52: Facing Fears: Part I

(Unofficial A/N: This happens right after the Harry-Jo conversation in the previous chapter, and it might help to recall or reread the scene xD)

Seamus was never a light sleeper. Normally, he'd sleep through the night no matter how loud the disturbance, and wouldn't wake up until Dean takes away his covers. Therefore, it was just his luck when he woke up in the middle of the night to get some water, and heard whispers before he could even get up. For the newly-turned sixteen-year-old, the only sensible option was to wait and listen. So, he sank deeper into his bed and turned over, as to better hear the conversation.

"Are you sure, mate?" came Ron's voice, sounding hesitant, "I can call my terrier, you know, and stay if you want."

"I'm not pushing you away," it was Harry, sounding as collected as he usually did when left alone, "I just need time to think, yeah? And, well, I promise I won't push you away when I'm done thinking."

"If you say so," sighed Ron, not sounding satisfied at all, then there were strange noises that sounded like Ron whispering into Harry's ears, before Harry spoke.

"I'll talk to him as soon as I can," said Harry.

Seamus could picture him smiling reassuringly: even for the past months when the relationship between the two had been tense, he still knew his classmate well. He heard Ron's quiet steps moving towards his bed before the bed sank with the weight. He waited for another five minutes after hearing Ron's snoring, before finally getting up quietly, fully expecting a peacefully sleeping dormitory.

However, he gasped at the sight as he drew his curtains open. Harry was standing, pointing his wand nervously at him from the edge of his own bed; beside him, a silver stag stood still, shimmering but still radiating light and warmth from its form. At the sight of him, the tension on Harry's face faltered as he dropped down into his own bed and dropped his wand. Seamus noticed he didn't put it away like he would always do.

"Good Heavens, Seamus," he gasped, "Don't do that! I thought -"

He trailed off, looking at him in horror. Tired, thirsty, and bewildered, Seamus gulped at him.

"Sorry, mate," said Harry, sounding dejected, "Didn't mean to scare you."

It took Seamus one second to understand he wasn't being attacked. He slowly walked over to the water stand and poured himself a glass. Behind him, Harry turned back to his silver stag, who were glowing even brighter and warmer now that Harry was staring at him. Even Seamus, who hadn't respected Harry much recently, had to admit it was a good piece of magic. He finished his water in five gulps, before turning back, ready for bed.

He stopped, however, at the sight of Harry brooding. Having shared the dorm for four years, even Seamus could recognize the face, especially now that he'd seen it more often. What was different, however, was that none of Harry's usual friends were here, or awake.

"Are you alright?" Seamus sat down beside him. He didn't know why he did it, just the look on his classmate's face told him it might be a good idea.

"Hmmm?" Harry jumped a little, made a move to raise his wand again, before coming back to his senses and relaxing, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"What's that?" asked Seamus, pointing at the stag.

"A Patronus," said Harry plainly. He could be painstakingly quiet sometimes.

"And you conjured that?" Seamus tried again, not bothering to sound unimpressed. For all he knew, his mother couldn't conjure one.

"Yeah."

"D'you want me to go away?" Seamus was panicking. It felt like such a good idea to try and reconcile with Harry, but was he not welcomed?

A shrug was all he got this time. He took it as 'Yes', and stood up.

"You know The Quibbler?"

Seamus turned around, Harry was looking at him with curiosity. He nodded before sitting back down.

"The whole school's talking about it," he told him, "I've never gotten my hands on one, though."

"And the DA?" asked Harry. There was something in his voice that Seamus couldn't quite name.

"The DA? The mysterious secret Defence club that nobody knows anything about?" he sent a searching look to the boy beside him, who nodded,

"What d'you think about it?"

"I think," said Seamus slowly, he had heard rumours about the club, but couldn't really believe its existence, "It'd be awesome to really learn Defence like that, but, well, I'm not sure if it's a real thing."

There was a pause for a few seconds, before Harry spoke again, quietly but clearly, "I run it."

Seamus turned to his classmate in shock. Harry, however, looked mildly relieved at his reaction. "You're welcome to join," he added, "I could take you there when we know when the next meeting is."

"Hang on," Seamus shifted to better look at his classmate, "You mean you run the illegal club that teaches people how to fight, and don't even know when the meetings are?"

