Chapter Fifty-Two
No Expectations


July 30th, 1976

He was not gentle with her like he had been during their first kiss—either time—in the secret passage. Nor was he passionate and smug like he had been when he cornered her after Remus's birthday party, taking her pleasure and claiming it for his own.

This was anger. This was untamed. This was Sirius taking what he wanted for himself.

He gripped her jaw tightly, and Mia let out a squeak but allowed it as he pried her lips open with his tongue. Despite the pain she felt through the ferocity with which he kissed her—bruising, scraping, biting at her lips—she was breathless and lost in him. She was desperate to moan his name, but he refused to relinquish control enough to part from her mouth even for a second. She wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair, needy for him, and he mimicked her actions. When she pulled away slightly, his fingers gripped her hair and held her firmly against him. She felt him growl against her and could not help but echo the sound, tugging at his raven locks in a struggle for dominance.

As on nights of the full moon, the little fox and the black dog would battle. They would struggle against one another, chasing and tumbling in a constant blur of black and red, one rolling over the other. The fox would bite the dog, nipping at his paws and legs.

Mia bit Sirius, her teeth scraping against his bottom lip.

The dog would use his size and strength against the fox, pinning her down beneath him.

Sirius gripped Mia's hips tightly, flipping her over and pinning her firmly beneath him, against the mattress of his bed.

Their monthly animalistic game of dominance was an amusing way to pass the time, but they were not a fox and dog right now. They were a witch and a wizard, and the wizard was asserting his dominance over the witch writhing beneath him. As though he had not the ability to control anything else in his life, he would control this moment.

When Sirius finally broke their kiss, Mia gasped loudly, but he did not pay attention as he moved his mouth elsewhere, latching his lips and teeth to the side of her neck where he bit down hard, causing her to whimper in both pain and pleasure, finding bliss in the razor sharp line between the two. Though she rarely thought about one when she was with the other—in any sense—Mia could not help but wonder if adjusting to Remus's sexual aggression had not prepared her in some way to deal with Sirius's.

He sucked hard on the skin of her neck, likely marking her. When his rough hands—callused from years of playing Quidditch—reached for her thighs, she moaned at his touch and adjusted her body so she could reach for her wand that she had dropped on the bedspread a foot away. Waving the vinewood at the door, she reinforced her Silencing Spell and added an incredibly strong Locking Charm—just in time, as Sirius's hand slipped between her legs, and she let out a loud cry of shock at the way he was taking command in the moment.

His hair hung like a beautiful curtain in front of his eyes.

Instead of touching her like he had done in the hallway of Hogwarts, Sirius removed his hand and put it on her hip, pulling her down the length of the mattress until he was kneeling between her thighs, nothing separated them but a few layers of fabric.

She trembled with pleasure as he showed what he could do to her without the boundaries of clothing. His fingers dug into the skin of her hips and thighs as he moved above her, grinding their bodies together, and growling low and deep.

Something inside of her coiled tightly, building a familiar pressure. She reached up, running her fingers along his scalp and threading them through the black silk of his hair.

Suddenly, the noises he made stopped, save for the sound of heavy panting. The movements he made stopped, save for the way his shoulders shook.

"Sirius?" she whispered, worried when she felt wetness against the skin of her stomach. She brushed back the hair from his face and adjusted her body to sit up at an angle where she could tilt his chin toward her.

When his eyes finally looked up into hers, their silvery grey depths were wet, and she saw something she had never seen before: the exposed soul of Sirius Black.

The moment was fragile and fleeting, and she knew it, so before he had a chance to build the walls back up around him, she leant forward and kissed him soundly. Lacking the lust-fueled intensity from moments earlier, Mia put every bit of sincerity and need into the way she kissed him now. He did not move at first, and she opened her eyes to gaze up at him, watching as he looked to be struggling with the decision to let her in or not.

She realised he was afraid.

"Am I safe with you?" she asked, knowing that he needed to feel like he was in control. As if he—not she—was the protector.

Her words seemed to snap him out of his dark thoughts. As if he were seeing her for the first time that night, he sighed and touched his forehead against hers before giving her a slow, chaste kiss on the lips.

Pulling away, he cupped her cheek and sighed, his gaze wary but honest. "I don't know."

She ran one hand through his hair while the other tenderly dragged over the skin at the back of his neck. "Tell me."

