Chapter 49: Tying Loose Ends
Humongous thanks is due to one of my very first, and very best, ff friends: 2old2care. She's the best Beta ever, and this would have been a much less interesting chapter without her. Thanks for everything, Boston. Love ya ta bits.
Don't panic! Put me on your Author Alert :)
This is the penultimate chapter of 'I Hunger'. The journey of Edward and Bella is by no means over. After one more chapter, we're moving on to the next fic in the series: 'Make Haste, My Beloved'. Stay tuned for trouble from Trads, college hijinks, Amazon drama, the birth of someone we've been waiting for, and a bewildered Emmett and Rose. The first chappie of MH will post very soon after the conclusion of IH.
My character Ivo, from Heaven Help My Heart', is nominated for Best Other Character (Canon or Original) in the Sunflower Awards. If you love him, please vote:
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Have a peek in Elizabeth Masen's jewelry box on my Facebook Fanpage (link is on my Profile). Her things are pretty and shiny. Even Bella thinks so.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is merely coincidental.
Go to my Profile, and click the playlist called 'I Hunger 4' to hear great music that I guarantee will enhance your reading. I spend hours picking it. I try to time it so you are able to read along as it plays itself. Please use the new channel to subscribe or contact me because Google murdered my ability to access the old channel. I love hearing from you. This chappie's vids start at #114:
'Learning to Breathe', by Switchfoot
'You Get Brighter', by the Incredible String Band
'Dancing on my Own Ground', by Larry Gowan
'Man from Lady Lane', for acoustic harp guitar, by Don Alder
'After the Rain', by Yiruma
'Touch My Body', by Mariah Carey
' (Alicia Keys) If I Ain't Got You', by The Smooth Jazz Tribute Players
'Smile', by Uncle Kracker
'She's My Kind of Rain', by Tim McGraw
'Superman', by Five for Fighting
Direct quotes are taken from these sources:
twilightlexicondotcom
tobaccodotorg/resources/history/
'Twilight', by S Meyer
'Minibusted'
'Leashing the Victorian'
'Prenuptual Posturing'
Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way
that I say that I need you
This is the way
This is the way
That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad
I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
So this is the way
that I say that I need you
This is the way
That I say I love you
This is the way
That I say I'm yours
This is the way
This is the way
Thursday, September 8th, 2005, 6 am:
Edward's pov:
"You're out and about early," Merrytwinkle said, regarding me cheekily. Her eyes fell curiously upon the rolled up sheet of paper in my left hand. I moved it behind my back self-consciously.
"The same might be said of you. Then again, you are, according to Bella, a little birdie."
"Exactly. Early bird catches the worm. Why are you not with your darling girl this fine hour, handsome?" You have a new house to christen.
I scuffed my shoe into the green moss of the lawn, halting our promenade of the grounds, hanging my head a little bashfully. I wasn't about to say that we had spent most of the night christening the sitting room, the kitchen, the hallway, the shower, the office nook, the walk-in closet, the bedroom, the front vestibule, and the jacuzzi. Multiple times. Doing a thorough job of it was important, after all. But gentlemen don't kiss and tell. "Bella needs her sleep, and I, um, didn't want to miss out on giving you something before we leave, and... I'm a little shy about it."
"Well now, I am intrigued," she told me, eyes lighting.
I ran my free hand through my hair, shuffling from one foot to the other. "It's not much. I'm not very good. I think I managed to capture the likenesses, but I haven't studied..."
Her eyes, bright behind their coke-bottle glasses, fastened on my other hand. "Let me see."
I lifted the rolled paper and held it out. "I'm no artist, and I didn't have much time to spend, but I figured since I'm the only one who can look in your mind to pull the memory out, and see him through Apple, that it was worth a shot."
Tears were trembling on her lashes. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me yet, you might think it's crummy," I protested, presenting the drawing.
Gingerly, she unrolled the white paper, and drew in a surprised breath. "It's Albion and me. When we were young."
"Yes," I confirmed, peeking at her to see if I'd gotten it right.
"But it's very good, Sweets. Very good indeed," she husked.
"I'm glad."
"You should take a course in drawing." Cynthia paused, looking at the pencil sketch that took me the better part of two hours to do. Who knew drawing noses was so difficult? "I shall be so happy to see him again. I wonder if he has changed at all," she mused, taking my arm again as we strolled back toward the mobile home.
"Hah. Not at all. We don't change without a major upheaval," I said, smiling wryly.
"Do you miss that?" she asked, then looked contrite. "Sorry, is that too personal?"
"No," I reassured her. We walked slowly onward. "I used to want it, before I met Bella. Now... I see the blessing. As long as we're together..." not growing old, and being creatures of habit, is a good thing.
"Yes," Cynthia said, smiling at me as though she knew what I was thinking. "Love might evolve, but it is eternal."
"Yes," I said, patting her arm.
I wonder if I shall look fifteen again, after I kick the bucket. I wonder if people stay together Up There. I wonder if we shall get our turn at last.
"I expect so," I said, feeling uncharacteristically light.
Cynthia shared a secret smile with me, not minding in the least that I was reading her thoughts. "We're kindred spirits, you and I," she drawled. "Only you have your true love here, and I shall have a little while longer to wait."
"I waited longer to meet Bella than you've been without Albion," I teased. "At least you knew there was somebody waiting for you."
"Well... I didn't know. But I believed." Separations are hard. And there's another one coming soon. Funny how much I shall miss him, when we have known each other for so short a time. "Is this good-bye, Edward Cullen?" she asked sadly.
"Not for long. We'll be back in a couple of months at the very longest," I shrugged. "Assuming you're not back in Biloxi by then."
"I don't know. I never expected to leave that house, but now that I am here, with our Mary and Jasper and my daughter, and with Pippa and Pete planning to work in Seattle, I just don't know. Forks seems like... a good place to see out the end of my days."
I assisted her onto her front stoop. "Yes. Forks is a good place."
"Will you let an old lady kiss you good-bye, Dear Heart?"
I tipped my head back and laughed. "Darling girl, I am seven years older than you, and don't you forget it!"
"Yessir. Plant one on me."
And so I did, and chuckled a bit about it, too, because I still had to bend almost halfway over to kiss her, although she was standing on a step.
"Oh, make fun of me for being short, go ahead. You know, nobody watered me when I was little. I was standing behind the door when the height was handed out."
"Then Alice must have been hiding behind it with you," I smirked. "Because you two are like peas in a pod."
"I love our sister, Edward."
"Me, too."
"You know, technically, she's older than you," she teased me, eyes twinkling.
"Shush, or I'll find you a more embarrassing nickname."
She gasped melodramatically. "Did you just tell an old lady to hush up, sir?"
I cackled. "You're only as old as you feel."
o~o~0~o~o
I emerged from the trees behind the house, to find my father and mentor sunning himself on the front steps. I pulled up beside him, smiling in greeting.
"So how was your night?" he asked.
"If I were human, I'd be smoking a cigarette right now," I said, stretching out on the steps like the cat who ate the cream. Until bursting.
"Brand?" he drawled, eyes dancing.
I squinted into the past. "Camel. American Blend."
Carlisle wrinkled his nose. "Oh! Terrible stuff."
From some dark recess of my brain, I pulled an old poem and recited it:
"Tobacco is a dirty weed. I like it.
It satisfies no normal need. I like it.
It makes you thin, it makes you lean,
It takes the hair right off your bean.
It's the worst darn stuff I've ever seen.
I like it."
"Bravo," my father said, grinning.
"You?" I asked, stretching my legs out.
My Dad scoffed. "Back then, we didn't have brands. We stuck it in pipes or took it as snuff."
"Did you take snuff?" I asked, fascinated.
"Oh, no. All I'd have needed to do was walk around with a stuffy nose with my father to catch me. Even back then a lot of people didn't approve of tobacco. Amazing it has survived as a vice."
"Addictive. So did you have a pipe, then?" I asked curiously.
"Yes. Dutch West India Company."
"Wow," I said, shaking my head incredulously. "You're ancient."
We shared a chuckle.
"Do you miss it?" I wondered.
"Smoking?" he said, shifting on the step to clasp one knee. "I know I was fond of it. When I awoke to this life I remember... running my fingers over the smoothness of the pipe. I tried to smoke it. Settle my nerves, you know? Smelled horrid. I was so surprised, I crushed the bowl."
"Boy, like you weren't upset enough, without having that happen," I said with an eye roll.
"Do you miss it?" he wondered.
"Hm. I don't miss the cigarettes, but I miss the camaraderie that went along with smoking them. I miss the friends I hung out with. I don't miss the taste or the effect. You can't miss what you don't remember."
"So true." He thought back to some of his own, Elizabethan friends, their faces a little fuzzy, and how they enjoyed defying their parents by passing around tobacco and port wine. I bet Edward's parents would not have approved. Tea totallers, I expect. "Did your parents know you smoked?"
"No," I grinned impishly. "They'd have had my hide."
The mood turned as sober as though I had dashed him with icy water, and I instantly regretted my faux pas. He was remembering it again: my body gashed open and oozing infection. "Please don't, Dad. Please." Through his eyes, it seemed worse than I remembered. "It only happened the one time. He was a good father. Just very ... authoritarian."
"Struck you, rather than reasoned with you," Carlisle sighed, pursing his lips in disapproval. Good thing for him I swore an Hippocratic Oath.
"Well, your father was probably the same, yeah?" I shrugged, hoping to dismiss the subject. It was making me highly uncomfortable, and conscious of the difference between the two fathers in my life.
"No. No he wasn't. Oh, he was terrifyingly fanatical about right and wrong, but he taught me everything he believed, and why. Turned out he was right about vampires, didn't it! I can't remember him ever laying a hand on me. He thumped the Bible, and he preached hellfire and brimstone, but he didn't thump me."
I couldn't lift my eyes. I knew Carlisle was waiting for me to say my father was wrong. I didn't want to. The idea seemed disloyal. "He only whipped me once. I can't remember any other time..." I shifted on the step again, and diverted the subject, grinning. "My grandfather, on the other hand, was an absolute tyrant. I can't tell you how many times he knocked me down every day, constantly hissing that I was an evil little miscreant and I was going to go straight to eternal damnation. I was terrified of him. Thank God he died when I was five! I was so relieved to have him gone, and then I was frightened that he'd leap out of his casket and scream at me for it. I wouldn't even walk through the parlour by myself to get to the kitchen while he was resting in there. I started breathing when the mourners threw dirt on the coffin."
