Chapter 45
- One Day At A Time

Authors Note:
The Twilight Saga, and any related characters, do not belong to me.

Authors Note 2:
I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated! Something felt off about the Chapter. I couldn't post until the... lack of substance, I'm not sure how else to explain, went away. It still feels a little 'iffy,' but not to the point where I have to keep it hidden away. Sorry for the delay, all!
Authors Note 3:
A quick sidenote. Not sure if anyone's interested, but I've started a blog. Eventually I'll be posting random scenes from 'The Handcuff Bracelet,' or plot updates. Figured it's a way to bring the Review Answer portion of my chapters somewhere less... restricted.
http:/soulreaper616(dot)blogspot(dot)com/?zx=e34b3aa09d48f698

Playlist
Move Your Body- My Darkest Days
Bleed It Out- Linkin Park
One Day At A Time- Tupac
Drug Dealer Girl- Mike Posner

Bella's Point of View

Mom… no. I kept hearing that same phrase over and over again in varying degrees of horror, resignation, and unease. It started when Renee had asked if I'd be coming home for the holidays. The rational side of me knew that her request had been expected. Just… ugh! Damnit! I knew I'd feel this way, too. Guilty, angry, frustrated, worried. November had always been an annoying month. I could understand why December felt so busy, but through all of November now, too? I didn't have that much energy. Nor did I want to partake in any of it from Phoenix.

I was looking forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas in Washington. It's not that I had forgotten about Rosalie, Mom, Arizona. While I knew that I'd have to go back… did it have to be so soon? Did November have to come so quickly when it felt like September and October had flown by? Where was the down-time?

I groaned and turned around in Edward's arms. He was lying behind me, my body resting safely against him. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel Edward looking at me. Did he think I was sleeping? I wasn't in the least bit tired. Life tired, but… who wasn't? I rested my forehead on Edward's chest and wrapped my arms around his back. My hips pressed down onto his and I took a moment to relax, breathe him in. Edward had gone still when Phoenix was mentioned. I could still feel the tension coiled within him, alert. Thinking.

"I might not even have to go," I said, turning my head so that my cheek rested on the ridges of his abs.

"That's very true," he replied. 'But if you do…' hung in the air.

"Worst case scenario, I go there by myself for a day or two, and if you'd want to… you could fly over and come back with me a few days later…"

"You'd want me to meet you out there?"

"Well, yeah," I replied, surprised. "I talk about Rose a lot, you'll get a chance to meet her. You'll get to know Emmett with me, I really don't remember him very well. There's some fun stuff to do in Phoenix, by our standards. And Renee will like getting to know you. I'd like your opinion of her, and of Phil."

"My opinion of them?" His hand had been moving up and down my back. When he stopped, I glanced up at him again.

"Yes," I said, curious. "Why was that weird?"

Edward shifted slightly, getting comfortable again. "Talking about your Mom, y'know. It just, um, sounded strange. You've said it before, but... still strange."

I bit him gently through his shirt. "You're a good judge of character. The pot's making you over-think again."

"I don't think so. Not this time." He shrugged. "We'll see."

"A long time from now," I agreed. "Nothing imminent."

"When will you talk to your Dad again?"

"Later tonight. He'll probably have gotten a call from Renee, too."

"Okay," Edward exhaled slowly. "Fuck everything until then, I guess."

It wasn't the easiest thing to do, like ignoring the metaphorical elephant in the room. We could start planning now, but… where to begin? It would all change if Charlie decided school was more important. If flights were outrageously expensive, I wouldn't be going anywhere. Renee didn't know how much money I had. Not much, if someone were to ask her. I couldn't afford a plane ticket more than two hundred dollars. Those two factors alone might be enough to keep me from traveling. I didn't know when school break was. This might not be an issue until Mid-December.

"Yes, please," I grinned at him. "Not everything, though. Just-" He raised his hips sharply up into mine, the rest of my sentence died as a flash of pleasure ran through my body. "Fuck, Edward," I gasped.

I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist. He pushed his hips up as tilted my pelvis down. His hands were suddenly on my waist helping to start friction that made me moan. He pulled my skirt out from under me. There was no reason to hold me in place anymore, I wasn't going anywhere. He swore as I ground down on him, then again harder when I felt him hard underneath me.

"Go lay down on the bed." His voice was low, hoarse from holding back. "We've got plenty of time."

I climbed off him letting my skirt fall as I made my way across the room. My shirt quickly followed, a girls tank top advertising the band, 'Apocalyptica.' Climbing onto the bed, I laughed when I felt him come up behind me. The mattress dipped, I moved forward to make room for him. Instead of kneeling up as I'd expected, I jumped when his arms wound around my thighs.

"Close your eyes," he said.

I shuddered, the image of his green-blue eyes looking up at me- the way he licked his bottom lip… how they slid over me so easily and felt so fucking good… He moved my legs further apart and his grip tightened. I should have known, but I cried out all the same as he started a merciless rhythm directly on my clit. Struggling to get away did no good. The way he held me in place, let me fight him. It felt good. And knowing that I had hated this, just as he was doing it now… Edward was usually very careful about starting slowly.

He growled as I almost succeeded in freeing my leg. My back arched upward, the sensations crashed together all at once. The vibration from his growl, the hard pressure of his tongue, how he had forced my body to the edge, my nerves screaming as… as he made me come? Everything froze and then something inside of me snapped.

My nails raked furrows across the blanket on his bed. I screamed through closed lips, barely remembering that Alice might be home. Edward's fingers were hard on my thigh, he still hadn't let me go. He had stopped, though, I'm not sure what I would have done if he hadn't. I didn't tear the fabric of his comforter, I noticed, but the color was lighter where I had scratched.

Letting my head hang, I caught my breath. I opened my eyes in time to see Edward slide out from under me. He took hold of my hips when he stood, dragged me toward the edge of the bed. It took less than two seconds for him to be inside of me. My body froze at the sudden, hard pace he set. It didn't hurt, but it was strange at first. As though I knew it should feel really good, but my mind hadn't caught up with the right signals from my body. And then he slammed against my g-spot.

