Three's a Fantasy
Derek and Mark
Derek burst into the attendings' lounge and scanned the room. Several doctors looked up, alarmed at his abrupt entrance in light of the live bomb that was even now on the surgical floor. Derek paced angrily over to Mark who was sitting with his elbows braced on his knees and his head drooped low, staring at the floor.
"Where's Meredith?!" Shepherd asked with no preamble.
Mark slowly looked up, a glazed look on his face, "What do you care?"
"Mark, I'm not messing with you right now! Where is she?"
"She's about to be exploded into a million pieces along with Burke, their patient and a couple of crazy nurses! I repeat, what the fuck do you care!"
Shepherd ignored Sloan's outburst and asked harshly, "Why wasn't she evacuated along with the rest of the surgical floor?! What the hell is she doing in that OR?!"
Sloan sat back and studied his erstwhile best friend. He was raw inside, sharp anxiety causing him to bleed internally. He wanted to snap the fool's head off. But, he imagined Derek was dying inside over their girl too ... Meredith always encouraged him to cut people slack... Oh, fuck it! He didn't feel like being understanding or forgiving at all! Sudden fury at all the pain and hardship that Derek Shepherd had caused both Meredith and himself made him see red. For once Mark didn't care that Derek had wounded himself as deeply as everyone else while he was at it. He wanted to hurt the sanctimonious fool as badly as he'd hurt Meredith.
He gritted his teeth and growled, "Listen, fuckwad, you know as well as I, that Meredith could never abandon her gutted patient, that stupid paramedic, or that pompous ass, Preston Burke. She's never abandoned her mother, even though we all agree she's the wicked bitch of the west. She hurt Meredith her whole life and now Meredith does nothing but take care of her like a queen. She took you back immediately when, if you ask me, she should have left you to sit in your own dirty diapers until you had diaper rash! Asshole! It wasn't in her to leave you in pain.
"And me?! Meredith won't leave me, Derek. She knows how much I need her. She loves me in spite of myself. I'm nothing but an egotistical fuckwad too, just like you, but she sees the best in me and she stays with me. She'll never leave me, just like she'll never leave you. If you're alone and separated from Meredith; if you find yourself having to ask me about her instead of knowing for yourself, it's your own damned fault! You left her! She didn't leave you! You always leave her! Oh, I don't even want to look at you any more, you miserable idiot. My girlfriend, not yours, mine, could die at any moment and then I'll be alone just like you. Isn't that what you want, you gnat brained fucker?!"
Sloan disgustedly pushed past a pale faced, gaping Shepherd and strode out of the suddenly stifling room. Derek stared after Mark's broad back and felt his stomach sink to his knees. Mark's truth hammered him into a bloody mass. Worry for Meredith acid pitted and scarred him. Derek's world was twisting and melting like a Salvadore Dali painting. He abruptly sat in Mark's abandoned chair. Mark's outburst had stunned him. Mark had never, in all their lives, ever talked to him like that – like he hated him. Even after all the hateful things Derek had said to him about sleeping with Addison, Mark had never responded in kind. Mark had always treated Derek well, like Meredith, and unlike everyone else.
Meredith had her hand on a homemade unstable bomb. Derek felt like he had his hand on his own self made unstable bomb. Mark was right. Meredith could die at any moment. He'd never have another chance with her, and after the scathing set down Mark had delivered, he probably wouldn't have another chance with his best friend either. He'd wasted months of time he could have had with Meredith when he weakly accepted his ex back in his life. Then he wasted weeks more when he could have been with Meredith after the ex left. He'd thrown away her love. How had he come to this point? Derek couldn't sit another minute. He rose and paced down the corridor, frantically running scenarios in his head. Meredith had to be okay, she just had to be.
Hours passed. The tension in the remaining skeleton crew at Seattle Grace had risen until finally Dr. Webber collapsed with an anxiety attack that looked terribly like a heart attack. Both Derek and Mark had paced back and forth so much the remaining nurses were surprised there weren't any ruts worn in the floor. Cristina Yang was also in the mix. She was driving the bomb squad crazy asking for the latest updates alternated with demands to be let through to see Burke and Meredith. The bomb squad had cordoned off access to the surgical floor so no one had been able to get to the floor to see anyone. Mark and Derek had shared a few more snarling exchanges and then ignored each other, both in a state beyond stress. This wasn't like the stress of surgery where they were experts and had some control; where they could affect the outcome more often than not; where it was strangers who were in peril.
Mark chewed at his lower lip, his feeling of doom growing larger. Meri was always the one to catch the bullshit that other people created – including, it seemed, a homemade bomb and the mess that Derek, Addison and himself had made between them. She didn't deserve the bomb. She hadn't deserved the mess. She was a sweetheart. She deserved to be loved and treated well, damn it. Mark paced and hoped, paced and despaired.
Derek felt so antsy he was crazed. He wallowed in self-recrimination and regret. Meredith had tried to tell him more than once that life was short. Now there may just be minutes left in her life and he'd never get to tell her what an ass he was and how much he loved her. She'd iterated her belief that love and happiness were what was important in life every time they were together. He'd selfishly denied her. If she died...
Derek grabbed the back of his neck and stretched it by tilting his head to the side. His muscles felt like locked down steel rods. He made himself breathe while he stretched. He'd been airless for hours. Out of the corner of his eye Derek saw Mark slump against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He was frowning and staring at the floor.
Derek hesitated and then thought, Mark's hurting. I can't believe how much he's hurting. Maybe he really does love Meredith.
He hadn't believed it before. He'd truly believed Mark was playing a game with Meredith and with him. Derek had believed that all he had to do was wait Mark out. He'd believed that Meredith really loved him, Derek, and was only punishing him for dumping her by being with Mark. She couldn't possibly love him the way she did and still love Mark too. Between Mark eventually tiring of his latest game and Meredith eventually forgiving him, Derek had never once considered that Mark and Meredith were sincere in their offer to him. He was a man who'd been raised with regulation family values. He was supposed to grow up; marry a woman he loved; father two or three children; and live in happy monogamy the rest of his life. He was not supposed to marry a woman he didn't love; have a wife who refused to get pregnant because it would ruin her figure; get divorced; and fall in love with a girl who apparently wanted and needed two lovers to be happy. He'd never once taken the offer seriously. It just wasn't on his radar. He slumped against the wall next to Mark and after a long, silent moment they both slid to the floor.
"I'm sorry, Mark," Derek said humbly.
"For what?"
Mark closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose to ease the headache behind his eyes.
"For being an egotistical fuckwad. For never once taking Meredith seriously when she said she loved us both. For not believing that you really loved her. For being a conservative, hidebound jerk."
"Yeah, well, whatever. Meredith is holding a bomb in a body cavity, Derek. Right now all I can think about is that."
"Me too. That's why I've finally taken my head out of my ass and looked around at the real picture. I love Meredith, Mark, I really do. I can see that you do too. When Meredith comes out of this alive I promise to do what she asked. I'm going to love her. I'm going to love her enough to make sure she's happy and has everything she needs – even you."
Mark slowly turned his head and stared at Derek in disbelief.
"I mean it, Mark. I want to stop regretting my stupid decisions and start treating Meredith like the love of my life," Derek smiled sadly.
"I honestly thought you'd be a stubborn s.o.b., hoist on your own petard, until the end," Mark shook his head and a slight smile lit his eyes, "Meredith will be so happy to have you back."
Derek started to reply when he was interrupted by a loud explosion in the building. The elevator clanged and shuddered, glass shook, and the fire alarm blared. Derek and Mark stared in horror at each other for a second, and then they both leaped for the surgical floor and Meredith.