Carlisle wasn't laughing. At all. Personalities are set by the age of five. He brought his insecurity into this life. Personality traits get stronger. No wonder he-
I swallowed nervously.
Why didn't you tell me?
I could see it in his mind again in graphic detail: Scabs and bruises and marks that I knew had been made by that damn belt and its buckle, and worst of all, stitches below my glans, along with the rawness from the circumcision. So defiant and fragile. I bet he hadn't been able to sit or lie down for days.
"Please stop," I begged, putting my head in my hands and rubbing my temples.
What did he hit you with, Edward? You and I both know that no whip does that.
"No. Don't make me see it. Don't make me remember."
You know.
I ironed my forehead with my palm. "His belt."
Leather doesn't do that.
"I don't want to remember the finer points, Carlisle," I insisted.
But he already knew. He struck you with the buckle, didn't he? Over and over in a fury.
My mind was inundated with sound and images from the past. God, how I hated that belt. Feared it. Just thinking about it, about being pushed down, Jesus, my legs were shaking.
Carlisle relented, embracing me hard while the contents of my stomach curdled and tried to come up. Where was Jazz when I needed him?
Alright, boy. You're here with me. Just breathe.
"I don't want to know what provoked it. He was a good man. Much better than his father. Let me remember what was good about him."
So pale he looks like a wraith.
I put my head between my knees. The inner mental barrage ceased, and my Dad's hand came to squeeze the back of my neck. You know it's going to resurface, don't you?
"Yes."
But you don't want it forced.
"No."
I leaned toward him a little, and absorbed the mental pictures he gifted me of Bella. Bella on her first visit to this house. Bella teasing us when we played ball. Bella invoking a vote when we got back from Italy. Bella in a vampire-domme-bride costume hamming it up, and the pair of us fooling for the cameras with the enormous rubber dong she was wearing. Dancing at that rehearsal dinner in those ridiculous costumes, and in beautiful clothes at the wedding. And Bella, leaping off the side of Eleazar's Raptor, her belly rounded with my child.
"Does she know?"
"Most of it," I said, thin-lipped. I rested my head on his knee, and watched his thoughts, and felt ... safe.
Bella teasing Emmett. Standing up to Rosalie. Standing up to Esme after our experiments with duct tape nearly got her eaten in an entirely wrong way, and earned me a dislocated shoulder. The women of the family admitting to Carlisle that they had caught us in flagrante delicto, or 'delecto', as Alice preferred to say. Hah. Funny. It was 'flagrant delight' alright, at least before we got caught. I smiled against my father's leg, feeling better as he combed his fingers through my hair.
"Since that girl got out her club and dragged you off to her lair, I don't worry about you anymore. Not like I used to," Carlisle murmured, combing.
I sat up and eyed him in mock annoyance. "Are you alluding to me being the Sub again? I thought we covered this already."
"Right." In a pig's eye.
I nudged him teasingly with my elbow. "Admit it. You were worried about me before you even knew my name."
"Does a father worry about his child before it's born?"
I was amazed. And humbled. "So you knew you wanted to ... keep me, before I was even all that sick?"
My Dad shrugged. "Let's just say I decided right away that I could be a better father than someone who would inflict that kind of damage on a seventeen year old boy. I checked, you know. For interference."
I recoiled in shock, terrified of the possibility that I had suppressed or lost memories of such a thing.
"It's alright. I didn't find any signs." Had you been buggered I'd have never given you back. But you weren't. Regardless, I hope you'll forgive me. I never let you near him, and had I done so, he might have apologized to you. I didn't let him anywhere near you. I didn't trust him.
I wanted to pass out. "Why not?"
"You were such a good boy. I knew you were shouldering the blame for giving them the influenza, and I couldn't bear the idea that he would say something to you to exacerbate the guilt. There was something so... noble about you. You had dignity. And I know you don't want me to dwell on it, but just let me say that I've never understood how anybody could have hurt you. You were such a lovely person. An optimist. So like Elizabeth. Always putting others before yourself. Including him."
He got to see him as soon as he entered the world. He got to raise him. Dandle him on his knee. Hold him and kiss him. Take him for walks and teach him things. Feed ducks. Tell him stories and tuck him in at night.
And yet he mistreated him. Missed the opportunity to love his son. How could he? How could he? And the grandfather was worse? And nobody stopped him?
I was shocked. Carlisle was jealous of, and angry at, the man who preceded him. Why had I never seen that before? He wasn't even attempting to hide it from me.
No wonder he's never liked anyone to touch him.
Obviously I wasn't the only one keeping secrets in this family.
I always saw him as a mountain of strength and hope. A Hoover dam of sorts, holding back the wall of bitter, dangerous water that at times threatened to engulf us all. The dam was cracking. I watched his walls collapse with fear. The demigod was human after all.
Carlisle never cries. He averted his face from me, and shut his eyes. He did not sob, or put on any kind of gross emotional display, but his mouth twisted and his jaw trembled, and I knew that was what he was doing.
What on earth do you do when your father cries?
Sliding closer, I took his arm and wrapped it around my shoulder, and put my arm around his waist. And very slowly, I rested the side of my face against his shoulder, and stayed there. We didn't move for a while. The weak sun slowly infused heat into our bones. Eventually, his shaking stopped.
We sat.
"There's something I never figured out before," I admitted.
"What's that?" he husked.
"The um, difference between a father and a Dad."
"Hah. I noticed. Always been scared of me, haven't you?" He sniffed, laughter and tears, resting his head on his far hand.
"Well... you're the first man I ever met who ... controlled his strength."
"Hm. Sometimes you tempted me not to," he said, nudging me.
I swallowed hard. "My mother... Elizabeth. She really said that to you? That I ... n-needed a Daddy?"
"Yeah."
"Well, she was right. I did."
"Thank you for being my son." All grown up. He's such a good communicator now. Thank God for Bella!
"Dad?"
"Yes, Edward?"
"Just in case you never heard me say it, I want you to know that I've always thought..."
"Thought what? I know you love me."
"Uh, no, there's something else I should have said a long time ago," I admitted shyly.
"What's that?" he wondered.
"When I grow up, I want to be just like you."
He smiled tightly. "Hah. Just try to understand your kid faster than I did, will you?"
"Yes, sir. I really want you to meet my other children. Will you come down to the Amazon and see my coven?"
"I'd love to. Tell me about them."
"They're kind of insane. A real rag-tag melting pot, as Marcus says. Cuāā is my firstborn, and he's the only vampire I've ever met who can be described as 'cute'. He's really little and he's got a sweet nature. Gotta be in his fifties so our relationship is even harder to explain than yours and mine. I call him 'John' because that's the English for his name, and he just for some reason reminds me of John the Baptist. I can't figure out why, since obviously I'm not Jesus."
"You certainly aren't," my father teased with a fake scowl. "Chirica?"
"My foster daughter. Sweetest little girl. She's only fourteen, but she's the best mother to Duquitu. And she's already bonded with Demetri. Poor Aro. I've robbed him of all his favourite guards."
"And Chepaã?"
"You'll be delighted to know she's inherited all my worst personality traits," I sighed.
Carlisle snickered a little, and squeezed me. "I can't wait to see you with the baby, you know."
"I can't wait to be her Dad." I smiled my pleasure, but then my face fell into lines of anxiety. What if I was more like Edward Sr than Carlisle?
"It's going to be fine, Edward."
It would be. My Dad would never let me treat my daughter or my wife badly. He would keep me accountable, and he would teach me how to parent. "I know. You don't have to worry about me anymore."
He laughed. "You never stop worrying about your children. Even when they're old."
"If I'm old, you're decrepit."
"You're asking for it," he growled, leaning on me.
"For what?" I teased, leaning back.
For me to make up for missing your childhood.
I didn't have time for a comeback before he kissed me on the temple, while imprisoning me in a choke hold, and then he blew a raspberry on my jugular, making me squeal like a sissy.
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I didn't mean you could get carried away! I'm not two. If you dandle me on your knee I'm gonna have to kill ya."
"Don't take the Lord's name in vain," he growled, poking my stomach to punctuate each word.
"Uncle!" I howled. "Carlisle, stop. S-stop. Sstooooop!"
The front door opened in time for my mother to see her husband making me writhe. Roosevelt, Taft and Wilson! "This is getting weird, gentlemen. Carlisle, are you sure our son hasn't been replaced by some alien doppelganger?"
"Nope, he's good," Dad said, giving me a noogie. Like my hair wasn't bad enough to begin with!
"Help, Mother!" I demanded, grinning my ass off. Carlisle made a disparaging noise, put his hand over my ear, and gave me a gentle shove, cackling as I tumbled down the steps.
"Would you two kindly act your age and not your shoe size?"
"We are acting our age!" I protested, grabbing him around the neck and messing his hair. He hates that. "He's twenty-four, I'm seventeen."
"Leggo!" Carlisle grunted from somewhere under my arm.
"No way."
Mother Cullen clicked her tongue at me. "You brat. I was going to come out and tell you I've picked out the equipment you requested."
I froze mid-grapple, my eyes kindling into a naughty burn. My Dad dumped me unceremoniously in the ferns. "Oof."
"Made you say 'woof'," he said nonchalantly, pretending to polish his nails on his sweater.
"Here I thought he loved me," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Never lose focus," he reminded me, dusting himself off and smoothing his hair.
"Come on, Junior. I need your credit card," my mother said, opening the door and passing through it.
Junior. I liked the sound of that.
"This is gonna be fun," I told my father with a goofy grin.
"I didn't foresee you channelling Emmett," he remarked.
"The better to drive Emmett crazy," I answered.
"Right. Well, let's see what Esme's drummed up."
We followed Esme into the living room, to the computer nook in the corner. She maximized the window and Carlisle and I stooped behind her to look at the screen. She flipped through several items and both of us snickered.
"You bad boys," she whispered archly, feigning shock. Considering that my ... displays had shocked the hell out of Carlisle, she was taking my relative liberality in stride. I guess mothers do know everything.