"Yes," said Harry, pausing before explaining, "We don't have set days. Well, there's a meeting everyday, actually, for people who want extra practice or just to socialise, but real teaching sessions are once every week, nobody knows until the morning of. That's how we keep it from Umbridge."

"That's bloody brilliant!" gulped Seamus, "Going against that horrid woman like that!"

Harry grinned in amusement, "So you're in?"

"Are you joking?" there was no way to not take part in a secret rebellion, now that Seamus knew about it, "Just, tell me when it is, will you?"

"Ask Dean to drag you to the next meeting tomorrow," Harry suggested, still looking amused, "Tell him I invited you. Me telling you will be too suspicious."

Seamus nodded, before standing up and rubbing his eyes. Then, he remembered why he was here.

"He's really back, isn't he?" he asked. It was no more than a whisper, but it seemed to take all his energy to just pronounce every word.

"Yes," a cloud seemed to cover Harry's eyes again, "Tom Riddle is back."

Seamus didn't want to ask who Tom Riddle was. He didn't want to know. All he knew was Harry had forgiven him, and frankly, he didn't want to antagonize him anymore.


Harry sat on his bed, studying every inch of Prongs' form for what felt like a thousandth time, yet all he could think about was Ron's words earlier. You're scared, he said. Naturally, Harry denied the statement right away. But now that he had thought about it, Ron might just have been right. Maybe it was why he kept pushing people out again. Even though he hadn't dared to even think about withdrawing from Ron, Hermione and Ginny, the arguments and silent treatments with Cedric, Susan, Neville, Luna, and even Draco and Astoria, were solid proof that he had been pushing everyone who cared about him out, again. And of course, there was Sirius and Remus, who he hadn't talked to since Halloween. And he thought about why he would turn them away: he was trying to protect them, the same reason he broke up with Ginny; he was scared they'd get hurt because of him.

Seamus sat down beside him, and he jumped. His lifted his wand automatically, and snapped out of it before he could raise it all the way. Turning his focus back onto Prongs, his body relaxed.

"Hmmm?" Harry knew he was asked a question, but he didn't quite hear it… Was it Are you alright? It sounded right, so he answered "Yeah, I'm fine."

"What's that?" Seamus pointed at Prongs and asked a second later.

"A Patronus," it was a simple answer, but he just want to think for the moment. Teaching was done in the Room of Requirement.

"And you conjured that?" Seamus asked again. Harry was surprised that he wasn't feeling annoyed yet. He probably would, so maybe it was the best to let him think he wasn't interested in talking.

"Yeah," he answered simply.

"D'you want me to go away?" there was a trace of desperation in Seamus' voice that reminded him of Ron's words earlier. You're scared, that voice at the back of his mind rang in his ears and he just wanted to shrug it away. However, it was of no use. Beside him, Seamus stood up. Harry suddenly felt a stab of guilt for giving him the wrong message.

"You know The Quibbler?" he did his best, Harry thought to himself, if Seamus wanted forgiveness, he needed to make sure there wouldn't be any more conflicts.

Seamus turned around, and Harry looked at him in anticipation. No matter what he had told himself over the past few months, he wanted the seventh year Seamus back. To his relief, Seamus nodded before sitting back down.

"The whole school's talking about it," he told him, "I've never gotten my hands on one, though."

"And the DA?" Harry probed again. He really hoped this could work.

"The DA? The mysterious secret Defence club that nobody knows anything about?"

Harry nodded at Seamus' searching look, "What d'you think about it?"

"I think," said Seamus slowly, Harry wasn't sure what to expect, "It'd be awesome to really learn Defence like that, but, well, I'm not sure if it's a real thing."

That was better than expected. Though Harry was still mildly curious in the Why part, there was a very good chance. He considered his options, and spoke, "I run it."

The shock on Seamus' face was all that he needed. "You're welcome to join," he added, knowing the answer already, "I could take you there when we know when the next meeting is."

"Hang on," Seamus shifted in his bed, still looking bewildered, "You mean you run the illegal club that teaches people how to fight, and don't even know when the meetings are?"

