When You Were Gone


"Morning." Punk smiled as he watched AJ walk into the kitchen, sitting at the table feeding Maggie, having just got home from taking Nova to school.

"Morning." AJ smiled softly to him.

"I made you bagels and coffee." He nodded to the plate and mug on the table as AJ smiled, pulling the chair out across from him and taking a seat, "You feeling ok?" He asked her, watching Maggie closely. Her morning feed normally was taken too fast, and then she would end up spitting up everywhere, so Punk and AJ were trying to give her little rests in between the bottle.

"Yeah, I'm ok." AJ nodded to him, "It was just a bad dream." She shook her head.

"Are you speaking to your doctors about the nightmares?" Punk asked her as AJ nodded.

"Yeah, Nancy knows about them. She wanted to put me on sleeping tablets but… I am fed up of tablets." She admitted truthfully, "If I just gotta ride the nightmares out then that's what I'll have to do." AJ said, "I might try some of those oils we got for Nova's pillow." She shrugged.

"I just don't want you losing sleep." Punk said.

"I'll be ok." AJ smiled to him, "It's strange because in my nightmares, it's like Abigail and Bray are the parents." She shook her head, "Maybe it's because her doctor husband is dead or it's because it's they two who have been caught but… it's weird." AJ shook her head.

"Yeah, well they're weird people. Nothing would surprise me." Punk said.

"How was Nova going to school?" AJ asked him as she ate her bagel and drank her coffee. She'd been gaining back a lot of her appetite again, so was Nova, which was a good thing.

"She was fine." Punk nodded, "Although, she told me as we got into the car that she was having a cake sale and everyone had to bring something in it." He said as AJ raised her eyebrows, "So I had to stop at the store and buy her cakes to take in since she never told us. Then she started getting upset because she thought everyone would have baked their things and she was bringing in store bought stuff." Punk shook his head, "It was a real drama, but then we pulled up to school and almost every kid that walked by me had store bought cakes. She didn't feel so bad after." He shrugged.

"Poor thing has had a lot on her mind." AJ sighed, "Well at least she took something." AJ shrugged as Punk nodded, "How is greedy doing over there?" She smiled over at Maggie who was guzzling away at her bottle.

"She's ok." Punk nodded, "I stop after every few minutes to let her catch her breath. I think she's scared it's gonna leave her." Punk laughed a little as he looked down at Maggie, sitting her unfinished bottle on the table whilst Punk wiped the excess milk around her mouth.

"She's so beautiful." AJ smiled over at Maggie as Punk nodded, "Do you think if she was a boy that he'd still look like me?" AJ wondered as Punk laughed.

"Honestly, I wouldn't doubt it." Punk said, "But maybe we only make little Hispanic girls. Maybe if we had boys they'd just be pale, green eyed and born with tattoos." He smirked as she laughed lightly.

"I'm really not eager to find out." AJ told him truthfully as he laughed, giving Maggie her bottle again.

"No, me neither. I think we've got enough on our hands." He smiled down at Maggie.

"When are you gonna see Dean? It's getting long overdue now." AJ said, "I mean you guys are best friends."

"Well I've been trying." Punk said, "I might go drop by his house later and see if he's there." Punk said, "I'm not spending any more time chasing him around."

"Why would he be trying to avoid you? Surely he knows it was an accident when you pushed him." AJ said, "You guys used to knock lumps out of each other when you were younger." She said as Punk nodded.

"I know." Punk said, "I don't know what's wrong with him." He said.

"Well it's better you talk to him sooner rather than later." She said as he nodded.

"Yeah, I know." Punk smiled, "Hey, I was thinking maybe in a few weeks once Nova gets her cast off and you're feeling up to it, we maybe go away for a few days. I think we need it. And I don't want us just sitting around waiting for these trials, we need to keep moving forward." He nodded.

