had a point when she had told him she didn't want any hint of this to hit the press. The longer they could keep whatever was going on contained, the better.
"Follow me." the woman instructed, even if it wasn't really that necessary. They had been to the clinic often enough in the last year to know their way around.
The examination room had gained a new poster about breast screening and Haymitch hastily looked away. His mind had been working in overdrive since the previous day, trying to find out alternative explanations to Effie's symptoms and… She had been smocking for so many years and if one of her organs failed before his liver, he would never forgive her. Not that it was that. Not that…
He instinctively tightened his hold on April and pressed a kiss on top of their daughter's head. Effie would be fine. She had to be. And if she wasn't, they would get her the best treatments. He would drag her back to the Capitol, no matter his own feelings on the issue, because it was where the best doctors were. He would get her the expensive procedures that were so disputed for their unfairness. He didn't care if he had to bankrupt himself and her father in the process. He would make sure April didn't grow up without a mother.
"Haymitch, you should sit down." She snatched April from his arms without him registering but he was glad for the stool she guided him to. She frowned down at him, studying him with worry. "Are you alright? You are awfully pale…"
"I'm good." he muttered.
It was an outright lie and she probably would have called him out on it if Larcher hadn't come in at that moment. The friendly smile froze on the doctor's lips when he spotted them. He was next to Haymitch in a second, flashing one of those annoying pocket lamps into his eyes.
"Are you having troubles breathing?" Larcher asked.
"I'm fine." Haymitch grumbled. "Just…" He waved a hand next to his head. "It's fine. Just got dizzy, that's all."
The doctor glanced at Effie and then frowned. "How long has it been going on? Do you have any chest pain? Stomach ache maybe? We need to keep an eye on that liver of yours, Haymitch. I warned you when you stopped drinking that…"
"Yeah, yeah." he dismissed in a hurry, not really wanting Effie to hear about how he was at certain risk of developing cirrhosis. "It's not that. I'm good." And given that neither adult seemed convinced, he breathed out an irritated sigh. "It's Effie who's sick. Please, just… Find out what's wrong with her, yeah?"
Effie's face was all astonishment. She cupped the back of their daughter's head almost defensively. "I thought we had a good idea of what was wrong with me."
"Yeah, but what if it's something else?" he panicked. "What if…"
"Alright." Larcher cut in, turning to Effie. "I'm guessing you're not here for April's check-up, then."
Effie's blue eyes stared at him a second and then she reluctantly handed the baby over to Haymitch, only letting go once she was sure he wouldn't drop her. Then, and only then, did she turned toward the doctor. "I might be pregnant."
"Oh!" the man exclaimed with an understanding smile and a twinkle in the eyes. "I will hold on the congratulations until we confirm it then, shall I? Can you describe your symptoms for me?"
Haymitch listened to her list, keeping his own gaze on his daughter while Larcher invited her to sit on the table and checked her blood pressure. The doctor nodded with a focused frown on his face all the time Effie spoke. Once she was done, he asked her to lie down and palpated her stomach for long enough that Haymitch grew wary again.
"Is she okay?" he almost pleaded. "'Cause it started weeks ago but she wouldn't come in and…" He shook his head, feeling angry with his past self for caving to her wishes. "Should have gotten her here sooner."
"I've learned it takes a lot to drag Effie to the clinic, don't blame yourself." Larcher joked but, when he saw how worried Haymitch really was, the doctor grew serious again. "Here is what we are going to do so we are one hundred percent sure of the diagnosis: I will have a nurse draw some blood and then we will settle Effie in a private room. It should take a couple of hours for the results to come back. If the test confirms you're pregnant, we will make a more thorough check to make sure everything is going alright. If you're not pregnant, we'll do some more exams."
Effie wrinkled her nose. "We could come back in two hours. There is no need for…"
"Your blood pressure is a bit too high for my taste." Larcher cut her off. "This is obviously a stressful situation for you but… It really would be easier to have you on hand."
"We're hoping to keep this discreet." Haymitch ventured, after clearing his throat.
Larcher nodded his understanding. "Nobody who work here will say anything, it's in the clinic's policy."
And no medical information had ever leaked from the hospital before so Haymitch was inclined to trust him on that point. "Then we're staying."
"Haymitch." Effie hissed in protest, wrapping her arms around her midsection in obvious discomfort. She was doing a little better at the clinic because it had become familiar in the last year but she still was on edge in a medical environment.
"Look…" he sighed. "It's easier than walking back home in the rain and coming back here. It's no good for the shrimp to be wet." He shrugged. "Or we can drop her off at the bakery but the boy's gonna want to know why we have to go back to the hospital."
That argument won her over and she surrendered.