Oh… fuck. The harder he pulled me back onto him, the better it felt. My head felt fuzzy, I was breathing in harsh gasps. I felt the pleasure build higher. Higher still. Edward rested one of his knees on the bed. Pushing me backwards, he raised my hips to meet his deeper thrusts. Changing his mind again, Edward took hold of my shoulder and forcibly flipped me onto my back. I heard myself laugh, pure pleasure escaping in the sound. Catching myself, leaning back on my elbows, I laughed again and let my head fall back when he bit my neck. Edward groaned, his head resting on my shoulder for the briefest of seconds.

"So fucking sexy," he said, looking into my eyes. It felt as though something in him had snapped, too. We had plenty of gentle and slow over the last few days. I'd never grow tired of Edward's sexual aggression.

He knelt down lower on the bed, wrapped my legs around his waist. Barely moving, I cried out again as he managed to hit all of the good places inside of me. He was deep as he could go and I arched my back to help him try for more. Pleasure close to pain, I let him support my body as I moved my hands to his shoulders. That wasn't enough. I leaned up even further until I felt my fingers close over my lower arms. My elbows were bent, helping me get closer to him.

I started kissing his throat, along his jaw. Edward pivoted, rested his back against the headboard of his bed. He didn't need to hold me upright this way. The way his body was angled, I was braced over him, straddling his waist. He brought me down onto his cock, holding me against him as I shuddered. When my eyes opened, he fisted one hand in my hair. Bringing his mouth down to mine, he stared down at me, his eyes hard and determined.

What was he waiting for? I tipped my head up, he pulled me back into place. Resisting made pain skitter down my spine. I grinned, upping the stakes when I tightened my muscles down around him. His breath escaped slowly while he reached for patience. He shook his head when I raised my hands to his face. Taking hold of my wrists with one of his hands, he held them behind my back, intercepting my attempts to best him.

Edward didn't kiss me. I felt my eyebrow arch before he rocked his hips. The way he could move… I heard myself growl in frustration that he had managed to distract me again. When his hand curled around both of mine, I felt another emotional break happening. My fingers were laced with his, I felt time stretch and freeze. It always felt this way with him, more than fucking, better than making love. I loved the way my shoulders ached whenever Edward pulled down on my arms as he thrust up into me. My breath came faster when he got a better grip on my hair. Twisting my head to the side and back, he held my upper body immobile.

"Oh my god," I heard him groan. His eyes moved over the line of my body, I saw them darken as I arched toward him. My knuckles brushed against his thigh, Edward was holding my arms so low. I let my head fall back so he could see my neck, exposed for him. Bite me, then, I thought. Bite me if you won't kiss me. He let go of my wrists, I immediately brought my hands to his chest. Bringing my knees in closer to his sides, I started a pace that was guaranteed to drive Edward insane.

"Why?" The word was torn from me, violently. I slammed my hips down onto his trying to persuade him to answer with flashes of pleasure. He crooked-smiled, a dark version, one I had never seen before. He pulled me down so that I lay flat against his chest. My mouth was aligned with his jaw, I slid up a little so that my arms could go under his shoulders. I loved when he took me this way. Nothing existed save for him, the way he felt against me. Burying my head down on the curve of his neck, I breathed him in. His hair smelled faintly of pot, cigarette smoke. The cologne he used, I loved getting ready for bed and with his scent transferring onto my sheets.

"Because you wanted it." He turned onto his side, taking me with him. My legs went between his as my back pressed against his front. One of his hands went to my throat, my head was tucked under his.

"What does that even mean?" I managed to say. And then I ceased being able to breathe. The air was trapped in my lungs, I couldn't inhale or exhale. The pressure rose, I felt cold and hot at the same time. Edward's fingers pushed up and constricted over the pulse points of my neck. So fucking capable. His fierce energy rolled through me. Drawing in air for the first time in what felt like ages, I was surprised that I didn't need to gasp for it. Oxygen filled me slowly, dreamily.

He slid in and out of me slowly, letting me feel every inch of him. This position had him brush against me in an entirely new way. He held me, arms crossed behind my back. I could feel his strength surrounding me. I was close to shattering a second time. Feeling the muscles in his legs, the way his thigh angled my hips down onto the bed. How he drove himself inside of me, hard, his chest and abs tight with exertion.

He braced his shoulder on one of the pillows. Leaning over me, I tipped my head back to meet his. His breath was warm on the side of my face. I took hold of his arms and felt myself fall over the edge. Into… it was indescribable. His lips covered mine, I stole air from him accidentally. The feeling was strange, I knew because he had done it to me before. The oxygen in his lungs was forcibly drawn out of him, I felt him laugh as he drew air in through his nose. He felt so amazing. My nerves were afire with sensation. His mouth opened, he absorbed the small sounds I couldn't help making. I poured myself into his kiss, having been confused, wanting this.

"I'm going to come, baby," he said against my lips. That was all the cue I needed. Detangling myself from him, wrapping my fingers around his cock, I put one of my hands on his sharp hipbones and took him into my mouth. Tasting myself on him had never bothered me. He gripped the back of my neck, moved my mouth around him in a slightly different way. I loved doing it for him because of this. Feeling him shudder, knowing he was beyond control, I dug my nails into his hip and saw him freeze. I swallowed three times before he was done. Even then, I didn't completely remove my mouth from around him. Ghosting my tongue over his shaft, sucking gently at the head of his cock, I smiled when he twitched.

"Fuck," he swore. "Smoke with me again?" His body was satisfied, but his mind was still over-active. The wrinkles in his forehead were back. His tone wasn't relaxed in the slightest.

I let him slide out of my mouth sideways. "Sure," I grinned. "Always game for smoking." Not wanting him to move, I got off the bed and retrieved the still-full pipe. Edward had two lighters and our cigarettes on his side table. He motioned for me to hit the bowl first. His eyes were closed, he was resting for a few seconds.

"Why a few days?" Edward asked. "Sorry, going back to what you said before. I'd be meeting you in Phoenix after you get there?"

"Mom's going to want an entire day with me. To catch up, y'know? I'll be able to feel things out, know if there will be room for you to stay with us. If not, I'll let you know where the best hotels are and I'll come stay with you."

"Tell me you're not going to drive around and see them for yourself." His eyes, a soft green, slowly hardened to silvery-green as he thought about me scoping out rooms.

"Nope. When Rose and I had money to spend, we'd rent hotel rooms and get away. We know where the good ones are, which of them to avoid."