"I agree." AJ nodded, "It might help Nova too. I never really took her on vacations when it was just… me and her." AJ said, "She'd be excited." She smiled as Punk nodded.

"We don't have to go far." Punk said, "Even just pack the car up and drive somewhere. Get out of this apartment for a few days." He shrugged as AJ nodded.

"Yeah, I like the sound of that." AJ smiled to him. They really did have to continue putting one foot in front of the other. Even with all the nightmares and the worrying and the doctors and therapists. They still had their life to live.


Later that night, Punk had gone to Dean's house after dinner. Maggie was settled and Nova and AJ were on the couch watching a movie, so he felt it was perfect time to slip out.

He didn't bother taking the car, feeling like fresh air would do him good. Dean only lived ten minutes away anyway.

He eventually got to the house and knocked on the door, placing his hands in his pockets as he waited on an answer.

The door opened as Renee stood, still in her work pants and blouse as she looked across at him.

"Hi, Phil." Renee smiled politely.

"Hey." Punk nodded, "Is Dean in? I need to talk to him." He said as Renee nodded.

"Come in." Renee smiled, opening up the door and welcoming him into the house. As far as Punk knew, they weren't moved in together, but obviously they took turns at staying at one another's places, "He's just in the kitchen." Renee pointe down the hall.

"Thanks." Punk nodded to her, walking on down the hall as Renee escaped upstairs for a shower. She'd had an earful from Dean all week about what happened with Punk, and she really just wanted them to sort it out.

"Ren, I don't think this is looking like it does in the cook book." Dean said, hearing footsteps coming to the kitchen as he looked up and saw Punk standing.

"Smells good anyway." Punk shrugged, watching Dean turn down the pots and look across at him.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asked him, "We're about to have dinner." He said.

"You've not been answering my calls or texts. Whenever I come into the station you're either busy or you aren't there." Punk said, "We haven't talked since-"

"Since you punched me." Dean finished for him.

"Yeah." Punk nodded, "I just want you to know that I didn't mean it. You were looking out for me and I just didn't see it at the time." He said, "I'm fucked up, Dean." He nodded truthfully, "Things haven't felt right since over four years ago, before I was shot." He said, "I just saw red last week and I… I lashed out." He said, "And I'm sorry." He said as Dean just nodded.

"I heard you're taking some time off." Dean said, "Probably for the best." He shrugged.

"Yeah." Punk nodded, "There's no point in me being there if I can't do my job properly." Punk shrugged, "And I got a few smacks on the wrist for beating up a person held in custody. Apparently as commissioner, I'm supposed to set an example." He shrugged.

"You don't think I wanted to beat him up to?" Dean asked him, "I might not know what you're going through, I don't have kids, but I understand your frustration and your angry. You're human." Dean said, "But you didn't need to get aggressive with me."

"You were just the closest person. Put it that way." Punk said.

"That doesn't make me feel better." Dean said, "Look, we've been best friends for… a lot of years." Dean nodded, "I'm not gonna fight you over this." He said, "But I'm still trying to get used to the fact that you're even here." He admitted, "I spent four years, unemployed and drinking myself into an early grave." He said as Punk nodded.

"I know, I-"

"No, you don't." Dean said, "I was addicted and I had to go to a group to get help." He said, "That's where I met Renee." He said as Punk shook his head.

"I never knew it was that bad." Punk shook his head shamefully.

"It was. It was really fucking bad." Dean said, "And you weren't here."

"That wasn't my fault, Dean. Don't you think I would have been here if I could?" Punk said, "I will never forget those four years that I missed." He said, "I'll never forget what it done to me, and my family, and you, my friends... it's something I want to forget but I know I won't be able to." Punk said, "All of this with Ape and the baby has just sort of taken over now. Like that's our next big roadblock to get across."

"I don't think you got a chance to get past the first one." Dean admitted, "I know I didn't." Dean said, "We fucking buried you. You have a grave stone. All of us had let go of any… any chance of seeing you again." Dean said, "And then you just walked around the corner one day and that's it?" Dean shook his head.