"Yes," said Harry, it was better to explain, though. "We don't have set days. Well, there's a meeting everyday, actually, for people who want extra practice or just to socialise, but real teaching sessions are once every week, nobody knows until the morning of. That's how we keep it from Umbridge."

"That's bloody brilliant!" gulped Seamus, "Going against that horrid woman like that!"

So the hatred of Umbridge was already school-wide. Amused at the teen's excitement, Harry grinned, "So you're in?"

"Are you joking?" Seamus looked like a child who had just been offered an ice cream, "Just, tell me when it is, will you?"

That might have been a problem as they were not supposed to speak of the time of their meetings, but it could be easily solved. So Harry suggested, "Ask Dean to drag you to the next meeting tomorrow. Tell him I invited you. Me telling you will be too suspicious."

Seamus nodded, stood up and rubbed his eyes. He didn't looked finished, though, and Harry waited.

"He's really back, isn't he?" he asked. The weight those words had carried might have forced Harry onto the ground.

"Yes," he answered, "Tom Riddle is back."

Then Seamus turned to his own bed, leaving Harry alone again. He tried to retrace his thoughts, but Ron's words kept ringing in his mind now, and there was no way to shut it down.

He thanked Prongs and let him go, put his wand on his nightstand, and crawled under his covers. Maybe he just needed a good night's sleep, he thought, before turning around. Something hard pressed against his ribs. Reaching into his pocket, Harry pulled out the two-way mirror.

Suddenly, he realized what he was most afraid of. It was why he started pulling himself away from the very beginning. It was Sirius. He had been so afraid of Sirius, and Remus, dying again that he couldn't let himself attached to them again. He was so afraid of others dying that he had not even spared a thought that maybe, just maybe, they were risking the same pain just by caring about him. His talk with Jo earlier came back, and he knew just what he needed to do.


DM: What was that all about, Potter? I thought you and Severus were getting along?

HP: I've been getting P's in Potions…

DM: Are you that daft?

RW: Try spend every single night in RoR and tutor the others while dealing with Umbridge without dropping your grades, Draco.

HP: Ron, it's okay. I really should have put more work in Potions.

GW: Keep telling yourself that, Harry, and when are you going to get more than 6 hours of sleep?

HP: Weekends

GW: Weekends that are spent between homework, more training, and writing for The Quibbler.

HP: You do the same! You and Ron have Quidditch on top of it, Ron and Hermione also have Prefect duties!

RW: Mate, none of us spend every single night in RoR until everyone's gone. That's a lot of hours you're putting in.

HP: So what do I do? Just leave them there and slow down the entire scheme?

DM: There's a thing called delegate, Potter.

HP: That's not the same! Most people are there for more supervised practice and I can't just leave them with each other!

AG: I believe you can get the Advanced to tutor the Beginners at the very least?

HP: I'm not sure… There aren't many of them to begin with, and they aren't always around.

AG: I'm sure you can find at least one other person to help you every night. Trust them, Harry.

RW: Yeah, like that'll get through his thick head.

HP: I'm trying, all right? And I'll figure out a way.

GW: Is it just me or did Harry just accept someone's advice for once?

HP: It's good advice.

HG: I think I have a better one. It's precisely six months away from DoM and we need to start organizing

DM/HP: Shite!

RW: What do you have to curse for, Draco?

DM: As little as I care about my father, Azkaban isn't exactly pleasant at the moment.

RW: Is it too much to say he deserves it?

HG: Really, Ron!

GW: Are you forgetting Sirius?

HP: You do realize that Dementors are still in place right now, right?

RW: Sorry, forgot about that.

AG: Is that why it was so easy to break out of it? That they are depending on Dementors?

HP: That's exactly it, especially for top-security cells. There's no human guards because too many Dementors are around, making the area uninhabitable. Plus, they don't provide heat or shelter (that's why we can send food and supplies before). It's actually easy to escape as long as you get around the Dementors.

DM: And that's why the PWRC (A/N:Post War Reform Committee) insisted to put everyone in holding cells before Azkaban was rebuilt and reformed.

HG: I don't know you actually knew about that, Draco!

RW: And that summer was just mental… I still remember that…

DM: Unspeakables have their own way to information, Granger.

HP: You don't know the half of it, Ron… The trials didn't begin till late September and without all of you, it was a fiasco trying not to overwork everyone.

