A/N --- Here is chapter 50! Dedicated to Evrik who saved me by telling me how to fix my laptop when it died...or I would have lost the whole thing. Hopefully this is a good milestone chapter.

I am also taking this story and making it into an audiobook for youtube, meaning that people will be able to listen to the story as well as read it. I need people who can or can try to sound like any of the EE characters or anybody who would like to take part at all. Please contact me on: AdiaRose (dot) Ballinger (at) gmail (dot) c o m.

I hope everybody thinks that this chapter is exciting. It was actually meant to include more things but it sort of ran away with me and was so long that I had to push a few things into the next chapter!

Anyway...Enjoy and any feedback is greatly appreciated.


Ronnie was sat on the chair beside Danielle's bed. She checked the time on her open laptop which lay on the table in front of her, she had been sat with Danielle for three hours and twelve minutes. And every one she had counted, every one felt like an hour. Ronnie sighed to herself. She was so desperate to talk to Danielle. She knew that she shouldn't wake her up but not being able to touch her or talk to her for fear of waking her was getting too difficult.

For the first half an hour Ronnie had simply watched Danielle sleeping. She'd taken in every detail of her sleeping child, every twitch, every breath, every movement. After no sign of Danielle waking Ronnie had then read through each and all of the trashy magazines that Roxy had brought in for Danielle. As she'd turned each page or switched magazines she had looked back towards Danielle to watch for any signs of her waking up, also she seemed just incapable of keeping her eyes off Danielle for too long. After all the magazines had been read, Ronnie had turned to her laptop and started working on the accounts for the club. She'd managed to get a surprising amount of work done, punctuated by quick games of solitaire when Ronnie's thoughts became too much for her to be able to concentrate. Still she was watching the clock, measuring each minute that Danielle slept.

Ronnie's eyes flicked back onto Danielle. She lay on her side, her injured arm curled up, hand on the pillow in front of her face. Her other arm was stuck out straight in front of her, stretching off the bed, the tube from the drip trailing from her elbow up to the machine that was still mending her fragile body. The oxygen mask was still firmly over Danielle's face, obscuring it from Ronnie's view. The sight of it was almost like a physical pain for Ronnie. She wanted to look at Danielle. But to have the proof of how close she had come to being lost was hard to bear. It was just another thing cementing the fact that the pair were far from alright.

Ronnie closed her most recent game of solitaire and opened up her emails, making use of the hospital's wireless. She scanned through the messages, mostly junk, an email from a friend in Ibiza with pictures from when she had been there in February. She stared at the images of her false smile, her cold eyes and for the first time she truly saw the ice queen that she had become. The 'holiday' was right after she had taken Danielle for the abortion. It had been too much to handle and once again, like so many times before she had run, she had left the memories and run like a coward to a place where she could ignore Danielle, ignore the emotions and wallow in the sanctuary of isolated anonymity. She had let herself remember her baby, everything that Danielle had gone through brought up the memories of her own pregnancy, her own child and as Ronnie looked at the pictures, the snapshots of that time she could see the pain in her own face. It was painful to be reminded of, hurtful to see, but Ronnie couldn't help but feel relief. All that heartache, the grief over her baby, over her death and now she was here, alive and right here.

Finally, Ronnie cam to her most recent message, an email from Jack about the club. It had a list of damages and a blunt and angry message about him reluctantly sorting it out so that they could still work but that Ronnie would be paying for all of the repairs and replacements that would have to be made. Ronnie narrowed her eyes at the screen, angry that such trivial issues were being pushed on her. It was as if Jack didn't even register what was going on. Ronnie wondered how anybody could expect her to care about a few broken chairs and phones at the club when her daughter had almost died right in front of her. 'Ronnie Mitchell, heartless', Ronnie wondered at that moment how anybody had the audacity to say that with how they were all acting towards herself and Danielle. Gossip and a mere burden, that's what it seemed to be to most people back in the Square. Although Ronnie had only eyes for her daughter she still couldn't help being hurt at Jack's lack of compassion. It was Jack, love of her life and he hadn't even asked if she was alright. Jack was a father himself and yet hadn't said a word of Ronnie's daughter.