Haymitch paced the length of the room, gently rocking April and humming a lullaby, while the nurse Larcher had sent took some of Effie's blood. His wife kept her eyes shut tight and tried to keep her heart from racing by breathing deep through the nose and out through the mouth. She was making such an obvious effort not to panic that, as soon as the nurse had taken the needle away, Haymitch sat behind her on the examination table, shifting April to his left arm so he could wrap his right one around Effie's waist. She leaned against his chest like a limp doll.
"It's okay, sweetheart." he promised. "You're in Twelve. You're with me. You're safe."
"I know…" she whispered. April stirred, reaching out for her face and Effie gave her a shaky smile. "Mama's fine, darling."
That was a lie if there ever was one but Haymitch pressed a kiss on top of his girls' heads in turn. "Yeah, she is."
He had to stay behind when the nurse ushered her to a room. He couldn't keep still and thus he walked in circles with April in his arms, wondering why clinics and hospitals always had to have white painted walls. They could use some colors, he mused, it would cheer people up. It was such an Effie thing to think that he ended up hiding his smirk in his daughter's neck.
"Your Mama has me a trained monkey now." he snorted.
It was twenty minutes before the same nurse found him and led him to Effie's room. Effie was clearly not happy. They had forced her in a paper gown and into a bed. She had a plastic id tag around her wrist and a scowl on her face. He lifted his eyebrows in question and she glared.
"I told them I would not be here long enough for this to be necessary." she grumbled, nodding at the plastic thing.
"You're gonna be here as long as it takes to figure out what's wrong with you." he retorted.
She pouted but relaxed against the cushion at her back, holding out her hands for the baby. He carefully handed April over and sank on the visitor chair, plucking the blue fish toy from the bag and playfully tossing it at Effie's head.
She wasn't amused.
April, on the other hand, let out a sharp cry as soon as she saw the fish. The following string of sounds their daughter made was pretty clear to him and he watched with a smirk as Effie sighed, picked up the fish and started making it swim in the air in front of the baby.
"I don't think anything is wrong with me, you know." she hummed after a few minutes, dropping the fish to brush April's blond curls back. "And I don't think we need the blood test results either. I have a feeling."
He lifted his eyebrows, not bothering to hide his surprise.
"Yesterday you thought you were throwing up because the eggs were off." he remarked.
She pursed her lips with annoyance. "It was yesterday."
"Sorry, yeah…" he humored her, rolling his eyes. "A lifetime away."
"Should we throw the fish at Papa's head, do you think, my darling?" she asked April.
"April would never throw her fish at my head." he countered, leaning forward to poke the baby in the side. It made her laugh. Effie settled her on her chest and if their daughter wriggled for a little while, it wasn't long before she fell asleep. He grabbed the fish before Effie could make good on her threats and kept his voice low not to disturb the child. "A feeling, yeah?"
Effie's blue eyes met his, a soft smile stretching her lips as she gently brushed her nails up and down the sleeping baby's back. "I cannot really describe it but… I just… I think I know." She gave him a small shrug. "Perhaps it is a mother's instinct."
"Hope so." he sighed.
"Are you hoping for another baby just because you are afraid of me being sick?" she insisted. "Is it why you are so… ready to accept the idea?"
He could see the reluctance in her eyes, how disappointed she would have been if his answer had been yes.
It was a bit more complicated than just a yes or a no though.
"Honestly?" He made a face and ran his fingers in his hair. "I'd take another one over you being sick, yeah. But it's not just that. I meant what I said. I don't mind the idea of a second baby. It's just…"
"It's soon." she agreed.
"Yeah." he shrugged.
April was only four months old and when he let himself think about what it would really mean to have two children so close in age, he felt like having a massive panic attack. It would be almost as bad as having twins. There would be babies crawling everywhere, trying to escape, and he was afraid it would be too much to handle. It would have been easier to deal with if April had been two or three.
But it was what it was and if there was a baby, then, yeah, of course Haymitch was ready to accept it.
He would continue to freak out in private but he would accept it.
"You said we could do it." she reminded him.
"We can." he countered immediately, without letting himself think about it.
"Good, because I want him." she declared.
He opened and closed his mouth, a bit puzzled by what was going on there. The previous day, she had been the one having reservations and he had been the one displaying confidence. And now…
"You think it's a him?" he asked, hoping to distract them from the could they/couldn't they debate. He had a feeling they would have it several times in the next few months.
"I have a feeling." she grinned, placing a hand over her stomach, beneath April's plump leg.
"Seems like you're full of feelings today, sweetheart." he mocked without much heat.
The glare she shot him was mild at best. She had a dreamy look on her face and she was unconsciously rubbing her thumb on her stomach. "I will have spent almost two years pregnant, you realize."
"Like an elephant." he teased. She seemed to regret the absence of stuffed toys to toss for real now. He reached out and clasped her hand, stilling the movement of her thumb. "Princess…" he said cautiously. "We don't know yet. Don't get excited before we know for sure."