"I was almost a . . . a Death Eater." Sirius swallowed after he let the words tumble out, looking pained just by saying them. He shook his head, the tears beginning to return. "They tried to mark me, Mia. Why would they even try if I wasn't already somehow—?"

"No," Mia interrupted, tears prickling at the corners of her own eyes. "You are good, Sirius Black. You are good, and kind, and brave, and . . . Merlin, so brave. They didn't try to take you because they thought you belonged; they tried to take you because you didn't. The first Black to ever be a Gryffindor. You are all red and gold. You are rare and, therefore, priceless."

A thought occurred to her, and she smiled, reaching one hand over to the other, she unclasped the bracelet around her wrist—having long ago figured out how to undo the Locking Charm that the older Sirius had put on it. Slowly, she removed the goblin-made heirloom from her skin, smiled, and reached for Sirius's hand. She placed the bracelet around his wrist. "Courage and craft. You have new House words, Sirius."

"You're too good for me." Sirius frowned as he looked into her eyes, not even glancing at the gift she had just given him as he ran gentle fingers against her cheeks, jaw, and the line of her neck.

She smirked up at him. "I said you were precious, not perfect."

Though he did not return her expression, she saw a brief glimpse of amusement in his eyes. As the moment faded, however, she began to see it again: fear. The walls were going back up. He had exposed too much, showed too much weakness to her, and that left him vulnerable and open to hurt.

"I need you," she whispered before he had a chance to lock her out completely.

Caught off-guard by the statement, Sirius's wet eyes widened. "Mia, nothing's changed. I'm still—"

"Mine. You're the end, Sirius," Mia cut him off. "However, I'm nothing if not logical and practical. I don't expect epic love stories where I'm some pure princess locked in a tower, and you're the charming prince come to save me." She pushed a fallen lock of hair from his face so his eyes remained unobstructed from her view. "We're both Gryffindors who fought a little too hard to stay out of Slytherin, which means we are not perfect. I am anything but pure, and while you are charming," she began, chuckling when his expression briefly turned smug, "I don't expect you to come riding in on a white horse."

"Black horse?" he suggested with a softened smirk.

"Maybe one day. When we're older and smarter and this war is over. For now, we live in a shitty world filled with Dark Magic and Death Eaters, and I'm struggling to find any good reason to not have my fill of you now because we'll only be this age together for such a short time."

She fought back the burning anxiety in her chest. It already felt like time was running out for them. She gently scratched her nails against the front of his worn t-shirt. "I've already lived a life full of regrets based on overthinking things. I want to live in the moment, this moment. I have no expectations, Sirius, not tonight, but haven't we waited long enough?"

"I need you," he finally blurted out, echoing her pleading from earlier.

The sincerity in his tone was almost painful to hear. It stirred something inside of her that brought relief at the same time that it rekindled the fire in her belly.

Suddenly, he was kissing her again—jump-starting some needy, burning fire of desire and desperation. She dug her fingers into the taut muscles of his back, terrified that he would vanish into thin air if she dared to ease up on her grip. He began sliding his mouth over her jaw and back to the skin of her neck, and Mia gasped as she began to think that spontaneous human combustion was a very real possibility.

When his fingers touched over the buttons of her nightdress, Mia squeezed her eyes tight, trying to find a steady way to breathe rather than gasping for air. One by one, he pulled at each button, delicately, teasingly, and she wondered if he was doing it on purpose to torture her—all of her dreams of this moment had him tearing at her clothes. In reality, he took his time, pulling away the fabric and leaving an open-mouthed kiss on every inch of skin he revealed as he went down. She felt like she was drowning in the sensations, caught in a riptide of pleasurable anticipation that was dragging her under.

"Sirius, just . . . Just rip it off."

His chest rumbled in response to her plea, a throaty chuckle escaping his lips as he ignored her, reaching the fifth button of her night dress that sat at the very bottom of her sternum. He kissed his way down the valley between her breasts but refused to pull the fabric away from either side. She expected him to be greedy in devouring her the way she wanted to devour him, but instead, he was savouring every last excruciating nip of flesh.

When he reached her navel, his movements stopped, and he looked up at her with a hunger that dissolved her completely. Swiftly, he moved upward, crushing his lips against hers in a devastating kiss, seeking her tongue with his own, and groaning against her when he found it.