Ronnie slumped back in her chair, a frown set upon her face as she realised that even reality and the outside world provided no respite from her feelings. She rubbed her temple feeling a headache starting before slouching slightly further down into her chair and glancing over to Danielle. To her surprise Ronnie found large hazel eyes staring back at her. She hadn't expected it but the second her eyes met with her little girl's, her face melted into a warm smile. She tried to judge Danielle's expression but could glean very little, all thoughts of Jack Branning, the club, accounts, the outside world, simply fell away as she gazed at her daughter.

"Hi," Ronnie breathed with a smile. She tilted her head to the side to look at Danielle who was still lying on her side. She couldn't see the smile that swept across Danielle's lips, obscured by the oxygen mask, but Ronnie could see it in her eyes. The relief and love that blossomed within Ronnie at the sight of the spark back in Danielle's eyes was unbelievable.

Danielle hoisted herself up and shuffled back on the bed to sit up, she pulled the oxygen mask off her face getting herself tangled in all the wires and tubes attached to her slightly. Ronnie's instinct told her to jump in and help, she tried to hold herself back, not wanting to be too overprotective and do too many things, smothering Danielle. After only mere seconds however, Ronnie couldn't fight her instinct and moved forwards perching herself on the edge of the bed, wordlessly and delicately taking the oxygen mask from Danielle's hands which dropped down gently, allowing Ronnie to take over for her.

Ronnie carefully pulled the mask off over Danielle's head, smoothing down her hair once it was off. She untangled the wires and placed the mask on the bed next to Danielle incase she needed it. Ronnie placed her hands gently in her lap and turned to face Danielle who was looking at her searchingly, almost confused.

"You came." Danielle said in suppressed awe. She felt so surprised that Ronnie was there. Despite all the promises that had been made, the moments that had been shared, Danielle found it hard to accept that Ronnie really knew the truth, that she really wanted her. The past was so easy to believe, the present was too hard, the bad things are always easier to believe, no matter how much you want the good. The whole of the previous night Danielle had worried that she had pushed Ronnie too far, that her own fears would destroy her last chance with her mother. Danielle didn't even know if she could ever forgive Ronnie but she knew that she loved her and she knew that she didn't want to lose her, if she lost Ronnie again, she didn't think she would cope.

"Of course I did." Ronnie exclaimed softly. She couldn't believe that Danielle would have been surprised, she hadn't even wanted to leave, she never wanted to let Danielle out of her sight again. "I couldn't wait to get back to you this morning. I'm not leaving you Danielle. Never again." Ronnie whispered her final words as she stared down at her hands. She was almost ashamed of how much she was doting on Danielle. It was a new experience for Ronnie and these feelings, this openness was difficult to manage even though she knew she couldn't stop.

Danielle let herself smile. The last night had been so hard, the paralysing fear that Ronnie had gone, that she had pushed her mother away had been crippling. Even though Danielle had rejected Ronnie, had left her forever just days ago, she still wasn't prepared for it, she never could be. It was a sort of breakthrough, being without Ronnie, having to deal with the fear of losing her, it made Danielle realise just how much she wanted this to work.

"Ronnie…" Danielle's voice was tentative, shy. Now was the time for her to make a gesture for Ronnie, she had spent the night thinking about everything Ronnie had said and done in the hospital, Ronnie had reached out time and time again. The past couldn't be forgotten, couldn't be brushed over but Danielle wanted to move forward, she needed to try. She watched intently with wide eyes as Ronnie turned to face her, scanning her face. They both just stared for a minute trying to work out the emotions of the other, both trying to read the expressions they were faced with. Danielle's eyes fell back downwards as she bowed her head, too embarrassed and bashful to hold Ronnie's gaze despite the smile that her mother was showing her.