GW: Shouldn't we be talking about DoM, though? I'm sure this time we'll have an easier job cleaning up, but we won't until we work towards it.

DM: I can maybe get you names of the ones you're fighting.

AG: I think they already know. They've fought it.

HP: A list for confirmation will be appreciated. Riddle might change people around.

RW: What about taking more people?

GW: We are taking Neville and Luna, right?

HG: They are definitely coming with us.

HP: I really don't know how to feel about it.

GW: They are actually adequate fighters this time, if you haven't noticed.

HG: They've proven themselves last time, besides, the four of us are definitely unable to hold on until the Order arrives.

HP: Can't I break the prophecy, run to the Atrium, and call for Riddle to kill me? It's so much easier this way.

DM: Not unless you want everyone with you to die, as well. There's got to be a fight.

RW: I just think it'd be good to let as many people experience a real battle as possible. Half of the student casualties died at the Battle of Hogwarts because they've never been in one before.

HP: We can't take everyone, either.

HG: Then choose. Choose a team of backup or whatever, and we'll arrange transportation - we have the '97 coins now, communication won't be a problem.

HP: I'll think about it. But I'll only take those who are ready.

AG: No offence, Harry, but nobody really is ready until they've actually been in one.

GW: And I thought you were going to help, Astoria.

AG: Oh, I am, because Harry definitely doesn't think anyone is ready. I'm just telling him why.

HP: Can I call you Luna from now on, Dusty?

AG: Luna's better at this than me. I can't take her credit.


"All right, Seamus?" Harry called back the newest member of DA at the end of their session, "Not intimidated by our methods or anything?"

"Intimidated?" Seamus glared at him, horrified at his choice of words, before breaking into a grin, "It's wicked, mate. Bloody brilliant, that is."

"Good," Harry smiled at Seamus' usual bluntness, "Because it'll be a whole new level after the break - Do work through those past Quibbler issues, yeah?"

"Aye, Captain," said Seamus, giving him a thumb-up with his unoccupied hand, before hurrying towards the door, where Dean stood waiting for him. They were the last people to leave, except Ginny.

"Hey," she turned around hearing his steps. Harry vaguely remembered Cho doing something very similar.

"I know you snogged Cho here," said Ginny plainly; Harry gaped at him, not surprised but not relaxed either, "Hermione told me all about it."

"Well, I thank him for that," said Harry dryly.

"They're not working out, you know?" asked Ginny, while Harry wondered what had made her all gossipy again, "Cho and Cedric?"

"You don't have to worry about her."

"I know that," said Ginny, sounding a little exasperated, "But don't you want to know why?"

"Why?" he didn't know if he wanted to know.

"Cho kept nagging him, to talk about it," said Ginny, "I heard Cedric complain during Combat."

"I'm not surprised," unable to see where this was going, Harry went along, "All she wanted to talk about was Cedric that one time we -" he winced, for the lack of better word, "- dated."

Ginny laughed, "That was one disastrous hour in Puddifoot's, I don't count it as a date."

"Good," breathed Harry, "We're still on the same page."

"But you need to talk to him," continued Ginny, as if they hadn't been distracted, "You are the only one who could even remotely relate to him right now. You've both been there -"

"I won't until he's ready," said Harry firmly, for some reason, his irritation was under control today, which made him wonder why he was so calm, considering what was coming, "It took me, well, I still don't like talking about it, so I won't press him."

"No, you won't, and that's why you are the one to talk," Ginny retorted in the same tenacious manner, "And you'll eventually do it for the Azkaban breakout."

Harry nodded. He had been expecting this conversation since that night with Ron; he knew he was the only person Cedric would talk to, yet they were both avoiding each other outside of the Room of Requirement. Something had to be done for their mutual benefit, and he, being the more experienced one, felt obliged to make the first step, however uncomfortable it made him feel. Ginny's expression softened. Instead of determination, pain and fear filled her chocolate brown eyes.

"It's tonight, isn't it?"

The soft whisper was barely heard, though her voice did not waver one bit. Even under the circumstance, Harry couldn't help but feeling a surge of affection towards her toughness.

"Yes," he answered, quietly but clearly, "It's supposed to be tonight."

