Chapter 50: The Birds and the Bearbees
Yozak looked up from the book he was reading when Conrart timidly entered the room. His mate had his arms wrapped loosely across his chest in a gesture of disquiet. The smaller man wasn't looking at him and seemed distinctly uncomfortable.
"What is it?" he asked at the same time as Conrart uttered the most terrifying four words ever in a relationship "We need to talk."
Conrart shifted from foot to foot, an old nervous habit that Yozak hadn't seen in a little more than a century. "Can we maybe go to the living room?"
Yozak set his book aside and rose to his feet. "Of course," he replied gently. He paused briefly wondering if he should lead Conrart out into their living room or not. In the end he settled for gently squeezing the other man's shoulder before heading into the other room with Conrart at his heel. Settling down on the sofa he waited for Conrart to take a seat and was mildly alarmed when Conrart took a position standing in front of the fire his hip cocked forward slightly, his right hand resting just above his left hip where the hilt of his sword would have resided had he still been wearing it. To anyone else the pose looked casual, but to Yozak who knew Conrart better than anyone save maybe Vanyel, the pose was militant.
"Are swords required for this conversation?" He enquired flippantly, patting the sofa beside his leg.
Conrart snorted softly, the tension draining out of his stance. "No." he replied meekly, but didn't move from his spot by the fire.
Yozak sighed, it was obvious Conrart was not comfortable but he honestly didn't know how to fix that at the moment. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked gently.
"Why'd you do it?" Came the timid response.
Yozak blinked, he didn't think he'd ever seen the other man behaving so timidly. "Do what?" he enquired.
"Bite me?"
Yozak sighed, honestly he didn't know what had possessed him to try and mark Conrart as his mate without having ever taken the smaller man. His eyes traveled to the cloth covered mate-mark on Conrart's shoulder. By some miracle the mark had taken, but he could have seriously injured Conrart if it hadn't. He loved Conrart and wanted him, but that didn't excuse what he had done. "I don't know." He replied softly.
"What do you mean you don't know?" Conrart demanded sharply. "You can't just bite someone without knowing why. Damn it Yozak! What the hell?"
"I don't know why I did it," Yozak replied softly. "But that doesn't mean I regret it. Maybe it had to do with my Rutt, I don't know but it did happen and now you're mine. That is all that matters."
"Rutt," Conrart squeaked his voice high pitched and piercingly shrill. "You're in Rutt? Oh no, no please no."
Yozak suppressed a moan as Conrart's terror came rushing at him full force. He felt like a leaf in a gale. "Conrart." He said firmly in a futile attempt to get his smaller mate's attention. He rose slowly to his feet and advanced on the smaller man who shrank away from him in fear.
"No," Conrart whimpered, "Please no. I'm not ready. I can't. It's going to hurt. No please no."
Yozak carefully pulled the smaller man into his arms. Conrart struggled against his grasp and Yozak loosened his hold so that while he held Conrart securely he wasn't restraining him. "Calm down," he whispered. "Trust me, calm down, that's it calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. Easy, easy, it's okay."
He lowered his shields slightly intending to use his empathic gift to sooth the edge off of his mate's terror. He was horrified to hear a detached almost clinical voice sounding through Conrart's memories. 'Remember, if a rutting male ever finds out you're in heat they'll use you like a whore. They'll ride you long and hard – whether you like it or not'. Gwilherm's voice rang in his mental ears, echoing down his link to Conrart.
He reached out with his mind, putting the full weight of his empathic gift behind it. : He lied!: he said as firmly as he could while still keeping his tone gentle. : Conrart he lied. I've been in Rutt since before you got home and I've known you were in Heat for weeks. Have I forced you? He lied, you are safe. I will never force myself on you; you have nothing to fear from me. He lied!:
Conrart was shaking in his arms but slowly he began to calm, after a moment the smaller man buried his face into his shoulder and started to sob. Yozak gently stroked Conrad's hair, doing his best to comfort the man, before scooping him up into his arms and carrying him to the couch. He settled them both down so that Conrart was cradled in his arms, his face still hidden in his shirt as he sobbed. He let the smaller man cry himself out, gently rocking him back and forth like a small child, and rubbing his back in a calming manor.