"I…I'm really glad you're here." The words held as much conviction as was possible whilst Danielle continued to stare downwards. She heard Ronnie's breath hitch and summoned her courage to raise her eyes. She did so slowly, not raising her head from where it was bowed. Ronnie's face was lit up in a smile, tears glistening in her eyes but not falling. Danielle seeing Ronnie's warm but reserved reaction found the courage to raise her head and form eye contact. Her face split into a smile to match Ronnie's.

"How are you feeling today?" Ronnie asked. She wanted to make a thousand promises, cry and weep and tell Danielle every single thing she loved her for but she knew that Danielle's admission hadn't come easily and it was too soon for anything more so she let it stand at what it was and moved on. As she spoke to Danielle she wanted to say 'sweetie' or 'baby'. Her instinct was to endear Danielle, to mother her, to love her completely with everything she was. Holding back was, she knew, the right thing for Danielle, it all had to be Danielle's choice. But fighting her instincts was getting harder by the second. Danielle nodded, still holding her smile. She was so glad Ronnie was there, all night she had been certain that she had seen her mother for the last time, that she had pushed her away.

"I'm alright. I feel like a mess though," Danielle laughed, slightly embarrassed as she ran a hand through her hair which was greasy and matted, sticking up in odd directions from her restless night. Ronnie breathed out a small laugh but her eyes were serious. She knew that the night had not been easy for Danielle and she wanted her to open up.

"The nurses said last night was a bit rough. You want to talk about it?" Ronnie tried not to push Danielle, not to expect too much from her. Nicola had told her that Danielle felt pressured, Ronnie tried so hard not to put anything onto her but at the same time she desperately wanted to be there, wanted to be the one that Danielle could turn to.

Danielle felt her smile fade slightly but was glad that Ronnie cared, that she was offering herself up as support. It wasn't easy though, after all, most of the hurt that Danielle was experiencing revolved around Ronnie. Danielle didn't know how she could tell the warm welcoming woman before her that the pain was all about her. It felt so strange to have this side of Ronnie. She had only seen glimpses of it before but now, now this seemed to be the norm. It was so strange but Danielle couldn't wish for more. Still, it was so hard to be able to believe the present when she couldn't forget the past. Danielle knew that the past would have to be dealt with before the pair could ever be truly alright.

"It was hard. I just got confused and scared. And my arm hurt and then it hurt to breathe and I…thought…I thought I might have…that you wouldn't come back." Danielle forced her words out. She didn't want to let down her guard, to make herself vulnerable to Ronnie again, it would just hurt more if Ronnie hurt her. She was so scared that Ronnie would change again, that the warm side would shrink away and the cold, callous and heartless woman would emerge once again. However, at the same time she was so desperate to let Ronnie in, she loved her so much even though she didn't and maybe never would trust her or even be able to say the words to her.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here. I'm sorry for so many things." Ronnie took a deep breath knowing that these words wouldn't erase anything, they wouldn't make things better, she moved on quickly. "But nothing was going to keep me away Danielle. I know you can't trust me yet and I hope we can work at it and that I can earn your trust back one day. But please believe me, I am never going to turn my back on you no matter what you do, no matter what happens, nothing could ever take me away from you." Ronnie's arms were still clasped together on her lap. She had her nails digging slightly into her hands as she stopped herself from reaching out and just pulling Danielle to her chest. "Don't bottle things up alright? Keeping things to yourself, it doesn't help. It just makes everything worse. It's what I've always done and it eats you up inside. You don't have to be afraid, you can shout at me, anything you want to throw at me I will take it and I won't leave. You won't lose me Danielle. You won't. I couldn't lose you now." Ronnie shrugged and snapped her mouth shut realising that she could be smothering Danielle. The room was uncomfortably silent for Ronnie as she waited to hear how Danielle would respond. She knew that she had stopped speaking abruptly but still she hoped that her daughter would understand. The silence lingered. Danielle's voice broke it so suddenly that Ronnie actually jumped.