"Is it - does it make me a bad person to - to feel relieved?" she was moving closer now, not that they hadn't been this close before.

"To know it's your Dad tonight?" asked Harry, wrapping his arms around her, "Does it make me a bad person to say no?"

"Dunno," mumbled Ginny, and then their lips touched. It was different from any kisses they'd shared before; different from the one in the Common Room, different from the ones on the Hogwarts ground, different from the one on his seventeenth birthday, and definitely from those after the war. It was fierce, but soft at the same time; not as much arousing, but more pleading, as if they were clinging onto each other for dear life, as if they were fighting a war with the entire world against them, fully aware that one of them might not come back. It was a new feeling, yet Harry knew it well.

At last, they broke off. Harry stared right into Ginny's soft eyes, which were now rather moist. He was still holding her hands…

"Promise me he'll live," whispered Ginny, sounding soft and collected; she was a fighter's wife, and a true fighter herself.

"I promise," murmured Harry, before pulling her head onto his shoulder. It had always made him feeling better, this particular gesture, by knowing that Ginny felt safe and supported, and this was no exception. They stood there, in the middle of the deserted DA room, for the next ten minutes or so, until both realized just how exhausted they were after the Combat.

"Are we getting old or the Combats are getting harder?" joked Ginny on their way back to the Gryffindor Tower, "For I recall fighting for hours and still being able to go for another round."

"There's something called adrenaline," deadpanned Harry, "And you forgot how much we slept after major battles."

And even though he wouldn't admit it, Harry knew as well as his friends did that he didn't mind the effort one bit. If anything, teaching and training made him alive again. It felt as if he had gotten a new sense of purpose just by standing in the Room of Requirement, and it seemed like the best thing that had happened to him in ages. He knew, deep down, that he wouldn't give up one minute of it even if it meant his grades would suffer.


A/N: (WARNING! PG OR EVEN 16+ CONTENT BELOW) I do remember to give Jo a backstory, yet there doesn't seem to be a place to write about it in the few stories I'm planning to write. So I think I'll explain it here. Jo's biological father was a Chinese half-blood squib/Muggle (he had one magical parent and one magical grandparent) who worked as a high school principal in Beijing, while his mother used to be his deputy. While she was working for him, he raped her, and she got pregnant. It was just a few years after China had implemented the One Child Policy, and in such cases where the parents weren't married or issued a certificate to give births, the only option for her was forced abortion. But Jo's Mum was a fighter, and she didn't want to give up the child. Her family was not at all supportive of her in this entire ordeal for they felt their daughter lost the family's dignity. However, they offered her a way out, which was to emigrate to the UK, and that was where she gave birth to Jo and raised him as a single mother. The part where Jo said "Mum never knew Dad" was false, but he didn't know better because his mother always used "not knowing him" as an excuse to evade his questions. His mother was diagnosed to have lymphoma when Jo was seven, and since then Jo had been in government care, moving from one foster family to another, until he reached Bob and Michelle the Easter before Harry's fifth year. The Ministry had never registered any wizards or witches in the area because they wouldn't do it until a young witch or wizard started Hogwarts. I'm not telling you where Jo ended up in the original timeline right now, for it will be covered in Safe Houses. However, if I ever spare his parents more thoughts (or if any of you give me any more ideas), I might start a story just on Jo's parents, and this paragraph here will be deleted.

SharpRaptor: Oops... I hope this backstory doesn't destroy your image of Jo... I mean, he's still an awesome kid, though a bit insecure, I do wishyou don't see him differently because of this little bit of extra information. Both he and his mother are extremely tough to get through something like this, and I just feel like I need to have something like this for him because it's an immigrant story, and every immigrant has their own struggle-filled, and even heart-wrenching stories. I want to show people that even immigrants, no matter how much they've been through and how seemingly 'parasitic' they are, they are still people who struggle for a better life, and their struggles are even bigger for numerous reasons. I do hope you like the H/G moment here, though. I'm rather proud that I pulled off a scene like this without anything going cheesy while keeping the romance still intact.

Since nobody said anything useful about posting times, I'll just do it whenever I see fit... But just so you know, it's going to get even messier in about two weeks :(

Hey, and did I just hit 60K views today? And 200 reviews like a week ago? Thanks for the support, folks! I look forward for more!

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