Here's one – long! Very long!

Enjoy!

I don't own the newsies.

--

It felt as if I lost my footing and fell. That the sure ground on which I'd been standing on disappeared. I wasn't safe here anymore.

And now none of the newsies were.

I can't believe I'd let this happen. I'd known in the back of my mind that I'd have to deal with my father. That I was putting the newsies in danger just by staying there. But I hadn't wanted to believe it.

And now, here it was, realer than ever. Roller was gone. Roller. The sweet kid who likes me. Gone like Magnet was. And to stop him from being gone like Books was, I knew I had to do what my father asked.

It was time to think about the fate of all the newsies, rather than just myself. I loved living here with them. There was no better place in the world. But if I wanted them safe, I'd have to go.

And I guess I wouldn't be able to escape my father and come back. Because he'd know where I would go if I had my choice. Right back here.

But I would not stand for living with my father. Being married off at sixteen. I am sixteen, and I'm nowhere near thinking about marriage with some random guy. Some guy like Lawrence. I wouldn't be able to bear living with a man so cruel he bribes me by threatening innocent children. Who killed Books and took Magnet away. He's taken everything away from me. Going off with him now means that I'll have to give up the newsies.

At least I could hold onto my personality. Who I am inside. That's what my father wants to change of me the most. He wants me to become his robotic daughter, doing everything he says. But I wouldn't. I'd stay myself, no matter what he threw at me.

So I'd escape, somehow. I'd go west, somewhere far away from my father and the newsies. I don't want any trouble to come to them. Well, any more trouble. And I could get word to them somehow that I was okay.

I wandered down the fire escape and into the night, not caring that I was alone. If anyone attacked me, I would tell them I'd already been attacked enough. I wasn't scared of some stupid person willing to hurt me to get what they want. What I was scared of, or rather for, was Roller. That was so much bigger than being scared to walk alone at night. And anyways, I already knew my fate, so what was worse that could happen to me?

I found myself at the docks. I stared blankly out at the ocean and let my feet dangle off the edge of one dock. And I just sat there, not feeling anything. I held the note from my father in my hands. I wanted to tear it up and throw it into the water. But what if one of his spies was watching me right now, and took that action as 'no, I'm not going to meet him' and then went and killed Roller? So I just held it, gripping it tightly. After a while I put it in my pocket. It felt like the piece of paper that sealed my doom would burn a hole through my pants and kill me right then and there.

Suddenly I felt a presence behind me and warm arms wrapped themselves around me. I didn't need to be told who it was. I would be able to tell it was Mush if I all of my senses were muffled.

I wondered why he'd want to hug me. But I didn't care. I'd missed being in his arms. Missed his touch. Missed his attention.

He didn't speak, he just pulled me towards him.

After a while, I had to speak. "I thought we were still going to be friends."

Mush sighed. "It'll take me a little while to get ovah what you said."

I frowned. "I should be the humiliated one."

He shifted. "You take back what you said? Or regret it?"

I was quiet for a moment. "If I said it now I'd still mean it."

Might as well let him know that. I was leaving soon. He tensed at the words, though. And moved away from me.

"Sorry, sorry," I quickly said. "I know you're dating Hannah."

"What you think about me has nothing to do with me dating Hannah."

I took a deep shuddering breath, those words piercing me at the core. "I know."

Suddenly Mush let out a sarcastic laugh. "You know…you never seemed like the type of person to say things like that. You really had me fooled."

"What do you mean 'things'? I only said one thing about you."

"Oh, so now you're grouping all that into one thing? I feel much better," he spat back.

He was kind of confusing me. "All I said was that –"

"Hey, Mush!" Someone called. It was Spot.

"Ya?"

"I need ta talk ta you," Spot said. A statement, not a question.

Mush nodded his understanding and got up, shooting me one last look which I couldn't read.

"Hey Pip."

"Hey Spot."

I watched the two walk away from me.

I turned back to the water. It had never looked more inviting. Under there, I couldn't hear anyone and no one could hear me. I could just swim and swim, away from here.

Before I could think I found myself in the water. Under there I opened my eyes and watched my hair float around in front of me. But I couldn't see beyond that. So I just swam and swam into the unknown. Coming up for a breath every now and then.

And then, underwater, I realized something.

I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, or Roller would get hurt. And even if I did find some way to tell everyone secretly, I knew they'd all want to help and just end up getting hurt.

I wouldn't get to say goodbye.

--

MUSH'S POV (from earlier that night)

--

I knew Pip didn't like me dating Hannah. I knew it. I saw it. But why should she care? She probably just felt bad for Hannah. Felt bad that Hannah had to date someone so dirty and messy.

Even so, I didn't like seeing her unhappy. Still. I told myself she deserved it. But I didn't really believe that. Not deep down.

The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't believe Pip had said those things. It was so unlike her.

But what was said was said, those words couldn't be erased.

That night we went to pick up Hannah on our way to Spinner's. I liked Hannah. She was sweet. Nice. She liked me. But there was something missing. And the only word I knew to fill it in with was Pip. Love.

I loved her. Pip. I realized that after she'd said those things. So what do I do with that? Would that feeling just go away? Or would it stay forever?

