I was so nervous about posting the last chapter. It was a big one for me personally as I've spent ages pondering how Erin would get past her grief and when and how Erin would finally (because to me Erin had to be the one to say it first) tell Jay she loved him. I wrote and discarded several different scenes and finally settled on the hospital scene. When the reviews and messages started coming in I felt an overwhelming sense of relief (I was sure no one would like it) and gratitude.

It's seems silly that a little piece of nonsense fanfic could have such a big piece of my heart, but it does and to hear that other people are connecting with it too fills me up in ways I didn't know I needed filling. I've said it before but I believe it can't be said enough, Thank you all so much for your support and feedback. It amazes me that so many of you take the time to review each chapter or send me a note. You all make my day and energize me. Special thank you's to my girls who listen to me ramble, preview scenes, hash out plot lines, dissect the shows and just generally deal with my crazy obsessiveness.

PS charmita: there is so so much more to come, I'm not sure I could stop if I tried!

She'd come to him.

Finally.

It had been painful, torture even, to lay there holding her trembling body while she finally released everything she'd bottled up. But he wouldn't have traded places with anyone in that moment. Eventually her shuttered breaths had evened out and she fell asleep with her braced arm wrapped tight around him, her good hand fisting his tshirt.

Jay lay there in her darkened hospital room for a long time running through the events of the last few days.

She'd finally said the words. Erin Lindsay admitted out loud she love him. He'd felt like a giddy school girl when it sunk in.

He'd been completely caught off guard. He'd wanted to tell her a dozen times how much he loved her but knew the admission would send her running in the opposite direction. Her simple statement reassured him she really did mean all the other things she said and that she was finally read to be truly vulnerable with him. He had confidence now she'd work hard to keep her promises.

His mind kept circling back around to the little girl in the picture and the birthday card addressed to Erin from Shelby. Were they connected? Was Shelby the little brown haired child next to the tiny version of Erin? And if so what did that mean? Or was Shelby someone Erin knew more recently? A victim she'd helped but lost? He knew how fully Erin threw herself into her job. She gave so much of herself, especially when kids were involved. Had she become attached to and then somehow lost someone she was trying to help?

Once he'd exhausted every scenario he could think of, he proceeded to beat himself up for even looking in the box in the first place. He'd crossed a line, he knew, and coming clean to her wouldn't be easy. He didn't know how she'd take it but he knew he couldn't keep it a secret from her.

He'd left her early this morning, promising he'd be back as soon as he could get away, to go home and get ready for work. He could still feel her sleepy kisses on his lips.

"Halstead!" Jay's head snapped from the window behind Erin's desk back towards Mouse's desk and the direction his name had been barked from. "If you're gonna sit there dreaming about throwing pebbles at windows all day..."

"I'm here, we're good. I called Judge Warren's office, his clerk said he'd get back to me in fifteen, judge was just about to take a recess," Jay replied to Voight's accusation, and focused back on the case they'd been working all morning.

"And the dealership?" Voight barked.

"Spoke with them, they agreed to cooperate and a uniform is picking up the surveillance tapes now," Jay confirmed. He caught Ruzek and Atwater making faces at him and glared back. This wasn't high school. They needed to mind their own damn business.

Voight grunted and turned back to Mouse giving him instructions for when the tapes arrived then he stalked towards his office, shutting his door with a little too much force. Jay cringed. He needed to stay focused. They were running short and backed up. Last thing he needed to do was piss off Voight and screw things up for him and Erin after all the allowances Voight had just given them.

Al's hand clasped Jay's shoulder from behind. "Hey kid don't sweat it. Come on. Check out this tow truck driver with me and we'll drop some lunch off to Lindsay on the way back."

Jay nodded appreciatively and pushed out of his chair, following Al down to his car. "Tell Pebbles we said hi, Bambam," Ruzek called out as Jay walked past.

Atwater snickered. "I loved that cartoon man, vintage."

"You mean old," Ruzek laughed.

"Nah man vintage, like O."

"Ha ha ha so funny," Jay bit out sarcastically and picked a pen off Atwater's desk to lob at Adam. Then Al 'accidentally' knocked all the files off Atwater's desk.

"Hey man, not cool," Kevin called after Jay and Al. Jay ignored him, shuffling quickly down the stairs.