"So you did, once upon a time."

"You say that like you haven't seen your share," I pointed out.

"That's different," he insisted.

"Yeah, you had Alice with you. I had Rose. It's her neighborhood, she knows her way around. We never ventured into territory that she didn't trust."

Edward sighed. "Fine. That's a valid point, I guess. Rose watched out for you, right?"

"Yeah, she has my back."

"Does that mean the same thing for you as it does for me?"

"She doesn't go above and beyond like you do for me, but… yeah, she's taken unnecessary personal risks in order to keep me safe." Same as I had for her, though I didn't think Edward wanted to hear that part.

"Safe." He took the pipe and took two deep hits. "Right. Safe."

"Edward-"

"Look, I understand why you have to leave. I'm not going to stop you, you know that. If you go, though, I need you to promise me something. With all the stories you've told me about Phoenix, the fact that you rarely talk about what life was like there… I need to know that if you find trouble, run into it, whatever… you'll let me know."

"Of course I'd let you know, but-"

"I can be there in less than seven hours. Jesus. Seven hours. Try and give me some warning?" He laughed, the sound different than normal. "Seven fucking hours. Do you know how much can happen in-"

"Nothing's going to happen. Don't jinx me. Knock on wood or something."

He absently rapped his knuckles against the headboard three times. "You're good at stalling. You'll think of something. Promise me, Bella. If something happens to you… it'll… I'll flip the motherfuck right out."

"I promise." I wasn't worried about whether not Edward would get there. He'd find a way, no matter how many people he had to bribe in order to get on the flight he wanted. The kind of love he had for me, that I felt for him… it was dangerous. Incredibly so. What he was really making me promise was that… if something happened to him, because he was trying to help me, I'd have to live knowing that he was doing time for something I should have handled myself. And if the consequences were worse than mere incarceration, I completely related to what Edward's reaction would be if something happened to me. Full circle, once again.

Tell him, have something happen because of it. Don't tell him, make him live knowing that I hadn't asked for his help in a dire situation. Which was worse? Which would be the right thing to do? Not be in a situation where death and imprisonment are options? Well, yeah. In an ideal world. The little voice didn't have a point this time.

Edward was studying my face, his eyes stared into mine. "Okay," he said finally. "Okay."

"I want the same promise from you," I said.

"I'll let you know if you're in danger," he grinned. "You have my promise."

"None of your bullshit," I warned. "Say the words, the right way."

"I'd let you know, Bella," his tone gentled. "I would have to, much as I'd hate myself for it."

So many jumbled thoughts whirling around in my skull. Edward managed to make one sentence out of them all. He had saved me from reaching Panic Level. "I have to smoke again. Making fun of me during a serious moment like that, what's wrong with you?" I asked him.

"Believe it or not, some people wouldn't have caught what you always do."

"Just because you rush through the sentence doesn't mean that people can't keep up with you."

"They hear what they want to hear. And most are too busy searching your face to hear what you're saying. It's basic manipulation, you've done it to me before."

"I've done what to you?" I asked. "I might be offended."

"You've stared into my eyes before, long enough for me to really focus on you. Then you've asked me a question thinking I'm not paying attention anymore. With the handcuffs, for one."

I laughed. "That wasn't manipulation, Edward. You really were that distracted. I tried asking you at least three times before I realized you weren't hearing me."

"Really?"

"Part of it was because we were both supremely high. That, I'll admit, I use to my advantage sometimes. Not when it's something serious, though."

"All right, then. I was just saying-"

"Nothing," I interrupted, taking the pipe from him. "Don't say anything until after I'm properly high again."

He laughed, put an arm across his face. "Whatever you want, babe."

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

I exhaled a large cloud of smoke. "Are you okay?"

"So far as I can tell," he replied. Moving his arm he glanced over at me, "You?"

"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know in a few hours."

"There's no way you could get your Mom to come here, huh?"

The thought made me laugh. "That would be a really bad idea."

"How bad was their divorce, really? I know you don't like talking about it. And I know you're all Rational Bella, but… what's the real story?"

This was preferable to talking about Phoenix. Sure, why not? Edward had told me worse stories than this one. It wouldn't bring us down or anything. I had long ago reconciled to the fact that Charlie and Renee were divorced.

"Mom wanted to get out of Washington. She was bored and didn't understand why Dad couldn't transfer to another police station somewhere else. I understood, but I could never make her see…" I felt an explanation was needed. "Dad's position here is secure. If he had to start somewhere else, I'm sure he'd take a pay cut unless someone in the Police Force asked him to relocate. Then it's a promotion, you know? Like when the first Chief of-"

"Yes, I know about promotions, social hierarchies." Edward propped himself up on two of the pillows, crooked smiled at me. "Don't go into the history of Forks PD, okay? I'll research it later if you want me to."

"I wasn't going to-" Lighting a cigarette, I mock glared at him. How had he known? "Anyway. They were okay, financially, but unless Dad were to sell the house, we couldn't really pack up and move. The house belonged to my grandfather, his before that. It's not something Dad was willing to consider. He's always loved it here. My parents would fight, then they'd fight more often. Never physically, Dad wouldn't ever raise his hand to a woman."

"I realized that," Edward agreed. "When I was standing in your tree, actually."

"You thought he was going to hit me? That's why you stayed?" It hadn't occurred to me. Him yelling, yes. I hated when he yelled and his face turned that dangerous shade of 'Enraged' red. That's all he needed.

"No, it's not the only reason. The thought did cross my mind, though. Yeah."

"Oh." Of course it had. I was an idiot.

"Not because of- not for the reason you're thinking. I didn't know what Charlie would be like, mad. It doesn't matter, anyway. He might shoot me, but he'd never hurt you. Don't let me distract you."

"What were we talking about?"

He blinked at me. "You're kidding, right?"

"It's not as fun now, is it?" I grinned. "Making fun of you when you want a serious answer, remember how pissed you were about to be. Don't do it to me and I won't have to show you why I don't like it."

"Bella…" his warning tone.

"Yes, Edward?" I laughed. "Fine. They were fighting a lot. That's really all that needs to be said. Dad talked to me about it once, Renee took over after that. She probably told him that she would handle things, and then… didn't really succeed. Dad went fishing a lot, Renee painted while he was away. I got a lot of reading done, it really wasn't a huge deal. Dad would drink, Mom would keep me with her, planning. I ended up going with her. Charlie agreed that it'd be better for me that way. It didn't matter, Mom needed me more. Dad was fine."

