I just looked over a bunch of my old stories for old time's sake. Man, I was an ideologue back then! When was the last time I tried writing a story to justify Katara's "confusion" at the Ember Island play? Good times, good times. It did make me feel a little down about my story called "Echo Slowly" that I plan to release sometime in the future, which is against everything I stand for. Or stood for, that is. Perhaps once I'm done with my Nanowrimo novel I'll get back into writing high-minded Kataang, aimed at winning hearts and minds. Who's with me?

Samtana: I own Avatar.

Jason: No, Samtana, please. You don't own Avatar. Come on.

Samtana: Yeah? Well, you don't own Avatar! Doesn't feel so good, does it?

Jason: No. No, it doesn't.

Melissa: This isn't part of the script.

Brendon: And cut. Samtana, wow, nice, um, angle. But you know, it would be great for you to stick to the script.

Melissa: Yeah, you're leaving out words. Like, "Don't."

Brendon: You need to say, "I don't own Avatar or Home Movies."

Jason: And, "I'm a throw-up monster!"

Brendon: Jason, that's not in the script.

Jason: I know, but it should be.

Appa's Confession

"Hello everyone. My name is Appa, and I'm an alcoholic."

"Hello, Appa," said everyone in a low drone, like they were answering an obvious question all at the same time.

"But the good news is that I've been dry for three weeks now," Appa continued. "It's the longest yet since I was frozen in that iceberg for a hundred years, which doesn't really count because I couldn't move."

Everyone clapped, slowly, softly, and deliberately. At least the instructor seemed to be showing enthusiasm, sitting straight and smiling wide. "We are all very proud of you, Appa, aren't we?" She turned to the rest of the group. Everyone mumbled.

"I was out of control for so long," said Appa. "I was so hammered I couldn't even fly straight most of the time. And I was always broke, since I had to buy a ton of booze to get myself drunk. I mean, literally, a ton of booze. I'm a big dude."

The instructor gave a good-natured, hearty laugh; the rest of the group snickered the way they would if they were talking about him behind his back.

Appa didn't notice the lack of energy in the room, lost in his world of recollections. "It was so embarrassing when I met Aang's friends. During the whole journey to defeat the Fire Lord I was so smashed I couldn't even say anything. I could only sort of growl, like this." He demonstrated. "I'll bet Sokka, Katara, and Toph don't even know I can talk.

"Even when I was captured by the Dai Li I couldn't stop drinking. Long Feng would come to my cell, hobbling, his hair out of place and Ju Dee-colored lipstick all over his cheeks, holding a bottle of whisky by the neck. We'd share it, and if he didn't give me more I'd growl at him, and he was usually too wasted to refuse." Appa closed his eyes in shame. "I was such a beast then."

"But now you're dry," encouraged the instructor, ever smiling, ever cheerful. "Can you tell us about how that happened?"

"Of course," said Appa. "Once Aang defeated the Fire Lord everyone seemed so happy, but I was still the same drunkard I always was. I wanted to make a difference in the world like Aang had, so I sobered up and helped rebuild buildings that had been ruined. It was such a wonderful feeling, to be useful, you know?"

"My, aren't you resourceful, Appa," laughed the instructor.

"Well, I am a ten-ton flying bison, after all."

With that the room erupted into a startled panic. People who had been slouching in their chairs bolted upright, some falling backwards from the sudden motion. They all stared at him as if for the first time, as if he was hideous. Even the instructor was shocked, pushing herself into the back of the seat, her feet pushing her away.

"Wow, he is a bison!" said one of the others with a mixture of awe and fright.

"I never noticed before!"

"That's why he had such a hard time fitting into the building!"

The instructor regained her composure and grabbed a broom from the closet, pointing the straw end into Appa's face. "No animals allowed at the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting! Now shoo! Shoo!"

Appa chomped off the straw end of the broom. "You're going to have to do better than that, bub," he chewed.


I guess they were all just too drunk to notice.

Soon, my dear reviewers, it will be time for winter vacation, and I will be able to donate a portion of my brain to working out the 5 zillion fan fiction projects whirring in my brain. Like another chapter of "We'll Meet Again" and another chapter for my "Bag of Chips." Then keep your eyes open for a Tokka about Toph showing affection as well as a Kataang about the all day echo chamber (again).

Someone: [yawns]

Samtana: I heard that, Mai!

Aang: No, sorry, that was me. [falls asleep sucking his thumb]

Mai: [already asleep]

Samtana: [pulls out face paints and evil grin as he descends on them] It's going to be a happy new year!

-samtana