"Bella's gonna love this. Perfect, Mom. Thank you," I said gleefully, passing over my card.
"Gonna cost you dearly," she warned, inputting the numbers. "This stuff ain't cheap."
"I don't care. Just tell me you're not ordering anything from His Golden Eyes."
"Well..." she said evasively.
"Mom!" I protested. "What if Eleazar finds out?"
"There's the boy I know and love!" She stopped and looked at me solemnly. "You know Eleazar wouldn't care. It's just that he carries some things that are durability-tested for our kind."
"Oh." Well, that was something I had never considered.
"When do you want it all delivered?" my mother asked, clicking through the transaction.
"We should probably wait until we've been in Hanover a couple of days."
"Taking your wrought iron bedstead?"
"Y-e-a-a-ah," I decided. The fact that other people had used it no longer seemed like such a big deal. No sense in leaving it behind when it was such a nice piece of furniture. Hopefully the Tanya-Eric pheromone pollution would fade by the time Bella and I wanted to use it.
"What else are you taking with you?"
"Music, books, some clothes, bedding, laptops, TV... iPods... Minimal stuff."
"When do classes start, Dear?" Esme asked me, bringing up the Family Schedule and preparing to add to it.
"Wednesday, September 21st."
"Plenty of time. Em and Rose are going on Saturday. They're taking a cube van. Maybe they can take your things, too."
"Maybe they can take the big stuff. That would be handy. I expect they'll have quite a lot of things to take, though. I don't want to hog the space. Bella and I didn't think about the need to move larger items."
"Should be fine," Carlisle said, hands in the pockets of his old sweater. "They're planning to buy furniture there, for the living room and kitchen, that you all can agree on."
"Nice of them."
"Yes. They're going to pick out their bedroom furniture as soon as they arrive, of course."
"Naturally. Well, Bella and I shouldn't go until next Thursday. That will give Em and Rose some time to themselves, to break it in, and we'll still have a few days to settle before classes begin."
"So... Thursday the 15th. Shall I arrange delivery for the 16th?" Esme wondered.
"No. I don't want to rush. Let's make it for Monday, the 19th. That should give us time to drive, get our other furniture in place, and unpack."
"Okay. Carlisle and I are going down on Monday to help decorate."
"This Monday?" I wondered.
"Yep. Rah rah," my father said sarcastically.
"Brave man."
"Don't you know it. We'll be back in time for Bella's birthday, don't you worry."
"You had better be. She has a shorter fuse now, you know."
"So we hear," Esme smirked. "Leah seemed pretty proud of her."
"Really," I said, one brow raised. Interesting.
"The car arrived. It's under a tarp in the garage," my Dad informed me.
"Great." I jumped up. "I'm going to go and look."
I don't want to spoil his mood.
I frowned, perplexed. "What is it, Dad?"
"It's just, well, as long as you're leaving the nest, there's something else that belongs to you, that I think you should consider taking care of at some point."
I sat down again, slowly, while he handed me what was obviously a key code.
My house in Chicago.
"Esme and I have been back periodically to check on it. There were belongings that they didn't sell, which were still in the house when I bought it. Things that were not terribly portable, or considered of value, including practical items. Dishes. Letters...a few kids' toys, and more pictures. Clothing and shoes."
"Belts," I said, feeling my face drain of what little colour it possessed. One of the bad things about reading minds is seeing how awful I look when I'm upset.
"Yes, Son. In the big trunk." He took my hand, perplexing Esme. "I'm sorry, or I'd have removed them. Which one is it?"
"Black and narrow, with a gold buckle." I gulped, and felt him tethering me to the here and now. I tamped down my irrational fear. Nothing was going to claw its way out of the past to hurt me. And my vampire hide was pretty durable.
Esme was about to go batshit crazy all over me. I held up my palm to her, smiling softly. "I'm all right, Mother. Dad can tell you all about it when Bella and I are gone."
She let her anxiety, and questions, go. "It's not going to be the same when you two spruce off for good."
"We'll be underfoot all the time, same as always. You can't get rid of us that easily," I smirked.
Esme smirked back. "Good. Now there was one more thing you need to get for your dungeon, but I think it would be better to surprise you, so you're not too embarrassed to have fun."
"What's that?" I said, just as her mental pictures started to seep into my head. "Oh." Costumes. Some of which were downright creepy considering it was my mother thinking about them. "Do me a favour and keep it more 'Underworld' than 'Village People'. And none of those helmets with the ... toys..."
My mother snorted, tapping away at the keys. "Gimme some cred, Junior."
"Okee day." I ran a hand through my hair and acted casual. "Hey, Dad, did you guys happen to stumble across my mother's old jewellery cask when you moved our stuff?"
"No, I meant to ask you about it. We found the wooden box you keep your everyday stuff in, and Bella's large one, but we didn't see Elizabeth's."
Good. That meant my stash was intact. Oh, why give up an opportunity to mess with Carlisle's head? "Probably still in the secret drawer," I shrugged.
"What do you have a secret drawer for?" Carlisle asked incredulously. Then his face and mind shut like an iron trap. "I don't want to know."
"Probably not," I chuckled, surreptitiously adjusting myself. Of course he caught it, and we snickered like a couple of naughty schoolboys.
I slapped him on the back while Esme tsk tsked at me again for being a brat. Then I hurried upstairs.
The room I had occupied for so long stood nearly barren, except for my memories.
"Edward? We heard noises, and we thought maybe you were having Bella for lunch. We wondered if you would share..."
Many months passed, and having Bella for lunch became the least of my worries. Looking at the bed, a different memory came to mind:
She moved so unexpectedly that I didn't see it coming. Her tongue was in my mouth, and my tongue was on hers. Fantastic. She moaned. Then, as fast as it started, she withdrew. She was passing out.
I grabbed her face in a panic. "Bella, Bella, are you okay? Is there any burning? Did I hurt you?" She moaned again groggily and grabbed my wrists.
"Gentle! If you keep squeezing me like that, you will hurt me! I'm totally fine Edward, and that was fabulous. I may pass out in ecstasy. No, there is no burning. Your mouth was dry. I am going to count the days until I am a vampire, so you can kiss me 24 hours a day. You will get sick of kissing me."
"I seriously doubt that. And you took the words right out of my mouth. That was amazing. But you almost gave me a heart attack, Bella."
"I know. Your eyes are black fire again. You aren't going to bite me, are you?"
"Uhn-uh. I'm too close to getting married. You know how long I have waited to see you in that dress."
"You haven't been peeking at Alice, have you?"
"Well, I tried. She's being very careful not to think about the dress around me. It's very frustrating," I admitted.
"Edward Cullen, you are a brat!"
"Yes, but you love me."
"How about you and I show how much we love each other?"
Oh, that bed! Good thing it couldn't talk.
I would have to make time to disassemble the bed frame so it could be slipped into the moving van. Heavens, it reeked of Tanya and Eric. Perhaps a new mattress was in order. The bedding was already in the cottage.
Thoughtfully, I walked into my old closet, and felt for the catch. The front panel of the drawer popped out of the top moulding near the ceiling. I lifted the small drawer out, and carried it out to the bed, where the light was better. I removed the cash, lotions and oils, and my favourite picture of Bella, feeling a little naughty. I took out the black ink drawings Alice had produced to mortify me in front of the Denalis, the day Bella and I had our fun in the woods. Rotten Pixie. Underneath it all was my mother's small jewelry box.
I sifted through the contents, which gleamed and glittered in the faint sun shining in the window, and took out the cross. Silently, I undid its catch, and fastened it around my neck, and touched it. Yes, it belonged there. It made me... calm. I slid it inside my collar, so it lay against my skin, in the hollow of my throat, and closed my buttons over it, wanting to keep my infant faith to myself for the time being, to savour it. I was not ready to come clean to Carlisle. There had been enough heavy topics for one day.
I pulled a chunky ring out of the box. It wasn't one of the most valuable pieces, but it was striking. May birthstone: A perfect, smooth green stone reminiscent of turquoise. Perhaps I should give it to Esme now. Perhaps she could handle the meaning behind it. I put it on my baby finger and shut the cask.
I picked up all my naughty possessions and the cask, and descended the stairs, bypassing the living room for the kitchen. Dumping everything on the butcher's block, I walked to the sink and opened the cupboards beneath it, finding myself a plastic grocery bag.
"Is that what I think it is?" my mother asked in shock.
I froze, feeling the blush crawl up the back of my neck. The sketches were lying in plain sight. Ohmygod! Why do these things always happen to me?
Instantly, I was by her side, jealously sweeping my collection into the bag, and doing my best not to feel guilty. "Mom! Mind your own beeswax."
She raised one eyebrow in challenge. "I never figured you were the type to have a stash," she said coolly.
"Mother!" I yelped, wondering if it were possible for me to boil red after all. "In the name of all that's holy, don't ever say anything like that to me again."
"You're blushing."
"You bet. Hey! Stop trying to grab my stuff. It's private." I tried with limited success to hide the bag behind my back.
Carlisle sauntered into the kitchen, hands in the pockets of his sweater. What in perdition is going on? That cannot mean what it sounds like.
I blushed so hotly I could feel the venom sizzle in my skin.
"I never got to see the drawings, though," Esme whined. "I was upstairs worrying about your shoulder. The Denalis went on and on about the-"
"Esme!" I howled. "You do not need to see that. At all!"
Oh, it's just the pictures of Bella blowing him off. I could See Carlisle remembering the stunned look on my face when Alice told the Denalis about it. Fuck me. Again. Multiple times.
"Dad!" I whined, resisting the urge to stamp my foot like a girl. I looked at him pleadingly. "Some help here?"
"Esme, enough. Let the boy have his fap collection. We waited long enough for him to be normal."
"Dad!" I protested. This had to be their revenge for my showing off yesterday. Surely they weren't planning on talking to me like this all the time. God help me.
"But he's so much fun to tease. Bella was right. Did you shik her with this stuff, hon'?" She successfully opened the bag and peered in. "Oh, that's a great warming oil. We like the chocolate-scented one."
"TMI !" I yelped, snapping it shut.
I always wondered what kind of porn he got off on. Figures. He likes old-fashioned drawings of himself and his mate. Just like his father. The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree. How funny.