Edward looked guarded all of a sudden. "Why doesn't it matter?" he asked. "Was it because you were bored, or because they were bad times for you?"

"Both, to be honest. I'm a worrier. I worried about Mom, what she was going through moving away from Dad. I worried about Dad, in Washington all by himself. I worried about where we were going to live, where I was going to be attending school. When Renee's job fell through, we stayed with my grandparents for a day or two while Mom asked them for a loan. I don't think they knew that she had gotten divorced. I'm pretty sure I remember them being surprised. I was in the living room, watching movies, reading. They fought, too, but we moved into a house the next day. Possibly the day after."

"You shouldn't have needed to-" he reached for a cigarette, changed the subject. "Great credit saves the day?"

"Seems like. It was nice, in a nice area. I was so sheltered back then," I laughed. "I knew how to use a gun, but I'd never fired at anyone before. Target practice only. I learned some self-defense moves that Dad taught me. My police vest, the drugs I had learned about over dinner, Charlie confiscating something or another… I didn't know how useful all of that would be. We weren't in Scottsdale for very long. Snottsdale, kids call it in Chandler. Chandler borders Phoenix, the cities aren't big where I was. Tempe, Mesa, and Gilbert border Chandler, too, to give you an idea."

"Did you spend a lot of time there? Chandler?"

"That's where I sold the majority of my stuff. I spend most of my time in Phoenix, though, or I will be, when I'm there."

"Phoenix," Edward repeated.

"You wanted to know about the divorce," I said, not going into any more detail. "That's the whole story."

"The condensed version rather than the edited one, at least."

"Do I judge your stories?" I asked, slightly irked.

"No, you don't. You know that I won't judge yours. I get the feeling that you feel as though… I'd look down on you, see you differently if you were to allow yourself to feel some semblance of emotion. That won't happen, I don't think you really know that."

"I haven't talked about this with anyone else," I protested. "Its not that I think you'll judge, I know you won't. I've come to peace with everything that's happened. I don't want to be angry at Charlie or Renee, especially not now that I'm happy in Forks. What does that past matter? I lived, learned, changed, changed back, and found a mid-point between the two where I'm comfortable."

"Everyone deals in different ways," he said carefully. "I'm not blind, Bella. I have hang-ups of my own. Someone opening a can right next to my ear when I'm sleeping… that'd be a bad idea. A door slamming open, hitting the wall… it can also cause a bad reaction. I know what it's like to be poor, below being poor. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm not ashamed…" Okay, maybe that was a lie. I was still angry at Renee for allowing things to get so shitty. Making excuses to people in Scottsdale had been humiliating. All of them were rich, settled. Their parents car payment could have kept Renee and I solvent for a month.

"Just saying, you know, if you want to rage around or whatever… it's fine. When Alice surprised you that day in my room, you went straight for your knife. Small things like that, I've got them too. I nearly drew down on Alice yesterday when she… caught me off guard."

"Beg your pardon?" I blinked at him. "You nearly what?"

"It was fine. I didn't have a gun or knife with me," he quirked an eyebrow at me. "Where'd my knife go?"

"Under your shirt in the backseat of your car… I told you it was there before we hit Port Angeles, you don't remember?"

"No… I didn't," he chuckled. "Good to know, thanks."

I knew that Edward would be able to handle my freak outs. He had done it before. They never tended to last long. Like Dad, I was able to rant, solve problems, and then feel better. Mom took longer to get over things, she had the memory to hold those grudges, too.

"What time is it?" I asked. "Charlie will be home at seven." My nerves were making me descend to emotional roller-coaster level.

"Almost six," Edward said. "Are you hungry? I'm fucking starving."

Watching him in the kitchen was always an experience. He multi-tasked like no one I'd ever met. Opening a bag of Three-Cheese dip, he warmed up a bowl of it in the microwave. I handed him some nacho chips. There was a flurry of activity as Edward took out sour cream, shredded cheese, salsa, guacamole in a jar.

"You like all this stuff?" he asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "And you made a huge deal out of my waffles. You know, I've never had nachos this way outside of a restaurant?"

"What do you do?"

"Um… open some Tostitos, crack open a can of salsa."

"Oh," he grinned. "Normally, yes, but I'm really fucking hungry."

They were really, really good. Edward flipped the television on, we curled up on the living room floor while he translated the first fifteen minutes of the soap opera. He had gone overboard with the guacamole, they were perfect. Melted cheese, cheese sauce and regular salsa, sour cream on the plates side. Very, very nice.

"I should probably get out of here soon," I sighed, leaving the last few chips for him.

"I'll take you home," he offered.

"You sure? You're all comfortable and stuff. I don't mind driving back by myself."

"Don't worry about it," he said. "It's no big deal. I'll pick you up in the morning, too. You were going to roll a joint, right?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that. Your parents won't mind if I leave the truck here again?"

"It makes them happy," Edward rolled his eyes. "They think the attachment you have for that hunk of crap is charming."

I smiled. "Charming, huh? I like it. She's a good girl, don't be mean."

The drive back wasn't tense at all. Not until Edward pulled into my driveway. Only the porch light was on. Charlie wasn't back yet.

"Want company while you wait?"

"I would," I hesitated, "but Dad might invite you to dinner. He'd be in Guest Mode, you know?"

"Good point. I'd have to go home rather than having you come back out to meet me? Think that'd be possible?"

"I'll do my best. Want to meet at the meadow? It's a ten minute walk for me, and you can drive me back if you don't want to walk."

Edward nodded. "Done"

"Nice." I gave him a relatively chaste kiss considering Dad might pull up any second. Having him see us in a deep make-out session would be… awkward.

"Call me after you talk to Charlie?"

The phrase was becoming annoyingly common. "Of course," I told him. "You know I will."

"I feel… edgy," he admitted. "Sorry. I know."

"We have a plan either way," I had to point out. "Things will be fine, no matter how it goes."

"Yeah?" he snorted softly. "I know, babe. Call me soon."

I waved as Edward pulled out of my driveway. His music was loud enough to hear from outside of the car. I was worried that he seemed this tense, but there wasn't anything I could do until Dad and I talked. Tense, I took a deep breath. I could relate, at least. He wasn't the only one that felt edgy.