Abruptly the door opened to admit a slightly out of breath Talia. "Is everything alright in here?" she enquired. Under the circumstances he couldn't bring himself to be annoyed at the intrusion on his private quarters. Actually now that he thought about it, it made sense. Conrart had been in a blind terror until just a short time ago. Obviously that had called Talia. He was fairly certain anyone with the barest touch of empathy had felt the man's terror.
He looked up at her, still stroking Conrart's hair, and nodded. "Conrart just had a slight panic attack. He'll be fine soon." He replied softly, thankful that Conrart was now radiating as much embarrassment as fear, and the fear was ebbing.
"Conrart?" she asked gently.
Conrart looked up at her his cheeks beet red with humiliation, "I – I'm okay, sorry I didn't mean to bother you. I'll be fine now."
Talia nodded, "alright but if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." She replied gently before taking her leave, clearly relieved that her presence wasn't needed.
Yozak sighed, and continued to comfort a now utterly humiliated Conrart, as his thoughts strayed to Gwilherm's cruel words and he wondered: just how many facts of life had the man outright lied about? How many horrible lies did Conrart think were fact? How much of what Conrart knew of the birds and the bearbees were vicious lies told to him by his malicious ex-boyfriend?
Awkward as it was going to be – it looked like he was going to have to give his mate 'the talk'. At this point it was the only way he could be sure that Conrart wasn't completely crippled by lies.
At least he was only going to have to tell Conrart about Season, and possibly what that mark on his neck meant. It was pretty hard to fuck up the basics after all.
"Hey," he said softly as to not startle the other man. "Do you know what this is?" he inquired, outlining the mate mark on Conrart's shoulder with a gentle finger. It was probably the stupidest question he'd ever asked – but it was better to be safe than sorry.
Conrart shrugged, "You bit me." He said softly. "I asked Van – but he told me to talk to you."
Yozak gapped at his friend, he honestly had not expected that. "This," he said gently caressing the spot with his fingers causing the other man to shudder, "is a Mate-Mark." He would have said more but Conrart interrupted.
"Mate …mark?" he asked in an utterly bewildered tone of voice.
Yozak suppressed the need to slap his forehead with his palm. How could Conrart not know what a Mate-Mark was? It was like a human child and a wedding ring – everyone knew what one was even if they had never seen one.
"This can't be a Mate-Mark," Conrart whispered. "You only bit me once."
Yozak blinked, "How many times do you think I'm supposed to bite you?" he asked a little more sharply than he'd intended.
"G-Gwilherm said five." Conrart replied timidly.
Yozak swore sharply. Five times, when once was enough to do damage if the bond wasn't accepted? How could you even fit that many bite marks on one shoulder? Unless – "Conrart," he asked after a moment's silence, "where exactly did Gwilherm say these bites were supposed to be?"
Conrart shivered, and his dismay at the conversation was clear when he answered, "You bite what you claim the use of," he answered in a ridiculously small voice.
He so did not like the sound of that –
"What do you mean?" he asked in a voice that was deadly calm.
Conrart squeaked, but didn't reply.
"Conrart," he said firmly.
The smaller man swallowed, and sent him a mental image of exactly where that bastard had informed him he could expect to be bitten by anyone who wanted to claim him as a mate.
Yozak couldn't suppress a growl, Conrart was trembling almost violently. "Please tell me you're joking." He said after taking a moment to control himself.
The look Conrart gave him plainly said he was not.
"Conrart," he said softly. "This is a Mate-Mark, the others – well I do not like the idea of how badly I would hurt you if I were to bite you with enough force to scar in such intimate places. The only reason this healed as quickly as it did is because you accepted my claim to you. Though to be honest I still don't understand how that happened."
Yozak shifted the smaller man carefully and gently stroked the other man's side.
Conrart looked up at him. "But, Gwilherm-"
"He lied." Yozak replied firmly not allowing Conrart to finish. He sighed adding, "have I ever lied to you?" when Conrart opened his mouth a slightly mutinous expression on his face.
Conrart looked at him for a moment, plainly uncertain. "No," he replied softly. "But-"
"But what?" Yozak asked gently in reply.