"I'm very proud of you, Junior. It's important to experiment. Why don't you show me what you've got, so we can see if there's anything better you could be using?" my mother suggested, trying to take a couple of million years off my life.
"You... I... We can cope on our own, thank you. Quit embarrassing me! Geez! And here I was, planning to give you a present!" I said, successfully liberating my bag from Esme's fingers and stuffing it under my shirt. I hoped the drawings wouldn't get crumpled.
My mother stopped dead, her curiosity turning from my stash to something more acceptable. "Present?"
I stuck my nose in the air. "Yes."
"Whatever for?" she asked, wondering what on earth it could be. Her eyes flickered to the lump under my shirt.
"Mother's Day. I missed it, worrying about Victoria's army."
"You were a little preoccupied," she shrugged. "What with Italy and all."
"I was preoccupied with trying to figure out how to get Bella to marry me, without..." I stopped myself short.
"Without?" Carlisle prodded.
"Without compromising our virtue," I blurted, hiding my eyes again.
My mother snorted daintily, and tittered, covering her mouth with her hand. I glared at her. "Let's just say she had wandering hands."
"Go Bella!" my mother said, tickled silver.
"Nuts!" I spat, stomping toward the door. My parents grabbed me, giggling.
"Sorry, boy. We can't help it. Bella is just so... refreshing," Carlisle chuckled.
"I'm sorry, Edward. I'll stop teasing you if you give me my present," Esme promised, eyes alight with humour.
"Hmph! Here I try to be serious-" I growled.
"But we prefer you acting all playful," my Dad protested, grinning from ear to ear.
"I'll play with you later. Right now, I'm trying to do something nice," I pouted.
Both my parents tried their best to contain their mirth. How annoying was that! Huffing, I set my bag back down on the butcher block. "Don't touch!"
"Yes, sir!" my mother promised, looking like she was going to swallow her tongue while attempting to hold back her laughter. I wondered where they hid their lube.
I pulled at the ring with difficulty. It was smaller than my pinky, for sure. "Dammit, it's stuck." My parents watched curiously as I took a calm breath and tried again. Nothing. Frustrated, I pulled a bottle of Swiss Army Silicone out of my bag, and dripped some on the ring, over the sink, while they watched me attentively. Shit! How embarrassing. I turned the ring several times, attempting to keep it from Esme's eyes, and grasped it carefully, tugging hard. My hand flew sideways, spattering the sink and counter with lube, but the ring lay undamaged in my right palm. I smiled at it victoriously. Success!
Concealing the ring, I wiped it, my hands, the counter, and the sink on the dishtowel, and dumped the towel in the corner to be picked up later for laundry. Then I put my little red-capped bottle back where it belonged.
I took Esme's hand, and suspended my fist over it. "I never gave you this, even though it's your birthstone, because of the connotations. Chrysoprase means 'fertility'. Also, 'secrecy'. The setting's only sterling, so it's tarnished, but silver means 'success'. It was my mother's, but it wasn't her birthstone. She liked unusual gems." I let the ring drop into her palm. "Happy belated Mother's Day. I'm officially claiming you for my mother and my daughter's grandmother."
Esme's eyes turned a misty ochre, and she peeped at me shyly before putting the ring on her index finger. "Thank you, Edward. I'll never take it off."
"You'd better. It'll turn your finger green," I said, grabbing my bag and turning toward the door.
"Hey!" she said, stopping me.
"Yeah?" I checked.
"Where's my hug?"
I hurried back and kissed her on the forehead, giving her a quick hug. "Let me go hide my stash. Emmett and Rose are turning into the lane."
I left them giggling like a couple of twenty-somethings. Brats.
I made it halfway down the cobblestone path before I heard Em ask our mother why they were laughing. When she said I was cute when I was flustered, I stumbled over a rock. Since when had I become cute? I hurried onward before she could explain to Emmett why I was discombobulated.
If I wanted to pull the wool over his eyes and trick my brother into thinking I was a total perv, I would have to stop reacting to his teasing.
It was going to be more difficult than I thought. But, holy crow, if we could pull it off, it was going to be fun.
Several yards from my front door, the tenor of their thoughts, and the sound of their voices, faded out, and I was left in blissful silence.
I let myself in, closing the door quietly behind me in case my wife was still asleep. Her scent permeated the air of the cottage, familiar and sultry.
I peeped down the hall into our bedroom. She was lying halfway on her front, her head at the foot of the bed, her red eyes twinkling. Naked. Grr-wow. "Hey," she greeted me, undressing me with her eyes. Her dark hair cascaded over her sensual form, and spilled onto the gold coverlet. Could life be more perfect?
"Hey," I drawled, smouldering at her.
"Where have you been?" she winked. "I thought you'd loved me and left me."
Oh, so we were going to play that game. "Who, me? I am Mr Long Term Commitment," I drawled, standing casually in the doorway with my hands in my pockets. I approached the bed, kissed her briefly and held out the jewelry box. She sat up inquisitively, and hesitantly took it from me.
"You always know how to make the morning perfect," Bella sighed, quoting her own words from a day long ago.
My still heart overflowed with love. "You remember." I climbed onto the bed and crossed my legs, and she nodded. Sappy dates.
She closed her eyes and smiled. "How could I forget? July 21st, 2004, in Niagara. It was the morning after you first proved to me you had mad skills, by making me climax merely by stimulating my tits. I got your black velour pj's wet and I thought you were going to die of excitement. And you brought me presents that morning, too."
"A gold hair clasp and a BLT bagel," I smirked. Stroking a finger over the satiny wooden lid of the box, I opened it. "This is so much better. Choose".
My wife made a surprised noise, and looked at me questioningly.
"Most of this was my mother's," I said, swirling my finger through the glitter. "I thought, since we were moving, you could take your pick now, and anything you don't like can be gifted out before we leave."
Bella sat up, and we placed the box between us so that we could both examine the contents. She put her fingers inside, lips parted.
"Tell me what you're thinking?" I entreated.
She smiled softly, and shook her head a little. "I'm just thinking that everything in this box is so messy, and it's not ... your habit to be messy. Did your mother keep her baubles like this, or did some calamity happen to it?"
I smiled gently, blinking. "Her dressing table was a disaster, but her clothes and hair were always perfect. I rarely open it. Smell."
Tentatively, my Bella brought the case to her face, and inhaled. She turned to me, shocked. "I can smell her. Elizabeth."
"Yes," I said peacefully, drawing in the fading, comforting human scent from an age that had passed.
Bella snapped the lid shut on the case, looking panicky. "I can't take this from you. It has to be shut. We have to preserve it-"
I caressed her hand, smiling at her tenderly. "Bella, when I was all alone, feeling like nobody loved me or understood me, I needed that reminder. But now my life is so happy. I'd like to think she is at peace. She never really worried about me when she was alive. She always trusted me to be a good person. She made sure to tell me she loved me, and she told me Father loved me, too. She was always my great defender, see? And when ..." my face fell into sad lines. "When things got ... dark, I would get this out, and remind myself that she believed in me, and not to give up. I suppose it's why I never could give up hope, and I kept trying to be good. I never wanted to disappoint her."
I reopened the box, and lifted out the bracelet that I had so long dreamed of giving my mate. It looked wonderfully modern, with its 40 points of rose cut diamonds, jade beads, and irregularly-shaped pearls chained together in three strings, and a large piece of carved jade in the center. I held it to my face, and tried to see my mother's eyes. As always, so clear in pictures, they were blurry in my memory. But she was closer to me here than anywhere else. Smiling, I kissed the bracelet, and secured it by its old-fashioned, blue-and-white enamelled, gold clasp upon Bella's wrist.
"But-" Bella protested, lip trembling.
I closed my hand over the bracelet, and drew her wrist to my face, pressing my mouth to her pulse point and inhaling, as was my custom.
"Bella," I whispered, caressing her hand between mine. "My mother would have loved you. She would be very disappointed to think of her things languishing in a box, when you could be wearing them. She would want you to have them. I want you to have them."
"But her scent. It will be lost," she lamented.
"Well, we could keep the case closed, and it will stay in the velvet. It won't last forever, though, Bella. That's okay. I won't forget her. Let nature take its course. I can... let her go. It's time to stop living in the past."
She watched me steadily for several minutes, and I could just about see the wheels turning.
"Thoughts, Minx?"
"You've been wanting to give this to me for a long time, haven't you?" she husked.
"Yes. But I knew you'd kick up a fuss because it's valuable," I winked. "Besides, you might have dangled Jacob's wolf carving from it. I don't think I could have borne that."
"How valuable?" she moaned.
"No freaking! Only a couple of thousand dollars."
Bella turned the bracelet so she could admire its various parts. "It's beautiful, Edward. I absolutely love it. Thank you."
"It suits you, Bella," I said, brushing my fingers down her arm. How I loved it that she did not refuse my gifts any more. I thought she would like to hear more about this one. "My mother had a fancy gown: cream-coloured silk, that was japanned all down the back. Do you remember me telling you?"
"Japanning means it was painted, right?" she checked.
"Yes. It was very costly. Silk was hard to come by during wartime because it was needed to make parachutes. That's when skirts started to get shorter, and girls showed their ankles. Not that my mother did that, mind! Most dresses didn't have trains, or if they did, they were short. Just like your wedding dress: a short underskirt at the front, and an over-skirt with a short train. Well, Mother's gown criss-crossed at the front like a toga, and fell all loosely down the back. Her upper back was bare, and then all this silk cascaded down to the floor. There were dragons and peonies painted all down it. It was the most beautiful thing. I wish you could have seen it, Bella."
"Me too," she said, eyes soft and yearning.
" Anyhow, she wore this with it. There was a matching pendant. On the way home from a party one night the necklace broke, and the charm was lost. There are a few beads in here though, see?"
"Did she cry?" Bella wondered.
"Yep. My father couldn't bear her tears, so he bought her this one to replace it." I drew the charm out of the box. It was squarish, with a large piece of green jade not unlike the one in the bracelet, and tiny seed pearls. "It's not as nice, though."
" Mm. It's still a beautiful piece, though, Love," she declared. "You sure you want me to have it? What if something happens to it?"
"I'll buy you a new one," I shrugged.
"You're too good to be true. I love you, Edward Cullen."
"I love you, too, Mrs Cullen."
