The clanking of metallic feet cross the barren landscape of the USSA. Alex Jones has been on the hunt for Obama for several months. He's had literally no success so far, but he still has high enthusiasm. Every once in a while he will see a frog.

"FROGS MUST BE PROTECTED FROM GLOBALIST SCUM" Thought Alex loudly in his head and through his mouth. He picks up the frog and adds it to his collection which he calls the Young Frogs Christian Association. No gay acts would be committed at such a place, Alex knew. There were 76 frogs there now, and they were having a nice time.

"WHERE ARE YOU OBAMA!"

Obama did not answer.

It has been like this since August.

Alex Jones marches on, as he is part machine, he does not require rest or sleep, he feeds on pure malice towards the remaining globalists.

"I'M AN EXPLORER" He says after reaching a new area to look for Obama.

He reached a lonely intersection, with only a single IHob restaurant. Alex Jones was feeling hungry. Not in his stomach, for he physically cannot hunger, but in his mind, for he was mentally craving Borger.

Alex opens the doors.

Inside the restaurant, several figures were gathered around a hole that was dug into the middle of the restaurant. A large casket was descending into it. A robed priest was chanting complete gibberish as he lowered the casket with his magic.

"Would anyone like to give a few words for this man, before I complete the ceremony?" The priest asked.

"I will," A man stepped forward. IT WAS OBAMA!

"My friend Beter," Obama began, "Was someone I had known since the beginning. They were simpler times. I had only recently come into being, well, in sort. Beter emerging from the aether was one of my earliest memories, you see. I will never forget the first words he ever spoke to me…"

Obama's flashback drags everyone in the room to a scene. The universe is still young. The Four Aspects of Obama had not yet merged, and a fully formed Beter Griffin emerged into the plane.

"Holy Crap, your President Obama! I haven't been this starstruck since the supernova!"

"Yes we are, and we have something important to tell you."

"What is it?"

"You are at your beginning, and your end. But this has not come to pass yet. And will not either. Do you understand?"

"I dont Obama, what do you mean? Heheheheh."

"Your body is broken Beter, it is not apparent to you yet, but we exist outside of time. When the time comes, you will be ready."

Obamas hand Beter a skull.

"When the time arises, Beter, you must use this. It will give you powers as we have, and it will awaken what has slumbered."

"Holy brap! This is more existential than the time I fought God!"

"Beter, remember this gift. We will be waiting"

The scene returns to normal, but Alex is still disoriented. The priest procurers an object from his boot-hat.

"I believe this is the object that you needed." He says to Obama, "He had given it to me some time ago. For safekeeping."

"Father Supreme," Obama said, "Could you, uhhhhh, cast it into the casket"

The priest complies, and the skull lands next to Beter's head. Suddenly, the two begin to merge.

Alex Jones snaps back to reality. "WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING!"

Ron Paul draws his Katana, "We have a visitor."

"It is known," replied father Supreme, who began drawing a magic circle.

"Alex Jones!" Jeb! Screamed, "I thought Marco killed you!"

"FOOLISH GLOBALIST. I HAVE ONLY BECOME STRONGER! BEHOLD MY TRUE STRENGTH!" Alex Jones flips a table at Jeb!, hitting him square in the face.

Ron Paul charged at Jones with his Katana, but the man grabbed it with his arms.

"THAT IS NOT AMERICAN STEEL!" Jones screams as he snaps the blade in two.

Ron Paul draws a second, smaller katana, and hits Jones in the face with the hilt. The metallic man only smirks as he kicks Ron in the chest.

Father Supreme draws a circle in the air, and a firebolt emerges from it. Alex Jones punches it away with his fist. Supreme looks to the ceiling and lowers his hands. Suddenly the roof collapses and falls on Alex Jones.

"That won't hold him for long," Vermin Supreme told the others.

"Damn, he's strong," Ron Paul said, clenching his chest.

"Obama, do you have a plan?" Jeb! Winced.

"Probably" Obama said definitely.

Alex emerged from the rubble, even more enraged. He stepped towards the hole, but Obama blocked his path.

"YOU CANT HANDLE ME OBAMA! I HAVE THE STRENGTH OF A MILLION HUMANS! YOU CANNOT EVEN COMPREHEND THE STRENGTH I HAVE! THE POWERS OF THE MULTIVERSE CANNOT COMPARE TO MY RAW MASCULINE ENERGY!"

Obama took out a gun and shot him.

"YOU THINK BULLETS CAN STOP ME?"

"H"

But that was not Obama who said H.

Ron Paul smiled smugly, "Alex Jones, you underestimate Obama's ability, Hope"

Alex Jones, who had said H, looked bloodied, "What are you blabbering about AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH PAIN"

"You see," Ron Paul said expositorily, "The power of Hope gives every action Obama does a non-zero chance of succeeding, no matter how impossible or unlikely it would seem. A normal bullet could not hit you, but Obama's can."

Enraged, Alex smacked Ron Paul's face, knocking him unconscious. "WELL ITS GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE THAN ONE BULLET! I HAVE RED HOT MASCULIN BLOOD POURING THROUGH ALL MY VEINS! AND I KEEP MAKING MORE OF IT! ONE HOLE IN MY ARMOR CANNOT PROTECT YOU!" Alex Jones turned towards Obama, who only had the one bullet.

Obama took out his fist and punched at Alex, but Alex grabbed his arm. Smiling, he twisted Obama's entire arm, until it popped off. Obama ScReamed.

While Jones was occupied, Father Supreme shot an ice spear in Alex Jones's bullet hole, but his red hot American blood melted it almost immediately on contact.

Alex Jones lifted the owner, who had been hiding behind the counter this entire time, and threw them at Father Supreme, knocking him to the ground. He turned back to Obama.

"TIME TO FINISH THIS" He lifted his foot to step on Obama, but not in the good way.

Then, blue light emerged from the whole in the ground, and a figure emerged.

"WHAT IN THE-" But Alex Jones was cut off by the sound of familiar music.

The figure looked like Beter, but was glowing white, with a blue flame emerging from his left eye.

"Holy crap Obama, I'm Sans"

"THIS IS ABSURD! ITS A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU! THERE'S NO WAY THIS IS HAPPENING"

The being turned towards Alex, "You're gonna have a bad time"

Light emerged from the figure, encapsulating Alex Jones until he was no more.