Their stop in to see Erin had been brief but she'd looked better today. She was sitting in the chair Jay had occupied the last several days, dressed in the sweats and a tshirt he'd packed for her and his favourite black hoodie. He must have forgotten it there this morning in his dash to get home and then to work on time. She had her casted leg propped up in front of her. She and Maggie were talking in hushed giggles and when Jay walked in they'd taken one look at him and burst out laughing, a bright blush colouring Erin's cheeks. God she was beautiful... and he wanted to strangle her. What was she saying about him?

"I need to get back but call down if you need anything sweetie, Maggie said getting up to leave. "See you later freckles," she winked at Jay as she past him. Jay's face paled and a guilty faced Erin pretended to be interested in the frayed arm of her chair.

"What stories exactly did Will tell you?" Jay asked his voice breaking as he spoke.

"Is that my lunch?" Erin asked Al enthusiastically, pretending she hadn't hear Jay.

Al chuckled and walked over to her. "Yeah it is. We checked in and the doc said you could try some solids today but nothing to heavy. We figured a sandwich from J.P's would go down nice?"

"Oh my god! Are you serious?" Erin shrieked enthusiastically.

Al chuckled again. "Jay made me drive twelve blocks out of my way for that. But that look on your face was totally worth it," he said, placing the bag on the table beside her.

"Thank you," she smiled up at them both. Jay paused from his glaring long enough to acknowledge her gratitude.

"We can't stay kid, lots going on today. You need anything else?" Al asked.

Erin shook her head "No this is great. Thank you," she said, her head buried in the paper bag trying to dig out her lunch.

"Ok I'll see you later. Meet you in the car Jay," Al said, giving Jay a minute alone with Erin.

He still stood above her glaring. "Freckles?" He asked accusingly.

Erin shrugged and gave him her best puppy dog eyes. "I love your freckles," she mused.

Jay licked his lips contemplating his response but he couldn't stay annoyed when she looked at him like that and used the word love in a sentence referring to him. Besides, he didn't have time to play games right now, as much as he wanted to. He sighed then bent to kiss her. "You will tell me what Will said to you," Jay warned playfully.

"Or what?" Erin sasses back.

Jay raised his eyebrows repeatedly implying there'd be 'consequences' and Erin laughed. She might actually enjoy Jay trying to fish this information out of her. His phone buzzed and he quickly kissed her again before saying his goodbyes.

"Halstead," she heard him say into the phone as he left the room.

/

It was almost nine at night when he finally made his way up to Erin's room. Voight hadn't been kidding about things being busy. They'd got slammed right after Erin's accident and really couldn't afford to be down one detective let alone two. He'd texted her earlier to make sure someone was getting her some real food, happy to hear back that a couple of her girlfriends had popped by to hang out with her. He hoped they had already left. It had been a long day and he still needed to talk to her about the memory box. He knew as soon as they walked into the apartment she'd know he looked and he wanted to get out ahead of that. He needed to make sure she knew he was coming clean because he wanted to not because he had to.

No suck luck. He came in her room to see the girls sitting drinking coffee and talking a mile a minute, well all but Erin. She looked content but tired and was still in the chair, huddled under his hoodie that she'd been in when he popped by at lunch. She smiles brightly and moved to stand when she saw him.

"Jay," she said cheerfully.

"Don't get up," he insisted coming to her aid.

"No, I need to use the bathroom and then I think I'll go to bed," she said slipping her arms around him for a quick hug.

"Well that's our cue ladies," Maddy, the most outspoken of the group announced. The girls began gathering their things, saying both hello and goodbye to Jay before giving Erin a hug and heading out. All but Kaitlin. She blushed shyly up at Jay before ducking her head and nervously mumbling her goodbyes to Erin. Erin watched her depart with a smile on her face.

"She still has a crush on you, you know." She said cheekily.

"Don't," Jay laughed.

"She's single again, still not your type?" Erin poked.

Jay gave her a cocky smile, "someone else caught my attention."

"Oh? Anyone I know?" She giggled.

Jay didn't answer, just bent to kiss her. Like always things heated quickly and the sweet greeting turned heated. Erin's hands splayed against his chest and he placed his hands on her hips. He itched to let them explore but knew she was still covered in tender bruises and even if they were home there'd be no way things could go further. Erin gently pushed against him and Jay immediately broke the kiss.