"I hope you won't mind if I don't wear it every day," Bella said cautiously.
"No, you can save it for special occasions, and times when I want to ogle you wearing it," I said nonchalantly. Now let's get this sorted out." Digging through the box, I sighed. "I don't know what to do with the jet pieces. Most of them were my Grandmother Cameron's."
"Your maternal grandmother?" My girl blinked curiously.
"Yes. Mairie Cameron."
"So, your mother was Elizabeth May Cameron Masen?" Bella asked, lashes fluttering.
"Elizabeth May Cameron Bartlett Masen," I corrected her. "My half-siblings were William Bartlett and Lizzy Bartlett. I still have young Bartletts on the Olympic Trust."
"Of course you do, because you are amazing," my mate declared, touching a playful finger to my nose.
In no time at all, the contents of the box were sorted out. We decided to leave a few things in the cask, like the jet pieces, the mourning brooch bearing the photograph of my grandfather, and a few things we wanted to save for Renesmee. We set aside a couple of pieces for Rose and Alice. The rest went into Bella's own jewelry case, which she kept beautifully organized.
"You can look at them any time you want," my wife informed me, closing her case. I picked up my mother's small cask, inhaling deeply, and closed it with reverence, passing it to Bella, who took it, and placed it in a drawer of the long dresser.
"What shall we do today?" she yawned, stretching, so that the light from the French door caught the diamond hanging from her belly button, not to mention her skin, sending sparkles dancing everywhere. The bracelet slid up her arm, hitting the light, and added its glitter to the spectacle.
"Up to you," I shrugged, fixated on her scintillating boobs. "I'm supposed to watch a game with Charlie tonight. That's the only consideration."
"Oh. I forgot to tell you. He phoned. The game's been moved to tomorrow night."
"Then I find myself free. Bring on the shackles," I winked, holding out my wrists.
"I can't believe you said that in conjunction with Charlie's name," my bride giggled.
"Well, I find myself in a mood. I want to replace unpleasant memories with good ones," I said, waggling my eyebrows.
"Tomorrow night, you're going out with the boys, then?"
"Well, some of them, anyway," I shrugged.
"Then I'll take Alice and Rose up on their offer," Bella grinned.
"What are you doing, Minx?" I asked with interest.
"They want to take me shopping in Seattle."
I snickered. "Do me a favour and have some fun with Rose. You won't get one over on Titch, but the fun starts now with Blondie."
"What have you got in mind?" my wife drawled.
"Get them to take you to some lingerie shops and buy some leather and latex. Black and red. Maybe some white."
Bella cackled. "Sounds divine."
"Be sure and buy some stuff you know she wouldn't be caught undead in," I said, grinning lopsidedly.
"I promise."
"Great. Now, I've been in a kind of nostalgic mood today ..." I began happily.
"So what would you like to do, Mr Cullen?" Bella crooned, undoing my top shirt button and twirling a finger into my chest hair. She found the cross, and stroked it. "That looks ... nice."
I swallowed. "Yeah. I was... uh, thinking about a trip to The Meadow."
My wife beamed. "I'll get dressed."
"I'll just ... put these away," I muttered, picking up my plastic bag.
"What's that?" Bella wondered. Busted.
I froze.
"Oh, you look like a naughty puppy. What have you got there?"
I swallowed hard, and passed it over. Bella peered inside.
"Oh my God! Is this your stash?" she squealed.
"Um. Yeah?"
She bounded onto the bed, and pulled out the drawings. I couldn't decide whether to stare at her or crawl under the bed and hide.
"Edward Masen Cullen! You're very naughty. I wondered what happened to these. I nearly died when Alice showed them to the Denalis. How did you get them?"
"Titch gave them to me," I mumbled, ducking my head.
"And what's this?" she grinned, holding up the photograph. It was one of the ones Alice took to publicize our engagement. One of the ones that would have become public over my ... undying body. One where most of Bella's backside was hanging out, and the back of her thighs hinted at pleasures yet unseen.
I was completely incapable of answering, truthfully or mendaciously. I felt wetness ooze out of me. That was gonna leave a mark.
Bella crawled off the bed and pressed her body against me, holding the picture between us. I swallowed hard, certain I was sporting no normal colour in addition to one very hard dick. She grasped the back of my neck, and pulled herself up to whisper against my mouth. "You jerked off to this, didn't you?"
Was I in trouble? Apparently not. My wife was attempting to crawl inside my clothes with me.
I decided life was pretty damn good. Then, she stepped back, grinning, to put the picture on the dresser, and left me leaning after her. She turned and looked back over her shoulder flirtatiously.
"Minx," I grunted. Pleaded. Prepared to grovel.
She winked, spreading Alice's drawings out on the bed. "Ginchy. I'm gonna have these framed. We should hang them in our room in Hanover."
I nodded brainlessly, then clued into what she had said. "What? No way, Bella. We're not hanging pornography on our walls."
"But it would shock the hell out of Em and Rose," she argued.
"No."
"Yes," she insisted.
"No, Bella. It's out of the question."
"Edward?"
"Yes?"
"Just because we construct a playroom does not mean we have to invite them in. It should be disconcerting enough for them, just seeing the stuff we take in there. We should practise saying what we're doing out loud. We can mess them up six ways to Sunday."
"You're suggesting we shouldn't be too ... blatant?" I checked.
"No. I think if we imply we're total sex fiends, it will be much better. Their imaginations are sure to construct wilder scenarios than we can enact."
"Okay," I said, anticipating the fun. And we could try things, and pretend we were only doing it to upset my brother. That would take the edge off our nerves. Win-win.
"So I can put these up?" Bella asked, gesturing at the five sketches.
I sighed. "Yes. But what if Em and Rose sneak in and go through our stuff when we're out?"
Bella smirked. "Then they'll deserve to see whatever bleach-worthy TMI they discover, right?"
I couldn't help grinning. "Yeah."
"Great! Let's go to our Meadow." Bella opened her underwear drawer and buried the sketches under her lacy bits and bobs. Then, she swept our bottles of lube into the drawer next to the bed, and hurried into the walk-in closet. Seconds later, she emerged, wearing a grey t-shirt dress and black Converse.
"Whatcha got under your dress, Bella?" I asked, fluttering my lashes at her.
"You'll have to catch me to find out," she winked.
"On your mark," I drawled, crouching, "get set... Go!"
With a squeal she vanished from my presence.
I gave her a head start. Not long enough to lose her, just enough to make it a bit of a challenge. I spared a moment to lock the door on my way out.
We rocketed into the forest, Bella in the lead, coming out parallel to Highway 101 North, and staying just behind the trees. Bella's peals of delighted laughter made mine bubble up in response. I didn't try to catch her. Instead, I let her have her fun. When we hit Highway 110, I called, "I'm gonna catch you where the pavement ends, Minx!"
"Good luck with that!" she howled, lifting her skirt to flash me a glimpse of bare butt.
"Brat!" I yelled, launching myself after her. She laughed, her Converse skipping through the dense underbrush. I followed gladly.
The pavement did, indeed, end. Bella stood at the end of it, uncertain as to which way to go. I crept up behind her, and crooned in her ear, making her jump. " 'Dahling, you cannot escape me. Mwah- mwah- mwah. She likes to play hard to get, no?' "
"Okay Pepe. Which way is it?" She gasped as I pulled her dress off one shoulder and licked a long line up her neck.
"You think I'm imitating Pepe LePew?" I protest. "That was supposed to be Tallulah Bankhead."
"Then we've discovered something you can't do," she says, eyeing me sarcastically.
"Ouch," I say. "Joshing, Bella. I was totally aiming for Pepe."
"Well, I know you do a mean Charlie. Now, are you going to tell me which way to go, before we run out of time?"
"Guess," I urged, wrapping my arms around her so I could caress Ren. She looked out into the forest, scouting.
"That way?" she asked after a moment, pointing.
"Yes, Minx. North-east. Your memory is getting strong. Can I carry you? For old time's sake?"
She wrapped one leg around mine, putting her left hand in my hair and her right around my neck. "There's just one thing I want to try."
"Anything."
"I want to reenact our first visit here, with a few changes," she murmured, velvety eyes rising to meet mine.
"Mmm. I wonder what those might be," I said, rocking her a little. "Up you go, Spider Monkey." I levered her onto my back, and she clung like one, placing a kiss on the juncture of my shoulder and neck.
I ran, enjoying the soft green light of the canopy above, the weight of my warm mate on my back, and the feel of moss under my feet. The birds were out in full force, their jaunty songs lending music to our journey. In no time at all, we had travelled the five miles to The Meadow. I stopped at its edge, and we sniffed cautiously for threats. Nothing. We were alone under the sun, save for birds and small forest creatures.
I set my Heart on her feet, and we stepped out into the long, dry grass, hand in hand. What do you know! Rainbows and butterflies, although the butterflies were admittedly getting very dopey from the cool weather. I looked at my mate, admiring the colours reflecting from her skin. We walked right into the middle of the circle, in the pool of light, our fingers caressing the last, fading summer blooms.
Looking at each other a bit cheekily, we sank down onto the ground, and I lay down while she sat beside me, as she had done the first time we came here: The day I kissed her. She sat, running her finger up and down my arm, as she had then. Only now, everything was different.
"March 12, 2004," she murmured, continuing to caress me.
"You know the date," I said, smiling at her a bit smugly.
"I will never forget that day, Edward. You lay here in the sun, trusting me, and let me touch your arms and hands. Your lips trembled, and you told me you were singing to yourself under your breath. I asked you to sing to me, and your eyes danced while you sang me a rather cryptic love song. And later, you showed up in my bedroom, and you kissed me so passionately. My entire world shifted. I loved you then, and I love you so much more now."
"It's the same for me," I promised her. "I'm so glad you're mine now. You and the baby."
"Me, too. You know, I wanted ... to see your chest that day. I wished I had been brave enough to ask you to take off your shirt, so I could touch you."
I breathed a laugh, and turned teasing eyes on my mate. "I probably would have eaten you, Minx."
"You want to eat me now, Mocha-chino?" she flirted shamelessly.
"Kiss me, you sex addict," I smirked.
"I can do that now. I can move without warning you, and get you right where I want you without fear," she growled. "I'm not afraid of you any more."