Frantically, Mia gripped at his back, reaching for the hem of his shirt and tugged it upward.

Sirius laughed softly at her frustrated need to undress him before granting her silent request by breaking their kiss and parting with the shirt. He dove in to capture her mouth once more, but she held him back with the palms of her hands flat against his chest. He let out a soft whining noise, but Mia shook her head.

"No," she said on a heavy breath. "I need . . . I need to look at you." She traced her fingers over the lines along his body, savouring each and every dip and crease. A whimpering moan escaped her throat as she looked down at the way his pyjama pants hung low on his hips; the line of muscle that disappeared beneath the fabric looked like it was begging to be licked.

Sirius grinned down at her. "See something you like?"

To answer his question, she tugged her hands around his neck, pulling him back down in a kiss, crying out when she felt his hands finally press past the open fabric of her nightdress.

"Sirius . . . please. . ."

"Patience, kitten. I need to memorise every exquisite moment of this."

Mia growled. "Sirius, I need you inside of me, right now!"

He closed his eyes as he granted her request, looking like he was fighting to focus.

"What are you thinking of?" she asked him with a grin.

"For the love of Merlin," he said on a ragged breath, firmly gripping her hips and stilling her movements. "You need to stop." He was not proud of many aspects of his less than proper reputation, but one thing he did pride himself on was the fact that he had always been able to satisfy a witch before he ever lost control of himself. Mia was testing his resolve in the worst—and best—ways possible.

He took in slow, deep breaths to calm himself, but was unable to concentrate as he felt Mia's knees bending around him. Her toes tucked into the waist of his bottoms, and she was tugging them down. He glanced at her and almost glared at the smug, victorious look on her face. She was pushing him, trying to dominate the situation, and he would have none of it.

Sirius continued to let her tug at his clothing, exposing him to the warm air of the bedroom, but before he allowed her to see him in all his glory, he leant forward, pushing her nightdress up around her waist to reveal black knickers. The sight of the colour caused the Animagus in him to growl with pleasure as though she had his very name tattooed on her skin.

Mia whimpered. "Want you."

"Need you." He groaned loudly, pressing his face into the crevice of her neck as she dug her fingernails into his shoulders.

He wound him tighter and tighter, a familiar building pressure that burned hot and felt icy cold at the same time. He kissed along her throat before lifting up and pressing against her forehead, letting her eyes focus on his face. He rode a dangerous line between pain and pleasure, but he still held back, not wanting to hurt her.

As the coil inside of him wound tighter and tighter, he could also feel something pull at his chest. A piece of his magic tugged hard, almost violently until he was physically pulled down. His eyes widened, and he stared into hers, realising by the way her back arched at the same time that she must have felt it too. The thread of magic twisted tight, and if he closed his eyes he could almost see it, feeling it twist into something stronger.

"Sirius . . ."

"Look at me," he pleaded with her, stars bursting behind his eyelids as he collapsed against her.

They stayed like that for several minutes, coming down from the high. Sirius's forehead rested against hers; they were both breathing hard and heavy, breath mingling. He leant forward, kissing her softly, not having the proper words to tell her how he felt, considering the blood had yet to return to his brain.

He pulled himself off of her, settling next to her on the mattress, which now felt cool against his burning skin. He draped an arm over her waist, tugging her until her sweat-soaked back was flush against his chest. He buried his face in her tangled mane of brown curls and breathed her in before placing gentle kisses on her bare shoulders, laughing lightly when he realised her half-opened nightdress was still bunched around her hips.

"Lift up," Sirius whispered, sitting up and nudging at her hips. Mia complied silently, allowing him to completely disrobe her; it all felt a bit silly, after the fact.

He pulled the fabric away from her pelvis and down her thighs, tossing it to the floor in the direction he assumed her knickers had been thrown in the heat of passion. As he moved his way back up the bed, he placed tender kisses along her body. Her ankle, her calf, a spot just behind her knee where he lingered a little longer, her thigh and the beautiful curve of her hip, where he paused to leave a tingling bite. He placed his hand against her stomach as he pulled himself up the side of her body, grinning and kissing every inch of her with reverence. Despite taking as much time as he possibly could before succumbing, in the blurry vision of lust, Sirius felt he had not had proper opportunity to worship her.