"Why would Gwilherm lie about something as important as that?"
Yozak sighed, "I don't know," he replied calmly.
Conrart looked down and Yozak noticed that while he wasn't making eye contact with him, he was very lightly caressing the mate-mark on his shoulder. "So we are Mates?" he asked softly after a moment raising his head to meet Yozak's eyes.
"Yes," Yozak replied firmly.
Conrart inclined his head, "what happens now?" he asked softly.
Yozak leaned in and gently kissed his mate, "Now," he said firmly. "I'm going to find out how much of what you know of Heat and Rutt is a lie … even if we are both utterly humiliated by the time we're done."
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Conrart shifted uncomfortably as Yozak gazed at him, his face contorted with what looked like an odd mix of barely controlled rage, alarm and disgust. The other man was currently a highly unflattering shade of puce. He'd just spent the last half hour explaining everything he'd been told of Heats and Rutts to his mate. When he'd finished Yozak had simply sat there in silence for fifteen minutes running the gambit of shades from green to puce and chartreuse.
Yozak took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Okay," he said firmly. "Clearly I'm going to have to fix this. Firstly I don't ever want to hear you refer to yourself like that again. You are not now nor have you ever been 'merely a vessel for someone else's enjoyment'. As to not having a choice in weather you lay with another man or a woman – that is the biggest load of shit I have ever heard and that bastard should be ashamed of himself for teaching an impressionable child in his care that." He sighed, "I'm glad you figured out that was a lie on your own, however I am … alarmed by your belief that you would have nothing to offer a woman. Dominant or Submissive, male or female, it doesn't matter, you would be valued for who you are. A Dominant male or female would love and value you. Because you are something that is theirs to protect, as well as 'for the pleasure they could take from your body'. I love you for more than that. You are my best friend, my mate and I would never see you harmed. I would have killed in your defense long before you became my mate, now – well I'd actually be justified in doing so." He paused and squeezed the smaller man's shoulder before running his fingers down Conrart's spine in a gentle caress. "Not that your rank didn't justify it before."
Conrart couldn't help the disbelief and relief he felt at what his friend was telling him. He'd always hated the very idea of what being a Submissive meant. Had Gwilherm really lied to him that maliciously? And if he'd lied about that … what else had the man lied about? Had the man lied about –
No it didn't bare thinking about.
Even Gwilherm wouldn't lie about that!
Would he?
"As to you having no choice in what role you play, that is not true either." Yozak said firmly, and then added. "Okay, not entirely. It is true that since I'm more dominant then you, you will give yourself to me when we are in season. But that is it! Outside of season if you want to top, you are certainly allowed to do so. If you want to bottom, then that's fine too. The only time you have a set role is when we are both in season. If you go into Heat before I go into Rutt and want to top, go ahead. Granted in pre-Rutt I may not be willing to submit to you but that is entirely beside the point. You were not 'born to the role of a submissive' and frankly, I am appalled that Gwilherm ever told you your entire life and role in it was dictated by a basic bodily function. That's like saying Anissina should give up her woman's rights movement and labs for a home and children simply because she goes through Heat."
"She'd kill anyone who would even think to suggest it," Conrart interjected softly.
Yozak laughed, "Exactly." The other man stroked his hip delicately, "And Conrart," he added in a very serious tone of voice. "Even when I'm in Rutt and you're in Heat – I'll never force myself on you."
Conrart shifted closer allowing Yozak's gentle touch on his back and hip to sooth him.
"It's just a part of who we are," Yozak continued gently but firmly, "like human women have Moondays. Do you understand?"
Conrart considered everything his friend had just told him and weighed it against everything he'd originally been taught, and then thought of his Lady mother and Lady Anissina who he knew where both submissives and considered the fact that neither woman seemed to dread the onset of their Heat. Actually the only woman he knew who hated going into season was Gisela … and she wasn't a Submissive.
He swallowed, "I – I understand, but I don't know if I believe you." He admitted quietly.
Yozak sighed, "Give it some time." He said gently. "Give it time and I'll show you that everything I've told you is the truth. I love you, I won't hurt you."