I grinned at her. "And just where do you want me, my Wildcat?"
"Right here," she declared, working to undo my shirt. I helped her, worried that she might break the buttons, and then undid my cuffs. Sitting, I moaned into her mouth as she helped to slide it down my back. Turnabout was fair play. I quickly tugged her knit dress over her head while she worked on my pants.
Growling, she tugged at them, desperate to get them down, leaving soft kisses on my body as she laid me bare. Without hesitation she straddled me, and lowered herself onto my almost painful erection. I reached up to clasp her arms, helping her to balance on her feet, watching her in worship as her features conveyed her love and ecstasy.
"So beautiful. My Bella. My beautiful love. My life is you. Thank you for choosing me, for not giving up. My beautiful one. My Bella. Mine. Unh! Oh, fuck!" I stammered, watching her bite her lip and glide up and down while my glistening cock proudly pronounced us mated.
Our heat flared, our bubble blocking out the peaceful sounds around us. I picked Bella up and wrapped her around me, still connected. I was a tad worried about setting the forest on fire. She clung to me almost like we could be melded into one entity, and I cradled the back of her neck in my hand, tipping her back a little to accommodate our daughter. She screamed gutturally, and I knew that I had to be hitting her g-spot.
"Edward! Mine!" she squealed, her pleasure going supernova.
"M-yeah!" I gasped, watching, always watching and greedy for more. Grateful that she did not hide her passion from me. She trusted me implicitly. She always had. My Bella.
"Mine. Mine forever! Hunnh!" I garbled, crushing her to me while she babbled and called out my name, her juices running hotly down my legs. She juddered, legs jerking, while I choked out praise and pleasure. My back swayed, and I felt my abdomen tighten, and my balls squeeze as I delivered my essence into her mysterious depths, while our eyes locked, faces completely absorbed with, and attuned to, one another. My whole body shook with it, rattling my teeth while she rocked my world.
There was nothing in Creation as good as making love to my Bella. She let her head fall onto my shoulder, and purred contentedly.
"My world is so much bigger now, because of you," I avowed, rocking from foot to foot.
"I think you have that backwards," she rasped.
"I think we're both right," I sighed, nuzzling her neck as I swayed her. I remembered standing in the airport, heading for Rio, when she leaped into my arms. How far we had come since then!
Sighing, she carefully put her feet down, and I went back to sitting in the high grass, Bella on my lap. Probably, were anyone to hike by, they would not even know we were there.
"I love you, Isabella Marie," I told her.
"I love you, too, Edward Anthony," she sighed, hands still wrapped around my neck. Between us, the baby fluttered, not lulled into sleep for once. We smiled tenderly, placing our hands over the product of our love, and our daughter rolled curiously, as if to say, 'what the heck are you doing out there?'. Bella and I stared, completely blissed out, as Ren turned her mother's tummy into odd shapes.
"I know one thing," Bella smirked.
"That so?" I drawled, eyelids heavy with satisfaction.
"Tigger has your muscle."
We chuckled together, and I pulled Bella down to my mouth, begging for her affection and affirmation, and giving as much back as I could muster. We kissed thoroughly, for a very long time, until the relentless need built in us again, and we answered it.
"You never used to kiss me like this, Mr Cullen," my wife flirted, smiling slightly as she rolled her hips on top of me.
"Mmm. There's another way I never used to kiss you, Mrs Cullen," I growled archly, plundering her mouth with my tongue and her pussy with my cock.
"Really," she gasped, panting.
"Ye-ah. When I've loved you so hard that Mr Ed just can't take any more, I'm going to ravish every inch of you with my mouth, then swallow your essence, until you get so dehydrated that you forget your own name and I have to carry you off to find food."
"Holy crow! Is that possible?" she blinked at me with black eyes.
"I think so. We're going to find out."
"Do it!"
o~o~0~o~o
The steam permeated everything. I scooped up a handful of water and trickled it over Bella's chest, taking away the last traces of blood. Bella had caught a bear. Yeah, it was old and slow, but still, it was a bear. How great was that? Emmett would be so impressed. And jealous.
She rested her head against my chest, sighing as she reached up to cup my bearded cheek. I washed her face and throat, erasing the last traces of her meal.
"It's nice here, in the dark," she murmured.
"Peaceful," I agreed, nuzzling her wet head. It was as dark out as the sky could get for vampires, and I loved it. All I could hear over our purring was the sound of crickets, that were determined to sing out the end of summer. A cloud of mosquitoes approached us, and immediately flew away. There were definitely some perks to being a vampire. Like all-day sex marathons. "You okay?"
"M-yeah," she moaned, then yawned, "just tired."
"You should be," I laughed against the corner of her mouth. "Not everybody spends fourteen hours making love, you know."
"Not everybody has a lover like you, either," my wife declared, grabbing my jaw so she could kiss me. "Mmm!" she squealed, crossing her eyes humorously. "Tastes like chicken."
"Bella!" I giggled. "I sincerely doubt it. Chicken tastes awful. You taste good."
"Claro, Bonito. You guys don't go much for poultry, do you?" she sighed.
"Tastes too watery, and tends to spoil before you can pull the feathers off. Besides, do you realize how many turkeys each one of us would have to suck dry to get enough nourishment? Our family could devastate everyone's Thanksgiving on the Olympic Peninsula single-handed."
"We can't have that, can we?" she purred, kissing me again. Mr Ed attempted to rally, and collapsed, exhausted.
"I can't believe I wore you out," she giggled, bumping my arm with her fist.
"Fourteen hours, thirty-eight times? You'll be lucky if I can walk home," I declared smugly.
"You were trying to get another nap. Admit it."
"Hmm. Was fun trying."
"You sore?" she wondered.
"Little twinge once in a while. You?" I asked, cradling her close.
"Clit hurts a little. It may sound weird, but I'm kinda ... excited that it's a bit sore."
My jaw dropped, and then I shut it, shaking my head. "You're thinking more and more like a vampire."
"Huh?" she asked, rolling over eagerly to look in my eyes.
"Well, it's not like I enjoy pain, but feeling it is ... almost... mentally refreshing?"
"I know, right?" she squeaked. How insane was that! We burst into laughter again, and it escalated until we were positively giddy.
"Oh, this is so messed up," I sighed, shaking my head while my wife gulped for air. "Don't be looking for ways to replicate this sensation, 'kay? I'm not a masochist."
"Thank God! Although that would really shock Carlisle."
"Shock you, too," I growled, leaning my head back against the rocks.
We fell quiet, listening to the sounds of the forest, while the hot spring heated us through.
"Nice to be here," I murmured.
"Mm. Holds good connotations."
"You got that right," I smirked. "I'm surprised you didn't push me in again."
"That was more fun when it was hard to do," she informed me.
"Hmph! This is where I brought Em and Jazz for my bachelor party, you know."
"Ah. So you're the one who blew the cover off our secret girl spa? I thought they took you to some BDSM convention," she grinned, peeking at me.
"That was earlier in the week. The night before the wedding, we went hunting, and then I started a mud fight, and we ended up here. Boy, Esme was so ticked off when we traipsed into the garage in soggy, muddy clothes. She gave Carlisle orders to burn our shoes."
We were back to chuckling again, when it occurred to me. "Bella?"
"Yes Mocha-chino?"
"I don't think I ever thanked you for something,"
"Mm?"
"I never expected to laugh for joy again. Thanks ... for giving that back to me."
"It's one of my favourite things about you, your laugh."
"Yeah, me too," I sighed grandly, peeking at her. My mate did not disappoint. She put both hands on top of my head and pushed me down, but I just sat under the water, laughing. When she decided to let me up, I was still slaying myself.
"Don't get cocky!" she told me, eyes rolling.
"But I'm so good at it," I grinned, providing the perfect opportunity for her to splash water right into my mouth. Yuck. I spit it out, shuddering. "Urgh! I seriously have to learn to read your mind!"
"Where would the fun in that be?" she protested.
"Well, it would sure help when we're trying to pull a joke on Em and Rose," I coaxed.
"True, true. I may have to reconsider my stance on it," she winked.
o~o~0~o~o
Friday, September 9th, 2005, 8 pm:
Edward's pov:
There was a 'For Sale' sign stuck on the front lawn. I stood hesitating outside the door, a hot pan in one hand, a six pack of Vitamin R in the other, and listened to the roars of masculine laughter emanating from the house. I tried to separate their jumbled thoughts, to give myself a heads-up as to who might be within. The place reeked of Kwoli. Without warning, the door flew open, and I flinched.
"Edward!" Seth yelled. "Coolio! Hey peeps, Edward's here!" He bellowed it so loudly, they probably heard him in the Amazon.
There went my last opportunity for running and screaming. I put on my best 'harmless and friendly' look, and crept shyly up the steps. Charlie popped his head out the door, and frowned at me.
"Well hurry up boy, game's starting, time's a-wasting. Ooh! Is that from Esme?" he asked, grabbing the pan.
"Uh, yes sir. Jalapeno poppers. She thought you all might like them." I ran my hand through my hair.
Charlie peeled back the aluminium foil with an appreciative sniff, and exhaled loudly. "Get your ass in here. Hey, boys! Lookie what Esme sent us."
Charlie set the pan down on the coffee table, and about a dozen hands snatched at its contents. Good thing Esme sent enough for a small army, because it felt like every guy over seventeen who lived in LaPush was here. Geez Louise. Paul, Sam, Embry, Quil, Brady, Jacob, Jared, Billy, and Old Quil. Oh, and Seth. And the black dog. All stuffed in Charlie's little sitting room, waiting to overwhelm me with doggy-smell. Wonderful. I set down the beer and slid unobtrusively into a corner, eyeing Sam and Paul a little anxiously.
"Just look at him," a familiar voice sighed. "Can't even walk straight."
"Shame," another familiar voice tsked.
Gawping, I picked my way through the roomful of guffawing men to pull up a spot on the floor between Jazz and Em. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
Moral support.
My open mouth turned up in a smile. This was okay. This was good. If the Kwoli turned on me, I wouldn't be alone.
"Awful nervous, aren't you?" Charlie rumbled.
"No," I squeaked mendaciously. Everybody laughed again.
"Like a virgin... Touched for the very first time..."