His lips kissed along the dip of her waist but stopped when the smooth flesh changed in texture. Sirius opened his eyes and looked down. Narrowing his focus, he ran the pad of his thumb upward along a thin, but very deep, scar that ran the length of her ribs—a scar he had never seen before.

"Give me your wand."

"I already cast a Contraceptive Charm," Mia muttered sleepily.

"Mia, give me your wand," he demanded again.

"What for?" She sat up, handing him the wand.

Before he had a chance to answer her question, he illuminated the room. Holding the wand over her body, he felt his stomach roll at the sight he was met with. "Mia, what the fuck is this?"

Shit, she thought as she looked down at the deep purple scar she had all but forgotten about.

In the insanity surrounding Sirius's attack, Mia had not even realised the month and year. Madam Pomfrey had warned her, years earlier after taking the De-Ageing Potion, that when she reached the age she previously acquired them, her scars would resurface. The long purple line dissecting her ribs was just the first of many. Dolohov's curse that she had taken in the Department of Mysteries at the end of her fifth year had left behind the nasty mark. Unfortunately, it could not be glamoured due to its dark nature, which left her in an awful situation as Sirius stared down at it with his wide eyes.

"Mia! What is this?"

"A scar."

"No shit. This isn't just any scar. This is Dark Magic. When the hell were you cursed? Who touched you?" He looked wrathful, though Mia knew it was not aimed at her.

"I can't tell you," she muttered, and her heart broke when she saw his walls go back up. She winced in frustration. "Sirius, wait! You need . . . You need to learn Occlumency."

"You need to tell me the truth. Someone hurt you!"

"I'm fine. I promise you, Sirius, I am fine. I know what you're thinking. You didn't fail to protect me."

It was me who failed to protect you, she thought as memories from that particular battle resurfaced. Fighting alongside Harry, being separated from the others as Death Eaters chased them from room to room in the Department of Mysteries. She had been knocked unconscious by the curse only to wake up days later with Future Remus sitting by her bedside, eyes rimmed in red as he held her hand and told her that Sirius was dead.

His hands still held on to her body as if he were afraid to let her go. "Why are you keeping this secret?"

"Because I have to." She felt tears pricking her eyes once again. "One day, I'll tell you everything, I promise you. I'm not hiding anything to hurt you, I swear on my magic. I'm doing it to keep you—"

"Don't say safe," Sirius snapped and finally let go of her as he sat back on the bed. "It is not your job to keep me safe! It's my job to keep you safe!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm the dangerous one! Tell me the truth, please. I need to know . . . Did this, whatever this is, happen because of a Death Eater?"

"Yes. But I am fine, and he is dead. One day soon, I can explain it all to you. To you, James, and Remus," she lied. James would never, could never, know the truth about any of this.

"Fuck. A Death Eater cursed you . . ." Sirius put his head in his hands for several long moments before turning and looking up at her. "Was it because of me?"

She hesitated one second too long, and his eyes widened.

"Fuck!" He stood up from the bed and began to dress himself.

"No!" she shouted, but it was far too late. "You don't understand. It's complicated!"

It was complicated. Though, not at all to blame, Sirius Black was the underlying reason she had been cursed. It had been the fake image of Sirius being tortured that had led Harry to the Department of Mysteries to face Death Eaters. Hermione had gone along for the ride, never able to let Harry run into trouble on his own. It was Harry's need to rescue his godfather that brought them to the Ministry.

"You asked me earlier if you're safe with me. You're not." Sirius frantically put his clothes back on. "Mia, I need you safe, and that can't be . . . It's not right . . . Not right now. Fuck."

Mia swallowed hard, trying to collect herself so she did not become overly emotional, not like she used to be when she would cry over every little thing. "I told you earlier, I had no expectations for tonight, but I was telling the truth when I said you are the end for me. You're mine." She stood up and walked to him, unashamed of her naked form as she reached for her clothes. "So this distance that you're putting between us right now . . . it's temporary."

Sirius nodded slowly. "Of course it is. I'm sorry, Mia."

"For tonight? You regret it?" she asked, her brows furrowed, the dam she had placed her emotions behind threatening to burst at any moment.

"Merlin, no." Sirius exhaled heavily, looking up at her with pleading eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm so . . . fucking broken. Do you regret it?"

"I have never regretted a single moment of my life when it comes to you, Sirius Black." She leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "Past, present, or future."