Conrart looked down at his lap. "I want to believe you." He confessed softly, "but I – I just can't. I can't forget what th – he… what he taught me overnight."
Yozak raised an eyebrow and pulled him closer to his chest. "What aren't you telling me?" he asked softly.
Conrart flushed, "Yozak he's the one who taught me … everything. I can't just forget it."
Yozak sighed and rubbed his back, "give it time." He whispered "give it time and I promise you will believe me."
Conrart suppressed the urge to give the other man a skeptical look. He wanted to believe Yozak he really did – but Gwilherm had once promised him he'd enjoy sex. He hadn't. But this was Yozak, and Yozak kept his promises.
He was so confused.
"Yozak?" he asked softly, "when do you go out of Rutt?"
"Tomorrow or the day after."
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Jed took a deep breath as he and the six other men who had been chosen as possible candidates to play the part of 'Heralds' for this mission, were led into the large covered arena. The three who didn't get a horse would be going into Valdemar and the surrounding countries to gather information for the empire.
The orders of those chosen were simple: discredit the Heralds, and avoid extended contact with them, while working their way slowly inward tightening the noose around Valdemar and Haven until they could pass as Heralds not only among the commoners but among the Heralds themselves.
Once that happened they were to infiltrate their order and take down the nation from within.
As ordered he arranged himself along the fence a good distance away from the other candidates. Their esteemed Emperor had decided that 'in the interest of simulating the strange and perverse bond these Heralds have with their mounts' he was going to allow the horses to choose their riders. They'd spent the last month getting to know the horses, while the horses themselves went through extensive training. They'd all been taught the subtle signals the horses had been trained to respond to.
He fidgeted as the Hostler left the arena to go and collect the first of the four mares. He took a deep breath and focused on his breathing – reminding himself to leave his feelings behind for this – if the mares sensed his ill ease they wouldn't come to him and he'd be left out of the fun. Sure spying was interesting but it was nothing compared to being in the thick of things.
If he was perfectly honest with himself, this wasn't his favorite duty. However he was quite experienced in the art of slowly and carefully pulling down a nation from the inside. As for Valdemar, well she would topple like any other nation. Her precious Heralds would become little more than hated perishes in the land they'd once ruled. He would be a part of his great nation's expansion one more time.
He'd make sure of that – right now he just had to ensure that he ended up in the right place to utilize his skills.
He glanced over at the other six perfectly confident men as the Hostler brought in the first mare. Seth stood confidently, though he could tell the overly active man was having trouble keeping still. Bastien leaned against the wall as if exhausted from carrying the weight of his swollen ego. Kyde stood silently off to one side keeping aloof from the rest of them; which was entirely in keeping with his behavior for the last three weeks. Jed hadn't once seen the man actually unbend enough to pet one of the four available mares. Personally he thought the somewhat fastidious man would be happier in a desk job or as a spy in a clean building somewhere. The twins Cyril and Vern stood shoulder to shoulder in front of the wall in direct view of the door so that they would likely be the first thing the mare saw. The two were not actually twins or even siblings but they both had hair an indeterminable shade of brown that seemed to change color based upon the lighting and eyes of a ridiculously flat poop brown color. Remy stood casually off to the side of the twins.
The Hostler led the first mare – who he'd personally always called Bella, because of her beauty – to the exact center of the arena and unclipped her lead rope. The mare's ears twitched and she stomped one hoof. She stood there for a moment then trotted over to him and began nosing his hand – no doubt looking for the sugar cube he usually gave her whenever he spent time with the mare.
"I'm sorry," he said softly as he stroked her soft muzzle, "They wouldn't let me bring any sugar into the arena."
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Serenity sighed and perched herself on the arena's wooden half wall. She was there strictly to watch the proceedings. Her father would have a conniption if he knew she was here. His hysterics would have had little to do with any concern for her wellbeing. The Man had little time for his family and even less for his only daughter.
The Captain of the Emperor's Guard need not concern himself with the truly forgettable fact of his family, after all.
True he kept them well provided for, but she would have liked a father who actually cared. Not one who's solitary concern was for appearances.
Her father never seemed to notice her or her siblings unless they managed to commit an act so egregious it warranted his attention rather than their mother's.