I checked my e-mail instead of starting on my class assignments. There wasn't a lot of homework for me to do. I kept up with what I knew would be challenging and procrastinated the easier assignments. Gym class was flying by. We'd be starting a new sport soon, though I couldn't remember which one it would be. Edward had Gym completely under control, but I couldn't help feeling nervous. Old habits died hard. And speaking of, Mom had sent me six e-mails. Two or three interesting facts followed by paragraphs of 'Where are you, Bella?' 'Is everything okay?' 'Why haven't you been talking to me?'

I didn't feel bad for barely skimming through the first. She had set up her e-mail account… and had talked me through the steps. In detail. She was proud of herself, though, and that had made me smile. E-mails four through six were full of, 'Are you angry at me?' And a lot about Phil, whom I had no interest in reading about, at all.

"Bells?" Charlie yelled as the front door closed, "Got a call from your Mother. You home?"

"I'm right here, Dad. You hungry?"

"Nope," he shrugged out of his jacket. "Can't say that I am. How about you? Did you eat dinner?"

"Yup. What did Mom want to talk about?"

"The holidays." Dad went to the fridge and popped open a beer. "Seems that's what everyone's talking about. How d'you feel about going to Phoenix for a few days, before your school break? Renee said she talked to you about it?"

Why didn't he sound upset? Aside from watching me over the top of his beer, Dad wasn't wary or tired. He didn't look as though one drink could easily turn into seven. Something felt 'off,' but I couldn't pin-point it's cause.

"Um, yeah. Mom mentioned that she wanted me to be in Phoenix for early Thanksgiving."

"I know you're happy here, Bells, but if you miss your Mom, your friends, you know I'd understand. And I wouldn't ever want to keep you from visiting them. I told you, told her, back when you first moved in…"

"What? Dad… what? Keep me from- what exactly did Mom tell you?" The beginnings of anger settled in. I didn't want to let it out yet, not until I knew the truth. "Did she say that I was homesick for Arizona? That I wasn't as happy here as I'd let you to believe?"

"Well, no," he looked at the floor. "She-"

"If she said anything like that, I'm never going back to Phoenix. She can-"

"Your Mother didn't say any of those things," Charlie said solidly.

Mother, huh? He said the word as though there should be another that came after it. This had been common during the divorce, too. 'Bella, go and tell your Father…' 'You're not a messenger, Bells. Your Mother should understand that.' So polite, so stinging.

"Really? Your tone says otherwise," I stated, unflinchingly. Dad was a better parent than Mom, I had always known that. I hated when she used guilt against him. It wasn't fair, for one. And it was a really low thing to do… Edward was right, it embarrassed me for her.

The rest of our conversation passed in a blur. Dad brought up points like, 'Your grades are good.' 'You can have Alice pass on your homework or e-mail it in.' 'You'll only be there for two or three days,' 'I could spend all of the holidays in Forks.' Winning points, all of them. He was concerned about Phoenix being dangerous, but Renee had managed to move to a nicer neighborhood. Nice of her to share that information with me. I knew what it meant. Dad had tapped into his savings and bailed her out, yet again. She was working in a police station, I know he had gotten her that job.

When the two of them purposefully withheld facts, and Dad brought them up in a roundabout way, later… I knew what Mom's guilty silence felt like. They couldn't fool me anymore. Charlie still didn't like Phil, but then I didn't know many people who did like him. Mom, for one. …that's about it. Dad seemed to think that I wouldn't be able to get into much trouble, considering I'd only be there for a day or two.

"You want to book your flight tonight?" he asked. "Your Mom's in Glendale now, but you'd still be flying into PHX Airport."

"I know…" Glendale, I could laugh. Where in Glendale? Maybe it wouldn't be much nicer. Where was I going? I'd get Mom to send me pictures of the… apartment? "Do we have to do this tonight, though? I want to call Mom again to make concrete plans. And I have to check on some stuff for school, I don't want to just take off, you know? It'll go over better with my teachers if I can give them some warning."

"You haven't missed any days, right? You'll go there, celebrate, and then come right back. You're allowed to miss a few days your Senior Year."

"Right. You know me," I interjected quickly, "I like being prepared."

"So prepare. We can book your ticket the day after tomorrow. In the morning."

Charlie talked on for a little while longer. He had done some research on Glendale. With Mom working at the police department, she got a heads up for where major crime happened. Dad figured I was safe now. And I wouldn't be going to school, which would cut down on time with Rose… but Mom would get her fill.

Something had happened during the conversation. Dad was too matter-of-fact. There was subtle avoidance happening, but I didn't know why. I'd call Mom in the morning to try and see if I could trick her into divulging information. Then Dad and I could sit down and talk again.

So much work. That he and I didn't need to talk very much, it made moments like now really awkward. He thought the conversation was over, I wanted it to be done with. I needed to talk with Renee, anyway. Everything felt hazy, unreal. Dad had turned the television on.

"Don't be mad at your mother," he said, after a few moments of silence. "She didn't mean any harm by telling the truth."

"What truth would that be?"

"Just..." He was going to evade, I could feel it. "Just don't get all excited over nothing. You can talk to her about it when you get there. It's the holidays, Bella. Everyone gets a little crazy 'round this time of the year."

"Okay, Dad."

"You mad at me?" he asked, offhandedly.

I could read right through his tone. What Mom had said really got to him, I felt the repressed anger burn brighter. For Dad's sake, because he didn't deserve any of it, I smiled at him. "I'm not mad at you. Confused, a little, why you're still taking her side-"

"There are no sides, Bells. We're both on yours. We might be separated, but we're still your parents. Your mother-"

"Yeah, I know. She loves me," I sighed. "I'm not angry at you, Dad. I don't like flying, that's part of it. Travel plans were kind-of thrown at me, I had no time to think..." Like now. I heard myself excusing him and couldn't stop myself from speaking. Years of conditioned behavior, learned from Renee.

Edward got the real me. When I was talking to Renee, Charlie… I morphed into someone new. Someone uncontrollable. I might have protested about leaving, but I could have done better. Guilt kept me from voicing anything too bad about Mom. Some sense of loyalty and propriety kept Dad from allowing me to rant on about her, negatively.