"What's wrong?" He looked her over concerned.

She smiled shyly. "Nothing I just really need to pee," she giggled. Jay let out a little chuckle and lent her an arm to help her walk. She changed while in the bathroom, a process all its own with a cast, an arm brace and a belly full of stitches, and then Jay helped her into bed. They talked about their days, Erin delivering the news that she'd be going home in two days max, and Jay filling her in on cases and district gossip. An hour had past in pleasant conversation when Jay decided to stop stalling and man up.

A hesitant look came across Jay's face. He opened his mouth to speak then seemed to reconsider. The sudden change in his mood confused Erin.

"What Jay?" She asked.

He shifted in his chair and blew out a breath.

"Whatever it is just say it," Erin encouraged.

His eyes softened. He sat up and touched her cheek. But still he said nothing. His behaviour was starting to freak her out. And he couldn't seem to put his thoughts into words. She could usually read him like a book but she wasn't sure what was going on in his head right now.

"Tell me Jay," She demanded, dread filling her.

He closed his eyes. "Yesterday when I went to your place to get your stuff," he began. "I saw something when I went to your apartment. I tidied up the living room and I didn't mean to snoop but... It was there on the coffee table and... You'd been so distant and obviously upset. I was worried. And, I know I shouldn't have but..."

The box. She'd left the box laying out. She'd forgotten about that when she's coaxed Jay into leaving yesterday to rest under the guise of bringing her some pyjamas and personal things. Erin closed her eyes to calm her racing heart but a sense of betrayal washed over her.

"You had no right to look," she said in a harsh whisper.

"I know. I agree. I've just been so worried about you. You pulled away when you promised to come to me. I didn't know what was going on with you," he reasoned.

Erin's mind raced... What had he seen? She frantically recalled the contents of the box.

Pictures of Camille and Nadia.

Okay. He knew the story there.

Pictures of Karen.

She could live with that. They'd talked about her.

Then her mind came to the book, had he opened it? Did he see what it hid? Fear and betrayal rose up. How could he do that? She trusted him and he went snooping through her things.

"Erin I'm sorry," Jay began. "I know your upset but..."

"Get out," she demanded.

"What?" He said, shocked. He'd been expecting anger but not this.

"Just go," her words were strained.

"Erin come on, I know I shouldn't have looked I agree but, what would you have done in my shoes?" He countered.

"Please. I'm tired. I don't want to talk about this right now. Just go. Get some sleep." She said more as a plea.

They stared at each other each trying to make the other back down. He knew she had a right to be upset but he couldn't bring himself to walk out, he'd rather she yell at him and they hash it out.

His work phone buzzed and reluctantly he broke the staring match to check. Erin turned and glared at the wall.

"Shit," he muttered. "We caught a case I have to go."

Erin wanted to ignore him, God knows she was upset with him right now. But she knew first hand what he could be walking into when he left and she couldn't let him walk out without any acknowledgement.

"Ok," she said turning to look at him.

"Erin I really am sorry. I wasn't trying to be a snoop." He tried one last time.

She just nodded. "You need to go," she offered quietly.

Jay sighed in defeat but bent to kiss her despite the distance she put between them. She kissed him back but he suspected it was more out of habit than love.

"Get some rest," he said, then headed out.

In the hours that passed after he left Erin obsessed over the ramifications of Jay going through her memory box. Had he seen the book and pictures? If he had she knew he'd want answers. Could she tell him? She trusted him yes, but with this? Even Hank had no clue. She'd kept her word and never breathed a word of it to anyone.

You're not six anymore Erin. And you're a cop. He can't hurt you. The voice in her head tried to reassure her.

Shortly after midnight regret set in. She'd been too harsh with Jay. He was right, if it had been her in his shoes she'd probably have looked too. She'd given him every reason to be concerned and her apartment must have been quite the sight to walk into.

She picked up her phone and sent Jay a quick text.

I'M SORRY I OVERREACTED. PLEASE BE SAFE TONIGHT.

Ten minutes later his response came.

ITS OKAY. I'M SORRY TOO. ALL IS GOOD HERE, NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. GET SOME SLEEP. WE'LL TALK SOON

Despite his reassurance sleep wouldn't come for Erin. She felt guilty for her outburst but mostly she felt anxious. Come daylight she'd have to tell Jay her deepest secret. How would he react once he knew?