My eyes flew in shock to the kitchen doorway. My father was sauntering in nonchalantly, carrying a huge tray of steaming nachos slathered in cheese and beef and other nasty things. Laughing, all the men joined in on my least favourite song. I blushed silver to the roots.
"What's wrong?" Seth yelled, panicking.
"Aw, don't pay him any mind. He's just blushing," Jasper shrugged.
I whirled on Carlisle. "Need I remind you, Father, that you were a virgin one hell of a lot longer than I was? And nobody teased you about it?"
"And who was going to tease me? The only person around at the time was you, and like you had anything to say about it," he reminded me.
I growled a little, and Emmett cuffed me upside the back of my head.
"I didn't think you had a circulatory system," Sam remarked curiously.
"Well, we do. It's just not like yours," my father said, extending his legs in front of him and crossing his ankles.
"Doesn't that beat all," Billy said, smiling in the corner, his dog curled up beneath his wheels. "Hi Edward, how's it hangin'?"
"Peachy," I said, blinking back surprise and anxiety.
"It should be falling off. Did you and Bella even make it home last night?" Emmett demanded.
They all watched me expectantly. I wasn't going to get out of answering. "No." I looked around surreptitiously for Charlie's gun, but it was nowhere in sight. Then, shockingly, a lot of men were crowing with glee and slapping me on the back. I was astounded. A lot of them were proud of me. Especially my Dad. And Charlie was ruefully amused. How great was that!
"I bet you're glad you don't have to sneak around anymore," Jacob teased. "No more climbing in and out of windows at night."
Holy crap! I was a dead man. Jacob Black just handed me over to the wolves. Literally. I was counting on Charlie to be my great defender in face of these vampire-haters. And now, my father-in-law was going to have my balls. The best way to rid me of 'nads was to hand me over to Sam, who didn't trust me. Craptastic! How the hell was I going to get out of this one?
I fixed hollow eyes on a scowling Charlie, but as usual, I was not able to piece together much useful information out of his oddly-encrypted brain. I wondered, again, where the gun was.
"Did you sneak into my baby girl's room at night, boy?"
I did my level best to have a heart attack, without success. Could vampires hyperventilate? Because I definitely needed an excuse to pass out. I decided attempting to hyperventilate myself into unconsciousness was worth a shot.
"Man, I had no idea vampires were prone to fits," Paul said sotto voce. Some of the dirtier-minded men roared with laughter, picturing me and Bella in her room, in all manner of lewd scenarios, with Charlie right next door, oblivious to everything.
I slid a finger under the collar of my tee, swallowing hard, and tried harder than was inhumanly possible to read what Charlie was thinking. One picture came through loud and clear: One nice, shiny police revolver.
"Where's. my. gun?" Charlie growled, eyes narrow.
When faced with this large a number of predators, there was only one thing to be done: play dead until they got complacent, then run like hell. I figured, since I didn't need to breathe, and I didn't have a pulse, that I might just get away with it. Clutching my throat, I allowed my eyes to roll back in my head, and keeled over with an almighty, house-shaking thud. Hey, it got Esme off my back once.
"Edward!" my father yelled obligingly, running to attend me. "Edward! Are you conscious?"
Right. Like I was going to answer that? I was playing dead. Why wouldn't Carlisle play along? I swivelled an eye toward him beseechingly. He gave the tiniest of nods, acknowledging that he knew I was acting. "He's dead!" he announced melodramatically to the room at large. "He's had an apoplexy."
I just discovered, after 86 years, that my Dad was a terrible actor.
"Oh, no! Oh, no!" my brothers boo-hooed, hugging each other. Morons. Just try to get out of this one, Bimbo.
"A what?" Sam demanded. What will it mean for the Treaty if he dies and stays dead? Thick much?
"A stroke!" Carlisle said hotly. I am going to have some fun with this. Told yer not to lie to Charlie, twitterpate.
"You've got to help him! You've got to save him!" Seth wailed, dancing around me in agitation. Poor Edward! Poor Bella. OMG Bella is gonna murder her own father! Poor kid. He was buying it.
"Well don't just stand there, Carlisle, do something!" Charlie said in agitation. Kid's faking. Damn!
My Dad sighed mournfully. "There's nothing I can do, Charlie. We don't have beating hearts, so I can't give him CPR. You see, when he had his fit, the electrical impulses shorted out his brain. He's brain dead. When that happens to a person, there's nothing to be done to save him."
Seth's thoughts turned wary. He wasn't buying that. Neither were Billy or Paul.
"There has to be something!" Charlie exclaimed melodramatically. "I was only kidding with him!" I've got your number, kid. Trained officer, remember? I've had your number for a long time. "I was pretty sure for months that he was sneaking in. Bella gets this naughty look when she's lying to me, see? And a lot of the time, when I went to check on her at night, her breathing wasn't right for being asleep. And sometimes she left the window open in February. And sometimes his shirt was on the floor. Or a shoe. And he has this particular scent that isn't like anything else. At first I wanted to tan his hide, but they got married, so I thought I'd tease him about it. I wasn't gonna shoot him, Carlisle! I was only playing with him." How long are you gonna play dead, Edward?
Hey! I just Heard him perfectly. So he was purposefully communicating with me now?
The man was more perceptive than I thought. Seriously? He was going to tease me about sneaking in? Gah! It was all I could do to resist sitting up and giving him a piece of my mind for pretending he was going to shoot me tonight. He hadn't been genuinely angry this time, like he was the evening Bella and I made Ren. He was only pulling my leg. I suppressed a growl with difficulty. Somehow, I would get my revenge.
"Well, it's too late now," my Dad sighed brokenly. "You're just going to have to explain to Bella that you and Jacob killed him."
While Em and Jazz's brains buzzed with delightful daydreams, and Charlie laughed inwardly, a few of the men fell into stunned silence, and then panicked. I wondered if Jazz was lending some spice to my little drama.
"Oh my god, Bella's gonna feed me my balls!" Jacob howled in complete seriousness. "You have to do something, Carlisle!" There was a chorus of 'yeahs' from the Kwoli Ute, most of whom had already figured out that I was faking. Probably the fact that Carlisle was not in hysterics had something to do with that.
"Yeah, Bella's gonna kill us all," Charlie declared in a wobbly voice, acting looney. Despite his going along with the fun, I wasn't feeling inclined to let him off the hook for the various occasions when he had frightened years off my life. I still could feel those cuffs around my wrists, Bella in hysterics in the back of the cruiser, and the subsequent humiliation we suffered in front of my family. Here I'd been worried for ages that he would find out I was a sneaky snogger, and now that we were married he had changed his mind about murdering me, and had decided to play a practical joke instead? Oh, no. Sorry, Charlie, I don't think so. I will get you back somehow.
Carlisle hummed, pretending to consider options for 'treating' me. "Well, there's one thing that might work, but only a Kwoli could do it. Vampire lungs don't expand or contract so we can't help, and humans aren't strong enough either, so it will have to be you, Jacob. Is this kid ever gullible. This is my ultimate revenge for all your hijinks, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen.
What? He brought out all the names. I'm in shit. Huh? Oh, no way, José. Carlisle's little plan was so not going to happen.
"What do you want me to do, Carlisle?" Jacob asked anxiously, wanting desperately to help.
"You'll have to give him mouth-to-mouth," Carlisle intoned solemnly. All the Kwoli Ute in the room went 'eeeew' in their minds, laughing internally, while Charlie considered it the best revenge ever invented, and Em and Jazz wondered how to get it on camera.
Jacob was confused. "Mouth-to-mouth? But his lungs don't work." My Dad was right. Totally gullible. Carlisle was in need of a shovel to clean up his bull, and nobody else was buying the story any more. I thought about stopping my act, but I was curious to see what would happen. I'm seventeen. Sue me. Jazz thought about bending Jacob's logic receptors. Everybody else was waiting for the punchline.
Carlisle brought out the Doctor Card. "Ah, but you see, we do have oxygen in our bodily cells. It circulates within the cells and keeps our brains performing at their peak. It's why you never meet a stupid vampire. We're all super-intelligent because of all the oxygen molecules floating around inside us. If you blow in Edward's mouth, all the oxygen will immediately be absorbed into his cells, and it might just jump start his brain."
What a load of garbage! And the amazing thing was, the Kwoli were going along with it, nodding and grunting confirmation, and Jacob was buying my Dad's 'logic'. I couldn't decide if Carlisle was channelling his inner Lawrence Olivier or Dustin Hoffman. I couldn't decide whether to get up and kill him, or run for my life, or sit up and say 'boo, ass-hole'.
Jacob gulped heavily, and cleared his throat. Then he rushed at me with a shitload of determination. Before I could unfreeze myself, he had hold of my head in both hands, and was inflating his lungs with air to-
"Jesus God save me!" I howled, slamming my hands into his chest to push him away. "Touch my mouth and die, ass-hat! Holy shit, Carlisle! Were you really gonna let him kiss me? Ew! Get away from me fucker!" I scrambled backward until I hit wall, then froze, terrified that Jacob would lose his temper.
The room exploded into laughter. Mega-laughter. Mega-mega-mega laughter. And Charlie? He was laughing as much as my Dad. I gawped at him. The breath I had been holding flooded out, and I felt the colour come back into my cheeks. Jacob was standing over me, stunned. Little slow on the uptake tonight. "You moron! You punk! I can't believe you bought Carlisle's bullshit hook, line and sinker. What the fuck were you thinking? Mouth-to-mouth on a vampire isn't gonna save one, it's only gonna get you poisoned." I shook my finger at Carlisle. "Dad, just you wait 'til I get a hold of you. I'm gonna tell Bella. I'm gonna tell Mom. See who's laughing then, you crazy son of a bitch!"
"That was the funniest thing I've seen since the day Charlie brought you home in your pants!" Carlisle giggled.
Jacob's breath whooshed out, and he rested his hands on his hips. "Thank God you're not dead. Bella would have shredded me."
"No shit, Sherlock. Gullible much?" I growled, while the group cackled and quoted my father's more memorable phrases. Jacob peeked up at me, the corner of his mouth lifting. "Well, at least you're a good sport," I told him.
"That was so funny!" Seth squeaked.
