Torn

"Did you retrace your steps?" Ianto asked as he watched Jack storm though the house, ranting about the mess that he himself was creating as he searched for the keys. Another pile of clean clothes upended.

"You drove it home last night, have you checked the Great Coat pockets?" Ianto said gently as he dripped on the tiles, the robe not warm enough as the shower lingered on his skin, his hair ruffled "It was cold and raining, you hung it in …"

"For Christsake!" Jack roared "You think I've not checked there already? I'm going to be late, can you just help me and stop watching me like this is some sort of fucking show!"

"Please don't use that language Jack, I've not eaten them ya know. You had them last" Ianto started to feel angry now as he helped search, Jack now asking if he could have Ianto's' car keys instead.

Ianto hesitated.

"Come on, I don't have time. The meeting is due to start, I should have been there already!" Jack snarled and Ianto finally gave in, holding out the keys that had been hanging dutifully on the hook. Jack snatched them with such force that Ianto yelped, pulling his hand back to cradle it as the ring for the keys had scraped along his finger.

"Jack…"

"I know. I know. Your bloody pride and joy." Jack seemed to be mocking him and Ianto blinked with shock then turned away to let himself gain some calm, Jack's hangover his own fault. They had spent the earlier part of last evening clearing a scene. Jack had flirted a bit with some of the officers, Ianto had pointedly stood close enough to almost piss on him and then in retaliation Jack had loudly ordered him to go home. Ordered. Like a skivvy.

It was so … wrong.

It had been wonderful, their original relationship. A little strange in the making … sure … but the two of them had come to an understanding … so he had thought. Now though … well. The man snarling at him tonight was not the man he had opened his door to, his heart to … the bed sheets to. No. This was the man with the gun to his head. The Captain. Jack had promised to never be that man inside the four walls of their home.

Their home.

"Jack, you promised" Ianto said, hating the whine in his voice.

Jack hated it too, repeating it back in a whiney tone then huffing as he shook his head and muttered about people needing to harden up.

Ianto sat on the edge of the sofa, too bereft to even cry. He remembered the little girl in the old Victorian style dress that was waiting for him at the pier entrance the other day, her calm face looking up at him as he accepted the card she had offered, turning it over to find the Fool staring back at him with his own face. She had giggled then said in a little sing-song voice that he could ever tame that one. She had looked over at Jack, giggled some more and skipped off like any other child, not some… wraith that had just frozen Ianto's blood for a moment.

She was right.

Almost a year to the day since he moved in and here we are. Honeymoon period over.

"IANTO!"

Ianto jumped, looking up at Jack who was towering over him "The tank is on empty, I don't have time to fill it up. What the fuck are you doing. Find. My. Keys!"

Each word had been a finger jab. Ianto now covering the spot on his shoulder with his hand was iff mortally wounded. It felt like he was. Then he felt anger. Torn between helping and soothing his partner or telling him to go guck himself. The tank is empty. Yes. Yes. It is isn't it? Jack knew his father used to belittle him like that, poke at him and bully him until he cried then call him a cry baby. Yes. Ianto knew he had to do something, say something before he broke completely.

Jack solved that one for him.

"Gwen. I'll call Gwen. She will help me, at least someone around here knows how to please me" Jac snorted as he picked up his phone and Ianto find himself rising to the bait.

"Yes. Call Gwen. I'll pack your things and leave them on the front stoop too, shall I? After you and she have found a room and shagged like rabbits you can come back here and collect your things" Ianto smiled sweetly "I packed you some sandwiches for the drive by the way. On the counter Cariad."

Jack felt the flare of anger he always did when Ianto acted so fucking juvenile and although he regretted it the moment it was out of his mouth, it fell anyway "Well at least she would satisfy me!"

Ianto reared back as if physically slapped, blinking as he took a sharp intake of breath, then he rose and walked to the kitchen, starting to move things and his hand froze.

"Jack. They are in the fruit bowl. You did get an apple when you got home."

"I did too!" Jack said as he picked them out and stared at them "Well. Go figure."

Jack was out the door and gone as Ianto let his breath out, a shuddering sob as he slid to the floor and placed his head against the cupboards.

He felt so naked and alone.

Stupid too.

The little girl was right I guess.

Can't tame that one.

.

.

.

.

.

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, He came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry

Well… You couldn't be that man that I adored
You don't seem to know, or seem to care what your heart is for
I don't know him anymore

There's nothin' where he used to lie
Our conversation has run dry
That's what's goin' on
Nothing's fine
I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins and now
I don't care, I have no luck
I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things
That I can't touch
I'm torn

Natalie Imbruglia - Torn