I realized this, sitting on the couch. This was what Edward meant. This… numbness. I didn't feel anything because I had resigned myself to doing what I didn't want to do. There was nothing to feel. It would be so easy to just say No. To stay in Forks, not need to think about traveling until I was good and ready to do it. But… it would really, really hurt Mom. What were two days in November compared to the months I'd be able to stay in Washington, without complaint from her. If I were careful, nothing would happen. Two days would fly by.

"I think I'm going to shower, and, if its okay with you, I'm going to go for a walk."

"A walk?" Dad looked away from the television. "This late?"

"Edward's going to meet up with me. He'll give me a ride home. I'll be safe."

"Okay…" he looked older as he turned back to the TV. "Do whatever you need to do, Bells."

Showering was automatic. I took one whenever I had an opportunity. Being clean was high on my priority list, and whenever Edward and I got the chance… it grossed me out for him, the thought of him going down on me after an entire day at school, sex in between. I know he showered soon as he got home, usually. Sometimes we managed to take one together, I liked those the best.

So, all in all, we had an extension of a day. I let the door to my room close. Pressing my back against it, I took several deep breaths. Phoenix. Rosalie. I felt a little better. Phil. And back to the depths of hatred. I started pacing, unable to stay still. The room seemed too small. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dialed Edward while lighting a cigarette. Having two other things to do aside from cross the floor from one wall to another, maybe that would help.

"Yo," Edward's voice was clipped. Business mode. Fine by me.

"I'm going to Phoenix in two weeks."

"Did you book the ticket yet?" His voice was less impatient sounding now.

"Not yet, I got Dad to delay instant flight searching. I didn't tell him that you were going to come with me. That would have led to more explanations. I couldn't handle it, you know?"

"Where are you?"

"My room."

"Meet me in the meadow? Think you can get away?"

"Sure," I agreed. "Twenty minutes."

"Does Charlie know you're upset about going back to Arizona?"

"Yeah, I think that was conveyed."

"Good. Twenty minutes, I'll be there."

Edward was right. I could be angry if I felt it. Why not? I had never held back before. Phoenix, the word was a growl in my head. Fresh air, I needed to get air. The meadow was a fantastic idea. No one would hear us but the wildlife, and if a bear decided to meander over… I'd take him the fuck down. This was a situation that called for fire.

Edward's Point of View

My phone rang as I was on the way to our meadow. Charlie? Shit. What had happened? "Hello?"

"You shouldn't be answering while you're driving."

"What's wrong?" I asked, trying not to snap at him. "Did something happen to Bella?"

"No. No, Bells is fine." There was a long pause. "I assume she's told you about Thanksgiving in Phoenix?"

"Yup…"

"And would I also be correct in thinking you're going with her?"

"I-" Shit. This was why I didn't do the 'meet my parents' thing. Was planning to go with her something I should tell him? I had no fucking clue. "I knew she was going, but-"

"So long as your parents are okay with you traveling out of the state, I know you'll keep an eye on my daughter. You'll do that for me if you go, won't you, Cullen?"

"Of course. That's provided-"

"Alright. Just to warn you, I don't think Bella's… alright. I don't know if she wants to go and feels a need to hide it, or if she doesn't want to go at all. She's got stuff for building a campfire. Mind that doesn't get out of control?"

"A campfire?"

"Yeah, she does that when she's upset. Used to get me to do it for'er when she was a kid."

"Um… thanks." Was that alcohol I heard in his voice? It was difficult for me to tell when it came to worry versus inebriation. Both made people tense, their phrases were choppy, they didn't always make sense. "I've got a jug of water in the back. In case of over-heating, y'know?"

"Smart kid," he complimented me. "Drive safe, and bring her home by midnight?"

"She can stay in the guest room of our house," I offered. "If she's truly upset, maybe it'll help even out her mood. Esme's going to be up late tonight, she can make her cookies or whatever. They do stuff like that, sometimes. Alice, too."

"I… guess that'd be fine. Esme seems like a really good mom to you two kids. Always around, doing things..."

Drinking, I'd put money on it. There's no way Charlie would have agreed so quickly. His trust in me was not that great. Unless he was trying to thank me for going to Phoenix with Bella. I had no fucking idea. It didn't matter, she was mine for the night.

"Yeah, she is," I replied, really wanting to hang up. "Um, I'll bring Bella home around five tomorrow. Unless you'll be working?"

"Nope, I'll be there. Take care of her, Edward. I don't know what her Mother's been saying. I doubt very much of it's helpful."

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, Chief. Stay safe."

"You too, Edward. Have a good night now."

Bella had gotten here first. I could have messaged, but it seemed slightly inappropriate. Of course she'd want to smoke. If she brought a joint with her, we could stay out longer. Win-win situation. Until I saw her.

I had seen the pre-setup fire grate, but it wouldn't have occurred… Winter didn't bother me like it did other people. Disappearing to the meadow, I hadn't wanted to draw attention to the area. Bella had built one hell of a fire, I watched the black smoke drift off into the trees.

She was pacing along its perimeter, cigarette in hand. There was very little wind tonight. It had been eerie at first, the lack of wind in winter. Everything seemed frozen. I hadn't liked walking in the meadow once frost started appearing on the ground. Too easy for people to track us. And then Alice had made me realize that there wasn't anyone to track us in Forks. I had brought two blankets, just in case. If the wind made a reappearance, it was going to get really cold, really fast.

I dumped my Ipod and the speakers on top of the blankets. She had my complete attention. Bella saw me, she didn't blink as I made my way around the fire. Her eyes reflected the flames, dark, wild. Angry.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked, pacing in agitation. "Why can't I stop… It makes absolutely no sense. I don't owe Renee anything. I'm pretty sure she said something that upset Dad. She made him paranoid that I'm going to leave. They talk to one another about things that concern me, but then they won't tell me what they've talked about… even though they're both, obviously, upset about the conclusion they reached. Together. Without me, again."

"Babe-"

"And then they make me pull interrogation maneuvers that the C.I.A hasn't thought to implement yet… Jesus, Edward! Why? Why do I keep doing this to myself?"

"Hey," I caught her against my body. "Calm down a minute. Relax. Breathe."

"Okay. Okay, I'm breathing. Sorry."