"I'm sorry. For everything." Danielle spoke, beginning to express her own guilt. "I never meant to do what I did and I didn't plan it. I'm sorry you saw it. I'm sorry for yesterday too and for everything. I am." Danielle was shaking her head, trying to shake her own thoughts into order. There was so much in the past, not telling Ronnie the truth, stealing the letter, the graffiti, not telling Ronnie she helped abort her grandchild, believing Archie, rejecting Ronnie, what she had done in the flat. It was difficult because as much guilt as Danielle had, she knew that Ronnie had done awful things as well. Ronnie had done much worse, except for the overdose…that was Danielle's biggest regret. Despite everything that Ronnie had put her through, Danielle tried to see her own mistakes as separate, she wanted to apologise for them, no matter how justified any might have felt.

"Hey," Ronnie said soothingly, reaching out her hand to close over Danielle's which was gesturing towards her, "None of that matters. Honestly. Look at me," she ducked her head slightly to look into Danielle's eyes. "I am not angry at you. Not for a single thing. Everything that has happened has been because of me." Danielle's eyes flicked away at this, Ronnie could see that she hadn't said the right thing.

"No, don't make excuses for me. Please. It doesn't matter what you did. That's a whole different thing. I did things and I want…I need to say this." Once again Danielle couldn't meet Ronnie's eyes but she saw Ronnie mirror her motion by lowering her head before slowly nodding to Danielle. "I'm sorry. I didn't ever want to hurt you. The things I did were because I was hurt and…and scared and they weren't to hurt you. And I still don't want to hurt you. I just want to be your daughter and I'm not saying I forgive you, I might never forgive you. But I can't lose you." By the end of her words Danielle was staring at Ronnie, her guilt wasn't fading but the truth and meaning was conveyed in her voice. Ronnie's face was serious despite the smile and her eyes which brimmed with tears. She mouthed "Thank you," to Danielle, not trusting her voice.

"I already lost one mother and I'm not losing you too. I can't. I don't want to ever lose you. I can't lose you Ronnie." Danielle finally let out the fear that she had been holding in and as she did she threw herself forwards onto Ronnie, letting her whole body collapse into her mother's warm embrace as her arms wrapped around Ronnie's waist and fingers dug into her shoulderblades. Ronnie reacted instantly, wrapping her arms tightly around Danielle and holding her tightly as Danielle sobbed into her chest. Ronnie let her hand stoke Danielle's back and she soothingly shushed her daughter as she rocked her gently back and forth. Ronnie held Danielle so tightly, she was so relieved, so in love. Despite Danielle's tears Ronnie shed none, she was too happy, her heart too full. She felt her breaths hitch and stutter at the joy, shock and utter awe at the moment. Danielle could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest as she wept into Ronnie's chest but as she turned her head to the side to press closer into Ronnie's arms her ear was pressed over her sternum and she could hear Ronnie's heart pounding in time with her own.

As Danielle continued to let her sorrow and pain pour out of her in trickling torrents of tears she still smiled from ear to ear. Finally mother and daughter were embracing each other for the first time. This was first time that they had both held each other willingly, with the knowledge of their true identity, but more than that they now knew what they meant to each other.

"Shhh…I'm here. You won't lose me. I'm never letting you go Dani, I promise sweetie, I'll never leave you." Ronnie continued to rock Danielle back and forth and quietly comforted her before pressing her lips firmly to the crown of Danielle's head.

"Ok." Danielle replied, her voice was small and watery. She knew that she sounded like a child but surprisingly in that moment she didn't care, just let out a tiny watery chuckle and sighed as she grabbed more of Ronnie's back and relaxed completely into her arms.

Back at the Queen Victoria pub Roxy was curled on a chair in the lounge alone. Amy had finally settled back in her cot and Roxy was left in the silence of her own company. Since the wedding everything had been so hectic that her mind hadn't had chance to even process what had happened but suddenly with only her own thoughts to dwell on, Roxy realised just how much her world had fallen apart. She felt so alone. Her father, her perfect daddy had destroyed Ronnie's life. He had lied to them all and Roxy's illusion of her infallible father was shattered.