I knew that it wasn't gone yet. Even though I hid it, I still felt it. Especially when Banks was around. I hated seeing him talking with, sitting with, looking at, or just being near Pip. Hated it. I wanted to soak the bastard every time I saw him.

And he would be there that night. Great. I hoped that Hannah would be a good distraction.

She wasn't. I noticed right away that everyone there was a couple. Except Pip and Banks. But Banks didn't seem to think so. When he put his arm around Pip, I was so mad. I tensed up.

"Ouch," Hannah said. I quickly looked down and saw that I'd been squeezing her arm very hard.

"Sorry," I muttered back.

For the rest of the night, I couldn't keep my eyes off the two of them. Pip was leaning into his arm and my anger built up even more. I was looking for any distraction to separate the two of them.

Which was why I was relieved when Manny and Ropes burst in and Pip stood up. I regretted my relief immediately when I learned that Roller was missing.

I saw Banks shoot up after Pip. Before I knew it I was across the room, right behind Banks. We glared at each other.

Then he smirked at me, stepped out, and took Pip's hand.

I wanted to scream or something. It was supposed to be me there in his place! Holding hands with Pip and helping her! Screw what Pip said, I had to be that one. I tore off after them, forgetting about Hannah.

When everyone finally regrouped at the lodging house, Banks was there. Pip wasn't. I gloated on the inside, seeing him look around. I knew where she was.

I headed up to the roof. She wasn't there, but I looked over the edge and saw her jump to the ground from the fire escape and take off.

Once again, I had a pretty good idea of where she was headed. The docks.

I reached the ground and took off. She was probably already there by now. She's fast.

I saw her the moment I got to the docks. She looked so alone, so sad…and so beautiful. I made my way slowly to her. And I didn't try and stop myself from taking her in my arms.

We just sat there like that. I was happy that she hadn't squirmed away or something. I wanted to stay like that forever. With her in my arms.

"I thought we were going to be friends."

Her voice softly interrupted my thoughts. And what did she mean?

Our conversation continued. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about Roller. Not yet. I told her I couldn't believe she'd said what she said. And she told me she only said one thing. And that she should be the humiliated one. I was so confused by what she was saying.

Spot called me from behind, and I got up to talk to him.

We walked in silence for a few moments before he suddenly grabbed my collar and shoved me against a wall, catching me completely off guard.

"Why the hell are you treatin' Pip this way? Huh?" He spat at me. I quickly threw him off of me and tried to regain my composure.

"What do ya mean? I aint nevah done anythin' mean to her. Not since we were little."

Spot scoffed. He was really mad. And when Spot's mad, that means trouble. "Oh, sure, ya spy on her, throw her words back in her face, just when she had the courage to say 'em, and then you get a girl that night. You's full of shit. That's the meanest, worst thing ya could do to her."

He was exasperated. And really upset that I'd done this. But like with Pip, I was confused about the way he was reacting. "Why would she care if I got a girl? After she said those things?"

Spot glared at me for a few moments. Then suddenly, his eyes turned confused. "Even you aint that thick," he muttered. "What exactly did ya hear Pip say?"

I glared back. "I heard enough. She doesn't like me 'cause I's dirty, messy, and don't act like a boy," I sighed as Spot shook his head. "I didn't expect that. I was getting ready to tell her I liked her. And I really did…really do."

Spot gave a short, sarcastic laugh. And kind of relaxed. "You's really an idiot, ya know that, Mush? Ya took off after ya heard that, didn't you?"

"Ya, so?"

"So when she said those things, she was referrin' ta herself. Those were the reasons she thought you didn't like her. But I told her it wasn't true. An' I convinced her to tell you how she felt. She really liked you too. And then you did all that…God, you hurt her bad. I can't believe it…"

I didn't give him a chance to finish. I nodded at him and was around the corner in a flash.

Everything made sense, and it was as if a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I laughed as I ran. Pip liked me!

All the things she had said, like 'I only said one thing' and 'I should be the humiliated one', all that made sense.

And I felt horrible about when she came to me to tell me her feelings. It must've taken a lot of courage to do that, and I'd made her feel like an idiot. It was incredible that neither of us said anything so confusing that we actually said what'd been said. That I was saying all that stuff, meaning one thing, and she'd taken it a completely different way.

This whole time we've been friends. It's great, don't get me wrong. But, I, er, I haven't been completely honest with you…

I reached the docks, but she wasn't there. I stood there for a few moments, catching my breath and my thoughts. Suddenly, something in the water caught my eye. Something that hadn't been there before.

It was a piece of paper with writing on it. Instinct made me take off my shirt and shoes and get into the water. I slipped in, trying not to send ripples over the paper, smudging the ink more.

The water was cold, but I barely noticed it. I picked up the paper carefully, trying to hold it level so that the water wouldn't smudge the ink even more. But I could still make out the words. And those words are the worst ones I've read in a while.

I went under. I had to find Pip.

--

Wow, very long :)

Hope you all were able to read the whole thing!

Thanks to : Star Lewis, TheRedBandit, Swindler, ktkakes (by the way, there was a 44th chapter, not sure if you read that), burnt-mufn, Spinner, dusk writer, and jammer587. Your reviews are always so nice and so motivational!!

By the way – jammer587 – what is a Mary Sue? I've always wondered…