There was no point in telling her not to apologize. I wasn't going to nit-pick at a time like this. She smelled like smoke, in all of its variations. From the campfire, all natural, cloying, pure. Then cigarettes, menthol and paper, tobacco. Underneath all of that, as I buried my face in the curve of her neck, she smelled like pot. And fruit.

The moonlight made her skin seem unbelievably pale. And yet, she was solid in my arms. Fire and passion, anger, frustration. This had nothing to do with sex. She was hanging on to the thinnest line of self-control. The only way I could see that might help was telling her the absolute truth.

"You put yourself through so much because you love them. That's the bitch of having people care about you. They expect things you don't want to give, and you end up doing them because you don't want them to be unhappy."

"You're in favor of Phoenix, too?" She didn't sound accusatory, just curious. I knew she hadn't pulled away because I pissed her off.

"Fuck no, I'm not. Just, as answer to your question. Questions. That's the best I can think of."

"I know I'm being illogical. Just… I really don't want to go back there yet. I'm afraid that Mom will say something, do something, and then I'll never make it back to Washington. Did you know… of course you don't know. I didn't know. And if you knew, well, we'd have a whole new set of problems."

"The Mad Hatter would recruit you back to his tea-party if he could hear you." She wasn't the only one who could make obscure references. "I don't understand anything you're saying."

That made her pause. Smile. "Mom has a new job. She moved. Dad helped her, I'm not sure why. Neither of them told me about it. Charlie only mentioned it because... I don't know, he wanted me to know where I'd be traveling? He seems to think it'll be safer there, in Glendale." Bella laughed in an odd way. "Do you have smoke with you? I've got a joint. I rolled it and hit it in the Duraflame log wrapper."

"Whichever you want to smoke," I shrugged. "Body high or head high?"

"Both," she smiled wickedly. "Is that possible?"

"Maybe not right now, but later, definitely. I've got three different kinds stashed away at home. We'll be fucked up if you want to be."

"Later? Tomorrow, you mean. I told Dad that you'd drop me off at home when we're done here."

"Yeah, uh, I called him and asked if you could stay the night at my place." That felt really wrong. "I lied to you. He called me, not the other way around. Anyway, the final verdict is that we have to sleep in the guest room tonight."

"You guys have a guest room?"

"Yeah," he cleared his throat. "Um, yeah, we do."

"Why aren't we hanging in your bedroom?"

"I told your Dad that you'd stay there. That's probably what made him agree to the whole idea. I might have also mentioned that you'll be baking cookies with Esme. So… pick a type, remember it. Charlie might ask."

"He called you?" she pondered. "When?"

"Right as I was leaving."

"What did he-"

"Nope," I shook my head. "I've spent time with you and your Dad. You're my priority, you know that, but I can't sell the Chief down the river. Whatever reason he had for calling me, I know it's because he wants you to be safe."

"Fine," Bella sighed. "I won't mention it when I talk to him again."

"I'd appreciate that."

"Should I head back and do that now? Why put off 'til tomorrow..."

"Let your conversation settle with him. Thinking time would be good." I remembered the way Charlie had sounded on the phone. Whatever progress they would make, it would be lost if Bella got home to see her father drinking. I knew that it didn't bother her, but I didn't want her to deal with that tonight, too. "Feel like smokin' up? We'll take this joint out, chill for a while. Then we can drive into Port Angeles to get rolling paper for a blunt."

"You don't have anymore?"

"Not the Strawberry kind," I shook my head. "Or Vanilla, if you'd prefer, I don't care. Grape isn't going to hack it, not with the weed I've got."

Bella helped me arrange the blanket and she flipped through my Ipod while I sparked the joint. She rested her head on my shoulder, watching the campfire. I passed to her, she deeply inhaled twice. Slowly, very slowly, I felt her relaxing again. Putting my arm over her shoulder, she curled in toward my body.

"Whether or not I go to Phoenix... we're going to be okay, right?"

I couldn't read her expression. Her eyes were dark, but she was calm. Almost too calm. I pulled her closer, not knowing what to say. This wasn't where I excelled. Offering comfort verbally...

"No matter what," I replied. "One way or another. We're solid, babe."

"Solid," she grinned. "Like a glass house, or-"

I laughed. "Like a castle. Fortified and reinforced, hot oil and spikes waiting for anyone who tries to breach the perimeter. We'll be fine, Bella. Don't worry about that."

"Okay." Exhaling a plume of smoke toward the fire, she handed me the joint.

"Just like that?" I asked.

"Yup," she smiled at me. "Fuck it all. Things are going to change. I'm going to get drunk and call Renee."

... great? I'd find a way to maneuver the phone away from her. Once Bella started drinking, I knew she would be easily distracted. Calling her Mother while inebriated... such a bad idea. I wasn't going to stop her if that's what she needed to do, but I would do my best to keep her occupied. Kissing the side of her head, I let the music wash through me. Worst case scenario, I could call a few friends and have her taken out. Problem solved?

Authors End Note:
Really sorry, again, that it took so long for me to post this chapter! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Life stuff, hopefully, is more back to normal now. Updates should happen more frequently... or, at the least, not be more than a week or two apart. ^_^

Authors End Note 2:
Lur2-
Thanks! Thank you for the compliment on the way I write, too.

Fliberty-
I loved the cabin as soon as I saw the picture. It made my day. I could see it in my head, but none of the other picture's worked. Then, bam. Yes! Score! Haha. I love the picture, that whole series of pictures in black and white with him in the ragged shirt? Very nice, lol. Thanks so much for the link!
o
I like writing Edward and Alice, too. Siblings, but not. Alice can be really blunt because that's how Edward was, and he appreciates hearing the truth from her. Sometimes she's the only one, I haven't wanted to let that aspect of their relationship disappear. The stage during gym class... that was such a fun scene to write! I'm glad you enjoyed it. =D

Readergirl828, sexy-vampirita, GracieMac96, Bellawant2be, InaV, archieandedward, mittoots79, mom2handm, kitkat681, 123abc-harrypotter, malia81167, sarahlouise80, hawkeye1958, ginkgo00, EdwardsBrunette2, Timi55-
Thank you all for reading and reviewing! A lot of new people, I deeply apologize for not being able to write back to everyone this time. It really means a lot that you stopped by and left your thoughts and suggestions! I hope to hear back from you in the next chapter, too. =)

Karen4honor-
I'll have to go back and add more to the tattoo chapter. Thanks for mentioning that, Karen! =D Miss you, bb!
o
I've been going back to Edit all of the chapters. I got to 35, I think. All of the chapters, up to that point, are now in the same format. No jumping all over, ...'s that disappeared, horrible long spaces for the Review-Answer part. 'wince. Eleven more and I'll be all caught up!