Roxy was scared about what would happen now. Ronnie had always been there, she was the most important person in Ronnie's life except for Amy and despite all of the pain that Roxy put her through, despite all of the betrayal Roxy had always known that Ronnie would never and could never leave her. Now though, now it was different. Ronnie had her own daughter, she didn't need to mother Roxy anymore, that safety net was gone. The tether, the dysfunctional tie to each other in their strange co-dependent relationship was gone and for the first time, perhaps ever, Roxy had to face the fact that she really may lose her sister, her saviour, her best friend.

There was so much that was changing and all so suddenly. Roxy realised that perhaps she had been foolish and naïve to believe that having Danielle back would allow Ronnie to accept her and Amy. Since Amy was born, Ronnie had held her only a number of times, even looking at her seemed too much for Ronnie to bear on occasion. She was a painful reminder of what Ronnie had lost but also how she had been betrayed. Everything had seemed to be better that morning. Ronnie was holding Amy, Roxy and Ronnie had been laughing and it was almost like they were back to how they used to be, unbreakable. Then suddenly, with the smallest trigger Ronnie had turned on them both. Roxy allowed a small tear to fall as she thought about Ronnie's screams. She had wanted them both out and Roxy wondered if Ronnie had meant more than just out of the hospital. Maybe Ronnie wanted them out of her life. A small resentment and jealousy bubbled to the surface as Roxy thought about the person who would essentially be replacing her in Ronnie's heart.

Danielle. Roxy suddenly sobbed loudly as she thought about her. She felt awful for being angry at the poor girl. She had almost killed herself. The reality of the situation was crashing down as Roxy faced the fact that Ronnie had almost lost her daughter, her own niece had almost died and she had been there, watching her slip away. At the wedding she hadn't helped and all the times Danielle had been in her life, looking after Amy, she had never bothered to ask even the smallest things about her. Roxy didn't often feel guilty about her actions but the gravity of the situation made it hit home like a sledgehammer. She felt horrible.

The things she had said to Ronnie. Roxy buried her head in her hands as she remembered. They had all been true and she had been angry, she had said the words that Ronnie had needed to hear to break down that ridiculous guard or Ronnie would only have been hurting herself…no, she would have broken Danielle. But still, Roxy realised that at the time when Ronnie could reject her the most Roxy had just let Ronnie push her away and she had only made it worse. She had said it for Danielle. For the time Ronnie got her arrested, for the way Ronnie had said "good riddance" about her, for the way Ronnie had treated her at the wedding, for the way that Ronnie, even in the hospital was holding back.

Roxy punched the pillow she was holding, into her chest more. Despondent and sorrowful tears were falling one after the other, steadily down her cheeks. The whole family was falling apart. Roxy felt trapped in it all. She had never been the responsible one, never had to sort any problems because she always had other people there to do it for her but now she realised that she had lost the very people who she had always relied on. Her father was out of their lives, not welcome in the family, Ronnie was with Danielle and after this morning Roxy had no idea if Ronnie would even see her again. The two people Roxy could always rely on couldn't fix this problem, it was a lonely feeling. Even Peggy was so broken up over Archie that she was living in what seemed like a trance. Roxy cuddled the pillow in to her and cried. She didn't want her niece to be ill, she didn't want her sister to leave and forget her, she didn't want her father to be what he now seemed to be.

Roxy didn't want to be selfish, she was genuinely scared for Danielle and Ronnie. She missed them both already, she missed her Dad too. Nothing was certain anymore. Roxy may not have had the life shattering time that Ronnie or Archie or even Peggy had had but still her world had been turned upside down. She needed someone just to tell her it would be alright.

She stared sightlessly out of the window from her position curled up on the chair and clutched the pillow to her like a lifeline, like somebody to love her. A hand fell comfortingly onto her shoulder.

"Hello, love." Roxy startled when she felt the touch and heard a voice break the silence. She looked upwards into the face of the person so welcomingly bringing her from her lament.

"Dad…"