"I didn't know this was how you felt." Punk admitted.

"I've known you since I was sixteen." Dean said, "I felt like I'd lost my brother. I still do because… when you came back, you weren't the same person. You're not." Dean said, "And maybe it's because of everything that's gone on, you've not gotten the chance to find yourself again but… you're not who you used to be." Dean said, "You've got a temper now. You don't trust anyone with anything. When you're at work, you just lock yourself in your office and do paperwork, no interest of going out like we used to on the beat." Dean said, "The best thing that ever could have happened to me, was having my brother back, but… you're not the same."

"I am." Punk nodded, "I'm the same guy I've always been. Forgive me if four years locked away in a house messed me up a little, and then having my girlfriend kidnapped along with our new-born baby. As you can see, I've not really had the time to find myself again." He said.

"You don't know what it was like." Dean shook his head, "I slept on your couch most nights because I had either lost my house or I was too drunk to make it that far." He said, "And Nova would come wake me up in the morning and ask me why I was sleeping on the couch." He said.

"Dean, I know you found it hard. But I didn't ask for any of that to happen." Punk said.

"I know you didn't." Dean said, "I'm just saying that I miss my best friend."

"I'm here." Punk shook his head.

"No. You're not." Dean said, "You're not here. Not your head anyway." He said, "You think all of this would have happened if you and April just worked in a store?" He asked as Punk just screwed his face up.

"What are you talking about, Dean?" Punk shook his head.

"I'm talking about you and her. Always putting your job before anything." Dean said.

"Hold on a minute, what's just happened was nothing to do with our jobs." Punk said.

"Yes it was." Dean said, "Those freaks, that big oaf and his sister probably saw you and AJ lingering around. You were leading the case for those three girls." He said, "And then they would have gotten the world AJ was pregnant, and set their sights there." Dean said, "Every single problem you guys have, stems from your jobs and how… obsessed you are. Think about when April almost got herself killed when she was pregnant with Nova. Why? Because she was so damn obsessed with getting her sisters killer that she was putting everything before herself. Even the baby." Dean said.

"What has this got to do with anything, Dean?" Punk shook his head, "We're not obsessed with our jobs."

"Yes, you are." Dean shook his head, "Half of the shit that has happened to you two… you fucking brought it on yourselves." He waved his hand as Punk just shook his head.

"You don't mean that." Punk said.

"No, I do." Dean said, "How come I work in the same field as you and I've never gotten into so much shit before? Because I don't put it before my personal life." He said.

"Neither do we." Punk defended, "I came over here to apologise to you and now you're just being a dick."

"I'm telling you what no one else wants to." Dean shrugged.

"No, you're just being a dick, Dean. What's happened to us in the past isn't down to us being obsessed with our jobs." Punk said, "Sometimes maybe, but not recently. It's just been bad luck." Punk said as Dean just shook his head, "What are you shaking your head at?"

"Just how delusional you are." Dean said, "Because what's gonna happen is, you're gonna all move on from this. Nova will get better. Maggie will get older. April will be fine again. The trials will be all over and you'll both go back to work to get your claws into the next psychopaths, or the next fraud agents or someone who will end up ruining you both." He said, "You wonder why Nova has PTSD? Maybe because her parents are never there and when they are, they're looking at work and not paying attention to her. I mean… she practically spent the entire four years you were gone living with your dad." He said, swearing to AJ he would never tell Punk about that, not being able to bite his tongue anymore.

"Fuck you." Punk spat angrily, "You don't know a damn thing about anything." Punk said, "Fuck you, Dean." Punk hissed, walking off down the hall, passing by Renee.

"Phil, are you ok?" Renee asked as Punk just walked by her and headed out of the door, slamming it shut as she sighed.


A/N: Damn. Our brotp is losing it. Sigh. More to come. REVIEW and let me know what you think!