Luvyateamedward-
Thank you so much! Bella's Phoenix past should enter the story really, really soon. A chapter from now. I needed her details to be straight because there are a few plot-twists coming. Everything worked itself out. The end is in sight. 'flinch.

Kavelf-
Thanks for all of your reviews!

Latuacantante4him-
Thank you! Alice is really useful/helpful, I like bringing her into the story when I can!

Fantasy0506-
Hey, fantasy! Thank you so, so much!

Aggy73-
Lol, thanks for the Bella-defense! Bella and I both agree! ^_^

Jansails-
Your reviews never fail to amaze, Jan. Thanks! I love everything you wrote. I don't disagree with any of it.
I do not see Edward attending college for very long. All of the things he's learned... they weren't learned from books. His head works when it comes to money and making it quickly, efficiently, I don't see Edward as the type to wither away at school while life continues as he does. To him, it would feel as though the years equal money that he's lost, no matter how much he might make after he graduates.
He does want to watch out for Bella. Of course, he can't help himself. Edward won't stand in her way, Bella wouldn't let him dictate to her and he knows better than to try.
She does go to Phoenix, I'm not afraid to let that part of the plot out. I have it all set up and I wouldn't know where to go if she doesn't. Arizona is going to be fun, haha.
Thanks so much, Jan, again. =).

FFFan1664-
Rosalie will be entering the story soon, yes. Emmett, too, because all of the other couples in this story are Canon. Why not have Rosalie be with Emmett, right? Renee and Phil, too, though they won't be as well-suited. Heh.

Jbquinn-
Hahaha, sorry for the really long wait. I'm glad you loved the last chapter!

Svollgraf-
'Handcuff Bracelet' ending makes me nervous. I have random scenes for an Alice/Jasper story, but in all likelihood... I'll probably try to do a Part 2 somehow with E/B as main characters again. Not sure how, or whether it's a good idea, but I know I'm going to miss this story. A lot. Thank you so much for reading!

Vampirelovin1901-1918-
Thank you! Another smoker, sweet! I love finding Twilight fans who smoke, haha.

Stillwaters72-
Thanks, =). True, no?

Vtweetymccn-
Hey! Hahaha, if Edward says that... I'll be really proud of him!

MariaLorenzen-
Lol! Thanks for sharing, that made me laugh when I read it. I'm glad you were able to save your laptop, though. O.o. Edward in Phoenix, I plan for him to get there, yes. No worries, he won't sit at home and wait for her the whole time. It's Edward, y'know?

MyEdwardJacob-
You'd probably be right. Thanks for the dose of anger, good energy resulted. ^_^. What I feel is dangerous about them moving out... they're both intense people, everyone around them can see that. And, realistically speaking, couples who are that intense tend to 'burn out' eventually. Or at least,that's what 'people' say. I wanted to address that. Also, Edward hasn't been 'home' for very long. He doesn't want to offend Carlisle and Esme when they've done so much for him. 'Thanks, guys. So... yeah, four years later, I'm out. Peace. By the way, I know I told Alice I'd protect her, but she's got Jasper now. His problem.' Lol! No bueno.
Bella has enabled Renee for a very long time. Without Charlie around, Renee was the only parent Bella had. Not to mention, when it comes to the holidays... kids are expected to go home, right? I know my parents expect to see me at their dinner table come Thanksgiving and Christmas. Long stories there, lol. She has taken a stand, though. We'll see what happens if Edward doesn't talk her out of phoning Renee. =)

Carlisle's-nose-extension-
Hahaha, awesome screenname! Thanks for letting me know about the link, I'll go back and fix that soon!

Sophdrea-
Thanks for following me over from 'Switches!' I'm updating that really soon, too. Within the day, if possible.
o
That your reviews don't mean much, crazy talk! I love hearing what people think, I'm amazed that so many people Do review. Thanks for all of the comments you've left, I'm really happy that you like this E/B pairing seeing as you've read E/B of SnS first.
o
Thank you! O.O. Intense writing energy hit for when Edward gets to Bella's place after dropping Tanya off. I liked their practicality and acceptance. It saved a lot of writing. They needed to have that one last spurt of rebellion, and when it didn't work... they could both give in. =). Thanks so much again, Sophdrea!

Muneca-
I'm not sure where it's available to buy... Grooveshark allows downloading, I think. There's a button over the song that'll let you grab it for your computer. Just click the check mark, ^_^

Ltlnbrt-
Thanks for all of your reviews! And thank you for giving 'Handcuff' a chance, =). I do plan on updating, no worries. Both stories, I've let 'Switches' idle for too long now, too. 'sigh.

Dellaterra-
Glad I described Edward's hair so well, haha. Thank you!

Joanna-
Wow. That's impressive! Thanks, Joanna! I wish the story links didn't need to have (dot)'s in them. I think it discourages people from checking them out. Ah well, maybe FF will update sometime and make them clickable!

Seriouslyaddicted-
Edward's 19 and Alice is 18. I know, my ages are off/were off. As I go back to edit, I've been straightening them out. It's because I don't plan before I write... if something changes, I go back to change it elsewhere, but... not always well. It's a work in progress, lol. Sorry for the confusion!
I had to change the ages they were adopted because they didn't add up properly for the ages they should be now. Edward was sixteen, Alice fifteen when they were adopted. It was complicated because I needed to have Edward be mature enough to take care of Alice, yet still have him be able to attend high-school without being twenty years old. Nineteen was pushing it a little, but it's possible. Twenty, twenty one? It'd make me uncomfortable.

Ravenlovestwilight-
Wow. That was an amazing review, lol. Thanks! I love that you love this story so much! O.O, =D!

Chrissyvs-
Yes, I definitely plan on continuing 'Handcuff.' All the way to the end, lol. I'm not giving up on it.

Carina2026-
You're not a crappy reviewer, haha. Thanks for commenting at all! Hope to hear from you soon!