"Aw, Edward," my father-in-law grunted fondly around a mouth stuffed with nachos, shaking his head. "You remind me so much of me." Got a tale or two to tell you, boy.
"This from the man who gave me grief about sleeping under his roof with my fiancée two nights before the wedding?" I huffed, pulling out my best Charlie impersonation: " 'Oh, Edward. You can sleep here as long as there's no hanky-panky, since the groom got kicked out of his house, and Renée is in your bed doing God knows what right now' ". Seriously, Charlie? You knew, and you still went ahead with the chastity rule?"
Charlie put another greasy nacho in his mouth. "Thanks for confirming my suspicions, kid."
I blanched, wishing I could retrieve my word-vomit. Charlie swallowed his disgusting mouthful of loaded chip. "Relax, kid. I'm not gonna shoot ya. I know you two were pretty well-behaved. Since I got to know you properly, I've never had reason to complain about how you treat Bells. You're a good guy. And dang if you're not funny."
"God, even when they look normal, they don't look normal," Jared snorted.
"Yeah, I know, right?" Embry snickered.
A small, shy smile lifted my mouth, and I raised bashful eyes to an affectionate Charlie. "So when did you start sneaking in?" he asked around his snack, not one trace of a murder plot in his head.
"Um, before or after Bella knew I was doing it?" I asked sheepishly. Everyone present hooted and clapped. Apparently, I was to be the Entertainment for the evening, and Charlie was still laughing right along with the rest of them. Who knew? I fixed a beady eye on him. "S'cuse me, but aren't you the guy who handcuffed me and dragged me home-"
"-nearly naked-" Jasper and Em interjected in stereo.
"-to report me to my parents for uh ... compromising your daughter's chastity?" I finished.
"Well, I didn't know you then, Edwin. I thought you were no good, and you were going to love my daughter and leave her. Besides, I was deathly afraid you were gonna knock her up, and it's obvious that horse was out of the barn before I shut the door."
I cleared my throat. The ball was in my court and I had absolutely no comeback. Again. What was wrong with me? "We didn't. I mean... we didn't." Elegant, Cullen.
"Stud." Emmett growled.
"Didn't even have the fun before the punishment," Jasper sighed, shaking his head sorrowfully.
"If you'd only had the guts to tell me about mate bonds, I wouldn't have been so worried," Charlie said, eyes dancing as he stuffed a very heavily-laden tortilla chip in his mouth. Ew.
"Yeah. I could just see that happening. Bella and I joshed about it, you know. Just imagine: 'Hi, Chief, I'm Edward Cullen, your daughter's mate. By the way, I'm a Cold One and your best friend wants to murder me and hang my sparkly pelt on the garage door before I can bite your daughter and turn her into a leech. Come over and meet my parents. For dinner?'."
Everyone snickered. It was Charlie's turn to look sheepish.
"You would have shot me," I declared.
"Nah," he said dismissively, exchanging delighted glances with his pals.
"Yes you would, and the slug would have ricocheted like JFK's magic bullet and probably would have wiped both you and Bella out, leaving me devastated. Or else my father the surgeon, over there, would have had to stop your blood from flowing. One way or another."
Carlisle snorted. This is why I love you so much.
"Would-a been a few less ticks in the woods," Billy said with a wink.
"Thank you, Billy," Charlie said acerbically.
"Or a couple more," I muttered.
"I'm only kidding ya. Who would have ever thought that Edward had a sense of humour?" Billy beamed.
"Certainly not me," Jacob pouted. I wonder what he has to do with my mate?
I stared at him, perplexed. I wondered, too, but I had promised Alice not to try and figure it out.
"Edward is a great kid," Charlie said. "He managed not to murder Renée after living with her for three days. My bet is she asked everything about his sex life and offered pointers. He's a saint. Am I right, kid?"
"I barely survived intact," I said stonily.
"So what did you think of that, Bro?" Jazz asked slyly.
"Yeah, what did Mr Ed have to say?" Em cackled.
"Most guys name their own junk, you know, Emmett," I said, exasperated.
"You were slacking, Eddie-boy. I just picked a great name for you, ya know, to help you out."
"Yeah, whatever," I sighed. Jacob and Embry took Billy and Old Quil's plates and refilled them, crawling past me in order to do so. Then, they crawled past me a second time, to give the plates back. It was a little creepy, seeing them look so subservient. Surely they weren't doing it on purpose.
"So what did he say about your mother-in-law talking about things that are not Victorian Approved?" Jasper pushed, interrupting my train of thought.
"All Mr Ed has to do is hear the words 'Renée' and 'sex' in the same sentence, and he's comatose," I told them, shuddering.
"I bet he's not comatose any other time!" Seth brayed.
"Kid! Not in front of my father-in-law! He has a gun," I stage-whispered, and everyone laughed again. I looked up at the TV. "Oh, look! Mariners are down a point."
"Who cares?" Charlie drawled. "Watching you squirm is a lot more fun."
I gave him my best death-glare, which he ignored. Shades of Bella. "I'll have you know that I am a very terrifying monster."
"Bella's right. He's cute when he's flustered," Jasper muttered to Em. I decided that a change of subject was in order.
"I don't know how you can eat that stuff," I said to Charlie, wrinkling my nose and ignoring Jasper utterly.
"It's good. Wanna try it?" Charlie offered, holding the pan out.
"No offence, Charlie, but I prefer my beef on the hoof."
"You don't know what you're missing," my Dad-in-law declared.
"Pass," I grunted.
"Dare you to eat one," Emmett said, grinning from ear to ear as he sat, legs akimbo, on the floor, with the coffee table between us.
"What do I get if I do it?" I growled smoothly. There were a lot of pleased groans, of the type that precede the setting of wagers. I raised a brow to encourage Emmett to gamble high.
"Uh... I'll let you be the Big Brother for a month," Emmett suggested.
"Bring it on. You are going down, Little Brother," I said, scooting closer to the coffee table.
"You mean you're gonna? Hey! I haven't set the rules yet!" Emmett protested.
I rolled my eyes at him. "What are the rules, Baby Brother?"
"Uh, you have to eat it fully loaded, with some of everything on that tray. And... you have to keep it down for at least an hour. No yakking it up until Bella and the girls are back."
"Child's play," I declared, waving him off.
"Bets!" Jasper yelled, and everyone quickly chose up sides and threw money in a ball cap.
There was a rush for a good view, while Charlie loaded up a largish nacho with a little bit of everything. I recognized olives, onions, sour cream, red peppers and mushrooms, but some of it was unidentifiable. At least most of the unidentifiable things were red. Charlie used another nacho to scrape on a disgusting amount of drippy cheese. How nauseating.
Emmett leaned over me and dropped a few jalapenos on top. "There ya go, Tough Guy," he said, giving me a condescending pat.
"Better tell Rose I'm in charge for a month," I said, accepting the nacho from Charlie.
"I hope you realize Bella isn't going to kiss you for a week," Emmett sneered.
I hesitated. Nah, never happen. Carefully, I picked up the nacho in my fingers and bit it. The rest of it shattered and went splat all over my palm. It was without a doubt the most disgusting thing I had ever eaten. Grimacing, I chewed it up and forced it down.
"Oh, Geez, that was ... ulkh!" I gasped, sucking it off the roof of my mouth, then sticking out my tongue.
"All of it," Emmett ordered.
I hesitated, eyes screwed shut and head tipped to the side. More bets changed hands.
"Woot! Woot! Woot!" the people on my side encouraged me.
"You're gonna lose," the people on Em's side jeered.
Slowly, so that they could see, I brought the handful of inedible matter to my mouth, and licked my palm. I chewed the bits up as quickly as I could, downed them, and shuddered. "Yuck."
"You are no way gonna be able to keep that down for an hour," Emmett grinned.
"Watch me," I said smugly.
"What's it taste like to you?" Seth wanted to know.
I busily scrubbed off my mouth and hands with the paper towel my father handed me. "Um, I have very little frame of reference, but if I had to make a guess, then mold, tar, rotten milk, used feminine supplies, and Newton's gym socks."
"Ew!" Everyone present whined.
I ran my tongue over my teeth. "Am I allowed to brush my teeth, Baby Bro?"
"Nope," he declared smugly.
"Am I allowed to dig the crap out that's stuck between my gums and bottom lip?" I begged.
"Only if you do it here so we can see you eat it," Em shrugged.
"Pardon my manners," I said, slipping my finger in my mouth and chasing out the crumbs. "Holy cow that's god-awful."
"Want a drink?" Charlie offered.
I looked at Em for permission. "Be my guest," he invited.
I took Charlie's Ranier and swished it through my mouth like it was Listerine, tipped back my head, gargled, and swallowed it, smacking my lips. "Ah. Better," I declared, to Em's chagrin. I handed the bottle back to Charlie, feeling smug.
"What's that taste like?" Seth wanted to know.
"Fizzy water," I told him.
"Waste of good beer," Charlie sighed, turning his attention to the TV.
After that, everyone settled down to watch the game, and I used the majority of my brain to think about the upcoming college experience with Bella. Before I knew it, the Mariners had beaten Baltimore, and Sue and the rest of the females were trooping noisily into the house.
"All over?" she asked Charlie.
"Yep. We won, 3-2."
"Congratulations," she crooned, grabbing his jaw and giving him a kiss.
Leah rolled her eyes and headed upstairs. "Seth? I got you something. Putting it in your room."
"Thanks, Leah," he beamed, starting toward the front hall. He stopped dead in front of Bella, and started to laugh and point at her belly. She gave him a dirty look. "What? No, now I understand Edward's shirt," he said apologetically.
Everybody looked at us and laughed at our black shirts. On mine was an electric plug. On hers was a receptacle. I walked to my wife, and put my arm around her. "Hi," I smouldered.
"Ew! What have you been doing? You smell like- ew," she said, hiding her nose behind her hand.
"I won a bet," I declared proudly. "Emmett? I win."
"Alright, Tough Guy. Go yak it up."
"Thank you," I sang, turning my attention back to Bella. "Did you find some good stuff?"
Rosalie appeared at my elbow, looking stunned. I can't believe she bought him-
I winked at my mate. "Did you get me a present?" The power of suggestion is great. Rosalie immediately pictured a ball gag. I looked at Bella proudly. We were going to freak the hell out of Rose and Em. "Well done, wife."