"But I do know." she replied with a bright open smile he hadn't seen in years. "Don't you understand? I know."
He snorted dubiously, wondering if they had slipped her something while she wasn't looking because she looked a bit high. Or maybe she was just truly happy and it had been so long since he had seen her that carefree that he couldn't recognize it for what it was. Still, she had been so quick to deny the previous day…
"If you're not…" he ventured, feeling like he was walking on eggshells. "If that's what you want… We can try for another one later."
Assuming she wasn't too seriously ill but… He really didn't want to think about that.
She had been unable to stand the eggs' smell and that was a good enough clue in his book. The fact that if she was pregnant he wouldn't be able to eat eggs for nine more months hit him and he swallowed back a groan. He did like eggs.
"You are being thick on purpose just to annoy me." she accused with a pout, shrugging off his hand to place it on their daughter's back. Her eyes were a bit too bright now and he was startled to realize she was actually fighting tears.
Ah. Mood swings.
He hadn't missed those.
And he was starting to relax because feelings or not, the signs were too obvious to be missed. She wasn't ill. Not when she was acting the way she was.
"Fuck, you're really pregnant…" he breathed out. They had been talking about it since the previous day but it was at that moment that it really hit him. Another baby. Another tiny little thing like April who would be half-him and half-Effie. Another child to protect or die trying. Another child he would love so deeply it scared him to the bones. Another child who would eventually call him Papa. Freaking out had been all well and good but it had never really sunk in what it would really mean. "Oh, fuck…"
Effie was staring at him, apparently torn between being upset and amused. "Are you done?"
Another child with Effie's blue eyes and blond hair.
His gaze fell on April and his heartbeat calmed down because their daughter was so perfect… How could any child of them not be? They were particularly talented at making children.
"They're gonna be safe, yeah?" he asked, his voice a touch too high. "No more Games. No more… It's a nice world to live in now, yeah? Safe?"
She sat up, making sure April wouldn't fall off, clearly worried by the hysteria in his tone. "Haymitch."
"'Cause I'm gonna make sure they're safe. I promise. But…" he continued. "Won't be around forever. And then what? It's a good world now, yeah?"
"Yes." she said firmly. "It is a good world and they will be happy in it. They will be safe. We will make sure they are."
"Alright." he breathed out.
"Alright?" she insisted.
"Yeah." he nodded, outstretching his hand. "Yeah."
She entwined their fingers and give his a squeeze with a small laugh. "Alright."
"I…" he faltered but steeled himself. "I love you."
"I love you too." she whispered, her free hand coming to cradle the back of April's head. "All of you."
The knock on the door was the only warning they got before Larcher came in with a metallic clipboard. It seemed they were a source of endless amusement for the man because he gave them an indulgent smile. "I have the blood test results… You are expecting. Congratulations."
The last part was added with a bit of hesitation, probably because of the way they had reacted the first time around…
This time, though, Haymitch and Effie simply exchanged a long look. She was grinning like a crazy woman – mainly because she had been right, he thought – and he was smirking hard – because she was hot when she was all I-told-you-so. It wasn't really a conscious decision to kiss her hard on the mouth, if only to erase the smug pout from her lips.
Larcher cleared his throat after a few seconds and Haymitch drew back, a little embarrassed.
"Sorry." he muttered.
"Don't be." the doctor dismissed. "I take it… This is good news?"
"We weren't trying." Effie admitted, combing her fingers through April's curls. "But it isn't unwelcomed. Do you know how far along I am?"
"I would guess five or six weeks." Larcher declared.
They exchanged a look, they didn't need to speak to know what the other was thinking. District Four. It figured they would make a baby during their honeymoon.
He picked up April with ease, careful not to wake her up, and suggested he waited outside when Larcher stated he wanted to examine her further before allowing her to go home. He searched Effie's eyes but she nodded her assent so he figured she wasn't too freaked out at the thought of being alone in a hospital room for now.
Their daughter was awake by the time he settled on a plastic chair in the hallway and grumpy about it. He dropped kisses on her cheeks and forehead, propping her up with his hands under her armpits.
"You're gonna be a big sister…" he told her in low voice. "How's that, sweetheart? You're gonna love it."
His thoughts wandered to Hayden and how proud he had felt when his mother had placed the new baby in his arms for the first time… It was a very old memory, so old and fuzzy he wasn't quite sure if it was real or if he had made it up…
His heart clenched at the thought of his baby brother. That wound, he felt, would never stop bleeding. Not really.
"My brother'd have been the best uncle, you know?" he confided in April, holding her close to his chest. "He'd have doted on you, sweetheart. He'd have loved you so much…" He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "It's a special thing to be a big sister, you'll see."
It was a special thing. Such a special thing that it had almost killed him to lose it.
And he would make sure his daughter never had to go through what he had gone through.
At last the answer you were waiting for! There is another one on the way! Let me know your thoughts!