She knew that her father had never wanted a family – to one of the emperor's elite guard a family was little more than a liability. He'd married her mother only because he'd had to shortly before her eldest brother was born. Out of his three children Douglas was his favorite – probably because he was already on his way to becoming an adapt class mage.
Martin – her other brother, had the potential to become a master mage and had joined the army three years ago. He'd earned their father's attention by rising through the ranks rapidly. She'd often heard their mother – an adapt class mage herself – bragging to her friends about her children and 'good breeding'.
Still her father had paid less attention to her and Martin then he ever had to their elder brother. For years she'd hoped that she would surpass her eldest brother. At the least, she'd prayed to have the same mage potential as Martin, but as of about three weeks ago -
Her life was over.
She may have only been twelve, but she would never forget the pain of seeing the disdain in both her parents eyes when she'd had her potential tested.
She didn't have enough Mage gift to be useful for anything beyond serving as a power source for one of the Great Mages.
It was not a life she would ever have imagined for herself, let alone wanted.
But, her wishes didn't matter and neither did her standards of living. Her father had arranged for her to be given to one of the Great Mages. She'd learn enough about her ability to not be a danger to others and to be able to act as a lamp; other than that her gift would be siphoned off for the use of someone more useful to the empire.
She wanted to hate her father – she really did.
The mage who'd come to test her had told them not to expect much from her but had mentioned – rather off handedly – that if her gift was properly nurtured by the master she was given to, or if her ability opened just a little more she would have the chance at becoming a master mage. He'd suggested giving her to one of the higher mages who would give her that chance but warned them not to expect her to become anything more advanced than a journeymen mage.
At first she'd held out the hope that her parents would find her a teacher that would actually teach her. However her father had reveled who he'd arranged to send her to just last night. The Great Mage Hynek was well known for his opinion that women belonged barefoot and pregnant, their magical abilities either bound or siphoned off by a male mage for the mutual good of community and the poor gentle woman whose energies were better spent tending her husband's children, and darning his socks.
She had to find some way to make her parents proud of her. It was the only thing she could think of that would prove to her parents that she was worth something.
Serenity groaned at the monumental task ahead of her, and tried not to start crying.
She looked out at the women who were going to support the empire by bring her enemy, Valdemar to her knees. She sighed, watching the women with no small amount of envy. Only one of them was a mage, and yet all of the women who'd been given the opportunity to go on this mission were treated with respect.
A respect she could only dream of.
She wished she was one of them, proud, respected agents of their emperor.
She'd gotten to know them all over the last few weeks.
Meredith had gotten her wish, the horse she'd fallen in love with had wandered over to her, and she was quietly petting him, she'd obviously won the horse's affection. She couldn't help wondering if Meredith would name the stallion Shadowless as she'd threatened or not. A few minutes later Riley pulled herself up onto the back of the only horse she'd spent a lot of time with, Greyfell, she'd always called the stallion Greyfell. Avani she noted had also managed to win Silili's affection.
She sighed; she was too young to be a spy.
And in any case, no one had ever managed to truly infiltrate Valdemar. The mage Hulda being the only exception to that, and while she'd managed to get into the castle and had spent some time working to bring down the country, they had found her and she'd been forced to flee. However, according to her father the woman hadn't been able to use her magic while in the heathen land.
Something had rendered it impossible.
Looking out at the men and women who were being sent on this mission she knew exactly how to impress her family.
Exactly what she had to do to prove she had more purpose in life then to be a power source for someone else.
Tomorrow she and her fat little pony were to set out for Hynek's manor in the country side. They'd never get there. Tomorrow the men women and children of the Great Fair would be leaving and heading west toward the next city were they would stop and sell their wares and to add more horse flesh to their lines so that they would always have fresh strong horses to bring to be sold to the nation's military on their twice annual drive. She would insert herself into the mass of travelers exciting the city tomorrow and follow them west until they changed course. From their she would make her way to Valdemar and insert herself carefully into the capital, and carefully bring the nation to its knees –
On her own if she had to.
That would prove to her father that she was worth something.
She would make her family proud.
Her plan would work…
It had to.
